Hold On To Me Darling [c]

Grief was beginning to feel like a recurring theme as Lilyvalley held on to dear Echokit. Illness had struck them all at the same time, but while Lilyvalley could recover, her kits had not. Blackkit and Maplekit were gone. And now here was her precious Echokit, hanging on by a thread.

The stars demand she put her faith in them, and for what? To lose everyone she ever held dear?

Was it to much to ask to have a family to care for?

She did not know how long it had been that she had been here. Nightowl was surely tired of her by now. And yet, whenever she found herself without a patrol to partake in, her paws always seemed to lead her right back here. Right back to her daughter's side. Even though she knew, deep down, that she was going to lose another piece of her heart.

It would hurt even more if Echokit had to be alone when that time came.

A shadow entered the den, and looking up, it was a bit of a shock to find Leopardstar. She dipped her head in respect to the leader.
"Good-" Wait, did she even know what time of day it was to finish that greeting? She glanced outside. Well, at least it was still day. "Ah, good....afternoon, is it? What can I do for you?"

A sigh escaped Lilyvalley, before she forced a smile on her face, albeit a very weak one. She patted the ground beside her with her tail, inviting the leader to sit, before carefully shuffling into a sitting position herself.

"I guess it's just been a lot. I really should be grateful, I still have Cedarkit. He's been so strong and I am so proud of him, I just-" She took in a shuddering breath as she looked at her daughter lying in the nest.

"I wish I didn't have to lose any of them. They're so young. I'm their mother, I'm supposed to protect them. It was my job to take care of my babies." For a moment, as tears began to spill, she thought of burying herself in Leopardstar's fur. Had it been Swiftheart or Larkshine beside her, she probably would have. But those were cats she had grown close to, one a bond formed from birth, the other a bond formed through fire. And as much as she really did like Leopardstar, that same bond was simply not there. Not yet.

So she simply turned her head, hiding the ugliness of her emotions.

"I'm sorry, I- I should be better than this..." She let out a dry chuckle, wiping her eyes with a paw before turning back to the leader. "Thank you. Really. I- I have so much I owe you for. I know having me in the Clan has not been easy..."

Lilyvalley couldn't help but laugh. A choking sound, with no real humor behind it. "If only every cat thought the way you do. The rest of the Clan.... they want me out. I can't keep up with them, and I bring disaster wherever I go. They've even said as much to my face. Stars, I had an apprentice tell me how much of a waste of space I am. I hardly even know the kit! Most cats won't even dare approach me anymore. They know I'm more trouble than I'm worth."

It was stupid, pitying herself in front of the leader. It wasn't as if she didn't bring all of this on by herself. It wasn't as if she didn't deserve every bit of scorn the Clan gave her. But still...

"I think the worst part is, I am genuinely trying to grow up. But I guess that came too late. No cat wants to even believe I can change, Nettleweaver... I swear he believes any apology is some sort of manipulation tactic. And I've just ended up dragging down any cat who does try to believe in me. I-... I've dragged you down, too, Leopardstar. All that scorn you get, just because you stood by me. And you don't deserve a single bit of it..."