The Talk [Nightstalker]

Roseburn took a deep breath, knowing full well she was not going to enjoy this one bit. After her little dispute with Nightpaw, and Nightstalker's interference, the deputy had asked to speak with her. As she knew he would. Didn't make her look forward to it any more, though.

Forcing her paws forward, she padded over to her brother, fighting to keep her face neutral. She still felt justified in her part of everything, despite her apology and later friendship. But Nightpaw needed to be put in her place, and she was. Her mission had been accomplished.

Now to deal with the aftermath.

"Nightstalker?"

Nightstalker wanted to be content with just scolding Roseburn once, to let her off with the behaviour because he knew she was going through a lot, but he couldn't tolerate the loud and public disrespect of her clan-mates, and the harsh words exchanged with Nightpaw, a thunderclan apprentice. "I know that with everything going on, keeping a level head is hard. I get that. But lately, you have been out of line." He wanted to sigh, but held his tongue. Showing her that he was already bored or angry with the situation would not help any productivity, even if his words were already hard-hitting. "You, as well as other cats have disrespected me, and my authority at the clan meeting. I am your deputy, and your acting leader, do you not trust that enough to bite your tongue and let me deal with it?" He was turned away from her, but now turned to regard Roseburn fully.

"You are an adult, with an apprentice now mind you. You are no longer an apprentice, so you have no excuse for the harsh words you have been given to your clan-mates and the cats that have been spending their time and resources for us." Nightstalker huffed, eyes narrowed as he looked down at her. "Have I done something? Have I failed to give you and the cats of Shadowclan the care needed to come to talk to me? I know I've been busy lately, but surely I've failed in some way for my clan to act like this." Nightstalker lamented, putting a paw up to rub at his brows.

Great, he was laying a guilt trip on her. It took a lot of control for Roseburn to not outwardly groan, but there was only so much she could do to hide her annoyance at this situation.

"Why do I have to come to you for everything? At the Clan meeting, Snowfoot was being a rat acting like she was the only one in pain. And I'll come out and say it, I wasn't acting on your behalf. I was acting for me. Both Nightpaw and Snowfoot were acting like they were somehow better, and I hated it! So yeah, I snapped! And I don't want to have to come to my big brother just because things aren't perfect. I've handled myself just fine before. Why can't I now?"

And why was she the one getting this treatment and not them anyway? What did Nightstalker have against her? Just because she didn't want to rely on another cat for everything she did? She wasn't weak! She was still her own cat!

"You need to come to me when you're having issues, just like literally every other cat should be doing as well. I need to sort out the problems you are all having because there's no leader or medicine cat to do it. We can't be spitting at each other in the middle of another clan's camp, they will view Shadowclan as weak and unstable, and because of that, they could come for our territories and borders. Acting like a big happy family while we are here is imperative to the safety of Shadowclan. If we can prevent a war or a challenge before they can even give it thought is the best course of action!" Nightstalker hissed, giving his tail a harsh lash as he looked down at her. "You acting for yourself is what caused literally all your problems since we've gotten here."

"If you don't want to come to me because you feel you're so independent, then you can at least bite your tongue when the situation demands it." Nightstalker bit his own tongue then, to stop himself from saying that he was practically doing it every day of his life until he became incapable of expressing his own problems to anyone, that'd be largely hypocritical, but it was a skill he was being taught from a very young age. "I told Snowfoot off for what she said as well, do you not remember? I am the authority and you need to give me the respect I deserve. As your deputy, not your brother." He hissed, did she not get that was what he was being right now? He wasn't playing big brother, he was being her deputy and she needed to see the distinction.

"But we're not a big happy family! You want to know why no cat comes to talk to you? Because you're always in your own stupid shell! It's like you're never around, but you're always there just in time to scold me, it seems!"

Roseburn's eyes turned to fire as she stared Nightstalker down. She was so not in the mood to deal with this. Not now.

"So I caused everything, then? Is that what you believe? Well, then I am sorry. I am SO sorry for being SUCH a mess!"

Her voice lowered, a growl in her throat.

"Deputy, brother, what's the difference. It's not like you were ever a brother before."

"It's not I ever could be, the way Shadowclan treated me." Nightstalker snarled, "I'm doing what I can! Can't you see that I'm trying? I'm trying to fill the blank space that dad left behind, that mom, and Batglow left. Swiftheart isn't here to cover for me, I've no deputy of my own or a medicine cat. So what do you expect me to do? I'm never around because I can't be! It doesn't mean I don't want to be, Roseburn." Nightstalker snapped, baring his teeth angrily. "There are so many things that I need to fix or mend, that I don't know how to do Roseburn. So it would help if you could act like we are a big happy family, that you can act the part." Nightstalker tried to blame the tremor running up his legs as anger, but Roseburns words had cut deep.

"Have you ever even tried to talk to me when you aren't getting in trouble? When you aren't forcing me into situations where I need to address you because you're being a snotty brat?" Deputyship was hard, and he didn't think Roseburn was really understanding that, especially the current circumstances. But for all she laminated about him never being around did they ever try to approach him because they wanted to talk to him as a brother? Did any of them?

No, only Swiftheart made the effort, but she had a family now. And who did he have? Dead parents, that were too busy or didn't care for him? He didn't have friends, they were dead or missing. He didn't have anyone to lean on, shackled and imprisoned by his duties and pride, the need to be seen as faultless and strong. He cared so strongly for Shadowclan and dedicated his whole life to his clan. Risked injury and took the blame for their actions that would endanger him. He'd received nothing but scorn, from Froststar, Burningwing, Mistyfalcon, and distance from his mother. His siblings never got to know their mom, and never would, were too distant and busy with their own lives to bother with him.

So what did Roseburn know about him?

"But if you don't want to reach out and talk to me, that's fine. But I'm going to continue doing my god-starforsaken duty, just as you should. Just figure out when to bite your tongue. Before something bites back." He snarled.

Roseburn bared her own teeth in turn. "It's kind of hard to approach someone so utterly unapproachable! You're not exactly the friendliest cat around! I can't be around you without having to feel like I have to defend myself, other cats are scared of you, your job is only so hard because you can't do it right!"

Her breaths were coming out ragged now, anger boiling under her fur. Didn't he get that all he was doing was hurting others?

"Face it. You're not mom. Your not Pa, or Papa, you're not Swiftheart, or Froststar, or Fuzzybelly. You never will be. You will never fill that hole. So stop trying. All you're doing is causing pain for everyone around you. You think I caused everything bad that happened? Maybe this is all your fault."

"Right. Of course."

His ears pressed against his head.

"I'm not the cause of all that is wrong, and neither are you." He bit down the words, and choked them back. "If you feel that way, then maybe we should just stop talking. It seems to me that I'm not up to your standards. I'm hardly a brother to you so it shouldn't make much of a difference to you at all." She didn't know his experiences, and she hardly cared for what he had divulged. So why continue giving Roseburn more ammunition to hurt him with? He was just a Shadowclan cat, just a warrior and deputy, how he felt didn't matter, only what he showed. He was a figure of leadership, and that meant taking his own advice to heart.

His feelings didn't matter. Results did.

"I'm sorry that's how I've come across and I'll try to do better. Clearly how I've been acting has become a problem, and I'm glad that you were able to air those grievances. I'll try to be more approachable from now on." Nightstalker forced a smile on his face and pitched his tone to be softer and chippier. "Is there anything else you'd like to tell me? I'm sure I could improve my behaviour. It's the best for Shadowclan after all." He made sure his ears perked and he held himself calmly, letting his fur lie flat, forcing his muscles to relax.

And there it was. Nightstalker was putting on that mask he always did. Screw ShadowClan! Screw his duty! Did any of what she said get through his thick skull at all? She didn't need a deputy, she needed a brother. And clearly she wasn't going to get that out of him.

She squeezed her eyes shut, gritting her teeth. The best for ShadowClan? What about what was best for her?

A deep breath, and then she fixed Nightstalker with an even stare, mimicking his cold nature.

"No. I guess I don't have anything to say."

Not that it would matter anyway. She was just a snotty brat. Clearly he didn't care about her. So she would bite her tongue, just like he said. He would never hear another word out of her mouth again.