Tragedy’s Pulse [Solo]

OOC: Follows The Liberation of SkyClan once Foxfire runs out of camp.

IC: There was the heavy sound of foot falls as Foxfire clumsily ducked between trees and over roots, his mind set on a single goal: Find Flowerthorn. If SkyClan didn’t care, then fine. He would find his mate himself. Angry tears still rolled down his cheeks, his breath coming quick and harsh as he already was feeling the drain from hiding in his nest for so long. But...No, he couldn’t let that stop him. He had to find Flowerthorn, he had to.

But his mind couldn’t help but drift back to the source of his anger - SkyClan. Why didn’t they care? He hadn’t heard a single cat question where his mate was - and if none of the cats who had returned had found her, then clearly they just didn’t care to look for her in the first place. He felt like an idiot, believing that they had cared about him...No, they had only looked after him to ease their minds, to believe that they were doing good. When had they ever cared about him?

He wasn’t sure… He had always felt like a burden to them - perhaps they had always thought of him as one as well. Stars, he had been a fool this entire time, hadn’t he? Perhaps it would be better if he just never-

His thought was interrupted as one of his paws snagged on a root, sending him crashing forward. He tried to throw his other paw out in front of him to break his fall but the strength just wasn’t there. He hit the ground hard, chin ramming into the ground as he laid there in a daze. A groan escaped him, his mind drifting back to his goal. Find Flowerthorn. He had to get up and… With his momentum broken, he found he didn’t have the strength to push himself up.

His body felt weak, tired - the hope that had driven him from his nest, then the anger that had burned this long was starting to fade even as he struggled to rekindle that fire. They didn’t care, he would have to be the one to find Flowerthorn, he knew it. But at the same time, his legs just wouldn’t listen to him - mostly the one that had snagged on the root. Blinking, he realized it seemed to have bent the wrong way and a painful throb was starting to flood his system.

“No...No, I need to…” Fresh tears started to roll down his cheeks as he struggled even harder to get his paws beneath him, to stand up and hobble his way to where Flowerthorn would be waiting but he couldn’t. The pain felt like it was steading increasing, every pulse sending more tears down his face as he curled into a ball and held his twisted - maybe broken - paw close to his stomach. “I need...I need Flowerthorn. I need to find my mate…”

This couldn’t...This couldn’t be how it would end - he wasn’t even sure he was that far from the camp. He was certain he had heard Fourtrees be mentioned, he was nowhere near there. He...He had to… He had promised he wouldn’t leave her alone, he had promised. Sobs wracked his body as he laid there, suddenly unsure of what else to do. Nobody wanted to find Flowerthorn, nobody had tried - only he had the thought and now he was…

Slowly his sobs paused as a new thought flooded in mind, a realization that stole all of his breath. ...Why didn’t Flowerthorn come back herself? Surely even if SkyClan hadn’t searched for her, they would have freed all the cats. So why hadn’t Flowerthorn…? Multiple reasons started to pop into his head. She didn’t care - she had played him all along and had used being taken by Asylum as a way out. Or perhaps she didn’t remember, so lost like Bloodstrike seemed to have been. Or…

She was dead.

New tears started to roll down his face, breath escaping in gasps as he realized that...That was...That was it, wasn’t it? He had to believe that Flowerthorn loved him - that she had meant to come back. She was a fighter, she wouldn’t have given up that quickly. She… Had she died trying to get back to him? He shook his head, burying his face in his paws. It couldn’t be true, it couldn’t. Why she would...She was so much better - she deserved everything in life. While he…

What good had he ever been? He was a screw up, a waste. It was no wonder that SkyClan hadn’t cared about him - he was a mess, his head always tried to destroy himself and he couldn’t… Why couldn’t it have been him? He wasn’t of any use to SkyClan - when had he ever? He had tried to be a good deputy and had to step away when he was destroying himself. He had tried to be a warrior, but he had crumbled the moment he had lost her. He knew he was pathetic and worthless and he tried not to be but he couldn’t...He couldn’t be strong like her.

What good was he without her?

“You are dead, aren’t you?” he whispered out loud between the sobs. She...She had to be, why else why didn’t she come back? He had to believe that everything between them had been real, had meant something. But...If so…

He was alone.

Even if she was dead, he wasn’t sure if he could forgive SkyClan for not even thinking to ask about her whereabouts - trying to find her body. He..

He had lost his kits. His mate. He had lost everything.

Could he even call himself a warrior, anymore?

And so he laid there, sobbing into his paws, fully unsure of what to do now that he was nothing.