from the ashes [o]

Swiftheart was glad to see that leopard star was back from her solo adventures.  The white furred warrior sometimes worried that leo spent too much time alone.  Some time alone she understood but now that leo was the leader it was important that she socialized with the clan.  

Swiftheart felt a bit uneasy about all this. While she loved and cared for leo dearly she saw a lot of herself in leo.  That look of uncertainty that leo sometimes had : it captured perfectly how she herself would feel if she ever had to be leader.  Another reason why she actively avoided going for anything leadership related.  She had told Sablestrike earlier that the spot of deputy or leader never interested her at all.

Beyond this, she felt a tad bit upset.  She knew she shouldn’t feel this way and it made her upset with herself even for feeling it but it was still there.  A tiny part of her felt that leo had betrayed her brother. The tiny part of her constantly whispering to herself that leo didn’t belong here at all.  That she had overthrown her brother and that he was still their rightful leader. She did everything she could to not think that way and it made her feel torn and angry at that small part of herself.  But perhaps ignoring it was more dangerous than acknowledging its existence and rejecting it.

Slowly she walked over and sat next to leo and offered her a small wave of her tail and dip of her head in greetings.  Despite that small part of her, the most of swiftheart knew what her brother did was wrong and that it was what it was.  And, she still did love and care for leo although she wasn’t sure what leo thought of her.

Nights words echoed around in her head sometimes, how he said that leo would never trust swiftheart since she was too close to him.  She didn’t like how he had interrupted that meeting so bluntly but… was he right?  Did leo not trust her because she was nights sister? All she had wanted was the clan to once again be united on the same front but nights mention of that still haunted her.

She sat a bit uneasily, restless and fidgeting a bit as if she was about to be yelled at for just existing.  Those dark and scary thoughts washed away at her mind.  What if leo banished her and night? Was that what would happen if her brother could not hold his tongue? While she knew that was unlikely, she knew leo was more sensible than to ban her just because she was sister to night… the thought still was present and eerily strong.

She hesitantly glanced at her leader. “Leopard star, it’s good to see you back  she meowed quietly.  She was too nervous to talk at great lengths.  Which was very unlike her.  Anyone who knew swiftheart knew that if she only talked a little there was something going on.

Swiftheart listened to her leaders words. She let some silence pass before giving a nod. I don’t envy your position. I have made it long known I would never want to be leader or deputy. I sympathize with what you are describing. and she meant it too. She couldn’t imagine the spot leo was in. She would never want that.

The part about everyone walking on eggshells made her ear twitch… stars… that’s what she was doing too wasn’t it? She was part of the problem even though she had not meant to be swiftheart slowly came to realize.


Slowly she scooted closer to leo and rested her tail on her leaders back. I don’t know what advise I can give you. In full honesty I don’t think myself of as any leader perhaps that’s why swift felt so worried about all this, she saw herself and leo as too similar. She saw too much of herself in leo, and while that wasn’t bad it made her realize that leo probably felt just as lost as if she herself was in that spot.

Leo? You have been honest with me… and you say you don’t like me walking on eggshells. Fair enough… I will be fully honest with you too now and lay everything out. swiftheart hoped this would get the two of them on a closer page again like they once had been. And after taking a nervous breath she continued

In all of this, I am out in a bit of a tricky spot. My brother who I’ve known my whole life is nearly in open rebellion and while I love him as kin he sometimes opens his mouth when he shouldn’t…. But to be fully honest as you requested the reason I have been so nervous… she looked at her paws a bit feeling very vulnerable before continuing

Is because what night said at that meeting keeps playing over and over in my head. He said you will never trust me since I am too close to him. And while… I know that’s not true it loses me sleep nightly thinking about it.. She forced herself to slowly look back up so that she could meet Leo’s eyes before finishing “I find, I need to hear you say it directly… do you trust me leo? Can you look past what my brother has done and see me as my own self? Can you look at me and not see him?”

Swiftheart nodded relaxing a bit at her leaders words.

She shook her head adamantly No! ... no this is not about the council she answered firmly.

"I meant what I said. I am not cut out for leadership things. I am happy to be your warrior and serve the clan in that way. I do not seek leadership or council positions."

She looked out at the clan clearing below.

"you have been honest with me... so I will do the same and speak freely. The reason nights words struck at me the way they did... is not over any council... I just" she looked to her paws for a brief second.

"I have long blamed myself for the death of your mother deerleap. She was my first apprentice and as her mentor I felt I should have been there to save herself from that sacrifice. I regret not being able to have saved her and I'm sorry I wasnt able to comfort you well after her death. We grieve in different ways and I dont think I respected yours at the time, even if not on purpose but just accidently. So I wasnt sure that you trusted me ever after that, and Night bringing up what he did at the gathering really emphasized all of that in my mind. Even though it shouldn't have.


Slowly sitting closer to her leader she looked back up to her, "I'm sorry I couldnt save her, and I'm sorry if what I said after hurt you even more."

Swiftheart was very loyal to starclan and all and her optimistic self sometimes she feared wasnt understood by others, she realized now though, after more time and experience that others greived much differently than herself... she liked the attention and support and all, cause being alone scared her.

But leo wasnt like that really and she was learning how to respect and try and be there for her too even if in other ways.

Swiftheart gave a smile back. She blinked looking up at the stars knowing Deerleap was up there somewhere. She felt some small amount of relief that leo had at least gotten to speak with deerleap again during her lives, even if that was never enough.

After a little silence she leaned slightly against her leader. This talk had turned out much better than she could have even expected. They had worked through quite a lot and she felt she understood leo much more now.

"Thanks leopardstar, I think you are right about the choices" she purred softly


(I think we can end this here? Feel free to post again if you would like but for me this will be my concluding post to the topic unless leo wanted to ask something further.)