Air Your Grievances [C]

He was patrolling until his paw pads were clogged with mud until all the water and moisture wrinkled his pads and made them raw, it was the best he could do to avoid the judging glare of his clanmates. He resolved himself in being the monster every cat saw him as, but as he waited and bided his time, he'd keep his head down, content to stomp on every emotion that could become a problem into taking up the mantle once more. Pineblossom approaching him... what? Did she want to pry and get more ammunition to use against him next time she didn't like what he did? He followed her silently, unsure if he was even in a position to reject her request despite his discomfort and distrust.

How did she go from a cat he so easily confided in? A cat he loved and trust, to a cat that maybe he still loved but a traitor to him. Did he not care for her enough? Did she just use him? Was she spying on him and he was none the wiser? When he was clearly too stupid to realize that he was being played and used the whole time? His nose wrinkled as she stated that she just wanted to talk, and his heart ached desperately below the anger and the rage that was consuming him. He wasn't loved, she didn't care. She was just lying to him- he couldn't fall for her deceit or she'd just use him.

He smoothed out the wrinkles forming on his muzzle, as he tried desperately to pull the water back into his puddle even as it continued to ooze away. "I am upset. But why bother talking about it?" Nightpaw meowed flippantly. "Lets just do something productive and hunt for the clan. That's a better use of everyone's time." Nightpaw continued, raising his nose to the air to try to sniff anything out, yearning for a distraction big enough for Pineblossom to focus her energy on some other cat that was worth it.

"I wasn't letting them fester, I was talking to you, but your lack of support as my whole clan showed just how little I meant to them doesn't make you entitled to how I feel anymore. Don't worry, I won't succumb to my emotions anymore, as doing so is a lapse of judgment." Nightpaw huffed, pulling his paw away from Pineblossom's and putting distance between them. He wanted comfort, and he desperately wanted a friend, but maybe Pineblossom was right as were a few clanmates when they said that it was his emotions that caused problems. It was his fault because he felt things, so he could surely solve the problem this way. If he was honest about how he felt about to Pineblossom, she'd just use it against him, he was sure.

He was Shadowclans leader, but he was still young, he still had feelings to feel but he felt punished for them if they were not useful or pleasant. Authority in his youth suffocated him and any friend he made died or disappeared before he could really reach out, now he was left as an authority figure with no training in the role, gone in blind with no cat - Pineblossom - to help him learn how to do things right. He made the wrong choice the night he got his ceremony, desperately craving one last choice before it impacted the clan - but look at where that got him. It was his fault he let his emotions get the better of him, but if he stomped it down, suffocated them, then he could fix this.