For Nostalgic Reasons [closed]

Letting out a yawn, Smokepelt lifted his head and looked to the almost dark sky and noticed that the sun was just beginning to rise. Great, he'd woken up earlier again. Could he ever just get a full nights sleep? For the past few days, the tom had been waking up with the sun and didn't particularly enjoy it, for once he was awake, there was no going back to sleep. Standing up from his nest, he made his way out of the sleeping area and into the more open camp and gave his legs a stretch. Sleeping next to other cats wasn't necessarily his favorite thing either, for he usually woke up with stiff legs.

Looking around with still sleepy eyes, Smokepelt noticed the dark and recognizable shape of his uncle laying down with his paws tucked under him. What was the older tom doing up so early and why wasn't he in the elder's den? Not too long ago, the tall tom had retired and moved in with the other elder's because of a back injury and he wondered how the older tom was doing, especially now that Icestorm was gone.

Making his way over to Cedarfur, the deputy sat down, wrapped his tail over his paws, and let out a soft sigh, able to see his breathe from the chilly Leaffall air. "Not able to sleep?" the soft voiced cat asked, looking up to the sky wishfully. Sometimes Smokepelt wondered if his father was really up there and if he was proud of him. Have I been doing good? he asked as if he was going to get an answer. Every thought of his father made him want to yowl into the empty air. Why did he have to go so soon? All Smokepelt wanted was to show his father how great of a warrior he was, but now, he was gone. The tom had been there for everything, whether it was training or just a patrol, they'd been so close and now, he didn't have anyone to share his life with. Ashstar was the leader so she had more important duties to attend to and Cedarfur was an elder. And he didn't even have a mate either!

Trying not to tear up, the deputy stayed quiet and changed his train of thought to his kits, who had all been doing so well in the clan. Especially Brindlepaw, who wasn't necessarily his kit, but she might as well have been.

~~~

The elder's den was lonely, he wouldn't deny that. There wern't that many cats in there and even so, he didn't know any of them very well. This morning, Cedarfur had woken up from the usual back pain and as soft and warm as his was, he didn't want to stay in the darkness of the den. So here he was, laying in the cold darkness of the morning. For a while it felt as if there wasn't another soul in the world, until his nephew arrived. Opening one eye, he looked to Smokepelt who'd asked a question and was looking up at the sky. Cedarfur wondered what the deputy was thinking about but decided not to ask since it seemed like what ever was on the younger tom's mind was causing him grief.

"Yeah, I guess you could say that," he meowed in reply, closing his eye. He wasn't ready to tell Smokepelt the truth about how bad of a problem his back was becoming so he decided to leave that out for now.

For what felt like ages, the two cats sat in silence at the sun slowly rose higher and higher, until the sound of familiar paw steps caught Cedarfur's attention. Turning his head to where the sound came from, the older tom let out a purr at the sight of the she-cat who was approaching them.

Ashstar needed to sleep, but she just couldn't. Too many things ran through her head. Too many problems, too many loose ends, too many guilt trips. The thin gray she-cat paced in the leaders' den, the moss from her nest strewn about the floor. She hadn't slept for two, three days, and she was starting to feel sick. She couldn't deal with the stress, coupled with her near-blinding insomnia.

The leaders' den was too lonely, too empty. Icestorm used to come and sleep in it occasionally, but those days were long-gone. She couldn't lean on Cedarfur- he was in enough pain already. Smokepelt had an obligation to his adopted kits. Her adopted grandkits. The leader smiled faintly. She needed to see her mate's brother- her brother. Cedarfur was in her life what Birchkit might have been if- if he hadn't.... Why, why did everyone she loved die? The leader shook herself out of it. No. No more time for grief. She needed to see her brother and her son.

Ashstar walked decidedly out of the leader's den and towards the warrior's den. Her tired face broke into a smile at the sight of her two favorite cats. She let out a broken purr. "Hey, you two." StarClan, her voice was hoarse.

Hearing a familiar voice, Smokepelt turned his head to see his mother and starting purring. "Good morning," he meowed in reply, glad to see the leader. Although he wasn't a kit anymore, Smokepelt had to admit, being near his mother still gave him a sense of safety and comfort. Besides, with only him, his mother, and uncle awake, it always felt nice to be around family and he was glad that he still had family, unlike some more unfortunate cats. Nudging the she-cat's cheek with his muzzle, he gave her a small smile and looked to Cedarfur, wondering if the older tom had anything to say.

~~~

Giving a respectful nod to his sister in-law, the tom stayed where he was, not trying to be rude but just too comfortable to get up. "Let me guess, you couldn't sleep either?" the tom chuckled light-heartedly with a smile, hoping she was alright. None of the three of them seemed to be doing the greatest and he wondered what their reasons were for getting up at the crack of dawn.

Ashstar nuzzled her son back and smiled at her... brother. Yes, she liked that- her brother. "It is morning, isn't it?" she chuckled. "Yeah, I... haven't been able to sleep for a couple of days, actually. How... how are you all?"

Although he was glad that Ashstar was trying to make things not so depressing, he couldn't help wonder how much was weighing the leader down. She had so many duties that needed to be fulfilled and he hoped that he had been helping her out enough. "Well, I'd say I'm doing fine, but that would be a lie," the deputy meowed with a small smile.

~~~

Cedarfur nodded as Smokepelt spoke. "Same. My back has been killing me and the elder's den is really lonely and stuffy," the tall tom meowed lightheartedly. The sun was still rising and an idea sparked in his mind. "You know what I think we need? An intervention," he added, standing up. Although even standing up hurt, he wasn't going to tell them that he was in pain. Glancing from Smokepelt to Ashstar, he realised that they both looked extremely similar, and the white on Smokepelt's fur was the part of Icestorm that still clung onto the younger cat.

Shaking the almost sad thoughts away, Cedarfur started walking towards the camp entrance. "Let's go for a walk," he meowed over his shoulder, not about to take no for an answer. The rest of the clan would be waking up soon and he wanted to hang out with his closest family before they had to start their daily routine of "chores."

Ashstar nodded sympathetically at her son. WindClan was low on warriors and loyalty, and it was taking a toll on everyone, them most of all. What if a Clan suddenly attacked? They'd be almost defenseless. The thought haunted her constantly. Cedarfur's lighthearted assessment of the elders' den reminded her with a pang that her mate and best friend were gone permanently, but she shoved her emotions dully away like she had been for a while now. She gave a smile at Cedarfur's welcome suggestion. "I could use a walk," she agreed, stretching

Trotting next after the older tom, this was one instance in which he enjoyed Cedarfur's impulsive personality. With Cedarfur to his left and him in the middle of the two, the deputy walked next to his two favorite cats and nothing could be better. The three cats headed to no place in particular and after a few moments of silence, he just had to ask a question that had been tugged at the back of his mind for ages. "Ashstar, why did you choose me to be your deputy?" The soft voiced tom didn't want to look as if he were complaining, but he was just genuinely curious. Cedarfur would've been a great candidate too, so why him over an older and more experienced warrior? Was he really ready to be the clan deputy?

Ashstar gazed contemplatively at her son, walking alongside her two best friends as the stars slowly faded away in the sky. "It was a hard choice between you and Cedarfur," she admitted. "All other candidates were always out of the question, even Kestrelstorm, though we used to be... friends. I knew from the beginning, since Lightfoot and Icestorm became elders, that my deputy would be one of you. On one paw, Cedarfur definitely has strong opinions, and a wonderful, dynamic personality. I trained him myself, and Icestorm always vouched for his character. On the other paw, you are a little more quiet, but you have just as many ideas. You have a very open mind, and you're very sweet and supportive. You are my son, and I trust you as much as I trust StarClan themselves." The leader swallowed. "You are very much like your father. My decision to make you deputy was a little spur-of-the-moment, but so was my leadership. In the end, I chose you not only because you were my son and I trusted you, but because I needed someone with similar but differing ideals who would offer his opinion when it was applicable, but would stay supportive to any choice I had to make." The leader gave a friendly nudge to both toms. "No offense, Cedarfur, but for me, Smokepelt is exactly who I need beside me. If he died now.... I don't know who I'd choose."

Listening to his mother's supportive words, Smokepelt almost started to tear up but forced himself to not get too mushy. Looking to Cedarfur with a smile when she mentioned him and couldn't help but chuckle a bit. The tom always seemed to have a remark to everything, even now as an elder. Purring as Ashstar finished, he looked to the ground and then back towards the leader. "Well, I'm glad to have been one of your top choices as your deputy and I hope that I assist you in every way possible until it's your time to join StarCLan," the soft voiced cat meowed with a smile, trying not to think about the day that Ashstar would have to leave him to join his father.

~~~

Listening to their conversation, Cedarfur stayed quiet, happy to be with the family and soaking in every moment. Of course when Smokepelt became deputy he was a bit disappointed, but in the end he knew the she-cat had made the right choice. As the three cats walked through the open field filled with tall grass, he was just able to see the hill that sat in the center of the territory and flicking his tail and motioning that they should go their. It was were he'd injured his back and yeah, he was a bit nervous, but it was his fault for running up the hill in the first place.

Reaching their destination, the tom sat down to the left of Ashstar so she sat in the middle of him and Smokepelt. Letting out a content sigh, he had to admit, this morning had been going pretty swell so far. "I wish life could always be like this," he meowed as the three of them faced the graceful sunrise.

Ashstar nudged thankfully against her son and brother as they sat down. The sun's rays warmed the frail she-cat's pelt as she watched it rise. Smokepelt and Cedarfur's comments reminded her of the trouble at hand. RiverClan seemed ready to unleash a vendetta against them at any time, and the leader didn't know what to do. But for now, she was just glad that she had her two best friends with her. Shge nodded agreement to Cedarfur's sentiment, a serene smile returning quietly to her face.

Sitting in silence for a few moments, things that he needed to confess to his mother tugged at his pelt and he debated to say what he wanted to say. Would she be angry at him? It was his fault for hurting that RiverClan apprentice, and because of his actions, the fish eating cats hated them even more. Letting out a sigh, he collected his thoughts and looked to his mother, who may or may not have already heard of what he'd done.

"Ashstar, I have something I must tell you," the deputy started, unsure of how to put it. Could he just tell a lie and get away with it or had some cat already told her? No, lying would get him nowhere. "You probably already know about the border skirmish we had with RiverClan a sunrise or two ago, but... I left something out. I-I hurt an apprentice, pretty bad, and I think RiverClan may be out for blood," he meowed, wincing at his words. "I didn't mean to hurt him that bad, but I-I just got so furious with how cruel they were being when accusing our clan!" he blurted out, feeling like a kit who just confessed leaving camp to his mother. "I know you must be angry and I take full responsibility for my actions," Smokepelt finished, dipping his head respectfully and looking to the ground. How could she not be mad at him?

Hearing her son's confession, Ashstar's eyes widened imperceptibly. So some of Fishstar's concerns were legitimate, then. Now there would be no escaping RiverClan's wrath, no matter how much it wasn't her fault. She still had no idea who the first offender was, but that her sweet son Smokepelt, her deputy, had so permanently injured an apprentice hurt her heart. However, his sincere apology softened the injury. She understood his rage at RiverClan's inconsiderate and angering insults- she had wanted to claw the leader's face at the Gathering, but she had barely restrained herself, as was her duty as leader. The last thing the leader wanted was a war with RiverClan, especially during leaf-bare- but now, she was going to have it. She gazed at her son. "Smokepelt, what you did was wrong, but you know that. I refuse to do anything to you- you are my son, my deputy, and a great warrior besides. We can not afford any more trouble this leaf-bare, especially with a war with RiverClan inevitable. When Fishstar comes to battle, assuming the worst, you will apologize and offer to help however you can- hopefully that will appease her." It wasn't a question, but an answer, and gently given order. Ashstar was leader of WindClan, and all she wanted was peace for her Clanmates

Relieved that she wasn't overly angry or disappointed, Smokepelt relaxed his tense shoulders. Of course he'd always be ashamed for what he'd done, but as long as his mother still loved him, he would live. Giving his pelt a shake from the chilly air, he let out a purr. "Of course, I'd never dream of aggravating the all mighty Fishstar," the deputy chuckled lightly with a slight tease to his tone. It felt nice being able to chat and joke around with his family and not having to worry about whether they would judge him for a couple mistakes he'd made here and there.

~~~

Listening to his nephew and the leader talk back and forth, Cedarfur laid down and stayed silent. He usually had a quick reply to everything but for now, just listening to them talk was good enough for him. In hindsight, there was so much he could say or add to the conversation, but laying down was pretty satisfying, especially with his back on fire.

OOC: sorry for crap post C':

Ashstar nodded, looking at the horizon as the sun sank lower and lower. Stars started to pop out of the darkening sky, first slow and dim, then faster and brighter. For the leader, each one had a name. Birchkit. Graybriar. Thrushheart. Pinedusk. Breezeheart. Falconstar. Sharppaw. Wolftrot. Skunkpaw. Sablestar. Saltpelt. Kestrelstorm. Gorsefeather. Emberleaf. Lightfoot... The gray she-cat closed her eyes and breathed deeply.

Icestorm.

In all reality, knowing that they were watching was all that gave her strength. Knowing that they were waiting for her. That they supported her decisions. A cool gust of wind passed through the rustling tall grasses. As the breeze ruffled her gray fur, the leader sat up a little straighter. "No matter what trials we must endure," Ashstar murmured decisively along with StarClan's whispered affirmations, "WindClan will last forever."

Turning his gaze from his mother and to the sky, Smokepelt took a deep breath. His brother, father, friends and family who were gone, he'd never forget them. And although he would always miss them, knowing that they were watching over him brought the tom comfort. There were times in his life where he needed a shoulder to lean on and though he had Ashstar and Cedarfur, there was always something missing inside of him, something that he couldn't figure out how to fill. I'll find the answer someday, he reassured himself although he would always be a bit skeptical.

Perking his ears at Ashstar's comment, the deputy gave a curt nod of agreement, thankful that his mother always had some sor of good advice. With an odd feeling as if his father and brother were sitting next to him, Smokepelt was filled with a new sense of pride and sat up a little straighter along with the leader. No matter what happened in the past or happens in the future, him and his mother would stand strong, leading WindClan through the good and the bad with StarClan at their side. "For we are WindClan; the great wind sweeping over all," he added with confidence, a small smile growing on his muzzle.

~~~

Watching as the two cats sat side by side, Cedarfur looked from them to the partially cloudy sky. Smokepelt and Ashstar, two kin that he knew would lead the clan with confidence through and through. Although someday he might not be around to see his nephew's reign, he had faith that the younger tom would be able to handle the duties as leader and no matter how quiet or shy he might have seemed, Smokepelt had Icestorm's spirit and that was enough to convince the elder that he was capable of anything, even if he'd made some mistakes in the past.

See you soon, brother, Cedarfur thought silently, closing his eyes with a smile on his face.

OOC: Topic Over (?)