Lost and Found (Closed)

Marshcloud’s eyes traced searchingly across the camp, but he wasn’t looking for anything that was tangibly there.

The world had gone back to something that could almost be termed normalcy. He should’ve been able to sleep easy again now that things were starting to settle, now that he could reaffirm his values without feeling like a force entirely beyond his control existed out there to break them down.

But Marshcloud still felt lost, plagued by restless nights and a constant sense of unease. He’d stopped being able to really hide it, too. His cheerful, excited demeanor had almost entirely subsided, and he could no longer use his natural goofy, easily-distracted energy as a mask for what was actually a near-delusional amount of fatigue.

Maybe it was because on the battlefield, he could’ve been a hero, standing up for his ideals-- like he’d always dreamed about-- but his first instinct had been for cowardice. Maybe it was because he felt partially responsible for a death-- it didn’t really matter to him that the “victim” was a cat who was unambiguously an enemy to everything he cared about, and that the responsibility only tangentially fell on his shoulders. Or maybe it was that he’d finally had the revelation that, truly, not all conflicts could be whisked away with nothing but good intentions and a smile. Whatever it was, Marshcloud just wanted to feel like his old self again.

Really, actually, more than anything what he wanted was someone to talk to. But he didn’t have anyone he was close enough with that he felt like they'd be able to understand. He was always the type who’d naturally assumed everyone was his friend simply by default, and as a result had never actually put in the time and work required to become close with anyone.

But who knows-- maybe that could finally change?

At one point earlier in the day, Tulipfang almost told herself that everything was returning to normal, but when she really thought about it, was anything ever normal? Especially now of all times...

She hadn't been a part of it, to her displeasure, but during the last gathering a battle had apparently broken out between StarClan and the Clans. Of course, the clans won, per usual, but it had certainly been an interesting night, or so she'd been told. The real StarClan cats had apparently appeared to aid the clans in defeating those called the "Righteous Few" and her father had been blessed with the chance of seeing his best friend, Scorchstar, once again. Great Silverpelt did she wish she had been there. But alas, she had chosen to stay back and protect the clan, which was just as important of a task as battling on the front lines was, though of course, nothing had really happened while every-cat was gone.

Letting out a sigh as she emerged from the warrior's den, Tulipfang gingerly stretched her legs as she looked around camp. Her amber gaze soon fell upon Marshcloud, one of her fellow warriors, and being the sociable cat she was, she decided that she'd might as well say hello, seeing as though they did sleep in the same den and such.

"Marshcloud!" The peppy white and ginger she-cat called as she padded up to the pale pelted warrior. "Lost in thought, I see?" she purred with a smile.

As if she had read his mind, Tulipfang appeared, and in Marshcloud's less-than-perceptive state, he almost got the impression that she had suddenly manifested out of thin air.

"Tulipfang-- h-hello," he stammered, still a little caught off-guard. "Something...something like that, yes. I'm just, uh-- still processing everything that's happened over the past-- while. I guess. It's been...it's been a lot, hasn't it?" he nodded absently, turning towards the she-cat.

He didn't know Tulipfang very well-- he wasn't sure they'd ever really had a dedicated conversation before. But her father had been his mentor, and they did share a den, so he'd certainly seen her around, and she always seemed to be a good cat. Though, then again, it was quite hard for anyone to give Marshcloud the impression of not being good-- he'd always wanted so desperately to see the good in things. Though he was starting to struggle with that a little bit now. Still, whatever he did or did not know about her aside, he really appreciated having someone to engage with other than his own self-pitying thoughts.

OOC: so sorry for the wait!

Listening as Marshcloud spoke, Tulipfang took a seat beside the warrior, gently resting her fluffy white and ginger tail over her paws. Thinking about all that had happened lately, with the "Righteous Few," or whatever, there had been lots of violence... but it seemed as though the clans were never truly at peace, so it was something that all cats had to get used to, as sorrowful as that thought sounded.

"Yes, I suppose you're right," she began, meeting his blue gaze with her amber one as she pondered what to say next. "My father once told me that when something bad happens, you have three choices. You can either let it define you, let it destroy you, or let it strengthen you. With those.. those... cats, I know it's hard to get over what they did, but we must make it past what they did or else life will never move on," she finished with a sigh, realizing how much she sounded like Daisyflame, always spouting wisdom in every situation. He'd taught her well, that was for sure.

OOC: No worries!

Marshcloud nodded, a little weakly, but with genuine appreciation. Tulipfang's sentiment was one he would've liked to have been able to tell himself, that perhaps he once may have even said to someone else in his situation. But he was incapable of it right now, and it felt good to hear someone give him words of hope and encouragement, and he tried to make himself believe them.

It almost worked.  

"You're...you're right, of course," he said, looking into the amber eyes that had met his own, "That we can't let life's worst moments and worst cats determine who we are. If you do, it just...it stops you. You can't keep moving like that. But I...I can't help but wonder...well, more fear then wonder, I guess...what if that doesn't matter? What if someone tries to move on, and can't? I want to let the bad things in my life strengthen me instead of destroy or define me...but what if I'm not strong enough to make that choice in the first place?"

OOC: so sorry for the wait again aaahhh! I didn't see you posted ;A; i stg imma keep better track of my topics, pls forgive TuT

Their eyes locked together as he spoke, Tulipfang listened to what Marshcloud had to say, contemplating his thoughts on the matter. She certainly wasn't wise like her father and feared that she wouldn't be able to give him the answer he was looking for, but even so, she had to at least try.

"Well, I suppose that's what you have friends for; to help you get through the tough things in life," she began with a smile on her white muzzle. "I'll be here for you if you need some-cat. We are clanmates after all, it's the least I can do!" Tulipfang purred, her fluffy tail swishing gracefully back and forth as she spoke.