Oh, How I've Missed You (closed)

Grasswhisker had held back for some time. Every single day, she fought the desire to reach out to her lost loved ones in Thunderclan. She knew she couldn't see Blazestrike, he needed to move on without her and focus on their youngest kit. Her daughter was not quite old enough, yet. Someday Grasswhisker would walk her dreams and provide guidance, but now was not the time. There was one cat that needed her in her death as much as they had in her life, though. Leopardpaw. She watched her apprentice in his pain since her passing. Going to him right away would have been too much. Now, the time was right. Not only would speaking to him help to serve him, but another cat needed their help as well.

She waited until the sun sank in the night sky and Leopardpaw returned to his nest for the night. Tonight, I will keep the nightmares away... The former Thunderclan queen silently promised the spotted tom that she loved as much as her own kits. Once he entered the dream world, her heart leaped with joy. Finally.

"Leopardpaw..." She breathed to him, a sweet sadness welling up in her sparking green eyes.

As Leopardpaw laid down his head that night, he had prepared himself for the onslaught of dark shadows and twisted shapes, that screamed accusations at him through the night. Mottledwing left because of you. Grasswhisker is dead because of you. Your mother left because of you. You'll never be worth anything in this world. Lichenpaw is just gonna leave too.

The voices had begun to leak into his waking world, affecting his relationships, health, and skills; but tonight, there was silence. As the spotted tom faded into the realm of dreams, he could feel bright light pushing away the dark visions, and for once in a long time his heart was peaceful.

"Leopardpaw..."

The tom's black-tipped ears flicked around, searching for the source of that familiar voice. Hazel eyes wide, he looked all around him in the endless light for her, the gray and white she-cat he missed so much. "Grasswhisker? Is that you?" He cried out, and his pained voice seemed to echo. "Where are you?"

Grasswhisker stepped into his line of vision. Her long-furred, grey and white pelt shimmered with the stars. A purr broke from her throat and seemed to rumble through the dream-like plains. She bounded over to him eagerly and rubbed her starry cheek against his. The former mentor had heard pain in the younger cat's voice. It resonated with her. Since her death she had watched him struggle from afar, but now as she stepped into his dreams, it felt closer than ever.

"I've missed you, my apprentice," She meowed with a soft smile as she stepped back slightly to look over him. How quickly he was growing up. It was like she was seeing her own son turn into a fine young warrior. It wouldn't be long before Leopardpaw was there. She waited patiently for the spotted tom to speak. This was the first time she had invaded any cat's dreams, and she was glad she chose him.

Leopardpaw's gaze finally came to rest on the gray and white she-cat, and his heart jumped in his chest. A huge smile on his face, he nuzzled her back when she raced up to him. The beginning of relieved tears welling in his hazel eyes, for a moment he just looked at her, speechless. Stars shimmered in her long fur, and there was no more blood. Her eyes glowed like gemstones, and Leopardpaw couldn't help but purr. "G..Grasswhisker! You're here! I..I can see you!"

"Of course you can! Anything is possible in your dreams," She chimed happily. It touched her to watch his reaction. Grasswhisker had waited for a long time now to be with him again. The starry she-cat let a smile cross her features once more. Waiting in the stars had been a constant mixture of happiness and the occasional spark of sadness. Clan life continued on below, wounds were healed, and greenleaf was on the way. The goodness of it all made her impossibly joyful. But there was still darkness. Her loved one's suffering and the dark times that were beginning to fall on the clan.

"I don't have much time," Grasswhisker told him quickly, "First, tell me how things are going. I know you're going to be a warrior soon! But then, before I go, there are somethings we must discuss."

A lighthearted smile flashed on Leopardpaw's golden face, and he purred. "Yea, my ceremony should be soon. I'm looking forward to it! The apprentice's den is starting to feel a bit cramped." Letting a soft laugh escape him, he searched through his mind for other things to tell the she-cat. "Everything is going well, Blazestrike and Cinderkit are well." Ever since his mentor's death he had wanted to speak to the young gray she-kit, who looked so much like her mother; but he had always hesitated. He didn't want to impose on the broken family.

"We..we have a new rouge kit." Leopardpaw's hazel eyes darkened as he began to explain the latest catastrophe. "While Rockpaw was paroling he found a rouge she-cat hunting, and attacked her. He ripped her throat out....." Jaw tense, he dug his sharp claws into the starry ground to control his great anger. The idiot! She was just defending her kit!"

Taking a deep breath, the spotted tom tried to ground himself. The deed was done, his extra rage was unneeded right now. Looking back up, his smile returned as he asked; "What do you want to talk about?"

Grasswhisker nodded in understanding as he spoke. Her eyes clouded with sadness as she thought of another young kit losing it's mother. Of course, she had known of the instance, but it still made her sad to think of it. After he finished, she spoke simply, "Get to know Cinderkit. She needs you. It would mean a lot if you would spend time with her since I cannot..." She shook her head quickly after the statement. Her mind needed to be on other issues right now. Cinderkit would be fine. But there was another cat who would not.

"Leopardpaw, I have something fairly big to ask. As you know, at the last gathering, there was a cat who attacked another. She is a Shadowclan apprentice by the name of Wolfpaw. Her warrior ceremony is happening soon too, and her path is only going to grow darker," Grasswhisker locked her eyes with the younger cat. She needed him to know how important this was. While the Starclan cat couldn't change what was going to happen, she could help the cat involved, "There's going to be a battle. You need to make sure she survives. Send her away from the clans. But make sure she lives." There's some good in her. And someday her kits will need her, Grasswhisker rationalized internally. Most cats had written off Wolfpaw as a lost cause, but Grasswhisker saw the good in her. She hoped this would help make things right.

Leopardpaw's hazel eyes widened in astonishment at he listened to his mentor's lofty demands, and a wave of anxiety washed over him. For a while he remained silent, before he looked up and met Grasswhisker's gaze. "Grasswhisker, are you sure I'm the cat for this? You know I'm no good with strangers...." He could already tell from her serious expression that she wasn't going to change her mind, so a bout of questions flooded from his mouth. "What do you mean a battle? When? And why should I care about a troublesome ShadowClan cat? So what if she dooms her life? That's not my problem!"

Looking away, the spotted tom's eyes grew cold and hard. I have enough problems of my own right now, why should I take on another cat's as well? I'll only drag her down... Not that he would admit, the only reason for all the protests was before of fear; it sounded like this cat's very life was in his paws and that deeply scared him. How could he save someone when he could barely save himself? Eyes locked on the ground, he let out a long sigh.

It was easy to sense the notes of hesitation in his words. The Starclan cat had definitely expected it. Her voice was sharp as she responded, "I cannot tell you everything, Leopardpaw. But I need you to promise that you will step up when it is time. It is going to be a dark time for the clans. And you are the only cat I trust to do this." Her starry, grey and white pelt fluffed up as she spoke. The young tom needed to understand. While a lot of this was simply out of Grasswhisker's self-interest, she also knew that the outcome of all of this would be so much better if her former apprentice could manage to do this.

For a long moment Leopardpaw remained silent, head hanging towards the starry ground, his eyes closed. Taking a deep breath, the spotted tom raised his head and opened his eyes to meet Grasswhisker's. "Okay, I'll try my best." His unexpected oath weight down on him, the young tom was suddenly overcome by curiosity. Mind racing, he began to ask a few inquisitive questions; "What does this Wolfpaw look like? I didn't see her at the Gathering. I've heard a rumor that she is half-clan, is that true?" He suddenly realized that an accusing tone had invaded his voice on the last question, and he quickly apologized. "Oh, sorry. Like I'm one to talk!" A quiet chuckle escaped him, and a shy smile appeared on his pale golden face. He hadn't laughed like that since the she-cat standing before him had died.

She gave him an affirming nod in acknowledgement of his promise. Despite his youth, she knew he had a good heart and was perfect for the task she had decided to assign to him. Grasswhisker let out a mrrow of laughter at all of his questions. It was good to see the less serious side of him coming out again. The spotted tom was usually so introspective and thoughtful that any of the kit-like behavior of a younger cat was usually pushed aside. But there was still some youth within him.

"Yes," She began before pausing briefly, trying to come up with the best way to answer his questions. Grasswhisker glanced down. There was no way to dodge the question of her origin. With a sigh, she spoke again, "Wolfpaw is a young, grey pelted Shadowclan cat. Her eyes are amber, edging on yellow. While she is small, she is a tough young thing, hard to miss. As for the question of her parents, that is true. She is half-Skyclan as well. But, it is no fault of hers that she was born to disobedient parents. Remember this: she is a product of circumstance."

There was another momentary silence before she decided to add, "You got lucky having a clan and cats to care for you. Thunderclan has raised you well and you have a clear head. Wolfpaw did not get so lucky." She tactfully avoided giving herself credit for Leopardpaw's growth. The now Starclan warrior was not the only one to guide him in his journey. And while he still had a long ways to go, the tom had a fairly good start. Her eyes shined with pride as she looked over him, as if he were her own son.

Leopardpaw nodded, his mind racing trying to create an image of this troublesome she-cat. After a moment, he re-met Grasswhisker's gaze and let out a low purr. "Yes, ThunderClan has treated me well.....both you and Mottledwing have raised me well. Now, it's all up to me to serve my clan faithfully, in thanks." A proud, strong glimmer shined in his hazel eyes, and the spotted tom leaned forward to nuzzle his mentor's shoulder. A sad undertone now present in his voice, he continued; "I wish you could be there.....when I take the warrior's oath. You're the one who taut me what being a warrior truly meant, it's not fair that you won't be there!" Sighing deeply, the lithe tom stepped back and gazed seriously at the she-cat. "When I take that oath....it will be dedicated to you."

"I know it's not fair, young one," She meowed sadly, padding closer to him. Grasswhisker pressed her pelt against his and laid her tail comfortably over his back. Her cheek rubbed up against him lovingly. The sweet, young tom made her miss being down within the clan. It touched her that Leopardpaw was determined to dedicate his warrior oath to her. The former warrior had never expected such an honor and it hit her hard, "Thank you, Leopardpaw. That means more to me than I could ever imagine. Your warriorhood is going to be greater than I could ever deserve." After she finishing speaking, the she-cat realized how much time had actually passed. She gave her former apprentice a couple quick licks over the ear before stepping away.

"I must leave you now," She breathed softly, the sadness welling up in her eyes again as she began to fade.

Leopardpaw purred, Grasswhisker's kind words filling him with hope, determination, and happiness. Everything was going to be alright in the end; though he doubted at times, the young tom knew that he had found his true home, and his true family. Even though one was in the stars. The golden spotted tom bowed his head in thanks, a beaming smile still on his maw.

His head jolted up when Grasswhisker began to meow her goodbye, and his voice caught in his throat. "Will...will I see you again?" His eyes were round and shining with sadness, and his heart raced. Everything they had discussed ran through his mind at once, and panic almost overtook him. What if I do something wrong, or forget something? What if I fail her?!

"I'll always be with you, Leopardpaw," Her words faded along with her and the Starclan cat was gone.