Yearning for answers (Closed)

OOC: Takes place after Shadowclans gathering in Thunderclan camp, before the gathering.

Nightstalker needed answers, and he was finally well enough to get them. His paw still twinged on him on the odd step, but it was better than what it was almost a moon ago now. The Shadowclan deputy was going to make a journey to the moonstone to see their ancestors, he needed to know if Froststar was still alive, if their medicine cat was alive. He could not allow Shadowclan to become blind to the wisdom of their ancestors, and in a way, he at least was. Without Fuzzybelly, he was cut off from Starclan and that made him worried. What if there was more to come that he needed to be prepared for? What if... what if he was Shadowclans only leadership now?

It was a panic that had settled itself in his chest for ages, and the only way to solve it was to make the journey. But he could not go alone. Iceheart would be his first choice, but he had delegated her to make a patrol and scout Shadowclan territory, and he had no time to waste waiting on her now. Roseburn he considered, but she was still too hurt and had an apprentice to take care of. Frostednight was his last choice admittedly, but only out of apprehension of accidentally rewarding her outburst at the meeting. But... perhaps they needed to talk, like how when he as an apprentice, needed to talk to someone.

Sighing, Nightstalker shook his head in an effort to clear it. Maybe she just needed what he had needed all those moons ago. He saw a lot of himself in her after all. The young deputy padded to where he knew she'd be resting, finding the patchy form of his former apprentice. "Frostednight. Are you busy?" He mewed, his voice clear and level as he assessed her.

Frostednight turned her head to face Nightstalker with her guarded look. She had been observing the ThunderClan camp in the shadows. The ThunderClan cats seemed to stay clear of her in a wide berth, but she didn't mind. It was some sort of, power, if you will to control how a cat felt about you by simply existing. She preferred the silence to best try to decipher the whispers. So when Nightstalker spoke to her, it jolted her out of her own world and back to reality. This jolt didn't appear on the outside, however. She hesitated to her former mentor's question. Yes, in fact she was busy. But the question wasn't really a question, and more of a leader to the following demand or instruction the Deputy of ShadowClan himself was about to instruct.

So instead of the back and forth that would surely come if she were to say yes, Frostednight simply replied: "No." Her fluffy tail curled over her paws as she waited (im)patiently for what Nightstalker to instruct on his wishes.

Nightstalkers brow lifted briefly as he waited for her response, seemingly at least a little distracted or otherwise lost in thought. When she responded he nodded, "If that is the case, then I would like it if you could accompany me to the moonstone, tonight." He wasn't too sure how she'd react to his request, as it was such a rare and heavy request. Cats would only go as a leader, deputy, medicine cat, or when a young cat was going on their moonstone journey for the wisdom they'd need to bring into their warriorhood. To be asked to go was such a great opportunity, he was certain that if Frostednight had any reservations, they'd be less so, surely?

Frostednight was slightly taken aback by the request. A spark of surprised actually crossed her face for a brief moment. Usually, cats wouldn't visit StarClan unless they were leaders. Or medicine cats. Though, in this situation it was a valid action to take, what surprised her was Nightstalker asking her. Was their an ulterior motive to this? Did the Deputy somehow know when she was an apprentice, she never actually spoke to StarClan? Her paranoia felt her feel even more guarded than usual, but she nodded her head and voiced her "Yes."

She stood, glancing towards the medicine den and back to Nightstalker. Would he be wanting some of ThunderClan's herbs to make the journey? Personally, she felt as if she could handle it on her own accord, but nevertheless, her head movements was her question in itself.

"No, I can't take their herbs. Besides, I do not want any Thunderclan cat tagging along, best not to raise awareness. It is a sacred place, to have any cat there not meant to be there is sinful." Nightstalker mewed, his maw twitching into a small smile as he noticed her excitement. He knew that she'd react to this. Nightstalker set the pace, beckoning with his tail as he high-tailed it out of Thunderclan camp, hoping that there would be no cats to stop and ask them where they were going. These were Shadowclan's matters, and Shadowclans alone.

Frostednight kept up easily as they bolted out of the camp and started heading to the Moonstone. Would Nightstalker allow her to touch her nose? Or would she just be watching? Her reservations about StarClan had been solidified when she never actually spoke to them during her own Moonstone trip, and had begun when she watched them murder Fawnshine, the only mother she ever really knew and the only cat that cared about her.

So, she kept pace next to the Deputy and walked side-by-side in her silence, waiting for the tom to say something.

Once he felt that they were safe from any Thunderclan cats interrupting them, he slowed their pace, as he did not wish to exhaust either of them on their journey. Nightstalker let the silence draw out until they had left the trees, open fields expanding infinitely in front of them. The young deputy looked around warily and regarded Frostednight almost suspiciously before he let out a heavy sigh and let his posture slouch just a bit.

"So, how have you been feeling? And don't tell me nothings wrong, because I haven't forgotten what you said earlier." Nightstalker mewed, looking ahead and not at Frostednight. He'd let her think and take her time on what she wanted to say. Frostednight was similar to him, especially when he was around her age and younger, tight-lipped and quiet.

Frostednight padded along Nightstalker until he slowed his pace, in whcih she slowed hers as well. She glanced to the Deputy, before fixing her jaw to a lock. Why would she answer such a question? But then, she realized that he had chosen her. Not any other cat, her. And that made her feel good. The only way she would get oppurtunities like this, to be special, again, was to answer his question. "I don't like when cats open their mouths when they don't need to." She pondered if she should mention she felt like Iceheart was worth protecting, but she decided no. As much as Frostednight hated to admit it, the feelings of friendship between them was clearly one-sided. She had decided to back off after the meeting, leave Iceheart to fend for herself. It was better to be alone than feel the strong stab of rejection.

Of course, Frostednight was horrible at judging social situations... So maybe she was wrong.

Nightstalker sighed briefly, "I understand. I was the same way when I wasn't deputy. I've been forced to be a lot chattier than I'd personally like to be. " he meowed, a bit frustrated with Frostednights surface-level reasoning. You should listen to your own advice. Nightstalker thought sourly before shutting down such a rude train of thought. He shouldn't think that way of his clan-mates, he was an example for how to act, and if he let himself think like that then he was sure it'd come out verbally one day. But this was his former apprentice, he had spent enough time with her to understand a little bit of how she was, he was used to this. "I was a lot like how you are, I found it a lot easier to silence myself than cause problems and just... discuss. And in some ways, that made things a lot harder for myself."

"I suppose what I'm trying to say is- You can talk to me if you're having issues. I'm your deputy, it's my job to take care of you and every cat in Shadowclan, especially now as this clan's sole authority. I'll do what I can to make sure everyone can adjust to our situation until we can get home."

Frostednight let the silence fill the air as she mulled over what Nightstalker said and grumbled internally. Again, with this dumb authority speech. Same preachy speech as when he was her mentor. She refused to look in his direction and instead looked at the plants as they walked by them on the ground. "I just wanted Iceheart to notice me. Or anyone." She murmured almost intelligibly. "I have nobody." The loneliness never bothered her, until she realized everyone else had someone.

Nightstalkers train of thought halted when Frostednight told him that she just wanted Iceheart to notice her. Frostednight has a crush on Iceheart? he blinked dumbly for a moment before his brain caught up with the last line. Despite the young tom always saying that he wanted his clanmates to come to him, to confide in him, it always threw him for a loop when they actually did. He wasn't equipped for these kinds of conversations, but it seemed like he always had to have them. "Surely you don't mean that? You have me, don't you?" Nightstalker mewed, a bit confused by her statement.

"I was your mentor for six moons, do you think that I would not have your back after all that time?" The young deputy mewed, confusion knitting his brow.

Frostednight glanced back to Nightstalker before replying with a small huff that was her laugh. "Sure, as a Deputy would. You still wouldn't truly morn me as a friend would. Would you have even be sad if I died in the flood, more than just as a clanmate? No. Do you share meals with me? No. Do you check in on me? No. Nobody does. It's fine, and I don't care." She turned back to looking at the grass as they walked. Except you do... A whisper said. It was difficult to tell if it was her own thoughts or the constant whispers, but it was the closest she came to deciphering them yet.

"Then we can work on that. You can share a meal with me, or bring a meal of your own and we can eat together. Once this is all over that is. Every time the sunsets. Sound okay with you? Respect and the level of friendship you desire, the effort needs to go both ways after all." He meowed, trying his best to make it sound like a request, but the Mothermouth was in sight now, and their journey there would not be much longer. He did not want to leave the conversation on such a sour note, where if he stopped now, then it could be easily seen as him running away from the conversation.

Frostednight couldn't help but feel surprised at this. She perked her ears in a resemblance of happiness, but the Mother mouth came to view. She silenced her thoughts and instead just nodded, looking to Nightstalker to lead the way

"I'm sorry Frostednight, but you will not be following me in. I need you to guard the entrance and keep me safe while I commune with our ancestors." Nightstalker meowed before he padded down into mothermouths entrance, the winding paths so unfamiliar to him, frightening as he only had his apprenticeship moonstone journey to guide his paws. Being a Shadowclan cat, he found comfort in the darkness, but there was always a haunting feeling to accompany the journey through the pitch-black tunnels. Too dark for him to even see past his whiskers. A shiver ran down Nightstalkers spine as uncertainty followed his steps, he would be communing with his ancestors as Shadowclans deputy and the guiding figure for the cats that had gotten washed up with him...

A light blue shine greeted Nightstalker around the corner, and as he rounded it, the light bloomed tenfold, making him flinch and blink furiously until his eyes adjusted to the Moonstone. He stood still for a moment as he took it all in, a shake to his legs making his whole body feel like it was rattling. But he had to do this, he had to know. He needed to know what to do next, he needed to know if Froststar was even alive and what Shadowclan's state of leadership was now. He padded closer, and with some hesitance, touched his nose to the stone, then he settled himself down and shut his eyes with a lump in his throat.

When his eyes opened, he was in Starclans territory, beautiful starry fields stretched in front of him, and the dew drops sparkling as bright as starshine. It was not long that he was in the crispness of Starclan territory before a cool fog rolled across the plains, lapping at his paws. He looked down at it curiously before it was disturbed by a Starclan cat padding forwards. It was one he had not seen before, and he couldn't help but feel disappointed that it wasn't any of his loved ones.

"What say you? What of my clan-mates? My leader?" Nightstalker meowed, while pushy and demanding he did not intend to be rude with it. He was worried, and the uneasiness in his chest only began to soar.

"From the torrents of thawed frost, the gentle night will arrive to bring peace once more." The Starclan cat meowed, his voice a whisper and thunderous at the same time, and it only sent panic and fear rushing Nightstalkers chest. But before he could cry out questions, start demanding for answers, a bright light rose from the fog and into the air. It hummed and hovered before it turned into the shape of a star and he watched, painfully still as it lowered itself closer and closer to him until it touched his head and stopped there...

No...

"NO!"

And he woke up.

He woke up heaving, the whites of his eyes surely showing the most they ever have in his life. Hackles raised, he got to his paws with a jerk before he ran as fast as he could around the twists and turns of mothermouth, bursting out of the entrance like he had a beast on his tail. He heaved and huffed as he broke into the fresh air, his fur and eyes wild as he looked down at Frostednight. "We must go. Now"