When the Sunshine Fades

Usually, Swiftheart was so happy and cheerful, so energetic and kind.

However, with the recent murder of her daughter she felt like so empty and lost.  Crowspirit was her last kit from ratrunner. Her old mate had died long ago saving her from a dark forest cat and sacrificing himself so that she could live.  It was only a week or so after his death that she found out she was going to have his kits.  She had tried so hard to keep good care of them, watch over and protect each and every one of them.  But one by one either by sickness like frogkit, disappearance like murkyhope or now a vicious and unfair murder like crowspirit.  With each one she felt like she lost a part of herself too.  Now all of her biological kits were dead, and quill was avoiding her ever since the attack.  She felt miserable, often crying herself to sleep, she stopped sleeping in the warriors den altogether not wanting to keep the whole clan up listening to her sobs.  It was cold outside as she lay still unmoving.

She wished desperately that she could talk with quill more about what happened, could comfort him in any way she could and tell him it wasn’t his fault that loners had attacked them. The vicious loners had taken her daughters eyes before slitting her throat with no mercy. Where once, bright, sparkling eyes of excitement and eagerness were now only a mess of blood and emptiness.  Swiftheart had gotten sick multiple times as the image of her poor daughters broken and limp body lay in camp haunted her.

After her daughters burial she felt like she had lost all energy, she would do her patrols and work as needed but all other times she would lay outside camp either sleeping or trying to sleep and not being able to just staring off into space.

She didn’t even know who to turn to.  She was usually so dependent on others for emotional help, and always had been good at being open with how she felt.  But who was there? Not even her own adoptive kit wanted to speak with her.  Heather and burdock were busy fighting the sickness and she did not wish to add more to their already overworked schedule, that wasn’t fair for them.  Leopard had literally died just days earlier, she couldn’t ask her for a shoulder to cry on… that wasn’t fair either.

Her brother echo was so sick he could barely move and she feared greatly for him. “Stars don’t take him too” she prayed quietly to herself. She had visited him and he seemed very unwell.  Pine was busy with her own litter which she was so happy for but asking her for help when the squealing of kits in the nursery in the background sounded like it might just bring more painful memories just from being around kits which she usually loved to be around so much.

Frostpaw, her beloved apprentice also so so sick… but no, she would not take this grief anywhere near her.  She was supposed to protect and take care of frostpaw not the reverse way around.

As for her other family? They were all dead, her parents, her siblings all gone (besides echo mentioned earlier), no one was left. She shivered wrapping her tail around herself.

She somewhat wished she could go to rookfire, her fathers friend and someone who had always looked out for her as well… but a little voice of guilt didn’t want to have him see her in this way.


What was left for her here other than painful memories and despair? There was… one cat not yet mentioned that she wished she could talk to, though he must be busy now which she could not blame him for, she couldn’t blame him for anything in fact.