The future's in your paws. Shape it well.Roleplay in a cat Clan of warriors. Based off the Warriors series by Erin Hunter. Takes place in an AU before the cats in the books existed.
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"Once you've eaten these traveling herbs, we can set off before the sun fully sets." She mewed to the apprentice, her smile kind even though she felt discomfort in his presence.
Nightpaw... It was odd to have another by the name of Night, the lingering resentment of Nightstalker still clinging to her tongue. But as her gaze lingered on him to make sure he downed every speck of herb given to him, she couldn't help but feel guilt at that monster being the first thing she thought of when looking at a child. It wasn't his fault to have been given such a name. She knew next to nothing about this apprentice. Making assumptions about him... Well, that wasn't very fitting of a medicine cat, now was it?
Nightpaw sniffed at the herbs, wanting to ask about each and every one of them the same way he might cautiously ask Silverhawk about each prey-scent he picked up in the marsh - but his anxiety kept him quiet, butterflies swimming in his stomach at the prospect of...well, everything. The idea of speaking with a real StarClan cat, the prospect of trying to make small talk on the journey there, and what the Moonstone journey meant - it was all too much. Was he really on the path to become a warrior? Did he deserve that? He'd never caught a single piece of prey, no matter how long he and Silverhawk were out on the marsh. And while he'd sparred (though it took some convincing), he hadn't done well. Not by a long shot.
He didn't deserve this. But he lapped up the herbs, trying not to show his dismay at the taste, and raised his head to look back up at Heatherberry. Nightpaw scarcely knew the medicine cat, but she...seemed friendly enough, at least. Still, he couldn't voice his doubts. Could he? Would she tell Leopardstar? As much as he didn't want his name, he just wanted his training to be over.
"I'm ready. I..." The small tuxedo blinked, trying to hide the sigh in his voice and apprehension in his gaze. He studied her with anxious emerald eyes, as though wondering if he could trust her - but after a moment, he seemed to decide against it. Something in her facade seemed off. "Nevermind. I'm ready. Let's go."
The medicine cat hesitated where she stood, unsure if the uneasiness she sensed was from her, him, or the both of them combined. Something was off about the air between them, though she couldn't be sure it wasn't projection on her end or not. A stifled sigh brushed her whiskers as she finally gave a firm nod, signaling for the young tom to follow alongside her as she took her leave through the tunnels of ShadowClan's main entrance and out into the the growing shadows made by the setting sun.
***
The journey was proving to be... Quiet. Normally she was inclined to leave a seemingly shy or nervous apprentice be, but something made her speak up this time. Maybe it was because she had to see if there was even a hint of Nightpaw's namesake present, but she didn't allow herself to dwell too much on it. "Before we left..." She began, her head still forward as she carefully walked the loose stones that littered the path the closer they got to Highstones, "It sounded like you wanted to say something. Care to share your secrets with me?" Her tone was light, playful, hoping she could cut into the odd tension that had built up. "I'm quite good at keeping secrets, you know!" Juniperpaw, Hollowpaw, Frecklekit and Willowkit all crossed her mind at once. Yes. She was very good at keeping secrets.
He hated the way she was looking at him. It was the same way that the whole Clan seemed to look at him - as though he had done something wrong, or they were just counting the heartbeats until he did. Nightpaw shrunk in on himself, ears flicking back almost on reflex. It was as though, when they looked him in the eye - on the rare occasions they did - his Clanmates could only see his namesake looking back at them. Never him. Never Nightpaw.
He flexed his claws, staving back feelings of anger and dispondence. He wasn't even Nightstalker's kin! Maybe he happened to look like him, but he would never...Nightpaw glanced at Heatherberry, trying to hide his disappointment. He'd known she would be just like the others. He'd just...hoped it would be different. Especially since she wasn't a warrior.
So he didn't say a word, content to let the silence hang over them, heavy and burdensome. His thoughts hung heavy, weighing him down. Was it normal, to feel like you had the weight of the world on your shoulders from such a young age? He couldn't think of a single time he'd felt carefree, even as a kit. And then Heatherberry broke the silence.
He could sense her trying to lighten the mood, an obvious playfulness to her tone, but there was still something odd behind her words. Almost as though she was testing him. A sigh ruffled his chest fur as he tried to push back his irritation. Couldn't she leave this journey in peace? It was so much easier not to talk. But her words were intriguing. "You make it sound like you have a lot of secrets," the ruddy tom joked weakly, his tone not matching his expression. "I don't have many secrets, I'm afraid. Truthfully..." Nightpaw trailed off again, still not sure he could trust the medicine cat. But it wasn't quite the idea that she would tell Leopardstar he was a coward, no - he wasn't sure he cared about that too much now, though the idea of another training session under Silverhawk's examining gaze was insufferable. No...a bigger part of him was sure she would laugh at him. Just say it, mouse-heart.
"Well, truthfully - well, you have to promise you won't laugh. Not even a snort." He threw a cautious look at her, as though making sure the molly's whiskers didn't so much as twitch. "I'm...terrified." Nightpaw admitted, a heavy sigh leaving his maw as his words broke the uncomfortable silence between them. "I can't be a warrior. I can't." His voice was thick with the threat of tears, a rush of emotions threatening to overcome him.
She was slightly taken aback by that comment. He wasn't... Wrong, in a way. The secrets she held were very few, but they all still weighed about as much as two badgers sopping wet either way. She did appreciate his willingness to joke back, though. Had her attempt fallen flat, well. The rest of the journey would have been in a silence much more uncomfortable than this one already had been.
She allowed him the pause that came after 'truthfully', not wanting to pry further has he seemed to be gathering his thoughts. They were quickly approaching the gaping maw of Mothermouth when he finally spoke again.
Heatherberry paused at the tunnels entrance to turn and look at the apprentice with the eye she had left. "Now why would anyone laugh at something like that?" For the first time since they'd started speaking, Heatherberry's expression was far more genuine. Her tone incredulous. Just for a moment, she forgot her worries about a long dead tom who haunted her thoughts and instead was looking at... Nightpaw. Her eye scanned his expression at the admission to being scared.
"Hm... Me neither." She said simply, taking a seat and wrapping her bushy tail around her paws. "I would make a horrific warrior. I was one, in fact. Battles just didn't quite click well with me even after all that training. I don't think it had been my mentors fault at all! I think... I think there are just some cats who are born with different skills, is all." Her head tilted to the side as she continued on, "What is it that makes you afraid? Why are you so sure you can't be a warrior?"
