tell your world [C]

Another day, another patrol. This one felt... different, though. Tension crackled between the patrolmates, like a tree straining and waiting to fall, bringing the whole Clan down with it. The little game they'd all been forced into, waiting to see whether or not Perchstar would show up at their walls with an army, and then the sudden passing of their deputy Ashstorm... It was too much for many of them to process normally. But despite their sudden onslaught of hardships, the Clan still needed fed, and prey wasn't going to run straight into the freshkill pile and snap its own neck. But Birdpaw didn't wholly feel up to forcing herself through the low, awkward motions of attempting to hunt. A nervous look here or there from the other warriors on the patrol made her fur prickle; the only thing she wanted to hunt was the stupid cats that called themselves SkyClan warriors.

It wasn't long before the patrol split in half, the others venturing off to search for prey deeper into the territory. That left Birdpaw alone with her mother, who only gave them a moment of silence alone before she spun on her pads to stare Beechfang down. "So what's going to happen?" She mewed unprompted. Her brow focused, her gaze sharp and frustrated, and she couldn't keep her claws from flexing. She'd been dying for a chance to just talk to the scarred warrior about what happened between her and RiverClan's mouse-brained medicine cat, or to run to the river herself and leap at the first patrol she saw, or to march into Bloodstar's den and demand their haggard leader send out an army of his own before the fish-eaters could storm them. But even if she was brash, she wasn't stupid, and she knew any of those ideas would get her pelt shredded if she tried to put them into motion. So that left her with just cornering Beechfang and trying to drag as many answers out of her as she could.

The tension in the air was an almost tangible thing to Beechfang. After the gathering, it had been inevitable, even without the chaos that had followed her confession. The wounds she'd received from that deranged elder had been tended to and were scarring over, though her pelt was ragged and marked enough that one more set of scars were hardly noticeable. Those Windclanners had learned nothing, clearly, but were hardly of concern. Riverclan, however... Their leader was young and inexperienced, their deputy even younger. Most of their warriors too, Beechfang thought. She had meant what she'd said during the gathering about accepting whatever punishment Skyclan's leadership and Riverclan's kits could agree to. She didn't want the rest of the clan to have to suffer for her short temper, no matter how much Cloverheart had deserved worse. Until the Riverclanners decided to show themselves, all Skyclan could do was go on as normal, and that was what they did now. Hunting, patrolling, those needs didn't stop because there was drama in the forest.

She'd just buried a squirrel when Birdpaw approached, and Beechfang let out a huff at the question. Not something unexpected, of course, 'what happens now?' was on everyone's mind, Beechfang included. "I don't know." She wouldn't lie to her kit, "If Riverclan is smart-" Beechfang doubted that very much, "-they won't go to war over one foxhearted medicine cat who brought her death upon herself. They'll try and talk first, I think, though I'm not sure Bloodstar will consider the punishments they would like him to. You don't tell a leader what to do with his own clan, and you don't open with demands and threats while expecting to be respected in return."

Birdpaw's ear flicked in consideration as her mother spoke, a deep frown working lines into her expression. She was quiet for a long moment, her claws scoring thin lines in the earth as she worked her paws against the ground in frustration. Eventually: "Well, what then? If RiverClan takes it upon themselves to storm our camp, are we just expected to hand you over to Perchstar? Or maybe she would prefer a public execution. Either way," The apprentice's tail flickered to and fro, agitation making her fur bristle. "Either way, that isn't going to happen. I mean... is it? Someone's going to fight for you. We can't just... give you up to them." For a moment, Birdpaw's expression softened as it clicked with her that it was a real possibility for RiverClan to come calling for Beechfang's head. That Perchstar wanted to take her mother away. At least if she just gets exiled, I can make sure to always be on border patrols for a chance to run into her. But if they kill her- Birdpaw looked at Beechfang askance, brow furrowed with concern. I guess... I don't know.

Scraping the earth with a little more intention, the fluffy she-cat sat back on her haunches, looking down to watch the lines she drew in the earth. She had determined they were done with any hunting they had actually ventured out to do. "Why did you do it? Actually. I mean- not that I think you were wrong for it. Whatever your reasons, I'm sure they were justified. But I want to hear it from you."

Well, she'd certainly made a mess of things, hadn't she? Of course the idea of a potential, very-likely conflict with Riverclan would be upsetting. "Bloodstar... He values family more than most cats realize. If Perchstar is demanding that, I don't think he'll take to it kindly." Stars knew they'd lost plenty of family recently, and she could tell it was weighing on their leader even as he tried to hide it... Rather unsuccessfully. She'd seen his bad days, and then she'd seen him after he'd resurrected to find her mother dead.

She watched her daughter run her claws through the dirt for a moment, then padded forward and sat beside her. With the conversation, thoughts of hunting had left her mind.

"What Perchstar does... I don't know. She's young - far too young to be leading anything - and that sort of power for a cat that young breeds a belief that you're always right and will always get your way." It had for Beechfang, she could admit that now. "And it breeds the naivety to think the world works in shades of black and white. A life is the only repayment for one taken and a murderer is always a murderer, though there are plenty of cats who have killed and been given a chance to do better." Beechfang had thought that way too once, when Briarthorn's murder of a Thunderclanner had come to light. Now though... She could recognize she'd been wrong about Briarthorn. She'd committed no crime since and had been a loyal member of Skyclan. She'd fought and bled for them countless times since in spite of everything. Perhaps her change of heart could be considered hypocritical, now that it was her own neck on the line.

Birdpaw asked her why, and Beechfang let out a soft huff. Of course she would ask, and of course she would decide she hadn't been wrong, even before an answer was given. "Just because I had justification, doesn't make it not wrong. And while I view it as justified, others might be right not to." She began, that needed to be said, she'd decided. She only hoped Birdpaw would listen to her words and not just hear them. "She nearly killed me when I was a medicine cat. We got into an argument at a gathering - it's unimportant now - and one of our apprentices took it upon herself to smack Cloverheart upside the head for her insolence and refusal to shut her trap. Starclan ended the gathering when the truce was violated. Quite forcefully." She glanced down at the winding, lightning-forged scars on her foreleg and shoulder. They stretched nearly to behind her ear, and her long fur only hid them partially. Her fur did nothing to hide the burn that stretched across half of her face, however. "I hold grudges, Birdpaw. So did she. Every interaction after that devolved into an argument, though I tried to avoid her after that. I stumbled across her at the river, not all that long after you were born, and it was much of the same." Beechfang shook her head, ears flattening against her skull for a moment.

"She was a raving lunatic who insulted me and my family repeatedly, all while having the gall to cross the river and approach me. I shoved her, her going under wasn't exactly difficult. Cloverheart was a tiny cat by normal standards. I didn't really care if she had the strength to fight it or not. It got her to shut up, and that was all I really cared about. Death was kinder than the moons of suffering she put me through, and if she survived, maybe it would've taught her to be more mindful." She'd be truthful, and wouldn't sugarcoat it. What was done was done, and now Skyclan could only wait with baited breath for Riverclan's reaction.

"Don't follow in my pawsteps, Birdpaw. It's not worth the potential risk to the clan, no matter how much you don't think I'm wrong for it."

Beechfang moved closer, and the apprentice's whiskers twitched in acknowledgement of her presence. Perchstar was haughty and self-assured, or at least she had been at the Gathering... Maybe she shouldn't have been made leader, then. Doesn't RiverClan have any more senior warriors that could have filled the position? Birdpaw almost voiced the thought, but something kept her jaw shut tight. It wasn't like RiverClan would come trawling across the border if she spoke, claws and fangs ready to punish her for speaking some sort of treason. Or maybe their ears were trained to every little sound in SkyClan's territory, and they were just looking for an excuse to strike. Whether it would invite an assault or not, Birdpaw diligently remained quiet.

Calling attention to the scars made the she-cat look up, pale gaze searching her mother's pelt as if she could find meaning in the lightning-marks that crossed her, the burns that had ripped across half her face. "Why wasn't Cloverheart punished for that, then?" She piped up eventually, tail twitching with agitation. "I doubt she asked StarClan to strike you with lightning, but she's the reason it happened at all. If you had died, would Bloodstar have demanded they exile or execute their medicine cat? Would he turn a Gathering into chaos?" Her words grew bitter, and with her eyes narrowed she dropped her head again. Why did it seem like RiverClan didn't actually care for the situation at paw, and instead just wanted an excuse to lead a campaign against SkyClan?

She hadn't realized it, but at some point as they spoke, Birdpaw had leaned against Beechfang, pressing against shoulder. Even when she noticed, she made no effort to move away; instead, she leaned in closer, angling her head to press up into her mother's ruff. "Sure, it was their medicine cat, but... whatever. Why does Perchstar feel it necessary to get the whole Clan involved? Your issue with her has been settled, and RiverClan won't have anymore problems with us for it. If she was as bad as you say, then RiverClan should have disposed of her long ago. What good was it, to keep her as a medicine cat if she was as heartless and rabid as a fox?" Her tail flickered to the side again. Beechfang's advice not to follow her path had been lost on Birdpaw. She had no intention of finding a cat to drown- even if she wanted to, just to prove a point -but she had come by the anger that burned under her pelt honestly. But underneath her frustrations... she just felt sad, scared. Emotions she hadn't learned to express yet, not without feeling like she was fumbling through it all.

"...what if Perchstar does come to our camp?" She mewed eventually, voice hushed. "What if she demands your exile, and Bloodstar complies? What if- what if we don't see you again? Would you try and visit? Or," she faltered, sputtering, and was strained when she found her voice again, "Mom, what if they kill you? Right or wrong, I don't- I don't care how we got here, but what then? Are we just supposed to let them, and let RiverClan walk away with blood on their paws? Am I just supposed to hate you for what you've done, and let Perchstar and her ssstupid warriors open your throat without complaint?"

Beechfang closed her eye for a moment as Birdpaw talked, a weary sigh escaping her.

"Likely." She nodded at the question of what Bloodstar would've done if she had died. "The apprentice that smacked Cloverheart - he ripped her a new hide for it, figuratively speaking. She was a pawstep away from similar consequences for a long time, if I'm remembering right. Cloverheart and Bearflower both were lucky." That hadn't stopped her from being made a warrior, the thought was on the tip of her tongue, more bitter than any herbs. She nadn't thought about her half-sister in a while... Her tail twitched irritably.

"The same reason Skyclan put up with me as medicine cat as long as they did; they had no choice. Can't willingly leave a clan without one, and there's very few cats capable of training a replacement. Even fewer kits or apprentices who are interested in the role, too. Medicine cats have gone seasons without finding an apprentice to take on, and an unwilling medicine cat is the last thing any clan should want." She'd gotten lucky with Muddythorn, and now he was gone. She'd hoped Hollyshine might step in to fill her older brother's pawsteps but that hadn't happened. Dovefrost had just stepped down from being Thunderclan's medicine cat to be with family, and both she and her mate weren't any younger. One of them could take up the mantle and immediately need to search for an apprentice anyways.

"Exile... It's not ideal, but I'd take that over starting a war. I've seen enough of that in my lifetime, you and your siblings don't need to, as well." She knew firstpaw how easy a life was to destroy, how easy it was to traumatize a generation of innocents. Easier still to keep the hatred alive and festering for the sake of wounded pride and broken bones. "Skyclan is fortunate to share a border with twolegplace. We sheltered in the abandoned dens after a fire swept through the territory, back when I was an apprentice." Dawnhawk had sheltered there at least part of the time when he'd been terrorizing the clan, but Beechfang had made plenty of trips as a medicine cat to collect herbs. Most recently on the patrol Basilbloom had organized. She'd found the Shadowclanner's dreamt-of coneflower, a herb that had many uses. Funny how that now went unacknowledged, but the fact remained that Beechfang wasn't as unfamiliar to those dark alleys as most clan cats would be. "Riverclan cannot police activity on a clan's border they have no access to." If she were exiled, she would do everything in her power to at least check up on her family, even if it was against the spirit of being exiled.

Birdpaw continued, and Beechfang's heart twisted at her words. She turned her head, resting her chin between her daughter's ears, fluffy tail curling around her protectively. Oh, she had messed up. Royally. Would things have turned out the same with foresight or better judgement? Probably not. There was no changing the past, though now more than ever Beechfang wished it were possible. There was no changing it though, and she'd face the consequences. She wasn't the only one affected by her actions anymore, either. "I'm sorry, kiddo." It wasn't fair to her family, to have to deal with this. "It won't come to that." She vowed grimly, trying desperately to reassure Birdpaw. To her ears those words rang hollow, and she knew them to be just that. If Riverclan insisted, Beechfang would do what she could to prevent a war, even if that meant the dark forest - she was under no illusions about winding up in Starclan after everything.

Beechfang spoke of Twolegplace, and Birdpaw nodded along steadily, sighing softly. She hadn't ventured close to that border yet, had only seen it at a distance from the top of the Great Ridge.. suppose she would have to start. She would ask Briarthorn, maybe tomorrow, about taking her to that end of the territory. Just so she could see it, so she could try and make her paws memorize the path just with one trip. Anything to make... whatever was coming next easier. Even if Bloodstar fought to keep Beechfang around, she wanted to be ready for the worst. Second worst. The thought was sobering and unwanted, and it came as her mother swept her tail against her. Readily, Birdpaw pressed somehow closer.

With a promise that Beechfang wouldn't let herself be executed, the apprentice was happy to drop the subject. She hated to think about her mother's body, strewn out and bloody in the heart of camp because of Perchstar's twisted crusade. "I won't let it happen, either." She promised, stiffly. If she had to beat back RiverClan single-pawed, if she was the only cat that would fight for her mother, she would do everything she could. "And- and... if you get exiled, I'll come see you. I don't care if I get in trouble for it, I don't. I'll come see you." Birdpaw's voice had grown high and started to shake, and she realized her eyes were hot and starting to sting. Blinking swiftly to clear any threatening tears, she hid herself fully in her mother's fur. She wasn't the type of cat to cry- at least, she didn't want to be. I have to be strong for the family, too. In case something goes wrong, or just... just so mom and dad don't have to worry so much themselves.

For a long while, Birdpaw just lingered there, before finally separating from Beechfang's side. As she scooted away, she realized the silver tabby's fur was dampened where she'd been hiding. Whatever tears had left her that she hadn't noticed were gone now, at least. "Sorry I... sorry we didn't get any hunting done." The fluffy apprentice muttered, dipping her head low. "Thank you, though, mom. I- I know Bloodstar won't let anything happen to you, either. I swear it." She nodded firmly, and whether she was reaffirming it to herself or to her mother, she wasn't entirely sure. But she felt... not necessarily better. There was still so much to wait for, so many things that could happen and change, so many things that could go horribly wrong. Steadier, though. Not better, but steadier. She had a family to look after, and she knew they would do everything to look after each other. We have to.

Beechfang swept her tail around her daughter protectively. The tears soaking her pelt didn't phase her, though Beechfang hated seeing one of her kits like this. She'd never been tactful with her words, and comforting others had always been something she'd found difficult even in the best of circumstances. Unsure of what to say, the silver tabby remained quiet for a time.

"Don't worry about that," Beechfang shook her head as Birdpaw spoke. This had been more important than a few scraps of prey. Another sigh escaped her, and she leaned forward, gently nudging her daughter. "We'll get through this. I promise you."