all was golden when the day met the night [c]

Poppyshine

They were home…It still felt like a dream. Poppyshine was beyond relieved to finally be back in the forest, and better yet, to have the river clean and ready for fishing. The relief and joy of being home was still weighed down, however. War loomed on the horizon, closer than ever now that they are home and sickness is being cured.

Poppyshine slowed on her border patrol at the river. She walked to the water’s edge and looked down. Her other patrolmates were a little ahead. Poppyshine looked into her own reflection and found her tired expression staring back at her. It was hard to stay upbeat these days, knowing that pain is going to fall on their clan soon enough.

She crouched down and lapped up some water from a part of the river that was not quite frozen over. Her ears turned forward when she heard movement across the river and Poppyshine lifted her head to see who it was.

RiverClan • Tier 5 • Deputy • She/Her • 70 | 160 • #669966

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Birdstar
SkyClan | she/her

It was hard to relish in being home, in patrolling familiar borders rather than trying to wrap her paws around foreign land, when the stretch of land Birdstar walked was the river. It'd once been a reach of comfort, a border she sought frequently, even if subconsciously. After avoiding it for much of her apprenticeship, she'd come to look forward to her patrols there, or the idle walks that lead her there; looked forward to the chance of encountering the friends she kept in RiverClan along the way... No more. Clawing and leaping through the boughs near the water left as much bile in her throat now as it did shortly after Beechfang's exile. It was a border that needed checking though, now more than ever. And if any RiverClan warriors felt as brave as their medicine cat was storied to be... Birdstar would rather they came splashing after her than a cat that couldn't get back on their paws.

As she moved upriver, the sight of a passing patrol made Birdstar's hackles stiffen. She could hear their meows between each other, though she couldn't discern the words; they seemed content. They passed along easily, their glances passed across the border wary at best. It wasn't a war party. They were engaging in the same ritual she was. When they continued moving without spotting--or at least addressing--her, and she'd watched them long enough to feel certain they wouldn't be crossing, Birdstar continued moving. She leapt from the tree she was in to the entangled branches of the next one in her path, hoping through its boughs to round the trunk and continue pressing on. Her eyes only left the river as much as she needed to look where her paws landed, and with her eye kept on the water, the abandoned patrolmate hadn't been missed by her.

Birdstar's claws slid against icy bark and she had to scrabble to catch herself. She hadn't been expecting to see Poppyshine, bent over a thawed section of the river. A piece of Birdstar's heart caught in her throat. She hoped to feel terribly sad only as long as it took to pretend she was angry, but the hurt persisted. She couldn't be angry, thinking of Poppyshine with leaf-fall rusted leaves caught in her fur, laughing so earnestly and contagiously the sound still rang in her better judgment. Though the sound of nearly losing her balance was sure to gain attention, Birdstar still called down a simple, "Poppyshine." She moved as low in the trees as she could without risking the branches snapping under her weight, leveling Poppyshine's gaze when their eyes met. Her mouth worked for a pensive moment, opening around the shapes of an apology, or perhaps a celebration they'd met before the inevitable clash--but no sound came, just a fumbling stammer until she hung her head with a sigh. What could she say--and what would she expect: pity, forgiveness?---the news Poppyshine had talked her leader off the ledge of madness? Nothing could leave her cursed tongue that would not invite condemnation, and in the face of one of her dearest friends, Birdstar found herself silent.

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Poppyshine

Poppyshine stared at Birdstar, wondering if she would even be acknowledged. Their gaze met, but with it, the knowledge of all of the tense relations between their clans came with it. Poppyshine hated it. She hated being caught between her genuine friendship with Birdstar and her loyalty to Perchstar and her clan; she hated the joy and fond memories spent in Birdstar’s presence alongside the pain of knowing that she had gone behind their backs in such an awful way. The clash of the emotions were strong enough that Poppyshine wanted to cry, but she swallowed down her own emotions to try and stay steady. It would not do to suddenly burst into tears in front of someone that was their enemy.

Then Birdstar spoke her name. It had such a simplicity. It didn’t hold the same animosity that her conversation with Wolfblossom days ago had caused. The anger from Wolfblossom had hurt, but the neutrality from Birdstar somehow hurt worse. Perhaps it would be easier if Birdstar came out with poison dripping from her tongue. Maybe that would let Poppyshine let go of the idea of friendship. It was a foolish idea, but she couldn’t seem to leave it behind, even with this betrayal.

“…Birdstar,” she replied, her voice hesitant but not doused in negativity either. She watched Birdstar and held her breath, expecting her to drop to the ground, but she stayed aloft on the branches. The silence quickly became too much for Poppyshine’s own ears. “I am glad to see you appear healthier. Is SkyClan healing well?”

RiverClan • Tier 5 • Deputy • She/Her • 70 | 160 • #669966

Credits: code inspiration - 1 2 |  image 1 | image 2 | image 3

Birdstar
SkyClan | she/her

The uncertainty in the air was palpable; oppressive. It scratched at Birdstar's throat painfully. Her tail twitched rapidly back and forth, wondering what repeat hostility she would find here... but there was none. Poppyshine returned the neutral greeting, with a hesitance that made Birdstar feel unsteady, and even went so far as to ask how SkyClan was faring. It could have been a trick--an attempt to gauge their health before launching an attack, knowing a sweet soul like Poppyshine's could wheedle the information out--but the very thought was a contradiction. Poppyshine, sweet-souled as she was, wouldn't be walking the river for the sake of espionage. She was on a patrol, Birdstar reminded herself. She just stopped for a drink. Nothing in Poppyshine's voice spoke of malice. It never did.

For a stiff heartbeat, Birdstar remained quietly looking down from her roost. Then she crept to the very end of the branches to make the easy glide down. The adjustment steps of landing brought her closer to the water's edge. While the fact made the fur along her spine stiffen, Birdstar didn't retreat when her paws met cold sand.

"Thank you. And yes, we are." Her own curtness made her sick. Why was the loss of Poppyshine as a friend so... painful? It didn't enrage her, as Perchstar and Mottlestar did (though they hurt, too). Standing opposite her only served to peck holes through Birdstar's chest, pulling at pieces of her heart like a flock of crows devouring carrion. Clearing her throat, she slowly added, "You... look better, as well." Birdstar had been pondering the water's ripples since coming down, but she picked her head up to face Poppyshine then. She held no ill-will for any of the river-dwellers, and she wished them all good health--some part of her, even a dying one, would be happy that they were doing well. That Poppyshine was doing well. "So I assume RiverClan is faring well, too." She set her jaw to preemptively stifle the wince that would come from hearing yes, they thrived again. When their health meant death to her Clan... Birdstar closed her eyes through a shallow breath before looking to Poppyshine again.

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Poppyshine

Birdstar spoke in a clipped tone that made Poppyshine hold her breath. Her heart ached, being pricked with the thorns of a thousand burrs. She could hear the hesitance in Birdstar’s voice too, like she anticipated that any response would pertain only to the conflict between their clans. Poppyshine didn’t want that—she didn’t want their relationship to forever be defined like this…but Poppyshine also didn’t know how to stop it.

She took a deep breath and gave a tiny nod. “The sickness has faded, thankfully,” she confirmed. She did not speak of strength or readiness to fight—not like Wolfblossom had in their previous meeting. Poppyshine shuddered at the idea and she looked back down at the river. Her reflection looked back at her, showing how the stress has worn some of her fur thin. Poppyshine’s jaw trembled. She felt tears start to well up in her eyes and when she opened her mouth, it was suddenly hard to speak. What could she even say? There was too much flooding through her mind. She wanted to apologize on principle, for all the hurt this would cause—but it would ring hollow, just like Wolfblossom had accused her of. Did Birdstar hate her as badly as Wolfblossom did now?

“I…I don’t want any of this,” Poppyshine finally croaked. She shut her eyes tightly, rather than look at whatever expression Birdstar would wear: hatred, disgust, anger; whatever it was, Poppyshine didn’t want to see it. Poppyshine wanted to only remember the look on Birdstar’s face when they went rolling through the leaves out by the lake. “Why did you have to hide Beechfang from us? Why does Perch…” Her body shuddered. She didn’t now what she could do anymore.

RiverClan • Tier 5 • Deputy • She/Her • 70 | 160 • #669966

Credits: code inspiration - 1 2 |  image 1 | image 2 | image 3

Birdstar
SkyClan | she/her

Poppyshine's answer earned the same response as her own: a sigh, a slight nod. The confirmation wasn't hard to digest for the reasons Birdstar expected--chiefly, bringing awareness to her Clan's fate--but because of the resignation that stained it. It was apparent that Poppyshine didn't lust for SkyClan blood as her leader did; and of course she didn't. It was Poppyshine, after all. But to see her thin in fur and body, a soft tremble through her while she tried to compose herself in her reflection... did the ripple through her, the brief and silent working of her mouth, signify threatening tears? Birdstar's heart clenched in her chest. Was it just the state of the world that struck Poppyshine suddenly, or did her words bear invisible claws? She couldn't mend anything, either way. Still, Birdstar murmured, "That's good," before Poppyshine found her own creaking voice.

The admission tensed her heart again. Birdstar's tail curled up against her flank in an expression of discomfort. Watching Poppyshine's features contort in exhaustion of all efforts to avoid facing the opposite bank made her hollow stomach plummet past her paws. Of course the subject couldn't be avoided, not when every breath was so thick with the fear of war. Still, broaching the wall of formalities had Birdstar wanting to fling herself back into the trees. Her claws flexed, trying to grasp at the unstable sand underpaw to hold herself in place. None of the expected disgust covered her expression; it was pity and grief that broke through the affected neutrality.

"This. This is why." Birdstar answered. Her tone was stern, but not unkind. With a sigh, she decided if Poppyshine wouldn't face her, then she was free to stare at her paws. Her bloody, ugly paws. Birdstar grimaced. "Don't ask me why Perchstar does or wants anything. I can't answer that." Her fluffy tail started to lash behind her, but the frustration stayed out of her voice. She only had the energy to sound tired. "I knew Perchstar would want her head, and I knew I couldn't give Perchstar. I thought... I thought if she just stayed away from the river, stayed out of Gatherings, then there would be no problem." She sighed again. How many times had she tried to explain herself already? At least here... at least here, there could be some use. Poppyshine would listen to her--Poppyshine always listened to her, didn't she? Perchstar and Mottlestar were friends, or had been once, but they didn't give advice on raising kits. They didn't know what Birdstar would rather eat for the rest of her life with no other options. Birdstar had no memories of them cloudy with laughter, pelt mussed with leaf-litter.

"...I don't want this either, truly. I don't want war. I don't want any violence. I only wanted my mother to spend her last seasons at home. I know I could have done this better." Slowly, she forced herself to look up. If Poppyshine would unfurl to meet her eyes, then Birdstar's were there, waiting for her. "I'm sorry, Poppyshine. I hid her because I feared what would happen to her. It wasn't an action taken with malice. I just... I just... I needed my mother. You can tell me how terrible and selfish I am. I've heard it all already. So long as you don't call me dishonest; I promise, I never meant to hurt you-- or Perchstar. RiverClan, as a whole."

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Poppyshine

Poppyshine knew that no words would soothe the ache that ran through her chest, and she assumed—she hoped—that the same was true for Birdstar. There was nothing that Birdstar could say that would make Poppyshine feel better about the betrayal and the consequences that were approaching, nor could Poppyshine’s words soothe the burn of RiverClan desiring her mother dead for it. If things were different, if Perchstar were not in charge, then maybe something else could be had…but Poppyshine could not change Perchstar’s mind. She had tried, and was told that the leader’s word is law. Perchstar was taking them to war no matter what.

She shook her head as Birdstar spoke. “I don’t…I don’t think that, Birdstar,” she murmured. Poppyshine sighed. “I never knew my own mother. She died in kitting, and so I never met her. I only knew of her name, but that was not enough for a connection. But while I never knew my mother, I know what it is to be a mother—the connections with your children. I’ve lost so many. If the pain of losing a mother is anything like that, then I understand. I feel I would give anything to see my children again…” Her voice trails off and her thoughts momentarily drift to those she had lost. A shiver ran through her, deeper than the cold of the snow.

“I just—I just wish that you had not hidden it. Hiding it and—and choosing to be our allies when you knew that you were hiding a cat from us that had—that had caused such…” Poppyshine shut her eyes tightly. “Had you told us beforehand, before you had decided to take her back in secret…Or if you had not chosen to uphold an allyship despite knowing how much hurt it would cause if we found out…Perhaps it would not feel as bad. It is the combination that makes it feel so awful, Bird. That’s why Perch is so furious. But…But I don’t blame you for wanting your mother back. I don’t think I could blame you for such an innocent desire.”

RiverClan • Tier 5 • Deputy • She/Her • 70 | 160 • #669966

Credits: code inspiration - 1 2 |  image 1 | image 2 | image 3