and if it were my last day on earth [c]

Unlike the saying, time did not mend all wounds. However... Perchstar had become good at allowing it to ease her many, many aches. Not because they ever hurt less, but because they hurt less frequently. Perhaps it was the only gift of StarClan that still remained. The passion she'd received had caused her far more agony than assistance, but the life of strength--given by Ivystar so very long ago--had not left her all this time. Though she still was not as strong as she would like to be, the power to get up every morning and continue to do her duty was far more impressive than it may have seemed. When everything attempted to weigh her down, having the burden lifted by anything, whether it be her duties or forgetfulness or occasionally the intervention of another had been her saving grace. And today, when Poppyshine had asked with a sparkle set deep inside her gaze for an afternoon stroll, Perchstar would not have been able to decline even if she'd wanted to. As it was, the invitation came at the perfect time. In a lull between responsibilities, in a time when idleness by herself might reawaken old ghosts. As always... her best friend knew her well.

As they walked together in a companionable silence, sunlight almost warm enough for greenleaf filtering down through burgeoning leaves, Perchstar could believe in the possibility of happiness. Not for her, perhaps--she would settle for a temporary contentment, for the warmth that reached her pelt and Poppyshine's smile even brighter than the sun itself. But... the possibility of happiness existing, somewhere. More than a translucent phantom used to delude those innocent enough to believe it. Even in a world as harsh as this... eventually, the sun still shone. There would be a moment or two of respite. And even if the moment passed as quickly as it had come, its existence eased the burden. It lingered always ahead like the promise of a new day. And even if soon, the new day would not be hers, at least she could gift it to those she loved. To Poppyshine. To her daughters. To Rookflight. For them, happiness may not be so far off. And if she could move them even a pawstep further towards that goal, then perhaps... perhaps her life would not have been such a waste after all.

Time passed slowly for once. Normally it rushed past in the nice moments, but lingered only on the pain, on the repeated images of failure or bloodshed that haunted every nightmare. But just for now... there was sunlight. Perchstar lowered herself onto a large heated rock in a rare moment of relaxation. The sun's warmth soaked into her body. She'd almost forgotten what it felt like just to lie down like this. Untempered by the usual darkness of her thoughts, the leader closed her eyes and allowed herself a relieved sigh. She was not old, not really. And yet... in moments like this, she felt how her bones ached. How her muscles strained from use. Only in the absence of their usage could she truly feel the cracks and pains that beset her every waking moment. Right now, though, the everpresent light soothed them. Her eyes closed not in exhaustion, but in a moment of pure rest. Here, with no one else but her dear friend, she could allow herself that for now. She did not want to think about anything. She did not want to think at all. All she wanted was to empty her mind and to feel this scene. The sun, the stone, the river, the love. They subsumed her like a rock in the riverbed, sensations flowing gently over her. To be a stone in the river... she could achieve it. Just for now.

I needed this. However long it lasts... I will cherish it.

Soon, Poppyshine spoke again, and Perchstar turned to listen. The voice of her friend fell sweet on her ears as it expressed unadulterated joy. Undeniable love, unassailable gladness. Happiness. Perchstar felt the truth of it emanating from her friend, rolling in waves so honest and pure that nothing could dampen it. Just minutes ago, had she not thought that her life would be truly worth something if those she loved could feel even a step closer to it through her efforts? And now, her closest friend, her dearest companion gave voice to her desire with a few uncomplicated words. Poppyshine was happy... and she was happy with Perchstar. Nothing else could have given her more fulfillment than that simple statement.

She spoke in return, then, her voice clear and calm--but not because of any mask. For once, she truly felt calm. The softness of her tone expressed its honesty. "I love you too, Poppy." There was no need for apologies or explanations for the past moons of darkness and exhaustion. They'd gone through the song and dance before; there was no place for such talk now, not in the sunlight. Perchstar could not profess her happiness in turn. Such a concept remained foreign to her. However, with the lines of her face relaxed, it looked so far from her normal stern expression as to almost be considered close to a smile. Light blue eyes felt more reminiscent of a pool than of ice as they met their green counterparts. "I am glad, too. However long it lasts, whenever it ends... in moments like this, everything is worth it." Her gaze shifted for a moment, taking in the golden light that deepened to ochre over the fluffy tops of the trees. The sun set every night. One day it would set on her, too. She would go. But such a thing did not seem tragic, not in this transient and fleeting stretch of color painted against her dull backdrop. No... right now, she had everything she needed.

"Thank you. For everything. What you have given me is something I could never hope to repay." Not just the valued help of a friend, nor that of a capable deputy who had proven her worth many, many times over. There was only really one way to phrase the impossible gift that Poppyshine had given. "You have given me... life." She did not mean it in the sense of breath, or of lucidity, though an argument could be made that both had been granted by her friend too. No, she meant this. This warmth, however brief. The sunlight that made life worth living. The unfamiliar flame of love. Not one soured by loss or by corruption or by indifference, but a pure love that had never abandoned her. One that she'd been given, and had cherished for so long... cherished for more than two years. One that she would cherish in the years to come after it, for ever and ever, until the very last star burned out of the sky. She could not even comprehend what she might have been without it. Because of Poppyshine... she could say, after it all, that she had lived. She had truly lived. "Thank you, Poppy. Thank you so much."

Perchstar allowed the silent lull to take her over. Distantly she could hear birds in the trees of ThunderClan territory. Far closer she heard the rushing of water, of the lifeblood of RiverClan, that had given her so much and taken so much away. Here on top of the rocks she felt between it all. Between wakefulness and rest, between water and land, between earth and sky. It was pleasantly transient--something she rarely got to experience. Perhaps it was the presence of Poppyshine that quieted her mind so. Usually she could find no silence; anxious thoughts would bombard her with memories or griefs long past at any time that she managed to find solitude, and so she filled her life with the many responsibilities that weighed her down. But right now, unless she focused on thought, she found it slippery and unable to grasp. Was this what other cats meant when they talked about relaxation? If so... she could finally understand why they liked it so much.

She could almost fall asleep, like this. Normally she dreaded unconsciousness taking hold of her and dragging her into a realm where she could control nothing, could believe nothing that she saw. Far too often she would awake with nightmares, but even worse were the pleasant dreams that dangled her happiest greenleaf memories in front of her before cruelly tearing them away again when she opened her eyes. But like this, she felt as if she could close her eyes and simply exist, in the sun and the warmth and the breeze. As if when she closed her eyes no dream would follow. This was all the dream she needed, right here, right now.

No dream could be better than this.

Light blue eyes slid to the side, taking in the small calico form of the deputy--the many scars crossing her pelt from so many years lived. Instead of inspiring guilt in her as they normally did, instead Perchstar felt pride. Pride in Poppyshine that she had thrived despite it all. A deep, unshakable gladness to see the light in the deputy's eyes that had never faded nor dimmed. Even with the tears that had begun to flow. They were different from the tears that Cindersky sobbed, or the tears of rage flowing down her own face so long ago, or any other tears she'd ever shed herself. They were tears of relief and relaxation. Good. Her friend deserved to feel happy. It was a contagious sensation, burning curiously warm within the depths of Perchstar's chest. She loved her friend dearly. Poppyshine was strong... so, so much stronger than her. She had been such an important presence, and would continue to be forever. RiverClan will be safe with you at its helm.

Eventually Poppyshine spoke again, but her voice was not a distraction from the calmness permeating the leader's form. It was simply part of the environment. The best part. Her dear friend. In response to the smaller face leaning into her thick ruff of fur, Perchstar gently placed her head on the top of it. She did not press very close, but close enough to continue their embrace. Moons ago this would have seemed unthinkable. She still did not find physical affection easy, and it often felt strange or uncomfortable. But with Poppyshine, here in this moment, this closeness was... all right. Still, not even in a time like this could she bear to hear herself praised so unilaterally. While she had been a mentor figure and a leader, she could not take all the credit for teaching such a wonderful cat. Poppyshine's good values had been in her from the start. Perchstar had simply been there to give her the baseline of support that she needed to thrive and grow.

The gray-and-white she-cat shook her head slightly, without moving too much. "Do not learn too much from me," she murmured "As you can see... no cat is infallible, myself least of all. I chose you for deputy because I saw you had the potential to be far greater than I, and that is what you have grown into. Your love and care for all things, when used wisely, will be a great boon for you and for RiverClan. Even when I am gone... this Clan will remain strong, and it will be due to your guidance." With or without Perchstar, Poppyshine would be a great cat. She'd seen the beginnings of this moment in the small calico, long ago... and far beyond her wildest expectations, her former apprentice had grown and matured into the strongest and wisest cat she knew. "If I ever made any correct choice in my life, it was to pick you as my deputy... as my apprentice. As my friend." Without thinking about it, Perchstar licked the top of Poppyshine's head. A gesture that many cats gave to family or friends when sharing tongues--something that Perchstar had never done before for anyone but her own kits, and even then it had never come naturally. She had no idea what had come over her. The gesture felt natural, but once she had completed it, it seemed... strange. Then, in a moment of self-consciousness and vague surprise at what she had just done, she shifted her head away. Not pulling away from Poppyshine's embrace, but simply moving back from it, no longer initiating the physical touch. How far they had come from mentor and apprentice... how far from their younger selves. And yet, how much still remained the same.