dance again my favorite little scene (c)

Appledapple was uncharacteristically nervous as she walked across the frost-coated ground. The early morning silence that was usually comforting seemed empty, waiting for one of them to speak. She'd been wanting to talk to Stoatfur ever since he'd been appointed deputy, but now that she was finally in a position to actually speak with him, she found herself unable to. And once again, like the numerous emotions she'd been feeling recently, she couldn't justify why she felt this way. They'd rarely interacted before a chance interaction at Snakerocks, and talked even less since then. And after the Sunningrocks skirmish and Wolfblaze's death, there had been something strange behind his eyes. She felt it too. But whatever it was hung heavy over both of them like a metaphorical version of the fog around the Owl Tree, where they had just arrived to do some hunting.

It's not that the deputy was unfriendly. He just didn't seem to be in the mood to talk, or... to do anything. The glint in his eye when goading a snake had turned to some sort of strange orange bitterness that twisted at the back of her own throat as well. It frustrated her that she didn't know what to do about it. Point her at an enemy cat, or a predator of some kind, and she would tear it to shreds. How was she supposed to defeat an unseen threat? Prickletail's death, Wolfblaze's murder, the SkyClan and RiverClan fights, the lack of prey, the chill that surrounded ThunderClan... none of these were enemies that Appledapple could fight. The strange lump in her throat also evaded her efforts to ignore it. What was she supposed to do? Nothing. As usual... you idiot. Well, maybe at least this hunting patrol would be luckier than the last. It would be nice to stand over a pile of fresh-kill and see some warmth come back into either of their expressions.

Unlike his companion, Stoatfur was contented to ignore whatever discomfort was between them, fully engrossed by his own emotional turmoil. Although, in this moment it competed with his displeasure for early morning days. The walk to the Owl Tree had done little to shake the sleep from his eyes or invigorate his muscles. Warming up was hard when the frosty air nipped at his heels and froze his bones. If it weren't for the duties that had been placed upon him, the warrior would have been contented to retreat into his nest and be unconcerned what any cat thought of him.

Wolfblaze was on his mind - but less his late clanmate herself, more the strife that had been associated with the ending of her life and the haunting idea of death itself. He felt a certain prickle of guilt at not being particularly haunted by sadness or much else. Her presence was missed and he felt that more through other cats. Of course, Stoatfur remembered the blood-saturated earth and stained fur... the sight stuck with him too. A breath escaped his maw as he turned his attention back to the current circumstances. The cloud of frozen air drifted away.

"Hopefully we find something out here but I'm not going to get my hopes up." The tom muttered, his voice hardly above a whisper so not to scare away what little prey might be around. Squirrels managed to fatten up this season but they seemed to be the only ones and would soon be gone. Moving his paws lightly away from the she-cat and circling the tree, he caught sight of a slender robin. It was hard to push away the shivers that threatened to rippled through his frame. But there was prey and he simply had to catch it. Without hesitation, Stoatfur crept forward, waiting to leap until he was in range. Perhaps it was the way his hindlegs pushed against the frost or the pre-emptive unsheathing of his claws - the bird caught wind of its attacker just before being pinned.

Stoatfur watching it flutter away with a bewildered look on his face. He'd never had issues catching prey - his methods were always precise. The situation caused anger to claw at his stomach like an angry badger and claws dug uncomfortably into the frozen earth. A scowl crossed his features as a brief growl broke out. Had he been a less self-aware creature, he might have snarled or yowled his disdain. But such an outburst would only make circumstances worse... as tempting as it was to curse the entire forest.

The member 'Ripped' has done the following action : Dices roll

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'Hunting Dice' : 6

Just their luck that the first attempt at hunting would be a failure. Appledapple was a little bit relieved to know she wasn't the only one who had been struggling with hunting lately. However, the frustration that hovered around Stoatfur only managed to strengthen her own. How was ThunderClan supposed to get through leaf-bare? SkyClan and RiverClan had just taken what they wanted, they hadn't been strong enough to fight back... and now they still wouldn't be. Whenever their Clan came out into newleaf, maybe they would have the strength to challenge for the Fallen Oak or the Sunningrocks. But for now, the aura of defeat and hunger that hung gloomily over camp was something she could hardly bear.

Her turn to try and catch something. Shaking herself back into her senses, the warrior stalked off around the frosted puddles, walking as quietly as she could and attempting to suppress her chattering teeth. A squirrel caught her eye, in the corner of her vision. One of the last squirrels before they all hid in the trees for the winter. It was at the base of the tree, focused on an acorn... maybe it wouldn't see her. She got as close as she dared, and then pounced. Thankfully, she felt its fur under her paws, and she swiftly ended its life with a nip of her teeth. The squirrel would feed a ThunderClan cat tonight... maybe even two. A shiver of relief went down her spine, and she was less uneasy as she padded back to Stoatfur and shallowly buried her catch. "I haven't caught much for the past few days," she said to the deputy, trying to keep her voice light. "Maybe you're good luck."

The member 'Ash' has done the following action : Dices roll

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'Hunting Dice' : 5

Stoatfur's eyes had glared down the bridge of his nose, causing his eyes to cross as a sign of agitation. But it seemed that Appledapple possessed something he didn't today. Glancing up as she spoke, the tom couldn't help but let out a low snort that bordered on laughter. Yet it was a bitter sound and his neutral expression broke briefly to show the unpleasantries budding up inside. Immediately, the brown and white tom ground out a low response, "Nice catch, Appledapple. It seems your paws are more skilled than mine. You'd think an older warrior could hold his own but that's not always the case. I'm about as much good luck as Skyclan's medicine cat."

He turned away with his maw parted as it there was more to say. Stoatfur let the words die away as he instead tasted the air. Eyes landed on the sight of a squirrel scrabbling up the base of the tree. Racing over, it was right at the last moment that the creature was alerted to his presence. With the last moment, the tom caught soft fur beneath his claws and he lunged to sink his teeth into the throat. Feeling the creature go limp brought satisfaction but it was minimal and fleeting. A frustrated sigh broke from his maw but it was low and nearly inaudible as he slunk back to the rest of the patrol. He wanted to say something more but couldn't find the word, merely turning back to look at the empty forest before them.

The member 'Ripped' has done the following action : Dices roll

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'Hunting Dice' : 6

The slight warmth that had begun to rebuild inside of her was immediately blown away by the chilliness of Stoatfur's gaze. He had been brooding and silent on the walk, but this manifestation of his bitterness wasn't something she had seen from him before. Obviously, he had some issues that didn't just stem from this hunting patrol. Appledapple wanted to say something, anything, but before she could, the tom ran off to continue the hunt. However, the frustration inside her continued to build. What on earth is his problem? None of us are having an easy time right now. Why does he get to mope around and self-deprecate while the rest of us try our StarClan-forsaken best?!

By the time the tom returned, this time with a squirrel in his mouth, the internalized anger had built up too far inside her to stifle anymore. She was sick and tired of putting on a happy face for anyone, least of all the tiny bitter snake-hunting deputy. At his somber sigh, despite the squirrel at his feet that would feed his Clan, Appledapple snapped. "What is your problem?" she demanded, stalking up to him. Her gray eyes were storm-clouds piercing through his gaze. "I know this leaf-bare is hard, but you don't have any excuse to be acting the way you do. Slinking around like a snail and feeling sorry for yourself won't help anyone, least of all the Clan that you are supposed to be helping to lead!"

Anger poured out of her, the rage that had been bottled up since the battle at Sunningrocks, and she found her voice crescendoing to a broken yowl. "ThunderClan is in trouble, and it's not going to get any better if everyone in camp keeps stalking around with sad eyes and bitter snarls! I know it sucks! Life sucks! I'm not having a great time either! My brother died drowning in the river and everyone forgot about him because Wolfblaze has apparently been murdered by the fish-faces we already knew were up to no good! And he didn't even like me that much, and we always argued, and he almost let me get killed by a predator, but that's fine! I still go out and hunt and put on a smile and do everything I am supposed to do as a warrior of ThunderClan because that's what I am, above all else! If you have a problem, just go ahead and say it and get it off your chest and into the open where we can deal with it unlike these other threats! You may be the deputy, but that doesn't give you any right to act this way! So get over yourself, Stoatfur!" Finally she stopped, panting, throat raw after screaming. It felt cathartic to get her anger out... but now the prey was definitely gone. And she had just yelled at her deputy.

He'd begun to slink away to bury his catch, finding his paws were not even a bit lighter than before the kill, weighed down by something larger than this moment. Appledapple's words cut angrily through the cold air, tearing it apart like unseen talons. Stoatfur's eyes widened and he turned to face her. She was much closer than he had realized but his paws were frozen in place. It took him a second longer to digest the words than normal on account of the shock at her outburst. The pair had gotten along fairly well, despite the fact that Appledapple was known for not being the most friendly of cats. Maybe it shouldn't have been much of a shock.

As she carried on, his widened eyes reduced into an even stare. Stoatfur watched her with his tail flicking back and forth. Maybe another deputy might have thought to chastise a warrior who yowled at them in the middle of a patrol. Without knowing it, the two Thunderclan cats came to the same conclusion about what little prey was around them being scared off. He couldn't bring himself to be upset about it, despite the gnawing fear that had worked its way into his belly and dictated his actions for the past moon. When she screeched the final bit at him, his ears flattened for a second before righting themselves.

"Alright then, you done, Appledapple? Got that all out? Feeling better about yourself?" Stoatfur gave her a quizzical and prying stare, almost egging her on in that moment. As he combed through the words, his mind raced. They played over and over again on loop in his head. A stony expression like he'd worn might have given the impression that none of the speech was truly digested. But it had been - digested and regurgitated into a nasty mess that the deputy could hardly bring himself to look at. Part of him wanted to feel sorry for her, to pity her for having to deal with everything. He wasn't a creature of pity.

"If I wanted to sit around and get yowled at by a hypocrite, I'd have lead this patrol to Sunningrocks but I'm glad I saved us both the trek because hunting here seems to have had the same effect. You have no idea what I'm going through, none of the clan could understand. At least I'm pulling my weight, doing what I can when it seems like most cats want to sit on their paws all day. You don't suppose that carrying the lives of an entire clan on your back and staring death in the face is a reason to bitter at this entire star-forsaken world? I guess if my father taught me one thing, expecting disappointment is a good value to live by." Venomous sarcasm and mocking dripped from the tom's maw as he launched a rebuttal. In a stark contrast to the fiery words being spewed from her maw, his was cool and calloused.

Perhaps the she-cat didn't realize it but there was a hint of shock that broke through his stony facade, buried deep beneath his orange gaze. Stoatfur might have retaliated in disdain, a moment of frustration, but the words were as poison as they were honest. He hardly ever spoke so much to another cat unless the air was being filled with the vast collection of knowledge that twisted relentlessly in his head. Beyond the brief moment with Minkstar before their battle at Sunningrocks, it was rare the tom showed his underbelly, so to speak. Teeth clenched at the realization she'd dragged something out of him that he hardly wanted to see.

Stoatfur whipped around, not wanting to look at her. It seemed this patrol was nearing its end anyways. He placed a paw on the squirrel digging his claws in far deeper than he should have and pausing before picking it up, "I never forgot about him, by the way, thanks for asking. Easy to forget that his littermates were the only cats that cared, I guess."

Appledapple was almost surprised by the fact that he responded at all. His bitter self-importance had hung so large over his head she was sure he might just ignore it. Instead, Stoatfur responded... angrily. Some part of her was glad to see an actual emotion emerging from the twisted mess that seemed to be eating up inside. However, the rest of her was enraged by how little of her actual outburst seemed to have been absorbed. Then, after rebutting in a way that he must have thought was sufficient, he turned his back on her. Her hackles raised. "Oh no, woe is me! I'm having a hard life and I won't tell anyone about it so they don't understand!" the warrior said mockingly, stalking up to him. He couldn't get away from this that easily. "Aww, I'm so sad and no one knows what I'm going through because all I do is toss back-handed compliments around and act like ThunderClan is lucky to have me! Do you even hear yourself, Stoatfur? Are you putting any thought into the words coming from your selfish maw, or is that just an automatic reflex like everything else you do?"

Feeling the heat of the blood coursing through her veins, reigniting the wrath that had almost cooled, Appledapple walked around the deputy and sat in front of him, glaring straight into his face and ignoring his attempts to move on from the argument. "Oh, you didn't forget about your former apprentice, huh? Well, you could have fooled me. For all the emotion you show on that crowfood-crusted face of yours, I had no idea you even knew he existed. For all the condolences you offer, all the efforts you make to connect with the cats whose lives supposedly weigh so heavy on your head, how was I supposed to know that you felt anything other than bitter disdain?" Resisting her impulse to lunge at the tom and show her emotions through fighting physically rather than verbally, she settled instead for digging her claws into the ground. They broke through the layer of frost and sunk deep into the peaty dirt. "I know that I'm not a perfect warrior, but at least I realize that the only way to communicate with other cats is to use your foxing words. Cats have hard lives. That's the way it is. Deputies and leaders and medicine cats get authority and privileges for the price of having to do more work. So what? You think you're any different than high-and-mighty Bloodstar, stomping around ThunderClan the way you do?"

At some point, her words stopped becoming attempts to express her ideas and make the tom see, and started becoming efforts to make him hurt. To make him feel pain, to make him feel something real, to dig into his soul with words as sharp as claws because something inside her twisted painfully every time that expression came into his face. She hated him for doing this to her, to himself. "As if the rest of us don't stare death in the face. As if every other ThunderClan warrior isn't doing their best to get the Clan through this StarClan-forsaken leaf-bare. Did you ever consider that it's possible cats do care about you? That other cats exist besides yourself and the ones you hate? That other cats experience the fear of death, the loss of loved ones, the anger at how unfair the world is? You keep acting like you're so noble, going around the world knowing about these things while the rest of us lounge around in the nursery, batting mossballs around in blissful ignorance. Oh, we're so lucky to not be Stoatfur! Ah, imagine being deputy and knowing what pain is like! But we will never understand."

Appledapple's chest heaved as the anger poured out of her, draining her dry, but she kept going anyway. She needed to throw as many words as she could at him, a barrage of piercing thorns, as many as he deserved and then some. He needed to know. "But you don't even realize, do you, Stoatfur? It's so easy to call others hypocrites that you don't even think to apply the label to yourself. You're so busy worrying about the lives of other cats that you don't take time to care about the lives of other cats. According to you, we might as well be faceless blobs of dirt. You're so caught up in your own problems that others don't even exist. Our future sure looks bright when you're leader. You can get up there and squabble with the rest of them, play pretend with your pals Bloodstar and Jaystar, have your big discussions on the Great Rock that amount to nothing. And when you pass on, you will have left nothing in this world, not an emotional impact on a single cat that couldn't have been made by some other leader. You're so afraid of what might happen that you'll never do anything. You're just like Prickletail. You and everyone else in my life... cowards, all of you. Fox-bitten mouse-hearted cowards!"

Eventually, she stopped yelling at him. Not because she wasn't angry anymore, but because she couldn't think of anything to say. Appledapple just stood there, every ounce of anger and frustration and rawness practically bleeding from her face, knowing that eventually the void she'd created after all the wrath left would be filled again with just as much self-loathing as she hated in Stoatfur. Was this what all her relationships had become?

She was successful. The words did hurt. They ripped at his chest and tore it open. Clutching the earth with his claws and clenching his teeth was the only thing that prevented the broken snarl from leaving his maw. Did she think he didn't understand these things? That he was daft? Stoatfur was the kind of tom to be overly aware of his own being. But closing himself off, locking away the deeper parts of himself, it was easier - it was safe. Minkstar had told him to trust others, Appledapple yowled away about sharing emotions with other cats, and where had any of it gotten him.

For the brief moment that she hadn't been before him, Stoatfur's eyes had softened with a particular sadness. He'd never spoken of anything his father had done in a positive light - why now? With all his infinite wisdom, it did not quite seem to click that this behavior he'd learned from his father was a twisted coping mechanism that would only further destroy him as time went on. But this wouldn't be the time that he would learn it. Instead, his eyes glossed over, becoming a hardened steel as he glared at Appledapple. She had no right to say such things to him.

He bared his teeth and let out a low hiss. If she wanted to see something from him, then this was the most she would get. With a lashing tail, the deputy took a step closer, "If I'm hardly going to leave an impact anyways, lets hope this leafbare takes me before I become leader. Wouldn't that be nice for you? One less coward for you to leer at." So many things had been said that piled on to the carrionpile in his mind. Inside was a disgusting filth, a rotting mess that he never wanted to look at, and yet she forced it on him. Stoatfur refused to acknowledge it now out of defiance, thinking that not only would such a thing make him vulnerable, but it might potentially bring her undue satisfaction.

"We're heading back to camp. This patrol is over with all the prey gone. From now on you can join the patrols, Thrushnose leads. Hopefully she's satisfactory enough for you." The brown and white warrior's words were equally as distasteful as they had been moments earlier. He'd never tried to tout his position before and he hardly was now. Although, it seemed there was a perk to this position after all - one that allowed him to dart away from his problems with ease. Maybe they could talk when she cooled down or they had some time apart but for the moment, nothing seemed less appealing.