That Old Familiar Face [C]

Locustcall had let Iceheart have her space. Purely for her sake, of course, not because he felt awkward. A part of him wanted to patch together the mentor-apprentice relationship they never really got to have, but he knew they were both far too old for that. Iceheart was a better warrior than he was now. If anything, the roles would be flipped, if they didn't get too uncomfortable entirely. Was it best to start from scratch? Did she still consider him a mentor? It's been so long that the two were strangers now. Cats were never Locustcall's strong suit, all of this was far beyond his range, so he kept to focusing on his warrior duties. His shoulder had healed alright after their altercation with Windclan, he was itching to continue patrolling and hunting as dutifully as he was before.

His ear twitched when he noticed the brown she-cat approach, shifting his gaze up from where he lay. It was hard not to portray his enthusiasm when he asked for his company. "Sure, I need to stretch my legs anyway." And catch up with her, even if that goal went unsaid. He hefted himself to his paws, the stocky warrior stretching a stiff back leg before gesturing toward the camp entrance. The camp was as he remembered it, even if it needed some love and care to return to how it was before. He could almost pretend he was never gone in the first place... almost.

The calico tom let the younger she-cat take the lead out into the familiar marshes, the soft wet ground preferable to the harsh rocky territory of their temporary home. "It feels good to be back, right? I don't think I could have gotten used to Highstones," he mused, trying to break into conversation with some small talk.

There was a momentary pause before Locustcall realized that, with the Dark Forest's rule and Starclan missing, there was no ability for an apprentice to get their journey to the moonstone. There was likely a whole generation that did not get to speak with their stary ancestors or visit Highstones under normal circumstances, and while his own had been... tense... it didn't mean others deserved to miss out on the experience.

"Heh, certainly an interesting first experience, huh?" Was he allowed to make jest of this? He didn't know how Iceheart felt about... anything yet. He didn't want to prod anywhere still tender for the younger she-cat. Locustcall deliberated on keeping the conversation on recent events, but the words hanging on the tip of his tongue eventually fell out.

"I didn't get to see much of when the Dark Forest was around. Were you alright? I mean, as alright as someone could be under that..." He wasn't sure if this was appropriate either. Maybe she didn't want to talk about it, maybe she didn't want to talk about it with him specifically. Locustcall wouldn't blame her either, but he was still curious about how the forest was and if Iceheart had made it to warriorhood ok.

Locustcall listened quietly, guilt forming an ugly stone in his stomach. It shouldn't have been a surprise that her training ended up disrupted, but he didn't think they would wait so long to replace him, nor that dark forest cats would have tried to swoop in and fill the gap he left. How did that affect her? He didn't remember much of her youth, but Iceheart looked so... tired now. Was that the dark forest's toll? Or was there even more weighing on her shoulders?

The acknowledgment that things could have been different, could have been better, if he had stayed stung like a thorn in the pad. Or maybe he could have made things worse, he didn't know, but if he had been there, there would have been no need for a Dark Forest cat to have swooped in on his absence. If he was there, at the very least that wouldn't have happened.

"You were my first apprentice, though I suppose that's still debatable considering..." He left so early during it. How early would one have to drop an apprentice before that relationship would be nullified? He managed to teach her the very basics, but that was it, any cat could have done that mentor or not. He cleared his throat.

"I've been meaning to apologize to you about that, actually." He took a deep breath. Locustcall was never good at this stuff, but this was undeniably his fault and he needed... wanted... to acknowledge that. "I wish I could give you a good explanation, but I can't. I was given an important role in your life and I squandered it, and I'm really sorry for that." His gaze flicked from the marshes and back to the brown she-cat. He despised this vulnerability and how awkward he felt, but he owed this to her, right?

As Iceheart spoke, it only twisted the guilt in his chest further. He had wasted such an honor already, but knowing she had wanted him made it so much worse. The awkwardness in the air was palpable, he swore he could bite into it if he tried. Then her last sentence.

"I hope you haven’t let these moons away from ShadowClan change you for the worst.”

Worst? Apologizing made him worse? He didn't know apologizing for leaving her stranded when the world was getting flipped upside down made him meek! The vulnerability he had offered quickly closed off, the guilt melting off his face to leave it with its usual gruff expression. The tom raised his head and met her gaze directly. Fine, he wouldn't try that again.

"I haven't. I'm still Shadowclan and the same cat I was before I left. If I wasn't, I wouldn't have returned. Shadowclan needs its best and I wouldn't be here if I didn't think that's what I was." Locustcall knew that wasn't true, at least not in its entirety. Cicadashriek would have never apologized here. Cicadashriek would have never felt awkward in gatherings or in the presence of his clanmates. He had lost bits and pieces of his younger self, unsure if it was simply with age or if being away from the clans... ruined him somehow... He didn't like thinking about it.