a thousand spotlights (c)

Sunpaw trotted beside Perchstar, looking around the territory. He still wasn’t used to it, that big wide world he dreamed of in the nursery being at his paws and directly in front of him. Even with the rain misting down, everything still felt new and exciting. Sunpaw was in a good mood today, thank the stars, none of the misery that so often kept him confined to his nest sticking to his pelt. Instead, he tilted his head up and smiled as a raindrop landed on his nose, resisting the urge to go running through the droplets. That wouldn’t do, not when he was right next to the leader of his clan.

He hadn’t spoken to Perchstar directly before, though of course he knew of her and had seen her plenty. Twistpool occasionally complained about her (okay, frequently complained about her) but Sunpaw took those complaints with a grain of salt. Twistpool complained about everything, including Sunpaw himself, to his face. Most of the time it was just kind of funny to listen to him grumble. Granted, his words about Perchstar were a lot more harsh than his nearly playful complaints about Sunpaw, but… still. Sunpaw saw no reason to dislike Perchstar. He was, however, a little intimidated by her.

He was a troublemaker. He didn't mean to be, but he was, and he knew that about himself. He was clumsy, took far too long to reach his apprenticeship due to his own stubbornness, and generally cats seemed to either like him or really dislike him. He didn’t want to do anything in front of his leader that could compromise his future as a warrior, or make her think he wasn’t a good apprentice. Maybe these anxieties were silly, but still.

Sunpaw glanced out of the corner of his eye at the much taller she-cat, thoughts whirling. She was Willowpaw’s mom, and boy could Sunpaw see the resemblance, even in how she carried herself. Willowpaw matched the expression perfectly whenever they talked. Not that a flat expression intimidated Sunpaw much, given the cats he generally kept company around. His best friend was Rookpaw, for goodness sake. That was another thing that was on Sunpaw’s mind. Perchstar was Rookpaw’s mentor. A good match, if you were to ask Sunpaw, which you shouldn’t since Sunpaw had next to know idea what he was talking about, but if you were to ask him that’s what he’d say.

And it was taking everything in Sunpaw not to ask about Rook. Because there weren’t many cats that were close to Rook, besides himself and Larkpaw, as far as he knew. And he and Rookpaw weren’t talking. Which hurt and made him feel sick to his stomach when he thought about it for too long and he missed his best friend so terribly it ached. And he wanted to know if they were okay! (And if they missed him too, and if they wanted to talk again, and, and, and…) But they certainly couldn’t ask Larkpaw about them, because if Rookpaw was mad at him right now, Larkpaw would probably just start biting him if he approached him right now. But Perchstar spent lots of time with Rookpaw! Except that it would be weird to ask about her apprentice, who’s supposed to be his best friend. Truly a conundrum.

It’s as Sunpaw is chewing on how to handle this conundrum while balancing his anxieties that Perchstar spoke. Sunpaw looked up at her quickly, shifting his focus to her words. “Oh, it’s great! Brookstone’s super nice and cool. I’ve been learning a lot!” Sunpaw said with an eager nod. “We’ve been doing a lot of fishing and general hunting and stuff, which I think I’ve been getting better at! And we’re doing sparring and stuff too, I’m not as good at that, but I’m learning. My favorite part has been learning how to swim though. I really love the river. I mean. I know we're Riverclan cats and all, so I guess that's kinda part of the whole Riverclan deal, but still!" He smiled brightly at his leader.

Sunpaw bobbed his head in a nod along with Perchstar’s words about the river. He tried to imagine the river swelling, becoming even more powerful and intimidating than it was now, but it seemed impossible. Sunpaw became distracted by trying to visualize it for a moment before Perchstar’s question had his attention on her once more.

Other apprentices, friends… Sunpaw’s ear twitched, and his mind inevitably turned to Rookpaw. His heart did a painful squeeze in his chest. He wished he could still proclaim with confidence-- “My best friend is Rookpaw!” but… But could they be best friends if they weren’t even talking to each other? Sunpaw didn’t know. This was uncharted territory and he didn’t know how to navigate it.

Shaking his head to clear it, Sunpaw decided to give the easier answers. His leader didn’t need to hear about Sunpaw’s issues. “Good!” He finally said. “I’ve been becoming friends with Willowpaw lately actually, which is really nice.” He smiled up at Perchstar as he talked about Willowpaw, his eyes growing warm and affectionate thinking about Willowpaw’s understanding blue eyes and welcoming presence. “She’s really nice to me. And I talk some with Wrenpaw from time to time! And… um…” He gives a slightly nervous smile. “Well, I guess I’m not super good at making close friends, but I like everyone in my den! Everyone’s super cool and working really hard and it’s nice to see.” Sunpaw’s smile broadened, and then he looked down at his paws.