Does this Darkness Have A Name? [C]

Falconmoon had gotten up early, still feeling the tiredness from the nightly patrol, but he was determined to slip out on his own today. He was awake just as the sky turned a soft purple in the early mroning. Ignoring his exhaustion, he crept out of the warrior's den, made the excuse to the guards that he only needed water, and slipped out of camp as well. He leaped onto one of the Halfstones and lie down on it, memories both recent and ancient whirling in his head. He curled up tight on the rock, ready to welcome the warm embrace of the sun and maybe to let exhaustion take him into his daily slumber. He intended to have his patrol switched back around, missing the early mornings for once in his... life? Whatever. The darkness, he found, no longer suited him.

What if I was wrong about all of this? What if that dream really was just an insane dream? The turmoil he felt when he first took that long sleep in the medicine den was slowly settling down. Now it almost felt like none of what he experienced had been real... except for the fact that dreams usually were forgotten over time. Not that one... that one was, while a bit fuzzy now, was otherwise as clear as any of his memories from kit and apprenticehood. Time was the great killer of all things though, and his fears about this new reality, if thats what it was, had died down considerably. He only felt the struggle when he looked at Bloodstrike, a constant reminder of how things that seemed so far away and so detached from his life now could have been, or were, very real.

If only that old tom would just die... If only I could make it hap- He forced his mind to stop right there. He had no love for Bloodstrike, but he was a clan mate. He didn't deserve death at the claws of someone he thought he could... could... What? He doesn't trust me. He doesn't love me. Another part of his mind reasoned. Falconmoon sighed and closed his eyes tight to try to shut the intrusive thoughts out. Maybe he wasn't quite as over his turmoil as he thought.

Wolfblossom enjoyed an early start to her day, watching the sun rise through the trees, enjoying the quiet before the rest of her clanmates began to stir. It was by luck that she caught the end of Falconmoon's tail disappearing through the camp entrance, and the deputy had to fight not to go racing after him as she assigned the day's patrols. Soon there was nothing left to assign though, and she was making her way through the camp entrance as well. He hadn't come back into camp, though he should have been sleeping by now, having been assigned to night patrols since he was an apprentice. They weren't Shadowclan, to stalk through the night, but Wolfblossom had been willing to try it in an attempt to put Falconmoon's mind at rest. Not that it had helped much, and as of late the young warrior had become a ghost among them. Avoiding camp, avoiding his family... Avoiding his family.

It was a far cry from the sleep-deprived but social cat he had been, and Wolfblossom had just about had it with sitting paralyzed by indecision of whether or not to go after him and talk. Whatever was bothering him - and she would bet all the fresh-kill in the forest on those stars-forsaken nightmares - wasn't going to just solve itself.

The sun had risen fully by the time the deputy made her way from camp, but she had found Falconmoon's scent and swiftly followed it through the rocky territory. Halfstone, the home of predators. If the clan weren't so diligent about keeping the area pest-free, it would have worried her more than she already was. But the only scent was Falconmoon's, and as she broke through the trees she spotted the tom stretched across one of the stones. Wolfblossom padded forward and spoke, hoping that her presence wouldn't make him bolt like it seemed to recently.

"Falconmoon? Can we talk?"

Falconmoon heard the deputy approaching before she spoke to him. He raised his head and stared at her, but eventually nodded. "Sorry, I now I'm supposed to be in bed." He said calmly. He didn't know what to do, so he avoided his mother for the most part. He knew, with a twinge of guilt, how much it probably hurt her. It hadn't been his intention, but he could hardly understand himself right now. Everything had been so confusing lately. Every decision he made, those once mundane, were now a source of constant conflict.

"I think I'd like to patrol the early mornings and sleep at night... whenever it's convenient for you to make the change." Obviously that wouldn't happen today, but he thought she should know anyway. Still, the words sounded to him like they were from a stranger, rather than a son speaking to his mother that he loved so much. It only brought another wave of guilt.

How was he supposed to act normal or go back to normal when even something as normal as talking to his mother made him feel so awful? It was this reason Falconmoon just avoided everyone. He just wanted to be left alone.

Wolfblossom padded forward and sat next to the golden tom, tail flicking back and forth as he spoke. "You should be... I'm not here to get you in trouble over it." The tom had simply never slept well, and that he was awake now wasn't what was concerning to Wolfblossom. It was a problem, but secondary to how distant he'd become and the ever-present nightmares that had plagued him.

The request to start patrolling during the morning hours brought a small smile to her face, however... stiff the question was. "It'll take a bit for you to readjust to a new routine again. The choice is yours, Falconmoon." If he wanted to switch, Wolfblossom wouldn't deny him that. Skyclanners were not meant to skulk in the night like a Shadowclan cat.

"You've been-" Where to even start? "-distant lately. Since that day in camp, I feel like." She was going to ignore the fact that she'd been ready and willing to rip out Bloodstrike's throat if he had moved toward Falconmoon. And wanted very much to ignore what the former leader had told her. "I'd guess it was the nightmares still bothering you but it's more than that this time, isn't it? What's going on, Falconmoon?" She wasn't her mother, for her emotions to be on her pelt for all to see, but she couldn't mask the worry that had been building for so long either.

"If anyone's been bothering you about it, you can tell me." She almost wanted it to be someone within their ranks. It would be something tangible to deal with, something that she would know how to address. Wolfblossom wasn't naive enough to think it was that, however much she may have wished it however. "Or anything else bothering you." She added, a sigh escaping her. Foxdung. He usually came to her when something was wrong. That he avoided her for this long... It wasn't something she'd ever dealt with, and Wolfblossom still wasn't sure how to handle it.

Falconmoon mentally braced himself after Wolfblossom said "You've been..." Yep... there it went. Always questions. Always answers he didn't want to give. He thought about what to tell her. A large part of him wanted to be honest with his... mother... yet another part of him wanted to err on the side of caution, stay quiet, and wait for everyone to quietly accept the "new" Falconmoon.

"The clan has been great. No one has bothered me." He felt like he should at least say that much. But what else? "The nightmares have gone away, actually, but I think confronting them took quite a bit out of me. That time they were the most vivid I've ever had them..." He hesitated, a moment of inner struggle, but he decided he owed it to his mother to at least know something. If she had some sort of answer to her concerns he may just let this all go.

"Vivid enough that they seemed more like memories than dreams. But its no big deal. They're gone now. I can finally patrol normally like everyone else and not some crow cruncher from swamp." He said with a smile, hoping the lightening of the mood would be a welcome change of tone for the deputy. He stretched luxuriously like nothing was wrong, looking very much like a lazy slug enjoying the warmth on the rock.

Falconmoon seemed hesitant to speak at first, and Wolfblossom waited patiently. She was here to listen, not lecture him on his choices. If she could help whatever was wrong, she wanted to.

"Good." It seemed that Bloodstrike had been willing to leave things to her at least, and to hear that their clanmates weren't bothering him was a good thing. These nightmares weren't Falconmoon's fault, after all. Falconmoon continued after a moment, and Wolfblossom remained quiet, nodding slowly as he spoke. If anyone could use peaceful dreams, it was Falconmoon. If the nightmares had stopped, that was a good thing. It had to be. And she didn't believe he would lie about such to spare her feelings or to pretend things were fine. Not when his exhaustion was so painfully clear in the past.

"I have no doubt they are vivid - I've seen you, after all. But vivid enough to be memories?" She echoed softly, a slight frown crossing her face as she recalled what Bloodstrike had theorized. She didn't want to bring it up, but Falconmoon's words... Maybe it was something. Maybe it would just drive them both to madness sooner trying to figure it out. Hesitantly, Wolfblossom spoke, frown deepening as she did. "I spoke to Bloodstrike that day in camp. He wondered if they were memories, somehow, but I don't see how they could be yours. I think he's old and seeing his own fears where there's nothing. I also think he's sensible enough to want to be proven wrong and not truly believe it." There was a hint of derision in Wolfblossom's voice. She sympathized too, but... Her sympathy for her grandfather and mother's traumas did not outweigh the fact that Falconmoon was her son. "If those were your actual memories, I think we'd all know. No matter how vivid they are, they don't change that I raised you and your siblings into good cats that make this clan - make me - proud. They don't outweigh the warrior you've become. You are you, Falconmoon, not some nightmare apparition. Even if they are memories, you aren't that cat." Memories or not, real events he'd dreamed of or not, it was her son that was stretched out beside her. Wolfblossom sighed, eyes remaining on him. "Confronting them... I won't pry into what, if it's spooked you badly enough as it is. Not until you feel like you're comfortable enough to talk about it. I don't know if it's given you more questions or not." She shook her head. "Answers would be nice but... I'll take you not dealing with them every day."

His next words made her smile, though. "No, we weren't meant for the shadows." She agreed, "It'll be good to see you on a normal schedule again."

Wolfblossom's words made Falconmoon go utterly silent. His eyes narrowed ever so slightly as if trying to analyze some tricky puzzle. He was navigating what felt like the equivalent of a mine field. My mom loves me. He reminded himself, but even with that thought he wasn't sure that he wanted to speak further. How strange this felt, to have a sudden suspicion and distrust towards a she-cat that had done nothing but love him and fight for him for his entire life. He hated it.

Her words on Bloodstrike very nearly caused him to bristle, but he managed to keep his fur flat. Not some nightmare apparition? I'm not so sure. Though he wanted to say it, a feeling of caution kept it from leaving his lips. At the end, he finally simply nodded and smiled like everything was still fine.

"I don't think they're my memories anyway. Maybe Dawnhawk is still trying to get vengeance from beyond. Anyway... did Birdstar ever tell you about Birdclan? Its made up of me, Thrushnose from Thunderclan and Kestrelchirp from Windclan. It a big joke, but you have to have bird names to be in it. We started it as apprentices and... I guess it seems silly now, but it's still going." He laughed at the end, desperately hoping she'd drop the subject of his nightmares.

Falconmoon remained silent as she spoke, seeming wrapped up in his own thoughts. Wolfblossom had silently warred with herself on whether to say anything, and his silence brought back all the doubt and hesitation that she had felt.

"Maybe... But why an innocent, then? Why someone who has had no part, born well after his defeat? I was born after that, even. To want vengeance after so long, on cats who aren't even related to anything in the past..." It didn't make sense, and the more she thought about it, it made even less sense.

Falconmoon's subject change was a welcome one, even she had to admit. "Birdclan? No, she hasn't. Though my name isn't exactly a bird name." It was good to hear that her son had friends, at least, even if they were from other clans. "Silly? I don't know. Building relationships isn't a bad thing. Even ones outside the clan." Thunderclan were allies, and their warriors having a cordial relationship was a good thing, for the moment. "Gatherings could stand to be a bit less chaotic and more social, if you ask me. The other deputies are nice enough, but there's always something happening that has everyone on edge. I'd hope that younger warriors and apprentices could just enjoy themselves at those. What's Birdclan like, aside from your discriminatory naming rules to join?" She asked, hoping to keep the subject to something lighter.