don’t look back (s)

((tw: slightly suicidal thoughts? she’s putting herself in extreme danger and doesn’t really care whether she dies or not so be careful and stay safe <3 <3 <3 ))


Rose stood in the waving reeds, listening to the sound of the half-frozen creek, and looked to the skies.

The stars stretched out above her, breathtaking in their beauty, and yet so, so distant and faint compared to the skies of her homeland. No lights from the Fox’s Tail shone through the clouds, no ring of light around the moon, and there was none of that comforting yet crushing closeness. Back home, she could stand beneath the stars for hours and feel that they brushed her very pelt. Here, however, they were distant and faint, and didn’t that make so much bloody sense?

She’d left them. They’d died.

Rose, for one of the first times in her life, wanted to kill something.

To atone for her sins, perhaps, or perhaps merely to get this horrid twisting guilt from her gut. She could see herself bleeding out on the snow all too clearly, and yet that thought did not bother her as it ought.

She missed them.

A silvery shadow against the snow-shrouded reeds, Rose slunk deeper into the old RiverClan territory, tracking the scent of something horrible. Ajex had reported it, full of feigned indignation at the fact that he hadn’t caught up with it, and Rose had taken the opportunity to sneak away into the night. Something had broken; all the old feelings were back, now, and more horrible than ever before.

She’d killed them.

What right did she have to life that they did not? Why had she dared to put her own life before theirs, run instead of falling at their sides, fracture their bond for the sake of her own measly life? Again and again and again she strove to keep herself safe, to keep herself alive, and now she was throwing all of that away, reckless. It felt good, almost, through the darkness in her heart. She might join them tonight; she might now. Either way, the burden would be lifted.

The horrible rank stench hit her nose as Rose lifted her head, glancing about. There. Not altogether too distant, the hulking shape of a dog stood, prowling through the reeds just as she did. It had not scented her yet. Perhaps, if she were quick, she could still get away, if she wanted to.

Rose took a half-step forwards, dared to utter a prayer to the Predator, and sprung.

Her claws sunk into the dog’s thick hide as she tore and tore, teeth sinking into its scruff, mouth full of blood and ears full of the beast’s pained howling. It twisted, trying to knock her off its back, but for the moment she managed to hold on. Her mind was made up. She would kill this thing, kill the grief and the doubt and the darkness, or she would die trying.

She didn’t think she’d mind either way.

Rose used Scruff Shake, dealing 8 damage and costing 20 stamina. Roll success, Dog is stunned for two turns.

Rose
60/60 HP
110/130 SP (-20)

Dog stunned for two turns
92/100 HP (-8)
200/200 SP

The member 'cocoa' has done the following action : Dice roll

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'Effect Dice' : 4

The dog twisted beneath her claws, but Rose held on, snarling, splattered with crimson. She was yowling, she realised distantly, the sound melding with the cacophony of the dog’s howls. Good. Its hide was tough, but her claws were sharp, and adrenaline sang in her veins its ancient battle-song, calling her onwards to kill and to slaughter, to do her best before her foe felled her. All thought was swept away, all regret, and all there was was blood.

Dog is stunned! (1/2) Rose used Front Paw Strike and Dirty Trick, dealing 15 (8+7) damage and costing 14 (7+7) damage.

Rose
60/60 HP
96/130 SP (-14)

Dog stunned for one turn
78/100 HP (-14)
200/200 SP

As Rose’s claws cut ever deeper, the dog finally threw itself to the side, forcing her off its back. She leapt away, sides heaving, and for a second they faced each other.

Rose’s muzzle was drenched in crimson, and her blue eyes and sharp teeth flashed in the moonlight. She stood, breathing hard, in a battle stance, full of desperation and despair. There was nothing left to lose. She had nothing here, nothing but a few cats who deigned to tolerate her for as long as it suited them. She had no home, no friends, and most certainly no family; no, she’d thrown that away a long time ago, all because of her stupid stupid selfish desire to put her own measly life in front of everyone else she had ever cared about.

The dog growled, low and terrible, long fur splattered with blood, and showed its teeth, long as Rose’s whiskers. It took a step forwards, a great terrible hulking brute, fury and death in its eyes, and charged.

Rose managed to dodge those horrible snapping teeth, scampering to the side and sinking her own teeth into the dog’s tail. Using her momentum and every ounce of strength she possessed, she threw it off balance. Already weakened by blood loss, the dog stumbled.

Dog is no longer stunned… but Rose used Tail Yank, dealing 8 damage and costing 15 stamina, so Dog is stunned for one turn. Again.

Rose
60/60 HP
81/130 SP (-15)

Dog stunned for one turn again im sorry
70/100 HP (-8)
200/200 SP

Taking advantage of the dog’s stumble, Rose sunk her claws into its flank, tearing as deep as she could, breath already coming in ragged gasps. She was doing this for them. She was doing this for them. She was doing this for them, if she was even worthy to do that, and of course she wasn’t, but this was all she had left. She would kill this, or she would join them, and all she could do was hope that they’d still love her after everything she’d done.

The dog whirled around, and its eyes met hers.

Dog is no longer stunned (for real this time lol). Rose used Front Paw Strike and Desperate Blows, dealing 13 (8+5) damage and costing 14 stamina.

Rose
60/60 HP
67/130 SP (-14)

Dog
57/100 HP (-13)
200/200 SP

It surged forwards, and although Rose managed to duck under the snapping jaws, an enormous paw collided with her side, sending white-hot pain searing through her body. She twisted around it, snarling, and sunk her teeth into its tail once more. This meant everything. This meant everything, and yet nothing at all, for there was no bringing her kin back from the dead. It howled, and she hissed, and everything was still hollow and empty.

Dog used Heavy Blow, dealing 17 damage and costing X SP. Rose used Tail Yank, dealing 8 damage and costing 15 SP. Dog is stunned for one turn.

Rose
43/60 HP (-17)
52/130 SP (-15)

Dog
49/100 HP (-8)
X/200 SP

Rose sunk her claws into the dog’s side, dancing back just in time to avoid its terrible snapping jaws, blood dripping into her eyes. It would kill her, or she would kill it, and all would be right in the world. She would not be living on borrowed time anymore. The gods would forgive her, or maybe they would not, but at the very least she would’ve done something about that heavy guilt in her heart. She was repaying her debt, atoning for her sins, doing what she should have done ages ago, putting her life on the line. Not being selfish anymore.

The dog snarled at her, sides heaving, all hulking muscle and blood-stained fur, and Rose snarled back.

Dog is no longer stunned. Rose used Dirty Trick and Front Paw Strike, dealing 15 damage and costing 14 stamina.

Rose
43/60 HP
38/130 SP (-14)

Dog
34/100 HP (-15)
X/200 SP

It surged forwards, and Rose’s tired limbs couldn’t leap out of the way fast enough. She hit the ground hard and for a moment, simply lay there, motionless and still as the dog padded over. Was it worth it? What would this accomplish, apart from earning herself a few new scars? It would not bring back the dead, nor would it erase her sins. All she could do was hope that it would show the gods that she had truly repented.

She had. She had. If she had anyone to die for, she would, but right now all she had was herself.

As the dog’s wet muzzle met her side, Rose lashed out once more, raking it across the face as it snapped at her. Die. Die, wretched thing. Die, and bring with you everything I’ve done wrong. Die, and rid me of this horrible guilt and darkness. Die, die, die.

Dog used Heavy Blow, dealing 17 damage. Rose used Play Dead, dealing 10 damage for 5 stamina.

Rose
26/60 HP (-17)
33/130 SP (-5)

Dog
24/100 HP (-10)
X/200 SP

Rose screamed.

Sharp teeth met her side, tearing into her flesh, and for a moment all that existed was white-hot pain before she managed to escape from the dog’s jaws. Barely able to see past the tears and the blood, Rose sunk her claws into the dog’s hide once more, uncaring of the way she nearly knocked it to the ground. She deserved each and every pang of pain. This is what they had felt. This is what she should’ve felt.

She was sorry.

Dog used Iron Bite, dealing 22 damage and costing X stamina. Rose used “Tail Yank”, dealing 8 damage and costing 15 stamina. Dog is stunned for One Turn.

Rose
2/60 HP (-17)
18/130 SP (-15)

Dog stunned for one turn
16/100 HP (-8)
X/200 SP

She rose onto her hind paws, shaking horribly, uncaring of the way that her fragile chest was now exposed, and sunk her claws into flesh. Again. Again. Again. She was choking on blood; it was in the air, in her mouth, in her eyes, sinking into the ground, heavy and metallic and cloying. Again. Again. Again.

Before her eyes, as if it had happened merely yesterday, Rose saw her family home. A small little dip in a thick forest, pine trees ever blanketed with snow. The snow was crimson. The snow was crimson, and that was how she had last laid eyes upon it, as she had fled. A coward. Over the bodies of her father and mother, her brothers and sisters, stood other cats, watching her flee with scornful eyes.

I’m sorry, she thought wildly. I’m so sorry.

The dog’s eyes opened once more, a mere mouse-tail from her face, and in them Rose saw her death.

It had taken long enough in coming, anyways.

Dog is no longer stunned! Rose used Upright Lock, dealing 10 damage and costing 10 stamina.

Rose
2/60 HP
8/130 SP (-10)

Dog
6/100 HP (-10)
X/200 SP

Time slowed down.

One second. Two. The dog lunged forward, teeth glinting in the moonlight. Rose closed her eyes, lashing out with all that was left of her feeble strength, and waited for a blow that never came.

One second. Two. She opened her eyes just in time to see the dog sway, stumble, and fall to the ground, where it laid motionless.

One second. Two. A heartbeat. Another.

She’d done it.

The thought rang hollow and empty as the hole in her chest. What had she done? What had this even accomplished? They were still gone, and she still walked the earth, a dark stain upon the forest. They were still gone. Nothing could fix her mistakes…

…but at least she’d proved she wouldn’t make the same one again. Never again would she put her own life above someone she loved- and she would find someone she loved again. She would, for if this proved anything, it was that her gods still watched over her.

Her wounds still bled, especially the one in her side, but it would heal. She would heal. For now, the snow cooled her shaking limbs, staunched the bloodflow, and felt wonderfully soft under her paws. She had done it. She had proved herself once more, to the Prey and the Predator and the Scavenger all in one. She was not a coward. Not anymore.

Rose tipped her head back to the evening skies and watched the stars. They didn’t seem quite so distant anymore.

Dog used Iron Bite, but Rose used Dodge and Fight with a successful counterattack, dealing 7 damage and costing 7 stamina!

Rose
2/60 HP
1/130 SP (-7)

Dog
-1/100 HP (-7)
X/200 SP

(I can’t believe she did it. my girl. with only a 3 hp difference at the end and a lucky roll.)

The member 'cocoa' has done the following action : Dice roll

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'Effect Dice' : 6