Cupid [closed]

Smallbean might have never felt more relief than the moment he'd stepped foot on Windclan territory again. The tenseness in his muscles began to melt away and he was filled with a newfound energy, despite his wounds and weariness. He treaded Windclan's territory with a briskness in his pace that wasn't present before, and it stayed until the ever-familiar dip that heralded the camp's entrance came into view.

When he entered, the camp was a mess. A brief moment of listening to the low murmurs of his nearby clanmates let him know exactly what had happened. It seemed that the camp had been ambushed by dogs as well. To his relief, the smell of blood was very faint in the breeze, and only a few of his clanmates were visibly injured. Among the injured was Whisperear - it was reassuring to know that they had made it back - perhaps that meant Brackenwing had also returned. He felt hopeful.

It was only with a slight movement of his eyes that his sigh of relief got caught in his throat, pulling him from his thoughts. Batsong stood before him, helping the wounded, but he couldn't feel more uncomfortable with her presence. It was something new; he'd always enjoyed Batsong's company. In his bliss he'd forgotten about what had happened between them. With how much time he'd spent alone in the cutters, he'd had plenty of time to think. And, unfortunately, he had to say something.

Unable to meet her gaze, he hesitantly approached Batsong, fiddling with his paws. "Hey uh... If you have a sec, I think I need my wounds checked..." He said, despite the fact that he had no obvious wounds. After, he leaned closer to her. "Um.,. Can... I talk to you?.... Alone?" His tone was hushed; he didn't want others hearing. He felt guilty for taking the medicine cat away from the clan if she was currently needed, though. "Only if you're not busy, of course." The addition was rushed, but necessary.

Batsong looked up from her work on Whisperear and the others that had gathered around.  Seeing Smallbean as one of the returning with the patrol form fourtrees brought her a lot of relief and ease of mind that he was okay and home once again.

He asked for a check on his wounds and she nodded looking him over but didnt see anything wrong with him... she was puzzled for a little until he leaned in whispering that they needed... to talk.

She got a really butterfly-ish feeling deep in her gut and she managed a nod in response and had to concuously remind herself to breath the nerves she had right now were at an all time high.

"y-yea ill b-be right th-there let me f-finish up r-really quick" she mewed as she finished a last couple wounds on Whisperear and Mud.



Once she was certain that all her patients were well taken care of and resting she slipped out of her den to go over to the quite part of camp that he was waiting for her at.  She could feel her heart pounding in her own ears.  

Being around him usually made her so relaxed and comfortable, so why did she feel so nervous right now?  She had a good guess of what this talk was about.

Although she wanted nothing more than to have this conversation with him, she was exhausted right now, the fight and then the hurried scramble to heal her clanmates was alot and was a roller-coaster of fear, nerves, adrenaline and emotions.  Having him home again was a great feeling but it was also accompanied with alot of uncertainty of what would come next alot of which she imagined would depend on what he would say right here now.

She took a shaky breath in and sat nearish to him.  She didnt really know what to say, she was never a great talker and after all the chaos she felt pretty worn out.  She did her best to smile and at least show how glad she was that he was home again and was safe.

"I'm s-s..so g-g..glad you are okay" she finally managed to say meeting his gaze.

She was usally pretty good at reading others, a skill she had picked up from caring for others as med cat for so long... and she couldnt ignore the fact of how uncomfortable he looked in her presence as well... she closed her eyes for a second.

ohh... im sorry small I never should have put you in this weird spot...I never should have told you that she said but only to herself inwardly as a thought.

She let it pass quickly and reopened her eyes...

"ahem.. r-right y-you wanted to s-see me?" she meowed finally. She also inspected closer at him to make sure that this wasnt actually about his wounds but upon not finding anything she was even more sure about what this was

A part of him hoped that she'd say she was too busy so that he didn't actually have to go through with it. Within a moment, though, they had moved to a secluded part of camp, only the two of them. He mustered a small smile at her concern. "Oh, um- Me too." The smile quickly faded.

A sickly feeling stirred in his stomach. Even with how much he'd learned to manage his anxiousness, it still managed to get the best of him. It made sense, this was something far out of his comfort zone. Closing his eyes for a moment, he took in a deep breath and held it, opening his eyes upon it's release. "Um.. So, I thought about it... What you said." As soon as he began to speak he lowered his eyes to his paws. "Um- I really like talking to you. You make me happy, Batsong. You really do... but..." It was fact; he enjoyed Batsong's company. Whether his feelings were platonic or romantic, he wasn't sure yet. The possibility of romance was something he'd never thought about again until Batsong. His ears grew warm at the thought.

In the same thought, Batsong was no longer medicine cat. It raised concerns. "...You're important. To the clan." He finished his statement, finally. "I don't know if the clan would be okay without you. I want to make sure the clan is okay first... Having a medicine cat should be a priority... It would be selfish of me to take that away."

The lack of a medicine cat was only one trouble out of the array on his mind. As much as he'd like to leave it at that, he had more to say. Communication was important, he told himself. He needed to talk to her. She needed to know his concerns before they became a problem. It took another deep breath for him to keep going. "But.. being friends and being... more... Are very different. I don't know if it would work... You... and me... But we wouldn't know unless we try... I guess..." Stars, why was it so hard to talk about things like this. Sometimes he hated having feelings at all.

"Know that if it doesn't work... It's a lot for you to lose. You won't be medicine cat anymore. You'd be giving up everything you've worked so hard for... " As a previous medicine cat, he could sympathize. "It's your decision, though, Batsong. I... I'd be willing to try..." His voice trailed off. There wasn't much left for him to say. Eyes squeezed shut, he awaited her response. He didn't know which he'd prefer: acceptance or rejection. "Before you make up your mind, I urge you to think of yourself. The clan."

Batsong was silent the whole time he spoke her heart pounded.  His whole speech was another roller coaster of emotions for her that she did her best to just not focus on for the moment.

She just felt so entirely overwhelmed at the moment.  The dog attack on the camp had already taken so much out of her. Now she was being asked to make a decision that would effect the rest of their lives when she felt exhausted beyond belief and was in a state of emotional whiplash from all the things happening all at once.

Everything he had said made good sense though.
The clan needing her and all.  That was especially true now more than ever.  She loved her job, loved serving windclan as their medicine cat and would do anything to heal her clanmates.


For a little bit, a few passing moments she felt selfish in that she wanted her own feelings to matter too. To be allowed to care about someone.  Didn't what she feel matter too?  

The title of med cat was a gift that she cherished so much.  She had worked hard to become a medicine cat and had done alot of it on her own with many long late nights of studying herbs and blends of them.

The point he brought up about it maybe not working out and her losing everything sent chills down her and she looked down to her paws.  He was really right... she couldn't imagine giving up the job she loved so much just to then lose him too if it didnt work out...

but how was she supposed to know him better if she couldn't let her feeling grow in her position?  It truly would be a blind leap across hoping that it would work.


The fact that he was willing to try it gave her alot of hope.  She hadnt expected such a positive response at all.

He asked her to think of herself and the clan and right now she wasn't sure what she wanted.  She knew she cared alot for him. As for the clan... she was having similar feelings to him on it... would they be okay if she truly stepped away from her position? When she became med cat, Swiftspirit the adoptive mother who raised her said that she was a good spot for the position.

Swift's words echoed in her mind
"Medicine cat, hmm? I think you'll do better than even you know, Batsong. Cats get hurt, it's inevitable. Our clan needs someone compassionate and diligent to care for and look out for them."

she drew a shaky breath in
"S-small I'm s-so glad y-you would be w-willing to t-try it... she started off.

"its j-just... right now is r-really a hard time" she gestured with her tail to the mess of the camp after they had been attacked.

"I ... I t-think t-this time I am t-the one w-who needs t-time to think about it..." she said softly.

"I am not saying no... I j-just" she squeezed her eyes shut.

"I am not in the r-right mindset emotionally or p-physically to be making t-this decision without more time to t-think all things over"

she looked back up to him unable to even hide her exhaustion anymore.  "I hope you understand

The silence that followed his words planted seeds of uncertainty in his thoughts. He wasn't sure why; he wasn't even certain about his feelings toward the medicine cat. If she didn't say anything it shouldn't hurt his feelings.

When Batsong did finally respond, he was almost relieved to find that she was almost as unsure as he was. Whether it was due to his words, the circumstances, or her own thoughts, he couldn't be sure. It was good that she wasn't going to abandon her position without thinking. As she continued, he raised his gaze, slightly. "Oh- yeah... Uh. Sorry." Stars, he'd been so worried about this that he'd failed to take into account that Batsong was probably stressed about what had happened at camp. "Yeah.. Of course.... Sorry for stressing you, If I did." This probably just added to her worries right now. "Just... don't worry about it until you're ready... Put the rest of the clan first..."

Standing to his paws, he began to turn away, ears remaining angled toward the medicine cat. "Um... I'm gonna go see what I can do to help... If you need anything... Let me know..."