hand in unlovable hand [beechfang]

"Was starting to think I'd have to go to camp and drag you out of your nest." Came the dry response to Fogpaw's whining, as Beechfang slid from beneath a bush. "I’d hate to have to trespass." She’d left after bringing Dovefrost’s body to camp and taking a bit of time to mourn with her kits... And it had been much harder to leave a second time. Even being near Skyclan’s territory, her paws itched to feel the familiar stone and dirt beneath her paws instead of the twolegplace and its strange environments. Moons she had spent there, but it wasn’t home. It never would be. She’d already missed so much of her kits growing up. And when she’d finally returned to camp, her daughter had been horrendously ill.

"How are you? And Trufflepaw?" She worried for both of them, if for different reasons. Trufflepaw for the obvious sickness, and Fogpaw... Medicine cat apprentice. He and Plumpaw both. What a strange thought that was. She and Dovefrost had both trained as warriors before becoming medicine cats. Dovefrost had learned to be at peace with it, she reflected, or at least, more at peace with it than Beechfang had ever been. Still, neither had wanted it at first. It seemed to Beechfang a common trend, as she remembered Mossbloom recounting her interrupted warrior ceremony, Cinderpaw’s awkwardness. She had met very few medicine cats that seemed to come into the role by their own volition. Muddythorn, her former apprentice, had genuinely surprised her with wanting to be a medicine cat over a warrior. He’d done well, though, and now he was gone. Just like all the others. Beechfang shook her head at the thought. Skyclan being without a proper medicine cat for as long as they had been was unfortunate. She and Dovefrost had done what they could to help, but it wasn’t like they could go back to the role without just immediately needing to look for another apprentice, and that was aside from the codebreaking and unhappiness that had led to the two leaving the role to begin with. It was good to see Skyclan had cats to take up the mantle again, and Beechfang hoped things might be different with them. Still, it worried her.

"So... Medicine cat. What set you on this path?" It was an unforgiving, often thankless path, one filled with heartache that seemed to far outweigh the good, at times. And to watch family become so ill, with such little training... It was draining, both mentally and physically, as well as emotionally. She had been very careful when taking on an apprentice to ensure that becoming medicine cat was something that they wanted, and they they understood all that the task entailed. She would ensure her kits had the same understanding. She didn't want to scare Fogpaw off, but she also didn't want him to wind up as bitter as she had been.

Trufflesnap. Another of her kits grown, another milestone she hadn't been there to witness with pride. "I'm glad she's alright. I'm sorry. I should've been there." Cloverheart had deserved her fate... Had she? Had she really? As the moons passed, as she had to watch from the fringes, only receiving information on her family every once in a while... Beechfang wasn't so sure. But this was her punishment, and she would bare it, no matter how painful.

"Fuzzybelly is certainly... outgoing." She muttered, vividly remembering Briarthorn's kitting. "He's competent, as was his mentor Basilbloom. She's a good cat." She hadn't heard of her friend retiring or anything, but from the recent harsh winds and rain, and Shadowclan being swept into Skyclan's territory, Beechfang could only hope that she was alright. Selfishly however, she wanted to focus on other things, not the wellbeing of a Shadowclanner. Trufflesnap was okay. Fuzzybelly was helping her kits learn. But Fuzzybelly was hardly more than a kit, and there were plenty of things he'd likely never experienced before. Beechfang would make sure her kits knew everything that she did.

His complaints about their shared long fur drew a soft laugh from Beechfang. "You can blame your grandmother for the thick pelt, stars know I hated it when the greenleaf sun was burning the forest. At least the forest isn't on fire this greenleaf. When you burn your pawpads in the shade, you know it's bad. I suppose the river's not in danger of drying up now." Quite the opposite, if Beechfang had to guess. It had been raining plenty, the humidity making her pelt poofy and uncomfortable. "You'll welcome it come the snows of leafbare." She added, turning. "Come." She beckoned Fogpaw to follow with a flick of her tail, leading him through the quiet thunderpaths. The morning rush of monsters going to and fro and subsided, and most twolegs left their nests during the day. She knew the gardens that had herbs, and the ones that were free of yappy dogs that didn't know not to mess with clan cats.

"It's a difficult path. Not one any cat should have to undertake unwillingly." She sighed, "And I've seen enough family destroyed by a position of leadership they thought they wanted for a lifetime. When the time comes for you or your sister to take an apprentice, be careful. Be selective. An unwilling cat will hurt the clan. So will an overly ambitious cat who is in over their head. A higher rank that is suffering from burnout will need more help than they can provide their clanmates." Spottedleap and Wolfcall had left the clan, not before Beechfang had seen both of them worn down and exhausted. She hadn't known Spottedleap all that well, but she'd seen her grandfather struggle under the weight of leadership, and the way that weight had crushed him. Her father too, and sometimes she'd wondered if Bloodstrike's stubbornness was more of a curse than a blessing. "Just... Be careful. If being a medicine cat is truly the path you wish to walk, I can respect that. Helping your clanmates is a worthy goal, but it's stressful and exhausting. Starclan exists to test your patience and offer as little help as possible, usually. It's not for everyone, and that's okay. Being a warrior isn't for everyone, either. Muddythorn hated it and thrived as medicine cat, though I couldn't understand why at the time." She'd been far too bitter and jaded, at the time. But he'd done well and had the patience and attentiveness to do so.

Beechfang fell silent as she led her son through the maze of twoleg paths, pawsteps finally coming to a stop sometime later. "The nests here don't have dogs, and the twolegs within are usually gone during the day. Even in leafbare you can find herbs in somewhat better shape than they would be in the forest, and twolegs seem to like having the more useful herbs such as tansy and catmint in their gardens. Why I don't know, they never seen to actually pick the herbs themselves. Lavender is common, and coneflower can be found too, Basilbloom's dreams led us to the great garden where I was the one who found it, but I've seen it among the small gardens surrounding nests, too. Come the heavy rains, snow and cold, it can help prevent cats from getting sick, thus helping spare your more precious herb stock." The garden directly in front of them was lined with a fence, with various plants around the edges of it. Several of the ones she'd named were present. She didn't know what Skyclan's herb store looked like at the moment, but if the rains had been hitting the forest as hard as they had been hitting twolegplace, it was likely that some of their plants wouldn't be fit for medicinal uses. Twolegs, as strange as they were, seemed to like keeping their gardens healthy, meaning the plants here had been sheltered from much of the recent bad weather.