snowmelt [o]

Nightdancer lay in a sunlit corner of ThunderClan's camp, resting silently atop the half-melted snow. It was cold, and not altogether comfortable, but she couldn't bring herself to care. It was enough effort to care about hunting, and borders, and teaching her apprentice; and she was fairly certain that a little extra chill wouldn't do any harm, anyway.

Much of the grass that had started to surface from beneath the snow was brownish, still; she found that a bit surprising. But, well- newleaf would be upon them soon. She supposed that nowhere in the name did it say the new leaves were green.

"It will be nice to have better hunting, I suppose..."

Hunting less, sleeping more; that did sound nice, now that she considered it.

She yawned, resting her tail over her nose as she closed her eyes.

"At least the sun is out today."

(She had taken up the habit of speaking to herself, however quietly; after the act of speaking itself had become difficult for some time. At least this way she could be certain she would keep her voice.)

Blazefang hadn’t really had the chance to get to know her new clanmates. First she was busy with five kits, then the loss of Maplekit, and in between that her mate in the elders’ den needed her. Still, she had always been a sociable cat, and now she was finally going to try to socialize again. Approaching a cat who looked somewhat, well, approachable, she tried her voice. “Um, hey. Mind if I sit here?”

An unfamiliar voice caught the warrior's attention, and she was about to question the outsider's presence- and then she looked up, and realized her mistake. This wasn't an outsider. Not exactly, anyway. While Nightdancer would have preferred to keep her distance from most cats she hadn't always known (and even a number of those she had), the three things she knew about the cat before her were that her name was Blazefang, she had once been a WindClan warrior, and she was now Dayquill's mate.

Dayquill. Her mentor, who now resided in the elder's den. It was injury and not age that had led him there, but still...

It wasn't exactly a welcome change.

Still, she had resolved to be- if not pleasant and courteous, then at least tolerant of her new Clanmate.

"I don't see why not," she said simply. "Your name is Blazefang, correct?"

Blazefang chuckled, staring into space for a moment. “Yep. I guess my reputation precedes me. You’re Nightdancer, right? Weren’t you Dayquill’s apprentice? I remember him telling me about you, I think.”

"Yes, I was- some time ago now." Aside from Dayquill having mentioned her, a hint of a smile crossed her face at the memory: her apprenticeship had been... Nice, early on; before she had started to lose everything she loved. "He was... A good mentor, or at least I'd like to think so."

A thought struck her, and she considered the cat next to her. "How did the two of you meet?"

Her own lost love, where her feelings had gone unspoken but not untrue, had been one of the cats taking shelter in ThunderClan's camp; but no WindClan cats had ever done so that she knew of.

Blazefang was somewhat surprised by Nightdancer’s question. This wasn’t a story she’d ever told anyone, but she figured it couldn’t do any harm now that they weren’t a secret anymore.
“It’s kinda silly, actually,” she mewed. “See, I saw this really pretty rock as I was leaving the Gathering this one time, and I came back to look at it a few days later. And, well, there he was! Dayquill had wandered up to Fourtrees to clear his head and we happened to be there at the same time. I actually have the rock tucked up under my nest. I kept it hidden at Fourtrees until I came here.”

The story was so simple: to think, a single beautiful rock could lead to something like breaking a tenet of the warrior code. "That's... Surprising," she murmured. "And I suppose you simply liked one another's company."

Her tail flicked slightly. "I loved someone, once."

She hadn't meant to say it, the words simply slipped out against her will.

Well... It was harmless, she supposed, if she kept the description vague enough.

Blazefang couldn’t help but notice Nightdancer spoke in the past tense. “I’m sorry,” she mewed. “I know how hard it is to lose the cat you love. Dayquill… wasn’t the first tom to win my heart. I wish nobody had to go through that kind of thing.”

It was, perhaps, the slightest bit surprising that Blazefang had loved someone else, once upon a time. It made sense, but still... It wasn't what she expected to hear.

"I saw myself in her," Nightdancer whispered. Her voice was soft, laced with solemn sorrow and affection. "She saw who I was, and she understood me in a way that no one else did. We didn't like each other all that much at first, but after... I think, sometimes, that I didn't know what love was until I knew her."

She looked to the sky, clear and cloudless, with its shining sun. Life carried on regardless of grief, she had learned that lesson far too young.

On days like this, though, it still felt unfair.

"I want to believe that, in another life, we could have been happy."

Nightdancer sighed, flicking her tail.

"I liked who I was when I was with her. I don't know why I'm saying this to you, really- maybe it's just because you don't know me, so there's nothing to compare to. Sometimes I think..."

She trailed off without finishing that thought, closing her eyes.

“That she’d be better off without you? That it was your fault?” Blazefang finished. “Or that you’re incomplete now? I remember that, though I can promise you you’re not a bad cat. You just had life rough you up a little. I wish I could tell you life in general will get easier, but it really doesn’t. The specific pain will fade, though. I still hope Ryepaw’s happy wherever he is, but I feel complete now.”

"That's not it, exactly," Nightdancer shook her head. "I... Well, I suppose it doesn't matter now. I knew that I was incomplete before I knew her, and some things are simply beyond our power to change. The seasons, the weather, the stars in the sky- they stay the same, regardless of our own actions."

She had spoken of her love lost, whether or not she meant to; but the kin buried in ThunderClan's territory, the sisters that were her own reflection, the solemn graves marked with newleaf flowers... There was some heartbreak best endured alone.