there is a place where i feel at home [c]

Pineblossom

Pineblossom knew she had to tell Silverpaw. She had already talked to Forestbreeze about it, in the hush of the early morning. Even if the worst was to happen, Silverpaw deserved to know about it. Pineblossom hoped that there would not be a repeat of her last litter. She hoped to all the StarClan cats above that Silverpaw will be able to meet his siblings.

As they were headed home from another long hunt (that had not gone well, given the current state of the forest) Pineblossom guided Silverpaw towards a quieter area of the forest. “I need to talk to you about something,” she had told him while they walked.

They walked until they came upon one of the rare dry areas of the marsh, beneath a large pine tree. She settled down and waited for him to do the same. When he was settled as well, she remained quiet for another minute as she gathered her thoughts and courage. Speaking it into existence felt like she was placing a curse upon it somehow; like her excitement for the previous litter was what led to its downfall. Pineblossom tried to tell her that was nonsense. She tried to make herself believe it was.

“I am expecting kits,” she finally said. “However, you know what happened with my last litter. I’m taking every precaution to keep this litter safe, and that includes no sparring. Forestbreeze will help train you for combat in my stead. I will also be in the nursery for a little while, so he or another cat will have to take over your training, but I will still remain your mentor officially. If you do not earn your warrior name before I am out of the nursery, then our training will continue.”

She reached a paw out and gently laid it over Silverpaw’s. “This also means that you are going to be a big brother. I hope that you will see them as siblings of your own, and that you will care for them while they grow. They’ll need a good big brother to help guide them.”

ShadowClan • Tier 5 • She/Her • 70 | 160 • #6699ff

Credits: code inspiration - 1 2 |  image 1 | image 2 | image 3

Silverpaw

Silverpaw felt restless, walking back from their hunt. Equally, he felt too tired to burn the energy that kindled in his nerves. Hunger and frustration hollowed his stomach. They had caught nothing, and the prey they had managed to at least lay eyes on was scrawny, hardly enough to feed to a kit. It worried him.

As did the quiet shift within Pineblossom.

Frequently sick with the mornings, stiffer with her movements, energy lower. Silverpaw had noticed the gradual yet somehow sudden changes arise. He would believe it were just for the state of the forest, were it not for her recent appetite. A grim knowingness tingled at the back of his mind, but he did not acknowledge it. He let himself believe it was from the lack of serviceable food and did not consider it further, until she broke the silence of their walk. Silverpaw's ears briefly flattened, but he hummed his assent and followed where she led as he always did. He paused a moment to shake the mud from himself when she found a dry piece of land before moving to settle down beside her, tail wrapping loosely around his paws and eyes trained attentively on her.

Whether or not he thought himself smart enough to expect it, Pineblossom's simple admission still surprised him. Silverpaw blinked slowly at her, whiskers twitching. The kittish questions immediately rose to mind again-- Why? Why do you want kits? Don't you have better things to do than staying in the nursery? --but he did not allow them pass his teeth. His heart skipped, knocking an uneven beat against his ribs, and his stomach sank through him.

Selfishly-- horribly, horribly selfishly, he wanted to reject this news. To march away from it and pretend he had imagined the conversation until the day came and he would have to confront it. His mind raced immediately to imagine another lost litter; more tiny, fragile bodies never meant to take their first breath; his own body in place of Honeylight's amidst a grieving family, broken twice. He couldn't handle it, to see more cats he would care for dead-- to see them never live. To see the grief shake those that had taken him in again. He couldn't bear to keep losing.

Silverpaw's claws absently raked through a thin patch of fur. They were not dead yet. They were not even born yet. He didn't need to worry sick yet.

He almost retracted his paw from Pineblossom's, purely out of shock, but Silverpaw remained still. He would be a big brother to them. It felt strange, to think of himself that way, like he was always meant to be the youngest. But it felt warm, warm and thrilling and terrifying, also. He didn't know how to be a good big brother. What if he was terrible to them? What if they were caught in the whorl of harm that seemed to surround them? Stars forbid-- what if his time to die came, and it came in front of his siblings? What if he loved them? Or what if they loved him, the disaster that caused all things?

Silverpaw blinked down at the broader white paw pressed over his then looked up again, meeting Pineblossom's eyes. She had relentless faith in him. She did not think the expectant kits would meet their great demise because of him. She expected goodness from him. Silverpaw held her gaze for several beats before his nostrils flared with a breath and he nodded seriously, then leaned forward to press his head against Pineblossom's. "Of course I will. They're yours." He said, cracking a faint smile. Despite the fear it instilled, he could not wholly ignore the rush that siblings sent through him. "I'll help look after them. They'll be great warriors for ShadowClan one day. I'm sure they'll all be fighters." He laughed, thin and a little airy, and pulled away. His mouth hung open for a moment while he fumbled over the words in his head before he settled on whispering, "I'm... excited. I hope I get to meet them. But I'm sure it'll be okay this time." He nudged her again with a gentle press to her shoulder. "It'll be okay. They'll be good, strong kits, and I'll be the best brother to them. I promise."

Pineblossom

She had been rather nervous about Silverpaw’s reaction. It was not lost on her that tragedy had struck them the last time she had kits, and the memory of Honeylight’s death was still fresh in both of their minds. Pineblossom wished that Honeylight was still here and that he could be excited for her having another litter too. She told herself that he was surely excited for her in StarClan, which was a little comfort, but it didn’t quite soothe the ache in her heart.

Silverpaw brushing up against her, however, did. Her heart felt eased and Pineblossom smiled down at Silverpaw. “Thank you, Silver.” She settled down enough to rest her head on his chin. (Which she did not have to do much of, since he was already nearly as tall as her, and still growing.)

“You are going to be an amazing brother,” she agreed warmly. “And I am certain that they are going to annoy you terribly.” Pineblossom has not raised a cat from the moment they were born, but she assisted during her last stay in the nursery. Kits could be loud, needy, and rather annoying before they develop enough cognition to function on their own, and that was one aspect of motherhood she was not looking forward to…but she still wanted to meet them. She would take as much annoyance and inconvenience as she needed to if it meant that her kits would be born safely.

ShadowClan • Tier 5 • She/Her • 70 | 160 • #6699ff

Credits: code inspiration - 1 2 |  image 1 | image 2 | image 3