A check-in [c]

Iceheart

Iceheart’s worry for Honeypaw had grown over the past couple of days since the Gathering that drove out the Dark Forest. His bombastic energy was gone, his happy excitement diminished. He wandered around with that same empty look that she did when she was his age, and her heart ate away with anxiety at the thought that he would turn out like she did when he became a warrior. She didn’t want that for him. Iceheart wanted to avoid that fate for Honeypaw.

She approached where he sat, a couple of frogs in her jaws. She set them down, scooting one toward him while she sat with him. “Frogs are slimy, but they’re tasty once you get past the outside,” she informed him quietly. Iceheart didn’t start eating yet; she wanted to make sure he began first. “How are you feeling? I know a lot happened at the Gathering.”

Iceheart

Iceheart studied Honeypaw for a moment. She knew he wasn’t fine. She knew that he was only saying that because he didn’t want to worry anyone. Iceheart had felt the same way. Even though she understood, she didn’t want him to follow down that path as well. Honeypaw was such an open and cheerful soul. She didn’t want him turning into what she had. But how could she get him to actually speak about what was on his mind? To say that she was also fine felt like a farce. Iceheart didn’t want to burden Honeypaw with her own pain, but perhaps showing that even a warrior could be affected by all of this would encourage Honeypaw to open up as well.

“I…am struggling,” she admitted quietly. It was a pain to admit it, especially to her own apprentice—but it was to help him. “The Dark Forest caused a lot of chaos and destruction when they first arrived. I was your age when they came. They took over and changed so many things, and kept us from doing things that we had done for years. To have all of that change reversed now, is dizzying.”

She took a shaky breath. “And Deerleap and Sootwhisker…I hadn’t known Sootwhisker that well. We hardly spoke. But Deerleap had been a friend to me since I was a kit. I…am deeply pained at her passing. It was necessary for StarClan to take form on earth and assist us in the fighting, but I still hate to see her gone.”

Iceheart bit her tongue before she said more. She could already feel a dam beginning to open, but she swallowed her words and feelings down. Honeypaw was her apprentice, and even speaking this much felt incorrect to her. She reminded herself of Thalia opening up to her, and how honored Iceheart had felt at being granted that openness. Hopefully Honeypaw would feel the same.

Iceheart

Iceheart relaxed, feeling Honeypaw’s warm fur against hers. “Honeypaw…do you know what the Dark Forest truly is? Why they were sent there?” She looked to him. “I know I didn’t explain very well what StarClan was when we went out to the territories. I was afraid to tell you, because the Dark Forest cats hated StarClan. But I can tell you about StarClan and the Dark Forest now, so you can understand.”

Iceheart

Iceheart took a slow breath and nodded. She looked up at the sky, though it was still daytime, so there were no stars out. She was silent for a long beat as doubt made her question if she should really tell Honeypaw all of this. She didn’t want to upset him. As he’d said, he’d made friends with some of the Dark Forest cats, as horrifying as the thought was. Iceheart didn’t want to tell him that his friends had manipulated him and didn’t actually care for him. Still, he had a right to know, and it was important that he understood what StarClan was really about. They didn’t need another generation of cats who doubted StarClans’ intentions—they didn’t need another Morningstar.

“StarClan…are our ancestors,” Iceheart began in a soft voice. “And…as are the Dark Forest.” She sighed to herself. “When a cat dies, they do not cease to exist, like mice or lizards. Their spirit is carried away and their deeds in their life are judged to decide where they go. StarClan is where our greatest, best ancestors go; the warriors who did great deeds, who defended their clan, and who proved their worth to StarClan. So many generations of cats live up in the Silverpelt, where StarClan resides. You saw some of those starry cats touch down during the Gathering.” Her expression darkened a bit. “Such as Redwing or…Murkystar. StarClan wants what is best for the clans.”

Iceheart paused and took a couple deep breaths before she continued. “The Dark Forest, on the other hand, are fore awful cats that broke the code or otherwise put their clan into danger. It’s typically full of code-breakers, murderers, liars who caused great destruction to their clan…”

She shuddered and shook her head. Stagshade’s words echoed in her mind. I'm proud of you, Iceheart. You've become the savage I always hoped for you. No. No. She was not like that. She was nothing like the Dark Forest.

Turning her attention back to Honeypaw, she meowed, “Those cats who you befriended, Honeypaw…they weren’t good cats. They had been sent to the Dark Forest for one reason or another. You had not been born during a time before the Dark Forest’s arrival, but I was. They arrived at my first Gathering, led by Morningstar, who thank the stars you never had to meet. He was a cruel creature who had raised the dead and trapped StarClan behind a wall of darkness. At the Gathering, they had demanded they take over the clans, and when some cats refused, they were killed. Without a thought.” Her heart lurched remembering Ratrunner, who had only been trying to defend someone he loved, and how he’d been killed in an instant. Or Loudnose, who was killed only to set an example. They had done nothing wrong, and yet met the end of savage claws.

Finally, Iceheart looked at Honeypaw fully. “This is a lot, I’m sure. I hate that I have to tell it to you at all. But you must know that the cats here, the ones who are really a part of your clan, are the ones you should trust and love. Those creatures were only using you so they could rebuild the clans in their image, as cruel and horrific as it is. I don’t want that for you, Honeypaw. You have a wonderful light inside of you that I don’t want to see get extinguished.”

Iceheart

Iceheart looked to Honeypaw and her chest ached. She could see plainly that he didn’t feel any better after her explanation. She didn’t exactly expect him to, but she had hoped that there would at least be some peace for him, by knowing this. On the contrary, he just looked more horrified before pressing against her. She looked down at her paws. Perhaps she had been too honest with Honeypaw. She’d hated not understanding enough when she was his age, but it was possible that he was just too unlike her. She couldn’t seem to manage being a good mentor.

She lifted her head and mewed, “Be sure to finish eating, Honeypaw. I can…I can sit here with you, if you would like.” She looked around the camp. So many cats were struggling, following the finale and Murkystar’s death. Everyone was taking a break in one way or another. She added, “We don’t have to go out today. You can just rest.”