Genie Out of the Bottle [Appledapple, Stoatstar]

Softfall sat around camp for days after the Perchfall meeting. He was only to go out with Minnowfin or Mottlerose. Even if he could leave camp on his own however, he didnt really desire to. The news and words Stoatstar said played over and over in his head...

His parents were killed by Thunderclan cats...

He wasnt even Thunderclan by birth and was in fact actually a rouge... Still one burning question stuck out in his mind that Stoatstar had been vauge on ... all Stoatstar had said was that a Thunderclan warrior had killed his mother in self defense... he never said WHO...

The list of his clanmates played through his head over and over...

The tom who once was so adamant about going on hunting trips or patroling the borders and signing up for every possible patrol sat around camp in a fump... He no longer had the drive he once did. The force that drove him of "The Glory of Thunderclan" was lessened... tainted by this knowledge. He really had no clue what he even wanted anymore at this point. His old self always saw through the view of trying to move Thunderclan ahead by any means necessary... now he just wanted to curl up in his nest and not really do much of anything. With Reed dead,

?? his sisters both disappearing ??
(idk if this plot is in full swing so i am not lingering on that at all and don't recommend other do either. If this is before that strike the bolded part from the record XD :) )

and now the discovery that everything he had been fighting for was partially a lie he had been told his entire life he really just couldnt bring himself to even care anymore... With all his time alone he thought alot about the actions he did and winced at alot of them not happy with himself but also so angry. Why did they lie to him for so long? What were they thinking?

Getting to his paws he decided to finally confront them... this could not remain unanswered. He had calmed down alot from when he first heard the news and had practically stormed out of stoats den from the meeting with perch (lets just say that happened cause that topic is kinda done )

When he initially heard the story he was stunned and for awhile didnt belive it... but he knew it was the truth and that he would also.

Walking to the leaders den again he sighed ... he knew Stoatstar probably would not be super happy to be intrupeted again... especially by him, Softfall always felt like a disapointment to his father... erm rather ... to Stoatstar. No matter what he did it always seemed to be wrong in the leaders eyes. Confronting him about this would probably be no different, but as mentioned earlier Softfall really just didnt care anymore, the anger and fire that he once held more so now was replaced by apathy and general numbness.

"Stoatstar... Appledapple??" he called out specifically and purposely using their real names this time rather than relationship-wise ones.

HMMFF he thought to himself ... All this time and Appledapple never liked the term 'mom' to be used by them ... well dont worry you wont hear me call you that again he said with a shrug of his shoulders.... He had always liked thinking of Stoat and Apple as mom and dad even more than some of his siblings but not now really... now it felt too much like they were trying to hide what had happened.... it was only because he had nearly started a war with riverclan that they had told him PART of the truth which he soon hoped to learn more about.

He forced himself to pause and breathe a bit... if he was going to talk to them he should at least try and keep level headed as hard as that was right now... hmm this was going to be a weird conversation ... but it needed to happen.

Appledapple knew she wasn't the best choice to mother the kits. She'd known that from the beginning. And yet, she couldn't help but blame herself a little bit now that her family was in shambles. Sure, a lot of it was caused by the chaos of the Dark Forest, and Stoatstar really hadn't been much help, but looking at better mother figures like Mottlerose made her wonder what exactly she'd done wrong. Was it just because they weren't biologically related? Was there some instinct she'd missed out on? Was it just her abrasive personality? She couldn't tell, and she certainly wasn't about to ask anybody anytime soon. Yet, hearing Softfall call out her name alongside Stoatstar's made the fur along her spine bristle a little bit. Softfall... he was almost like her. Except, instead of burying the tendencies to violence and learning when to accept authority, he burst out against anything that he disliked even a little. This led to him yelling at his leader in front of camp, crossing the border (from what she'd heard Stoat tell her, anyway), and even led to the deputy of another Clan-- albeit RiverClan-- to come and tell him off. She wasn't sure what to do with him.

And apparently, according to Stoatstar, now he knew about his parentage... or, at least a little more than he had previously. Somehow, the tom's overimagination had led him to believe that his parents had been killed by RiverClan cats. Appledapple almost wished that were the case-- things would be so much easier compared to this. Now, he knew he was born a rogue. However, he didn't yet know why or how, or who had killed his mother. The tortoiseshell exhaled shakily. Logically, there was no reason for Softfall to be angry at her. However, the tom probably hadn't crossed paths with logic once in his entire life. Every action was driven by emotion. Time to see if he's learned anything since his apprenticeship. Not bothering to smile, but still not overtly hostile, she walked over to where he had beckoned her. "Yes?"

Recent circumstances had left a dark cloud over the little brown and white tom. His mind churned with raging torrents, fogging over the clear and sensible judgement he'd had for so long. Everything was falling apart around Stoatstar. He wanted to curl into himself, knotting and writhing like an angered snake. If only that were an option. Instead of being able to find some sort of relief, the position that had been given to him by Starclan lay a constant heavy burden on his shoulders. The clan always relied on him, even in these dark times. But where could he go? Who could he lean on?

Reedshine was gone. Cinderflame was gone. Thrushnose was gone. Minkstar was gone. Acceptance had slowly come over him that the former leader would never return and that he was condemned to this place forever. If it weren't for the current circumstances with the Dark Forest, he likely would have never fostered any resentment towards the clan. He'd trusted them as he thought they trusted him. But everything was all wrong - he'd been proven wrong. It took a moment to digest that Softfall had even called his name. Another to bitterly recognize the tom he'd invested far too much time into now was blatantly no longer calling him by a fond name. Jaw clenched tight as Stoatstar followed the sound.

He blinked, seeing Appledapple there, but couldn't bring himself to meet her gaze. Instead, he looked at the warrior with exhausted eyes and an unenthused rasp, "What is it?"

Both of them seemed pretty uneager to be called over.... Appledapple didnt smile and Stoatstar seemed exhausted.

Glancing back and forth at them he sat down between them sighing.

"...Were you two ever going to tell me the truth?" he muttered.

"It was only because Perchfall decided to parade into our camp that I found out about what really happened to my mother" he said quietly looking at the pair of them.... What a broken mess they were... all 3 of them that was.

This is no family he thought bitterly with a bit of sadness.

In his eyes
Stoatstar was so removed emotionally that no one it seemed could comfort him as the little tom was so determained to bare the weight of the world on his own shoulders.

In his eyes
Appledapple had never wanted to take him and his siblings in... why she did was still a mystery to him... he was always close to her... as close as Softfall could be to anyone that is. Yet she had lied all his life to him about who he was and where he came from.

And then there was him... he didnt even know what he wanted anymore... he used to want and live for Thunderclan to become the strongest clan ever. Now knowing what they had done to his parents he wasn't sure. A growing part of him wished he could run away from this mess that he had in part made as well... to go join Cinderflame and Rainpaw wherever they were. He closed his eyes wishing his sisters were safe.

At this point there didn't seem a need to dance around the topic that lay before them. He needed to know the full truth... the truth that had been hidden from him for so long.
"who?"

he asked quietly knowing he would have to remain calm if he was going to get any answers at all.

"Who killed my mother?"

Immediately, Appledapple was soured to the whole interaction. Cinderflame had been hesitant, had been pleading, yet strong in her desire to know. Softfall was angry, petulant, childish. The world revolved around him, in his mind, with what little thinking he did. He frequently blamed her for his anger and impulsive actions. However, her emotions were a different beast entirely. When happy, she could be kind, thoughtful, and even sweet. Her anger came quickly and left quickly, roaring through like a cloudburst that rained hard and then dissipated into the clouds. Only one time had she let her anger simmer... and that was what had led them to this situation. As opposed to when she spoke with Cinderflame, feeling proud of her daughter and glad of the result, if not the circumstances, this attempt at conversation already made her feel the opposite. She wished they hadn't even patrolled, that they had let the kits grow up with their rogue mother and probably die for lack of food. Instantly she regretted the thought, but some part of her still wanted them elsewhere. Or at least somewhere that wasn't her responsibility.

"If it were up to me," Appledapple began, her tone clipped and short, "we would have waited until all of you were warriors, then broken the news at once together. As a family, or at least our best attempt at one. But thanks to Stoatstar's actions, and your foolishness, Softfall, we've had to do it in this way. We weren't keeping the truth to hurt you, but to let you grow up in a healthy fashion. It wasn't planned to be indefinite." Of course, she and Stoatstar had never truly talked about this plan... but it had formulated gradually in her head as she watched the adopted kits grow. It had seemed so matter-of-fact to her, she hadn't bothered to bring it up, and Stoatstar had never really been interested in talking about their shared parenting efforts. Believing other cats could be intelligent... that was her mistake. But misplaced bitterness would get her nowhere.

Stoatstar, for his part, seemed exhausted. Despite her best efforts, he hadn't truly let Appledapple help as much as she wanted to. Why did she want to, anyway? Why did she want to keep this idiot from destroying himself? Because it would destroy ThunderClan? And yet... some part of her worried about him. Wanted to make him see that not all hope was lost. The best she could do was this ridiculous scene. Great. Well, here went nothing. "When Stoatstar and I were out on patrol, we were attacked by a rogue," she said. "We were just walking by the Thunderpath when a ragged she-cat burst out and attacked me. I had to fight back in self-defense. Unfortunately, we couldn't reason with her, and in the fight she was killed. Only after the battle did we find out that she was a mother, and that her batch of kits were hidden in a nest to the side. Either we left them to die in the cold, or we took them in and raised them in a strong, healthy Clan." This was a far less delicate way than she had put it with Cinderflame... but Softfall's aggression had definitely rubbed her the wrong way. He wanted "the truth?" Fine. "You were one of the kits. I was the one who killed that rogue. It wasn't on purpose, but what was I supposed to do?" Her tail lashed behind her in annoyance.

"Would you rather have died, abandoned? The Code says that 'no warrior can neglect a kit in pain or danger.' Unlike you, I follow the Warrior Code, because I believe it is the best way to live. Would you rather have grown up knowing you were a rogue? Distrusted by your Clanmates? We did what we thought was best. If you disagree, I suppose that's fine. I know that I've been an awful excuse for a mother, but I tried my best. We saved your life." She was not yelling, but her voice had raised slightly. "Do you repay us by making a fool out of ThunderClan?" she demanded. "Or will you finally shape up and be the stable warrior that this Clan needs?"

Stoatstar had wanted to be honest with the kits, raise them in understanding rather than bitter resentment. Perhaps either pursuit would have been just as futile. How was he to know? The brown and white leader had hardly been one for growing close to those around him. Only Starclan knew how hard Minkstar had tried to crack him open. But circumstances constantly pushed the tom's head under the surface, where he helplessly swallowed mouthfuls of water, and was too blinded by the panic to realize how close the shoreline was. He was drowning, he always had been. Sometimes the sensation was easier, often too heavy to bear.

And so he dragged others down with him. Unintentional or not, it was a condemning way of life.

As Softfall began to speak, Stoatstar's eyes lowered to fixate on some far away spot on the trodden earth. He studied the shadows cast by moonlight as if they were the most interesting feature of camp and emptying his mind as much as he could. The words were far away and muffled but he heard them all the same. There was no point in chiming in, this wasn't his secret to share. Whether it was his own budding resentment for the issues Softfall caused or the lack of sensation rampant in his chest, the thought of speaking felt both pointless and sickening. Stoatstar was present but behind those glossed over eyes, he was hardly there.

The only sign that he heard Appledapple was the lowering of his ears and the tightening of his claws in the earth. Far away, embers burned in his belly - an indignant frustration that normally drew forth venomous words was little more than a fleeting thought now. He had no fire left within him. At least not now, not in this moment. Even though they were alone, it felt like judgmental eyes burned from the far reaches of camp. Instead of addressing either of the other cats present, Stoatstar was silent. It could have been the hopelessness or exhaustion, maybe even shoving back frustrations. However, the tom slowly came to a truer realization... guilt and shame gnawed relentlessly at his belly.

There was nothing to say.

Softfall sat there stunned as Appledapple admitted to killing his birth mother. He felt like he just got punched in the gut. She didnt even appologize or even seem sorry about it she just flicked her tail annoyed at him. She was angry at him as well? Sure he had done some stupid stuff but she couldnt give him any appology or anything??

It seemed it was always like this... Softfall tried over and over to do right by thunderclan... inevitably he messed something up and then everyone constantly reminded him what a failure and mess up he was.  

He just wanted to be a good warrior for Thunderclan and have what was rightfully theirs... Appledapple kept going about how he had made a fool of the clan and his hair along his back raised in anger and frustration... everything he did he tried to do for the good of his clan... and now he just learned that it was not his birth clan and that his mother had killed his mother.

His head spun a bit trying to grasp at all this.

"I dont know what you two want from me anymore" he finally said after a long silence.

Their... family seemed to be constantly falling apart. Every time Softfall felt it couldnt get worse it did... It started with Reed's death...

followed shortly after by rainpaw and cinderflames escape... he had helped them escape but he couldn't ever tell anyone that.

followed shortly after by the news that cinder and rain might leave

He had to lie to the dark forest cats for the safety of cinderflame and rainpaw... he told the dark cats he had killed his sisters... that way the dark forest would never have a reason to search for them.  Obviously he had not killed them and let them go after a sad goodbye... but now he had to balance on such a fine line.  The dark cats thought he had killed them but as far as he knew apple and stoat didn't know what happened... but telling them just let more in on the secret that was best if fewer knew... for the safety of cinder and rain if any of them let slip they were alive... dire consequences could occur to his sisters... and to him for lying to the dark forest cats... but not telling apple and stoat and letting them assume that cinder and rain died... was also unfair especially after seeing how it felt.

... Oh stars how did he always end up in such messes?

He glanced at Stoatstar, he kept expecting his leader to say something... anything. but he had a million mile stare on looking into nothingness.

Softfall sighed closing his eyes. What a mess this family was... he knew he hadnt made it any better but still....

He silently wished that mottlerose had been the one to find him and his sibling kits (even if the ages there didnt quite work out...) but didnt dare say that... as angry as he was at what had happened and how unfair it all seemed... these were the only family he had left... as broken as they all were together it was all he had left now that cinder and rain were gone... and pushing apple away now was not exactly what he wanted as much as he wanted to yell and scream back at her.

A mix of emotions hit and he didnt even know what they were or how to identify them anymore...

anger? yeah he always had that though that was nothing new...
sadness? yup check
but there was something else... a deep pit that seemed to swallow him up... it was the realization of how messed up their little group was.... no wonder cinder and rain had run away they were the only sensible ones left in this "family" they had.

Looking back at Appledapple he wasnt even sure what he felt towards her now or how exactly to respond to all her acusations on what a mess up he was.

all he was able to do was shrug...

after awhile he finally addressed it "yeah I haven't been the best son or even good for that matter ... If you wanted that we should have never lost Reed... he would have at least made you proud" he spoke somberly.  Softfall felt he could never make apple or stoat happy. He tried to but always messed things up. He messed up as an apprentice when he crossed the RC border and it never got any better really. Stoatstar now was not even talking to him at all... was he just out of it or was this a silent treatment at softfall... he wasnt sure. He looked just uterly defeated and exhausted... he wished his leader ... his father would let him or apple help him but the little tom had always been like this. Stoatstar was convinced he had to bench press the world... which was fine but at least have a spotter mousebrain... He never let anyone close at all and try as apple did the relation between the two was complicated on good days and a nightmare on bad days.

He got up to his paws and walked away from them a little.  Turning back towards Appledapple he nodded a little "... its okay... I understand" and he did... he knew what it was like to kill another... he also knew how dangerous anger was during fights... and she and him at least had that in common... even if right now nothing else that seemed to always be their one common ground. She just had a better grip on it...

"I uhh... need some time along to think about what I even want anymore" he muttered glancing back and forth between the pair.

"... If its fine with you i'm going for fresh air" he asked as calmly as he could. ... he knew he was technically still "grounded" but like... seriously?....

If stoatstar insisted someone accomony him fine he would because he still respected Thunderclan and the leader but he hoped to be alone for some time.

Softfall is slowly walking away but you can call him back if you want to talk to him more or if u want him accompanied out of camp

OOC:
ok there was some confusion as to when this occured.

I originally thought it went something like this.

1) Soft gets grounded after Perch visits their camp
2) Cinder tells apple she will leave Thunderclan soon
3) Cinder and rain leave
4) this topic

.... however I am not so sure this is correct now and as was pointed out the cinder and rain topic was sorta ongoing so I think I may have had 3 and 4 reversed... and probably should have just left that out of this entierly... my bad XD

So I just yoinked out that bit from my last post with an edit. I crossed out what I deleteded so it is still visible and underlined what I added so it is very clear what changed. So I think this gets us out of any weird timing things and now I think we have the same list as before with just 3 and 4 swapped.

Appledapple had said it all. She had unburdened the frustration at herself and Softfall that had lay heavy on her chest, she had raised her voice, lowered it, and said everything she could. Stoatstar added nothing to the conversation-- how could he? What more was there to say? The silence around them felt weighty, oppressive, and louder than any voice. Breathing hard from the demands she had made, the tortoiseshell stood there, waiting for a response. Her stormy eyes drilled holes into her adopted son. She didn't hate him. Even after all the fox-dung he'd stirred up, there was no hatred for the kit that she had tried somehow to raise. There was frustration, anger, unhappiness at his choices, disappointment and jaw-clenching irritation, but no hatred. Could he find it in him to realize his mistakes? To understand? And if not even that, to at least acknowledge the points she had made?

Finally, Softfall spoke... but his words were empty. He had missed the point entirely. As usual. Appledapple's ears pinned back in annoyance, but all the bite was out of her tone. She'd used up all of her anger already. "Want from you?" she repeated in disbelief, her tail swishing behind her. "I know I have not been the greatest mother, despite my efforts. But all I have ever wanted is for you and your siblings is to be good warriors of this Clan: strong, happy, successful. You are this Clan's strength. And to see you wasting your time, your thoughts, on such fox-dung?" The tortoiseshell shook her head bitterly. "You could be great. And instead you always let your temper and hot-headed inclinations get the best of you. You were supposed to be better than that. Better than me. And instead, you act like this. You lose your temper like a kit and then throw a tantrum at the consequences. When will you truly understand?"

The next words spoken made Appledapple feel even worse. Reedshine. He was my apprentice. I could have saved him. "I miss Reedshine too, but his death is no excuse for you to act this way," she spat. Her mouth tasted sour. She wanted nothing more to do with this conversation. "Don't wallow in your past choices like a bird taking a dust bath. Change. That's what I want. You need to realize your issues and be better. Not use them as excuses." The mounting pile of emotions that began building up once more was exhaustion, but irritation got the best of her and made her ear flick. The tom's low-energy attempt to leave the conversation without taking responsibility made her huff in annoyance. "You know you aren't allowed to leave alone... and you have only yourself to blame for that. So don't even think about it."

Well, if Softfall decided that it wasn't worth it to talk, then who was she to persuade him otherwise? Sighing heavily, Appledapple turned back to Stoatstar, then blinked in concern. He was hunched over uncomfortably and hadn't said a word... When was the last time he'd slept? He looked sick. Mouse-brain. She grimaced, walking over to him and tentatively laying her tail across his shoulders. "Hey, you look like a piece of crowfood. Can I get you anything?" Of course, the idiot would probably deny how bad he was feeling, but she would pester him until he did something about it.