Everything Has Its Place [C]

Iceheart

Iceheart had told a couple of cats that really needed to know about her pregnancy, which left one more cat that needed to know: Honeylight. Admittedly, it was a little trickier to tell him. Not telling him alone, of course, as that was simple enough, but it was the relation to the information that needed further work. She had thought of Honeylight as a child of her own for a while now. She was fairly certain that Forestbreeze felt the same. Honeylight had even called her ‘ma’ when she rescued him from the twolegs. And yet…they had not actually spoken about it. The name could have been a slip of the tongue. If she was going to tell Iceheart that she was expecting kits, and thus he could expect siblings, then he needed to know exactly how she thought of him.

“Honeylight,” Iceheart meowed to him, “I would like to go on a walk with you. Let’s tidy up the scent lines.”

It did not take long to get away from the camp, and soon they were walking along the edge of the territory, refreshing the scent of ShadowClan. She looked up at Honeylight as they walked, listening to his idle chatter. When there was a momentary break, she replied, “You called me ‘ma’ when I rescued you at the twolegs.”

Perhaps there was a better way to start this conversation. But this was the easiest way to gauge how Honeylight felt, and if being a part of a family with her was something he even wanted. If Iceheart had thought about it just half a year ago, she would have never believed anyone would want to be a part of her family. And now she has Forestbreeze, future kits…and perhaps Honeylight as well.

Honeylight had been dozing in the afternoon sun, soaking up its weak rays like he was a spring flower desperately trying to bloom. He hadn’t realized how much he missed the sun until it was back and the snow had begun to melt. He was finally starting to feel like his old self again, something that came as a massive relief. He still felt distant and disconnected from a lot of things, but he could at least act normal again.

His eyes opened at the sound of his name, and he shot his mother a bright, warm smile as he got to his feet. “Sounds good!” He said with a purr, leaping to his feet and settling right at his mother’s side. It felt comfortable as they walked around, Honeylight relishing being out in the territory again and smelling the familiar scents of the marsh he called home. Being beside Iceheart like this, feeling the marsh underpaw, walking in comfortable silence-- it felt like home.

Honeylight had just finished rubbing his cheek on one of the trees marking the border when Iceheart spoke again. And suddenly he had frozen in place, and he felt the cold chill in the air acutely. Because he had called Iceheart mother. He’d been thinking about Iceheart like a mom for a long time now, certainly always looked up to her like one.

His own mother had rejected him shortly after he was born. Not to the point of abandonment, but she made it clear pretty quickly she didn’t like him. He never felt like he had family, not until Iceheart and Forestbreeze had taken him in. He felt like they were family. They were certainly the most important cats in the world to him. He trusted the both of them, would follow them anywhere, and Iceheart had always, always been there for him. He doesn’t know who he’d be without her, doesn’t know how he’d handle it if he ever lost her.

Which is why when it hits him in that moment that there was a possibility Iceheart--and Forestbreeze by extension-- did not view him the same way, he feels like he suddenly can’t breathe. What if he had overstepped? What if he was wrong? What if she pushed him away, rejected him as his mother had? Fear made his paws tingle.

He swallowed hard. “I did…” He agreed softly, glancing nervously at her. “Is… is that okay? I won’t do it again if you don’t want me too…” He trailed off, unable to look directly at her in fear of what he may see.

Iceheart

The nerves that entered Honeylight’s voice were clear, and Iceheart immediately understood her mistake of bringing it up with no further context. She quickly pressed her body up against Honeylight’s flank. “It made me happy,” she reassured quietly. “It warmed me that you would view me as a mother…Especially because I view you as my son.”

It was odd to say that aloud, but it was true. She wasn’t quite sure when she did, but she had seen Honeylight as a child of her own for a long time now. Perhaps it was because of the long apprenticeship together, or because she had felt obligated to look after Honeylight during the Dark Forest’s uprise, when everything was especially terrible…It did not matter what reason exactly, though. He was her son. And she was his mother.

“I wanted to ensure that you thought of me as your mother before I told you my news,” she continued. “For you see—Burdockroot has informed me that I am going to have kits. Thus, given that I see you as my son—I can tell you that you will have some siblings running around camp soon.” She looked to Honeylight, trying to judge his reaction. Iceheart did not expect a bad reaction, but this was likely a lot of news all at once for him.

Iceheart’s familiar warmth was pressed up against Honeylight’s side quickly, and immediately Honeylight began to relax. And then-- oh. Oh. Honeylight’s eyes grew wet with tears immediately, and he made a soft choked sound. The fear melted away, and in its place was an overwhelming warmth. It flooded him from head to toe and made him smile so hard it hurt. Iceheart was his mother, she hadn’t rejected him.

Honeylight forced himself to focus up as Iceheart began speaking again, clearly she had something to tell him, and he leaned his big body up against hers as she spoke, purrs involuntarily rumbling from his throat as he blinked tearily at her. And then-- Oh! Oh!!

“Kits!” Honeylight exclaimed with a gasp, eyes going wide. He let out a delighted laugh, circling around Iceheart excitedly. “Oh! Oh, are they Forestbreeze’s? They must be, right?" He'd been delighted to learn that Iceheart and Forestbreeze were officially a couple when he came home. "Oh my stars, I can't wait to meet them!” He let out a delighted laugh. “Iceheart, that’s amazing! Siblings- I never even imagined! Are you excited? You’re going to be wonderful for them, you’re the best mom,” He bonked his head excitedly against her flank with a giggle, followed by a rumbling purr.

He felt overwhelmed by the sudden ups-and-downs of his emotions during this conversation, combined with the intense joy he felt at being accepted into a family, a family that was growing! It was so much at once, but Honeylight felt happy.

Iceheart

Iceheart did not fight the smile that seeing Honeylight get so excited brought to her. It made her feel warm inside, seeing her son—oh her son, that was strange but delightful to think in full—be so eager about the prospect of her having kits. His compliments embarrassed her, but she purred all the same.

“I am nervous, in all honesty,” she admitted. “Excited, of course. But motherhood was never something I envisioned for myself. My life has not turned out at all how I imagined when I was young, but motherhood has never crossed my mind for a second. So to have it soon be a reality…” She trailed of and then picked up again. “I suppose I worry about messing up.” Her mother had not been terrible, but she was not very present. Her father she had never known. Iceheart’s only parental figures, if one could call them that, was Ratrunner who died when she was young and…Stagshade, who she tried desperately to not think about at all. Then there was Honeylight, who she had not done a great job of looking after when he was still her apprentice. His biological mother was awful, and he’d earned the attention of that blasted Fawnpatch during the Dark Forest’s reign—and she had no idea! What if she neglected her own children in such a manner? What if they grew up to be awful, or she did not love them enough for what they needed, or they turned into something like Redice? There were so many things that Iceheart could not directly control. It terrified her.

But there would be no stopping the sands of time. These kits would come whether she was ready or not, and so she may as well prepare herself. “Perhaps you will even apprentice one of them, Honeylight. I’m sure you would make a splendid mentor to them.”