Blindsided [C]

It was nearing dusk when Nightpaw's eyes finally laid upon the thorn tunnel, and he hurried forward, the ache in his paws nothing compared to the dull ache in his heart. He hadn't been in camp since... well, since yesterday, technically. But he and Heatherberry had left just before dawn. Heatherberry... his life had been different, then. It was shocking, how much his life had changed in a little more than a day.

Each breath he took was another burst of pain in his chest. His lungs burned. The journey over had been long, and he'd gotten turned around more than once without Heatherberry to guide him back home. Their scent trail from before had mostly faded, and each pawstep had been guesswork at the right way home. He almost hadn't come back. He almost stayed, waiting eternally for Heatherberry's return by the entrance to the Moonstone. But the sun had set, and he'd dozed off on his paws. He woke to the distant rumbling of thunder. Storms lingered on the horizon. Still, he couldn't bring himself to leave. He huddled by the cavern's entrance for shelter, watching the rain as it rolled in, then moved on after an hour or two. His paws were numb. But he couldn't leave. He couldn't give up on Heatherberry. She wouldn't have given up on him.

Then he'd heard a bone-chilling howl. Coyotes, or dogs? Both were dangerous. Deadly. By any right, he should've left at the first howl. Still, he found he could not move from his spot until the howling was so close that the creatures were practically upon him. Only then did he head home. It was out of necessity more than anything. If those had been the things that had taken Heather... well, he didn't dare think about it.

And now he had to break the news to Leopardstar. Unless Heatherberry was somehow, magically here, waiting for him - but he couldn't allow himself that hope. He'd already hoped and hoped and what had it brought him? Nothing.

He paused just before he entered camp. When he finally walked through that entrance, everything would change for good. Right now, his life was in limbo. But telling everyone what had happened made it real.

It had to be done.

He ducked through the tunnel and immediately laid his eyes upon her. He could never tell if Leopardstar was in a good mood or not, but he was sure announcing that her medicine cat and daughter had gone missing would surely bring her down. He approached slowly as one would approach a frightened animal. Anxiety and dread burned in his paws and his chest. He'd had all journey to plan what he'd say, and he'd only spent it trying to catch the smallest proof of his mentor's existence. He took a quick, short breath, then closed the distance between him and the leader. Would she blame him for all this? It was his fault, after all, wasn't it?

"Leopardstar?" Nightpaw asked, his voice trembling. He needed her attention. Her full attention. There were so many prying eyes here, in the middle of camp. Maybe it was best they speak in private. And then she could help break the news to everyone else... "Can I speak with you? In private?" He swallowed hard, trying not to let his panic take hold of him.

What happened? Nightpaw froze. He lowered his head, his eyes wearing holes into the dirt beneath his paws. He flexed his claws into the dirt and dug in. Still, it did not steady him, and his chest kept rising and falling with uneven breaths. In truth, he just wanted to go back to his nest and go to sleep and never show his face again.

Leopardstar hid her fear well, but he recognized the dread in her eyes all the same. He opened his mouth, then closed it again. Was he more terrified of saying it aloud because that made it real, or because he thought Leopardstar would blame him the same way he blamed himself?

Nightpaw looked away. It made it easier to speak if he wasn't looking Leopardstar in the eyes. He couldn't bear to see her reaction. He couldn't. His own heart felt like a badger had clawed through it relentlessly since he realized Heatherberry was gone, and he hadn't even known her for that long. But for the leader? That was her medicine cat, her daughter, her advisor. How could she possibly handle this?

He clawed deeper into the ground as the words finally came to his lips. It was kinder to just say it. To get it over with, and let her process everything, and make her stop worrying and worrying about what he was going to say. It felt like something was lodged in his throat. Still, he managed to speak around it.

"I'm sure you've noticed Heatherberry isn't... with me," Nightpaw began, his voice thick with emotion. The threat of tears burned his eyes, but he refused to let them fall. Not before he told her. "I- I woke up from my ceremony, and she - she wasn't there. I waited for her until... until just before sunhigh today, but there was no trace of her a-anywhere." Panic set his heart ablaze as he finally said the words aloud. As much as he hated it, he was still hoping Leopardstar's shoulders would sag with relief, still half-expecting her to say that the medicine cat had returned earlier with some important message and that she was in her den and everything was fine. That there was nothing to worry about and he could stop worrying. Nightpaw finally looked at Leopardstar, and his green eyes were bright with fear and question. "Please tell me she's here." It was more of a whimper than anything else, desperate and kit-like.

Nightpaw fought to compose himself as the reality of the situation dawned completely on him. Heatherberry wasn't here. She wasn't anywhere, not that any Clan cat knew of. He'd been the last cat to see her. And this absence was one they'd all have to live with until they found her - which could take hours, or days, or moons, or... or even seasons. He might not ever see Heatherberry again in his lifetime. Hope and pray as they all might, it was very possible that something sinister had gotten its claws on her.

Sadness and empathy glittered in his verdant gaze. As much as he trusted StarClan - as much as he'd been raised to trust them, really - he could not find a single word to reassure Leopardstar. He hadn't known about her parents, but if that was the case, how could he tell her that it was all part of some path she was on? That it was all the stars' plan? That would be cruel.

Cursed. It would make sense. Nightpaw listened quietly, the longest talk he'd ever had with his leader, and he didn't have any evidence to argue against her. Was ShadowClan cursed? It'd certainly felt like it since his birth; and he was sure, of course, that it'd been worse for the older cats. Had his Clan ever been able to catch a break? He felt a pang, then a rush of warmth. He'd protect ShadowClan. Even if he couldn't break the curse that seemed to grip them, he'd do his best to mitigate the damage done. These cats, as much as he struggled to feel any sense of belonging, were his kin. His home.

Before he could stop himself, he padded to Leopardstar's side and let his tail rest across her shoulders. He might not have the words, but Nightpaw didn't want her to feel like she had to carry that burden alone. "That's... that's what we do. We endure and survive, and thrive in the face of our misfortune despite it all." He murmured softly. "I-I may be young, but even I can see that the way ShadowClan persists is unlike the other Clans." A pause. Then - "We will get through this." There was a determination and even certainty in his voice that he hadn't felt in moons, even as grief tugged at his heart. It was the way of the marshland cats, after all. Adversity was nothing new to them, and they were strong not in spite of it, but because of it. For once, he found he was proud to call himself ShadowClan.

Then Nightpaw sighed. Despair would not bring Heatherberry back, but it was certainly tempting. It felt wrong to keep moving without her, but what else could they do? He couldn't sit around and wait for her to come back. His Clan needed a medicine cat. "We will. I have to believe that." If he believed that the medicine cat was dead, he would not be able to go on. "I'll pay a visit to the other Clans and see what I can learn. I barely know anything myself." He turned his head to look at Leopardstar and examined her gaze. "And if... if there's anything I can do, please let me know. Even if you just need to bend my ear." Nightpaw smiled sadly, his words that of someone twice his age. But they were sincere nonetheless. He could practically see the way the world weighed down on her, and he'd do anything he could. She'd lost a daughter, after all.