on silver pinions (c)

Dovetail found himself in what felt like a liminal space between newleaf and greenleaf. Between the death of many important cats, and the continued life of all those who were specifically important to him. Between the fox pelt that he kept safely in his nest and the strange dreams that beset him nightly. Behind being too familiar with some cats and not familiar enough with the rest. He'd felt comfortable with Perchstar from a distance, since she'd taken him and his siblings in and offered them a permanent place to stay, but... now he knew neither leader nor deputy. He felt as if he could remain completely unseen in his duties, if he wanted to--just fade into the background and matter only to those select few cats. But why would he want to do that? How could he lose the darkest recesses of his mind in his work if he went around avoiding interaction with others? What of the bonds between Clanmates? Had he been neglecting them, or did his strange and quiet aura simply keep others from approaching him? He could try to approach others, but he did not know who to approach or why he would want to. He felt pulled, stretched between areas, and yet somehow not a part of anything. As he lay here in camp, staring at the dark fur on his paws in a break between patrols, the simultaneous blankness and fullness of his mind itched at him. Was he content to live like this? Wouldn't it be better for his Clanmates if he stayed away from them?

A shadow fell across his path, accompanying a short meow of greeting. Dovetail blinked and raised his head to see Cindersky. Perchstar's apprentice, Larkspring's friend, and... new deputy of RiverClan. Should he get up to offer respect? No, that seemed too over-the-top. Besides, she was younger than him, and he did not quite know how to deal with the concept of thinking of her in the position of deputy rather than of distant Clanmate. He settled for flicking an ear and nodding as she settled nearby. A fish dropped at his paws--a gift, or a consolation for beginning their conversation, perhaps. There was no chance to wonder what it was she wanted, because she soon told him. She wanted to... get to know him? Huh. What a coincidence that this unprompted dialogue of companionship began right as he ruminated on how he felt adrift from most Clanmates. How odd, that it made him feel so uncomfortable. She seemed nice enough, though, and appeared honest, so he had no reason to decline.

The stocky warrior shifted slightly, pale blue eyes taking in the smaller she-cat. "Oh, uh... thank you. I mean--I wouldn't mind that. Getting to know you. Either." Stars. He needed to speak more often. He'd gotten out of practice with small talk. Dovetail cleared his throat. "I can't recall if we've talked much. I'm somewhat acquainted with Larkspring--" an odd way to brush over their kithood rivalry that had become a somewhat less vitriolic half-friendship-- "and I know that you two get along. Aside from that... I think we've mostly avoided each other. I mean, not on purpose. I haven't been avoiding you or anything." Had he? He couldn't recall the she-cat ever occupying much time in his thoughts. It seemed they had just never run into each other. Well, he at least had to address the recent change between them, even if they'd never really spoken. "Um... congratulations. On being named deputy. I don't think I ever offered those, in person."

Hmm... interesting. Dovetail took in the shine in Cindersky's eyes when he mentioned Larkspring. The two of them must have been better friends than he'd initially thought. Who would have guessed? The small, timid she-cat with the irritable tom. Perhaps opposites attracted. Not that he could really talk, given his own choice in companions. The word "den-mate" entered his head and left as quickly as it had come, leaving spinning thoughts and confusion behind it as it always did, so he had to blink it away quickly in order to pay attention to what the deputy was saying. "I... I wouldn't call us friends, exactly," he hedged. "I'm not as close to him as you are, at least. We used to dislike each other, but we don't anymore. It's... hard to explain." Thankfully he could move onto the next topic.

The thought of her being deputy still felt strange to him, but at least she had the part about speaking to her Clanmates down. Words seemed to come somewhat naturally to her, compared to his stilted speech. The stocky seal-point tom nodded. "I can imagine. I get worried enough about eyes on me just going about my daily duties--it must be nerve-wracking to know all the attention is on you. I feel like I'd forget everything." He almost mentioned a joke about how he wasn't even of RiverClan blood, but it died before it passed his tongue. That felt far too heavy to mention, especially when it still itched at him that Poppystar might resent him for it. He had no evidence for such a feeling. It just... bothered him, sometimes. "I'm not the best at climbing," he said instead. "More for lack of practice than anything. If I ever tried to jump onto the Branch, I'd probably end up falling off and making a fool of myself. But, uh... you seem to be doing okay. From what I can tell, anyway. Not that I know much about this kind of stuff."