The Decision [open]

Daisybreeze sat alone in a quiet corner of camp where the warriors usually slept. There was no one else nearby all out on patrols or hunting… or perhaps she thought to herself, there is an absence of others here by my being here she thought gloomily. She breathed a sigh as she felt the wind blow hard in the telling signs that leafbear would soon be here.

Between her tasks as a warrior, she thought alot about different things, it was the only way to pass the time now that no one else wanted to talk with her or be around her in general. It was fair enough, she deserved it she supposed after all the pain and strife she had caused, still it didn’t make it any easier.

She actively avoided trying to think about the past, a dangerous rabbit-hole and line of thinking to go down it was. Today however, the past would call and she would have little say in where her mind wandered in it.

She thought back to her earliest memories, being a happy little kit who wanted nothing more than to make mom and dad proud, how naive, but at the same time wholesome.  That kit had failed miserably thinking about how much pain she had now caused Coyotegrin. She had attacked her own step-sister whom Coyotegrin had adopted.  

She was very young when she first learned of death and loss, one of her earliest memories was huddling with Hawkheart, Goldenkit, and Coytotegrin when Quickkit had died. She had felt so lost and confused then, awoken from her safe little bubble of the cold and harsh truth and reality of death and the impact it could leave deeper than any scars made by claws.

Afterwards, Golden and her formed a tight bond together.  As siblings they loved to compete and play and run around! The world was theirs for the taking, they used to stay up late past their intended bedtimes talking about what things would be like when they were both warriors. How one day maybe even they would rule the clan as leader and deputy duo. Again, all too naive, all too foolish.  They also loved to compete and it was where her competitive nature started, but back then it was in a fun loving way, not the abrasive rough way it sometimes unintentionally was now.  The day that Goldenpaw died, everything changed, she no longer wanted or cared about impressing mom and dad, it became about being the best just to prove she could.  It mattered little to her at the time who she hurt or stepped on in the process, a mistake that was haunting her to this day.

Less than a moon later, the death of her father and mentor occurred; he was always her role model and with his death also died any remaining ambitions she had to try and be such a people pleaser. Now all that was left was the parts of competitiveness and showing off.  Without the proper balancing of competing in good sport that Golden had provided and the showing off to make others happy and proud too that Hawkheart had guided her with.

When Mallard died, that was the final straw.  Daisybreeze broke into pieces and the kit she once was, would no longer recognize the cold, unloving, distant creature she felt she had become. In all other deaths before this (excluding Quickkits) it was a fox… something she could sink her teeth into and take some form of justice on. But with Mallards?  The warrior died in a cave, eaten by the very earth itself, there was nothing she could do for closure against that, no fox she could smack around to release her anger on.  So the anger festered until she had snapped,

The rest was history, she had attacked Whisperear right in the middle of camp, her friends had tried to stop her and she only pushed them further away.  She regretted every action that she had taken and had many times during these long thinks wished for a time to go back and do it all over only this time correctly.

Many, wondered why she did this.  Why push everyone away when they had loved her so much, been there for her when Goldenpaw and , Hawkheart had died.  She did not know herself until she slowly began to understand and the truth scared her.

It was easier, and she was scared.  It was easier to be hated than loved.  It was easier to not allow others to get close to her. For when they did and got ripped away along with part of her heart it was too much pain.  It was easier to be the loud obnoxious one no one wanted around than to show vulnerability and how much she was really hurting inside.  She was scared of losing anyone else and in doing so had pushed off away from them.

It was not until afterwards she realized what a mistake this was.  Only until after the push did she see how alone and empty she had become. 20-20 hindsight was so cruel. How could she have been so blind?

During the last moon her contact with anyone else had been very limited aside from mandatory patrols.

Smallbean had taken her on her reward for winning the apprentice challenge games. During which he had at first been very uneager to go with her, she understood why. However, she had shown to him she was terribly sorry and lost and he had given her alot of good advice which she hoped to try and use to fix the mess she now found herself in.

She had afterwards tried her hardest to put aside her pride and say sorry to Adderdawn and Flutterpetal.  Flutterpetal was so precious that he had given her another chance, he said it would take time for them to rebuild things and she understood that, she had messed up royally and nothing would happen overnight for sure but he was willing to let her have one more try, something she promised herself not to mess up.  Adderdawn… had been way less understanding, which was also understandable and was closer to what she had expected.  He basically told her he wouldnt mind if he never saw her again.  She wondered how many others in the clan felt the exact same way. Probably lots.

Against her will, her memories were leading to somewhere that she both treasured but also tried to actively avoid, because visiting meant alot of pain and she was not sure she could compose herself if she went there now. She quickly ducked out of camp as the memories slowly began.

It was her moonstone.  Her moonstone cat was Goldenpaw. It had happened days after his death.  When she first saw him in his starry star clan form, she had broken down sobbing.  Every time she thought about it the same result occurred. She hated crying! She hated more doing it around others. But somehow, the memories of the moonstone were okay to cry about, they were the only thing okay to cry about it felt like to her.


He leaned forward to touch his nose to his sister's forehead. "I suppose I should ask if you have any questions for me. About life, living, becoming a warrior, the likes. I have to admit, dear sister, that I am no more wiser than I was when I was alive. But I will do my best to help. And..." His gentle smile faded, tail drooping. "I am sincerely sorry for leaving so soon. Tell Mother and Father that I love them, please. And...tell Adderpaw that he will forever be in my thoughts and in my heart. I regret not being able to tell him that before I passed."
(--Goldenpaw: Aspen)

She had memorized word for word what he had spoken to her. Tears ran freely down her face now that she was out of camp and had no worries of being seen.


“I’m sorry Golden… Im sorry I messed everything up, that I hurt the ones I was supposed to protect”  she spoke to nothingness and that is the answer she got in return as the wind blew a void answer of nothingness in return.  She felt so small and insecure. Everyone had loved Goldenpaw, had missed him so much.  She would have done anything to have saved him.

Squeezing her eyes shut she felt an immeasurable amount of survivor's guilt. She wished that things were different.  She wondered if the clan would be better off if their place had been exchanged, that Golden had lived and she had died. The aching and the knots it left in her heart and stomach made her want to be sick. But the memories were far from over or cared about giving her a break.

She thought back to how she had become so angry at Whisper for something… what had they even done again? Made some comment or something … oh right… they were trying to advise her to apologize to Batsong who she had also thrown venom at, yet another awful mistake of hers that she now regretted. She curled up into a ball and hid her face behind her tail wishing she could just start over. The memory of striking at them and the awful taste of blood in her mouth from the fight.  How much their claws stung but nothing in comparison to what she felt now.

She sometimes wondered about running away, to let the clan be rid of her and all her baggage.  It wouldnt be hard, once everyone was asleep she could lead a scent trail to the gorge leading them to believe she had fallen in (in reality she would just slip away from all the territories and maybe live as a loner), from there she could live a life beyond the clans maybe and start completely over…
Flutterpetal deserved better cats and friends around him.  Adderdawn would probably be relived as would most the rest of the clan she figured… but Coyotegrin.  She couldnt do that to her mom, not after what she had been through too. She was Coyotegrin’s last kits. Doing that was not fair to her.  She had to try and stand and fix things, no more running, no more easy ways out.


She knew what she had to do but the task before her felt so daunting.  How could she face Whisper after all she had done to them? All the hurt that she had brought down upon the clan and to them.  She didnt know where to even begin to apologize to them, she had attacked them in their own camp, they were in the same clan sworn to protect each other and she had betrayed the most fundamental trusts that clanmates had with each other. But if she did nothing, if she just let this fester it would only worsen and eventually it would consume her.  She was already feeling the toll of the sleepless nights she was getting, the food no longer even appetizing to her.  She just wanted her friends back, her old life back before she made the biggest fault ever.

Perhaps maybe somehow, if Whisperear forgave her, Adderdawn and her could be friends again? It was a fools hope one that she knew would never happen, it was as naive as that kit was at the beginning of this topic. But it was the only thing she could cling to, the hope that one day this might all be behind her, that she coild have back the relations she had ruined.

It had taken a lifetime to build her friendships. And all of about 5 minutes to destroy them completely. She hoped that somehow the destruction could be undone, that she and adder and flutter could all be happy together again like they were growing up with Golden. Of course she doubted that Whisper would ever want to be friends with her, their forgiveness alone would be mercy enough but maybe it could sway adder to at least give her a chance like flutter?  It was again nothing more than a kits daydream of something she knew would never take shape.

With much effort she wiped the tears away frustrated with herself to allow a trip down memory lane. Standing up she tried her best to regroom her hot and messy pelt.

She shuffled slowly back towards camp.  She had thought for a long time what to say to whisperear but all of it never felt to adequately explain how terrible and how regretful she was.

Ducking back into camp below the brambly defenses that they had she saw the tall outline of the warrior sitting a good distance away.

Her heart beat what felt like a million times a second.  Was she really going to offer them this? Yes, it was the only way forward.

But what if they do… what if they do decide to do it? What will we do then?
The cautious and careful side of her conscience asked her in a self debate



If they do decide to do it then… that is their choice, this is the only way forward to try and fix what we broke… if they do it, we will just have to figure it out… besides its what we deserve

She responded back to herself ending any self doubt she had about this bold new and unique idea.

She took another deep breath to try and help control the shaking her body had begun out of nerves… to little help it was.


She approached them directly walking over felt like an eternity as her mind raced trying to figure out how to phrase everything just right.

“Whisperear? I …” her voice trembled as she met their gaze.  “I want you to know, that I am so sorry for what I have done. For betraying your trust and for attacking you when you did absolutely nothing wrong. I have regretted my actions every day since then and I don't know how … or if I even can fix what I broke between us.  I was arrogant, rude, and the absolute worst to you and there is nothing I can say here and now to make up for what I have done and what I have become.” she mewed earnestly.  She meant every word of it and she hoped it sounded as such.

“So… Since no words can offer how much regret I feel and how much I wish to have taken it back, I would like my actions to show it instead”  She lowered her head in a deep bow to them in total respect.

“I want you to see how sorry I am about this and there is only one thing that I could think of for this.  I betrayed a basic rule of trust that all clanmates should have with one another. As such, I want you to decide if I should remain in Windclan. If it is your wish, I shall leave and never return. You will never have to see or hear from me again and you can live the rest of your life in peace of mind of me if you choose to exile me.

If you choose to do so, say the words and I will leave windclan forever. I only ask that I can say goodbye one final time to Flutter, Coyote and anyone else who wants to see me.


Or, you can allow me to stay and I will do my best to try and show you improvements in my character and how I treat others. I promise you that if you pick this I will do my best to improve. Know that in either option I am still so sorry for everything I have done to hurt you and this clan.  I let my anger control me in those seconds and it has haunted me and my relaitions for over a moon.”

She held her breath… did she say her point clear enough? Were the instructions clear? Of course they were, she just was dreading the potential outcome.

What if they did choose to kick her out? … A very small part of her actually wished for this, it was the part of her that felt she deserved it, that there was no way to fix this and being removed completely was now the only path left for her.

However, the majority of her did not want to have this happen, she knew she deserved it but… to never see any of her clanmates again? Or to run the open moors again. To never be able to see Golden’s grave or visit the spots they used to play together?

Well, the entirety of her was at least happy and at peace of mind that it was now out of her paws somewhat, Whisper at least deserved this, to be able to remove her if the damage she had done to them was so deep that they felt they could no longer feel safe in their own clan.






Batsong had been sitting a ways away working on little odds and ends here and there around the med den.  Her ears flickered as she heard the pawsteps of someone approaching. Her eyes narrowed a bit realizing who it was.  Glancing to where they were going her heart beat a bit faster in worry.  Daisybreeze was walking right over to Whisper.  Batsong felt the fur along her spine raise slightly in fear and preparation for the worst.  The last time Dasiy had been this close to Whisper she had attacked her good friend. Although not officially adopted due to her being a med cat, she had taken care of Whisper alot back when she was a warrior.

She hastily grabbed some herbs and muttered some things I will not repeat here under her breath as she stalked over to them nervous that at any moment a fight would break out.

However, to her amazement, Daisybreeze was… apologizing?? She blinked confused this went against everything that she knew about the proud, loud, uncaring, arrogant Dasiybreeze.

She blinked several more times in complete shock hearing the proposal Daisy then gave. She stood there stunned dumbfounded herbs hanging from her mouth.  There was no way she just heard that right?? Daisy was offering Whisperear a chance to remove her from the clan????


(This topic is open to all once Xaandir gets a chance for response. Since it is literally happening in the middle of camp. Which is why I threw Batsong in there too cause I want it to feel open and like others are around.  Have fun with it go crazy with it!! yay chaos!)

Daisybreeze's ears went flat against her head and her tail drooped, she was used to rejection at this point. Adder couldnt even stand to look at her and now Whisper was also rejecting any attempt she made to try and fix things over.


She hadn't even thought of how Whisper sending her away would make them look... she was not trying to paint them as the villain in all this. Not at all. She just wanted them to have some peice of mind over it all.

That if they didnt even feel they could trust being in their own camp without being attacked that they should have the right to send her off. She had meant it for good but as Whisper explained she again realized how short sighted she may have been... and then even worse, Whsiper was making it out to be that she was trying to actively sabotage them by making them look like a "cruel cat" This was not her intent at all.

She had managed to somehow make things even worse... how could she do this? She thought apologizing was supposed to help, so far it had not worked too well.

"I never meant to paint you as a cruel cat. If anything that is me and I see that now.
I only wanted you to have a chance for justice.

The reminder of the nasty nickname she had used when she was so blindly in rage stung. Ugh how could she call her own clanmate something so terrible, they had gotten that scar fighting for windclan and she had insulted them for it... for something they had gotten while freeing her clan from the dark forest.

(timewise idk if daisy would know how Whisper got the scar but I like to think that talk happens around camp and that like kits/apprentices would be told general clan history?? its a minor detail but mehh if you dont like it just ignore the part where she is thinking about all that)

"I am sorry Whisperear. For all of it, I understand if you never want anything to do with me again. She sighed looking at her paws.

"Since my ... proposal was not taken the way I intended it to be... is there anything you want in its stead? she meant it too. Anything she could try and do to prove how much she felt she had messed up she would. Take his early morning patrol shift? Sure thing! Debug the elders for them? they got it!

Her pride screamed internally at her for this. She hated having to this kind of thing... but the isolation and pain of knowing she did the wrong thing and seeing how it hurt those she cared about so much outweighed it tenfold.

"Perhaps for now that would be just leaving you be? she offered quietly thinking back to how Adder had responded and maybe Whisper would be the same way of just not even wanting to deal with her.

Coyotegrin was heading out of Shrikestar's den when a scene chilled her to the core. Her stomach looked full, despite the depleting food and she wanted to tell Daisybreeze and Whisperear both the good news. For a second, she was delighted to see the two of them together. It would be a nice and easy discussion. But as their voices hit her ears and their body language her eyes, the chill started. Daisybreeze... Wanted to leave? Her legs almost buckled beneath her. She was a busy cat, yes, but she was still her mother. WindClan was still her clan. Daisybreeze would really just abandon her and leave her with nothing? The discussion about her and Shrikestar hadn't even taken place yet, so as far as her daughter knew, Daisybreeze was the only cat Coyotegrin had left.

Abandonment. The finality of something ending and to never return to the way it was before. It was her enemy, greater than any other cat alive.

And Daisybreeze wished to inflict that on her very own mother, without even discussing it with her first? A coldness chilled her heart with that thought and her eyes narrowed.

Whisperear stood up, angry as she had ever seen them. Whisperear was her adopted child, her first by any means. To her, Daisybreeze and Whisperear were equally her children. If Whisperear told Daisybreeze to go, to leave, she would never forgive them either. But thankfully, Whisperear was the cat she believed them to be. They refused Daisybreeze's offer. With mean, harsh words that Coyotegrin could never imagine them saying, but were said nonetheless. Something must have still been brewing- something even more hot than the petty dispute she had with Batsong for many moons. It had never errupted into something like this. Regret coursed through her veins. God, was she a horrible mother? Was her genetics so bad that every kit of hers was desitined to die or punish the ones around them? Were the kits in her very stomach now be doomed to cause suffering around them their whole lives? Or would they end up like Quickkit and Goldenpaw, dead before they even earned their names?

Coyotegrin vowed to be a better mother. The tunnels could be handed off now to the other tunnelers, and she could make decisions from camp.

Decisions. She had to make one now, in fact. Whisperear was standing up, preparing to leave camp. Diasybreeze took a step after them, and the older warrior paused.

A decision. She had to choose now which child of hers to comfort first, who to talk to. No matter who she chose, the other would be hurt. Or... She could do neither.

But that would make her a bad mother.

And she didn't want to be a bad mother anymore.

Her paws picked up speed just as Whisperear was pulling away. They carried her to where she needed to be, belly swaying...

"Whisperear, wait for me..."

Daisybreeze felt pretty terrible.  She had tried her best to make things right and now again everything just blew up in her face again.  Could she do anything more wrong?

She glanced over seeing her mother approaching.  Coyote looked upset with her too. Mom probably wasnt happy that she had just offered Whisper the chance to boot her outta the clan but it still had felt like the right thing to do. She had messed up and Whisper should have the chance, if they wanted, to not have to deal with her anymore.  Thats how Daisybreeze saw it.  She knew that if Whisper had done it Coyotegrin would have been unhappy with her but nothing would have changed with that.  No one was happy with her anymore and she was just doing the best she could to fix what she had broken. Coyotegrin was the only family she had left, but she felt that Coyotegrin wanted nothing to do with her now. These feelings were confirmed when Coyote went right past her before Daisy could even speak, Coyote had taken off to go comfort Whisper.


Daisybreeze watched the pair leave camp her heart falling to her paws it felt like. She waited awhile before slipping out the back exit to avoid them knowing neither of them wanted anything to do with her now.

Getting turned away by your friends (Adder) was hard enough, by your adopted-step siblings even harder ... but being left by your own mother was too much for her to take right now.  Once she was out of sight of everyone, she ran.

She ran for along time to no one destination in particular just letting the land take her wherever.  She reached the edge of windclan land and stopped looking out into the unknown space that lay before her.  It would be so easy now. To run, never look back.  She could start over, become someone who was kinder, and better than ever. Leave the bagage that she had created behind and let the clan be rid of her as well.

The tempatation was so great, no one wanted her at this point her own mother didnt even want to look at her. She couldnt even blame Coyotegrin.  She felt like a failure.

However, just before she left her old life for good she paused thinking of someone who did still maybe want her... Flutter had been the only one to offer her one more try, one more chance to let her prove herself and that she could change.  She had promised him she would rebuild their friendship.  Thinking of how the innocent and playful tom would be hurt if she left without even telling him was the only thing that brought her home late that night.