then let my heart be hardened [RC/TC vs SKC BATTLE TOPIC]

Silence. All was horribly silent. It took several minutes for sound to eventually fade back into Perchstar's ears where she stood, completely alone, next to the bodies of both her fellow leaders. Birdstar, who she had wanted so badly to call her friend, who had scorned her at every turn and brought this all upon herself for just one cat. Mottlestar, who had joined her in justice for lives claimed and disrespect owed, who had been just as kind as always and offered her everything... had sacrificed everything for her. Who she would now never speak to again. Having given her yowl of grief now left a deep, awful emptiness inside her, one that she knew she would never regain. But at least the pouring out of her emotions meant that--at least for now--she could temporarily don her old leader's mask and guide her beaten Clanmates home. Victorious... if nothing else, at least they were victorious. At what cost she did not want to fathom right now, not when her legs were locked into standing still and when any wrong thought could send her spiraling into the darkness, but she had to focus on that one fact. At least it had not been in vain. Beechfang was dead, Mottlestar had been avenged, and it was over. Over. Over. You brought this on yourself... but I wish it had been otherwise. This was not what I wanted.

Around her, as sound finally returned to her ears, she heard the sounds of ThunderClan cats weeping and wailing for their fallen leader, their cries aloud mimicking the one that Perchstar had emitted moments ago. Surely any moment now, those would change to yowls of anger toward her. She ought to be getting up and moving to help her Clanmates. But she could not move. Her paws remained frozen, soaked in the blood of the cat she had failed. A coppery taste still remained on her tongue. All of these facts became objective to her, because to think with any more emotion would end her coherency and she had already broken far too much in front of enemy cats. Her leader mask gone. In the fallout all she could do was stand, stare down at the bodies of her former friends, and retreat even further inside herself. Further, further, until hopefully there would be nothing left to get in her way. Not anymore. Not again.

Someone else was speaking. A voice she knew. Perchstar's ears briefly flattened, and just for a moment, her eyes--refrozen over colder now than they had ever been--met those of the SkyClan opponent who must have been a descendant of Dawnhawk. What was he even talking about? Why did he think that now, when all were mourning, was a good time to preach his agenda? Whatever he was saying, she couldn't focus on it, and she knew it could not possibly be of import to her. SkyClan had proven their inability to comprehend logic or empathy, and their unworthiness of the use of time given to them. So all she did was meet his gaze once, flatly, and then look away. It was easy to tune his voice out. Whoever his Clanmates were, if they still wished to claim him as such, it was their job to make sense out of his words. She would not. Besides, she could not look away from the body. Not when she saw how Poppyshine was looking at her with a brief glance, and if she looked any further that way her heart would shatter.

The ThunderClan cats came to approach their fallen leader... the medicine cat, Fawnshine, among them. She had used her herbs to save Poppyshine. And now, her leader... Perchstar blinked hard as the she-cat came close, tensing her limbs slightly, steeling herself for the wrath she knew would soon come, for the blame. But it did not come. Instead, there was a sorrow, but a warmth in Fawnshine's gaze when it met hers. A sense of... gratitude? Of understanding. Not with horror like Poppyshine. Then--the head pressing gently against hers. The action of kindness and solidarity. Physical contact that nearly wrung the suppressed tears from Perchstar's eyes, though she swallowed them back down. Her words were quiet, inaudible to all but the two ThunderClan cats by her, even inaudible to the SkyClan tom strutting around. "Thank you," she whispered. "Thank you... thank you." She did not know whether Littlesplash would respect her anymore, whether even Poppyshine would now take this chance to depart from her. But to have someone, anyone offer a brief moment of kindness, and say that they understood, meant more than Fawnshine would ever know. She stored this emotion away in the corner of her heart, to bolster herself against the tears when she knew they would finally arrive later. To bolster herself for the glare of hatred she was sure must await her. "Thank you." ThunderClan did not hate her. They were, as a whole... standing up for her. The younger warrior came up also, quietly mourning her leader, offering words in a tongue that Perchstar did not speak. But even she had no cold glares for the cat who had technically caused Mottlestar's death. All that remained in her eyes was a sadness--but a sadness of solidarity. And then she moved on. It seemed that any fear of retaliation remained now within her own Clan. Perchstar offered them a nod. It was all she could do--but that nod carried the respect, and the gratitude, and the apology she so dearly wished to speak but could not with enemies present. She bent down one last time to lick Mottlestar's cold, dead fur. Goodbye. Then, dreading every second, she turned to face her Clan.

Cindersky. Poppyshine. Littlesplash. The way her old friend and former apprentice looked at her was not something that escaped her notice. It cut her to the quick, but she managed to keep her face straight--no longer in a neutral mask, but in a frozen, quieter expression of mourning. She could not raise her voice much, but she could speak so that all could hear. "The fight is over. Beechfang is gone. RiverClan, ThunderClan, we will return to our respective camps. I will not forget your bravery and courageous skill." With one last nod towards Fawnshine and her Clanmates, Perchstar began to walk towards the river. Towards her cats. She spoke quieter. "Cindersky, Poppyshine. Littlesplash. Can you move? If I must help carry you, please let me know. We will return home. You can rest... I will inform our Clanmates of what has transpired." It was all she could say. If she spoke in more detail, if she tried to apologize, then the facade she had hastily cobbled back together from its breaking would no longer be feasible. It was easy to see the emptiness in her eyes, the grief that shadowed every bloody step. But she had to get them home... even now, pain for them was the last thing that she wanted.

The battle is over. RiverClan and ThunderClan have won.

The golden-striped tom that had bounded to Perchstar after her death was not the one Beechfang expected to do so. Perhaps in another life, the irony would have made her laugh. Falconmoon... Dawnhawk avenging her. But for all their recent conversations, for the understanding they had come to... Don't give in, she wanted to tell him, Let it end here.

Perchstar fell, then rose. Mottlestar too Sunfire's golden form lunged toward a cat who was not stained with the blood and gore of battle, a young tom. Beechfang turned away in silent disgust. Could he not see the tom was a medicine cat? Did he not realize this is what had gotten them there in the first place? And medicine cats, who could not defend themselves... To be on the front lines of a war. Perchstar, Mottlestar, whichever leader he owed loyalty to, was a fool.

Then she was aware of another shade standing across the field from her. His voice rang out, familiar. Beechfang dipped her head in acknowledgement. "Seeing you on the other side was a surprise... Perhaps Shadowclan would have acted the same, given what you put them and Windclan through. I cannot blame Perchstar today." She shrugged, his death was another consequence. A natural one, for cats who had decided war was the only path forward. So preventable, but pride would have never allowed it. Unfortunate collateral, more fuel for the flames. "I've made my mistakes, I've made peace with the consequence for myself. The clan, though... So much blood spilled for the sake of one." She watched the chaos continue around them, tail lashing once in frustration. There wasn't a thing she could do now, though.

The she-cat blinked slowly at the former Shadowclan leader's words, gaze turning in disbelief to her paws. Starlight, tiny pinpricks of silvery-white slowly spreading up her paws. Her eyes lifted to the ex-Shadowclanner's, the surprise in her gaze clear. "I don't." She said softly, "But plenty of cats who have done worse seem to make it."

Once more, it was the leaders who drew her attention. Perchstar and Mottlestar, teaming up against Birdstar. Beechfang paced in silence, claws flexing in and out. The diminuitive tortoiseshell was the first to fall, though Birdstar's jaw had aimed for Perchstar. And then-

No, no no no.

Birdstar had lives to spare, but as she fell Beechfang felt the pain that shot through her chest. Grief, anger, despair. Her daughter should never have faced the loss of a life just for her sake.

The fluffy gray and white she-cat barreling toward her, stars beginning to flicker to life within her paws, was the last thing that Beechfang had expected. How many lives had her daughter lost without her knowing? How many had she lost today?

Birdstar's mouth opened silently as she pressed against her mother, finally buried in her chest fur as Beechfang curled around her. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." She whispered. Another consequence for her failure. Her daughter should never have died for this. Wolfblossom, Rainfrost, all their clanmates at home... Her heart grieved for the pain this would cause them as much as it did for Birdstar herself.

Perhaps rid of them, the clan could find peace. Knowing her lineage... Beechfang didn't dare hope for it.