For the dancing and the dreaming [c]

Stormdance found himself pacing outside the warrior’s den. He’d been doing a lot of thinking as of late. There were things he wanted-- no, needed, to say, but he never seemed to find the courage to say them. There never seemed to be a good moment, tumultuous times always resurfacing before he could catch his breath enough to sort his thoughts into coherence. Peace never seemed to stay for long, and every new problem that arose brought a question to Stormdance’s mind: What if he never gets the chance?

He’d lost many cats over the years. Some had come back, like Rowansong and Perchstar, but some were lost to the stars, like Owlshriek, Twistpool, Sootspirit and Minksplash. Their deaths had come on sudden, with no chance to say goodbye. There were so many things left unsaid. Stormdance spent so much of his time worrying for the future, contemplating the ‘what ifs’, thinking of every possible way something could go wrong, that he so rarely acted.

His emotions were often such a storm inside him that he barely understood them, much less had the capability to verbalize them. Often, he became too afraid to try. Afraid of rejection, afraid of failure, afraid of loss. But those things were inevitable, weren’t they? Wasn’t it just as likely he’d experience something good, too?

The timing wasn’t perfect. There was tension brewing between all of the clans, Windclan’s increasing lack of respect for borders to worry about, and both Brookstone and Stormdance had been kept plenty busy with the increased patrols and their apprentices. But Stormdance was tired of waiting for perfect. After hours of speaking softly with his mother in the Elders den late into the night, Stormdance came to a decision.

He was aware of Brookstone as soon as she entered camp, slowing in his pacing. He always seemed to be aware of her presence, finding comfort in her closeness even when they didn’t exchange a word. Simultaneously, he felt a rush of fear, and a rush of something he rarely experienced; courage.

Shaking himself, Stormdance took a deep breath, and made his way to his best friend. Brushing shoulders with her in greeting, Stormdance spoke before he could lose his nerve. “Hey, Brook. I know it’s a bit late, but are you up for a walk? It won’t take long, I promise.” He knew they were both likely to be called away by their duties, so he would take advantage of any free time the two of them shared.

Brookstone greeted him immediately in return, and the warmth of her pressed against him, the sound of her purring, immediately made Stormdance feel warm and fuzzy all over. It was this heady mix of nerves and affection that Stormdance had never experienced with anyone else, and it made him feel a little like he was going to float away. Her reply to his words, the contact between them, just made the warmth intensify, and for a moment all his plans flew out the window in the force of the flustered, fluttery feelings that exploded in his chest. He had a near irresistible urge to bury his face in her fur and stay right there for the rest of time.

“I’ve missed you too,” Stormdance said, voice impossibly soft. He couldn’t quite resist the urge to lean over to press their foreheads together for a moment, his own purr rumbling out of his chest to match hers. He smiled at her as he pulled back, still purring as he gestured with his tail towards the camp entrance. He stuck close to her side as they walked out together. It was a little easier to breathe outside the camp walls. The proximity between them did nothing to cool his nerves, but at the same time, he felt drawn to her side.

He let easy silence settle between them as he took a moment to gather his words. Quiet never felt awkward with Brookstone. She often drew out a more playful and carefree side of him, but it was also as easy as breathing to simply be in Brookstone’s company. They didn’t need words. They could just be together. It was nice. It was good. Everything with Brookstone had always just felt so…right. It was always easier with her. Stormdance felt like he could take on anything, so long as they were together. They’d gotten through so much at each other’s sides. He really, truly, could not imagine his life without her. He was terrified of ruining that… but he had to trust that even if she didn’t feel the same way about him, they could move forward together anyway.

It wasn’t too long before the two of them were walking in sync beside the river. The view was scenic, the setting sun creating glittering gold atop the surface of the water. The air was warm and a breeze ruffled their fur. Stormdance turned his head to look at Brookstone again, watching the way the sun danced on her fur, and thought that she was far more beautiful than the scenic view. Soft blue eyes filled with warmth and love as he looked at her.

Stormdance took a deep breath and softly cleared his throat, feeling his fur heat with that fluttery feeling again. “So… Um. There’s actually something I wanted to talk about, while we’re out here.” His heartbeat was so loud in his ears, he felt like Brookstone must be able to hear it too. “Um. I-It’s important, but- but it’s not anything bad!” He hurried to clarify, and cursed the way he was starting to stutter. He hadn’t tripped over his words like this since he was an apprentice! Stars above, he was being ridiculous. “I-Is that okay?” He looked over at Brookstone again, trying to read her emotions, tail twitching with his nerves.  

Stormdance laughed weakly as Brookstone nudged him, taking a deep breath. It was okay. This was Brookstone. They’d had each other through thick and thin. He could tell her anything. Even this. He repeated that to himself a few times, took a deep breath, and nodded. Okay. Here goes nothing…

“Brookstone,” He started. “You’ve been my best friend for a very long time. Ever since I met you, my life has been better with you in it. You make me so happy.” He smiled warmly. “You make me feel braver. When I’m with you I don’t feel scared. I feel like I could take on anything with you. You’re- you are brilliant. Bold, brave, funny and so unbelievably kind and good. I've always admired you. Your confidence, your strength, your compassion. I care about you so much and I’m so proud of you and you… Brook, you’re the most important person in my life.”

The dam opened, Stormdance just kept going, tumbling off the cliff he’d been dangling over for moons now and right into Brookstone. “I want to stay by your side forever. I want to keep going on walks together and hunting together. I want to keep sleeping by your side at night. I want to be there for you when you’re hurt and help you when you need support. And I know we do all of that already, and maybe some of this doesn’t need saying, because you already know, but I need to say it anyway.”

“I need you to know how important you are to me. How important this friendship is to me. How much I treasure it, treasure you. I don’t want any of that to change, which-- which is why I’ve been so scared to say this. Because I don’t want to lose you. But I also know…” He swallowed hard. “I also know that fate hasn’t always been kind to our clan, and I’m equally terrified of the idea that something might happen before I get the chance to say…” One last moment of hesitation, one last deep inhale, and then, finally,

“That I love you, Brookstone.” Blue eyes flickered to her face, then they squeezed shut as he said, “I’ve loved you for a long time. It took me a while to understand that it was romantic love because I’m not very good at these things,” He laughs weakly. “I’ve never had feelings like this before. No one else makes me feel the way you do. I’m a little dense sometimes, when it comes to these things. These feelings drive me crazy and make me happy and they're so new and hard to parse and good and-- and I know what this is now and I want to say it.”

“But nothing has to change if you don’t want it to.” He opens his eyes to look at her. “I’m happy being your friend. If that’s what you want, then we can stay just as we are. But.” He swallows. “But if you feel the same way, then I want to stay together in-in a romantic way. I’d like to be your mate. If you would like that too..?”

There. It was all in the open now. Stormdance’s paws were trembling and his face felt hot. His eyes were a little damp from the force of his emotion. He was ready to burst after baring his soul open like that, laying it all out and exposing his heart for her. But he trusted Brookstone, above all else, which made it all a little easier to say.

Stormdance let out a laugh when Brookstone responded enthusiastically, calling him that oh-so-familiar nickname. Who knew being called a furball could make him feel so incredibly loved? Brookstone said she wanted this, wanted him, and, oh, Stormdance could just float right off with how happy he was. But he didn’t, because Brookstone pressed her forehead to his, and he was anchored right to her. He was steady as long as she was with him. He laughed again, wetly this time, tears rapidly racing down his cheeks. Tears of joy, tears of relief, tears of love.

He pressed his nose back to her, resting his paws over hers and pressing as close as he could, smiling so hard his cheeks hurt and his heart just soaring as Brookstone spoke. More tears flowed over his cheeks and he nuzzled her nose back, before leaning forward and licking her cheek, her forehead, affection flowing out of him faster than he could take it as he laughed and smiled and cried.

“I love you too,” He said, voice choked and filled with joy. “I love you so much, Brookstone, and I always will. There’s no Storm without Brook either; and I’ll never leave your side. My lovely, beautiful, perfect mate,” He laughed and nuzzled into her cheek before pulling back to press their foreheads again once more. “I love you.”

It was there, with the sunset painting colors on their pelts, on the banks of the river that provided for their home and their clan, that Stormdance felt that everything was just right. He could live inside this moment forever.