If You Ever Need Me [c]

Honeypaw

Despite the fact that their camp still needed many repairs, and Honeypaw was currently sleeping outside while the apprentice’s den was being rebuilt, he felt more well-rested and cheerful than he had the entire time he’d been in Skyclan’s territory. It was just so nice to be home. He knew that there were still plenty of troubles to be had, and his fur prickled with how wet patches of their territory still were, but he was home, and that was all that mattered.

So he threw himself fully into taking care of his clan and doing everything he could to help with the rebuilding. And that meant also helping to take care of his clanmates. Which is why he was trotting over to Leopardsun after coming home from a hunting patrol, seeing her settled down and bringing with him a frog for her and a mouse for himself. “Hey Leopardsun!” He greeted her with a purr. “Do you have a minute to eat together?” He wanted to make sure Leopardsun was eating enough and taking good care of herself. He can only imagine how stressful all the duties of being deputy were, especially with how much needed to be done for their clan right now. And besides, he cared about Leopardsun and he liked spending time with her any chance he got.

Honeypaw

Honeypaw beamed when Leopardsun accepted his offer, settling down next to her happily after giving her the frog. He took a bite of his mouse as Leopardsun spoke, and then hummed. “It does,” He agreed with a nod. “A good strange, but… strange. It’ll take a while to adjust, I think. It won’t feel right until we get things back to some semblance of normalcy, I think.”

“We’ll all need time to adjust. Like how a lot of the territory is still all…” He wrinkled his nose. “Gross and wet.” He laughed. “But it’ll dry with time, and we’ll recover with time.” He shrugged, then looked at her. “As for me, I’m honestly feeling a lot better. There’s still a lot to do, and I’m still worried about a lot of things but… at least we’re here, you know?”

He nudged her. “How about you?” He smiled. “Gotta be a big adjustment, being the deputy now. I’m proud of you by the way, in case I haven’t already said that. You’re already doing amazing. You earned it. But still-- it’s gotta be stressful. And I know there’s probably other things on your mind too.” He said. He’d noticed the absence of Vixenpaw in the area where the apprentices were sleeping, and knew that she was still missing. He couldn’t imagine how hard that must be for Leopardsun.

Honeypaw

Honeypaw listened quietly, not interrupting and just letting Leopardsun speak what was on her mind. He settled next to her, lightly resting his tail next to hers so that there was a tiny reminder of his presence. He hadn’t experienced all that she had, but some of it he could understand, and the rest he could sympathize with. He waited until he was sure she had finished, and then took a rare moment to think before he spoke.

“I know what you mean.” He said, gaze drifting upwards towards the sky. “It’s not fair. We’re expected to trust them to guide us, to take care of us, and yet they can’t even be bothered to warn us when the worst comes.” He shook his head, and a rare bit of his own anger seeped into his voice, bubbling deep in his stomach where he normally kept a lid on it. But he knew that Leopardsun understood why he felt that way, and didn’t judge him for it, something that was a huge comfort. He’d rarely even spoken about his feelings on Starclan to anyone else, but with Leopardsun, it was as easy as breathing.

Honeypaw shook his head. “It’s not fair, to have gone through all we have and then still be expected to believe that there’s some sort of guiding force looking out for us. Because it sure doesn’t feel like it.” He looked at Leopardsun again. “I agree, about cats who didn’t live through it like we did being able to understand. We were born when the Dark Forest was here, we were born in a world without the stars. They weren’t taken away from us, we never had them in the first place. And then the way they came back…”

Honeypaw shuddered, thinking of the battle with the Dark Forest he tried so hard to block from his mind most days. Even now, despite his best efforts to forget the she-cat, Fawnpatch often haunted his dreams. Especially after the flood. He didn’t think he’d ever be able to wipe away the image of her calling out to him as Swiftheart killed her from his mind. “It was bloody and violent and… and we lost so much that day.” He looked at Leopardsun. “ You had to lose so much that day, and… and what do we have to show for it, really? For them being back? The Dark Forest being gone is a good thing, of course, but... still...”

Then Honeypaw sighed softly. “I’m sorry, Leopardsun. For Vixenpaw, for your parents- for everything else. I may not believe that Starclan is looking out for us, but I do believe in Vixenpaw. She’s strong. I hope you two reunite, and soon, but… no matter what, I’m sure that she’ll be okay. And so will you.”

He took a deep breath, looking back up towards the sky. “We deserve the chance to live.” He dug his claws into the dirt for a moment. “No, we’re going to get the chance to just live. Whatever Starclan’s plan is- I don’t care.” He huffed and looked at her. “Shadowclan will have its chance to just be. And we can’t… we can’t control what happens. But.” He smiled weakly. “At the very least, I don’t plan on going anywhere, no matter what Starclan’s plans are for me. And I’m going to do whatever I can to help make sure we don’t lose anyone else.”

Honeypaw

Honeypaw’s eyes softened as Leopardsun talked about Vixenpaw. “I’m sure she knows how much you love her.” He said softly. “Anyone could see that. Her included.”

Honeypaw gave a slow nod. “Even… even if we have to keep fighting. I think it’s worth it, for the good moments.” He said softly. “The moments of peace. When we actually get to breathe.” He looked towards the nursery, where kits are playing around outside the semi-repaired den. “The moments where we get to be with our friends and clanmates.”

“Shadowclan is us.” He agreed with a small nod. “And you’re right. No matter what happens, we’ll always be there, and we’ll always have one another.” He took a deep breath, and then Honeypaw smiled a bit and looked back to Leopardsun. “And I’ll always be here for you, you know. If you ever need to talk about these things or if you just need to be upset with someone for a while.”

“A lot of cats are relying on you now. I want you to know you have me to rely on when that gets to be too much.” Honeypaw gave another warm smile.