I Don't Know Why I Bite [C]

There was something amiss. Thymelight was always willing to assist a Clanmate, but Hemlockfox had never been the type of cat to ask for her company in particular. She had spent most of the time in silence as they had padded toward the creek, and she kept her eyes peeled for herbs, but she never dared to look Hemlockfox in the eye. He was both predictable and unpredictable. Predictable in the sense that he consistently never had a kind word for her, and unpredictable in the sense that Thymelight never knew if he was going to snap or not. Therefore, as usual, she avoided conflict and stayed as passive as possible.

Truth be told, she was also uncomfortable around him because Hemlockfox made Thymelight feel an emotion that she had never felt before: irritation. It bothered her that she was irritated with a Clanmate. She wanted to desperately to love all of them conditionally, but sometimes the tom made it rather difficult. She couldn’t think of anything that she had done to the tom to deserve such a cheeky attitude. She loved his sisters with her entire heart, and she was always looking for chances to prove herself to the Clan. She had never said a bitter word to her denmate, but he had held something negative in his heart toward her ever since they had been kits in front of the nursery.

Her ears stood up straight once Hemlockfox spoke, and she blinked in confusion. Was he trying to taunt her? Let her know that he thought she incapable of doing anything? Or was it something genuine? She sighed in concern, “Wait, what? I can probably help you if you just tell me…”
She trailed off toward the end, not quite sure what else to say. Thymelight wasn’t interested in giving him an encouraging speech in fear of injuring his pride, and she didn’t intend on begging in fear of pushing his patience to the limit.

She stared down at her paws for a moment before shaking her head.

“Hemlockfox, why am I here? You could’ve made me feel bad back at camp if that was the only goal.”

Oh, stars. What had possessed her to say such a thing? She felt a rush of remorse flood her veins, and her eyes were immediately glittering with worry. She hadn’t meant it… right?

What was this heat that was spreading throughout Thymelight's pelt? Why was her jaw clenched, and why did she feel as if her paws were stuck to the ground? This emotion... she knew very well what it was, but she had never reached this point with any cat, SkyClan or not, before.

Anger.

His words seemed to rip through her flesh like the claws from the large creatures that had ran them out of their makeshift camps near the lake. His tone was sharp enough to impale her, but her feeling of sadness was overtaken by a sudden burst of outrage. There was a fire in her eyes that  had never once burned before, but something had finally kindled it today. Her maw hung open for a moment before words started to flow out of her like a waterfall, and when her brain finally caught up to her mouth, it was far too late to take back anything.
"What in StarClan's name is your problem?" She asked, her voice rising above the soft, kind timbre that she had become known for.
"When have I ever undermined you or SkyClan? I've tried my hardest for moons to build a foundation for myself in this Clan so I can feel like I belong here. I have worked effortlessly to help, I was ecstatic when I found out that I'd have the chance to be a medicine cat because that meant that I'd be able to be valuable to the Clan in my own way. I love SkyClan. I've loved SkyClan ever since I was taken in before I could form a sentence, I've loved SkyClan ever since I talked to your sisters for the first time. I've been insecure about my contributions for the longest time, but I'm not going to let you make me feel any worse." Her voice was strained, and the fury was now combined with some sort of pain. Her heart slammed violently against her ribcage as she paused.

She felt horrible. Being this upset was making the she-cat feel physically ill, but she had crossed a line that she couldn't uncross, and there was no point in backtracking. She had to continue with the truth, the whole truth that she had kept bottled up for moons.
"I've never done anything to you, Hemlockfox. I don't hate you the way that you hate me. I leave you alone because I know you don't like me, and I have no interest in disturbing you, and you still think that I'm some sort of villain. I remember the day that you interrogated me when we were kits. I answered all of your questions honestly because I understood cats being wary of me when I first arrived. That's fine. That's understandable. I don't know what you're afraid of, but you need to face whatever it is because I'm tired of it. Cats are still sick and hurt, and worrying about that is exhausting enough. I don't need this too." Her yellow eyes were wide with exasperation and disbelief as she spoke. Thymelight had tried to not take anything that Hemlockfox said to her personally, because she was fully aware of her background and how some cats felt about outsiders, but she had reached a breaking point. The words that Smokepetal had told her at her medicine cat ceremony swam around in her mind. She was a SkyClan cat through and through, and nothing could take that from her anymore, not even her denmate's unreciprocated acts of distate.

The remorse was settling in again. Snapping was not a tactic that she used to get her point across. She enjoyed the power of a peaceful conversation, but it was difficult when the other cat wasn't interested in the same ideas. Hemlockfox was just... mean. That was it. She had spent moons justifying his actions in her mind and using her desire to see the best in everyone to redeem him, but she had finally come to realize that some cats were just rude. Some cats needed to be spoken to in a different way, but Thymelight was unsure if she'd ever be able to muster up the courage to do such a thing ever again.

Thymelight was frozen with disbelief. All of these allegations and accusations were being tossed at her and not a single one of them were true. She stayed still and lifted her yellow gaze to look Hemlockfox in the eye even as he brought himself closer to her. He didn’t scare her in the way that his father, Sunfire, did. Her expression was unmoving… at least until the tom mentioned his eventual departure from SkyClan. The she-cat was consumed by confusion at first. That was impossible, right? Clan culture placed such an emphasis on loyalty to one’s home, so how was StarClan allowed to play swap meet with the cats that lived below? Hemlockfox didn’t appear to be the kind of cat to joke about something so serious and life-altering, and so Thymelight believed him, but she was still puzzled. He spoke to her as if she knew about this plan all along, as if she had spoken to StarClan herself and told them to send her denmate away forever.

And yet, even though he had spent so much time belittling her, Thymelight felt nothing but sympathy. She had witnessed such a story before. She had lived it herself. She had left her family and her home behind to be a part of somewhere new, but it had been easier for her since she was only a kit when her mother had dropped her off on SkyClan’s territory. Hemlockfox had been born and raised here. SkyClan had been the majority of his life, and now StarClan was asking him to leave it behind as if it was nothing. The she-cat’s shoulders fell. Her opinion of StarClan was already a bit more sideways than it should be, but they just kept presenting her with reasons to question them. Between witnessing her Clanmates return home from a Gathering with scars from lightning strikes sent down from above during a Gathering to this fiasco, Thymelight wasn’t sure if it was a smart idea to blindly follow every word of the ancestors. However, there was more to this situation than that.

Hemlockfox was just as insecure as anyone else in the forest was, and he was taking it out on her. Thymelight had always known that the forest raised cats to put claws before feelings and bottle everything up deep inside. It made even more sense considering who the tom’s father was, but even so, the she-cat didn’t want to be the subject of his vitriol. Even though she still felt empathetic, she was still angry. She wasn’t quite sure if the majority of her frustration was targeted at Hemlockfox or at StarClan time, but something was there nonetheless.

“Why are you directing all of this at me as if I’m the one that told you that you need to leave for WindClan?” She asked, frowning slightly.
Her voice was quieter now. “How or why I did it? I didn’t even do anything! I didn’t know of this until today, Hemlockfox, and I don’t expect you to believe me, but it’s true. Bloodshed is no longer my job anymore. You’re a medicine cat too, you heard the oath that we took when we received our full names. It’s different from that of a warrior’s. I protect SkyClan now with herbs, not claws, and it may seem silly to you because I know that you’d rather be a warrior than a medicine cat, but I enjoy this new role that I’ve been placed in.”

She shook her head shamefully. There were times that she would hold her tongue in fear of offending Hemlockfox, or in fear of having him think that she pitied him, but it was the truth. She did pity him.
“I understand that you care for your family above all else and that’s why you’re filled with anger. This choice that StarClan has made… it doesn’t make much sense to me either, but that doesn’t give you the right to be angry at me. You want someone to blame for all of this to make things easier and I get that, but surely you can’t expect me to just suck it up and take disrespect. I have some dignity. I’m sorry that you have to leave, okay? I can’t even imagine how much pain you must be in, and I feel for you, but you’re being mean to the wrong cats and you need to stop.” Although soft, her tone was still firm. Thymelight was simply exhausted.

“And as far as your family goes… you think I’m trying to steal them? This is ridiculous, Hemlockfox, it’s baseless. I don’t know what else to tell you. I would’ve completely understood if your sisters or the rest of your family wanted nothing to do with me when I joined SkyClan, but they were caring, and they accepted me, and they made me feel like a real member of SkyClan. I’ll always appreciate their kindness as well as the acceptance from the rest of the Clan, and that’s something that will never change. I was a kit when I arrived for StarCla-” she paused, not wanting to mention the name of the ancestors because she was still upset with them, “-er, for goodness sake. I didn’t even know what ulterior motives were at that age! I couldn’t even pronounce SkyClan!"