The Plague of the Mind [C]

Burningwing brought a rat into the medicine den, his eyes landing on his brother and sister who were sprawled out in their nests. Their breathing was labored despite not moving much for several moons. Standing over both of them was Cypressfang, Burningwing's mother. She looked far older than she really was, her face lined and sagging with worry and her eyes swollen from crying. The truth was that Burningwing hated coming in here. Pinekit and Shallowkit were as old as he was, but never became healthy enough to even earn their apprentice names or even make it outside the medicine den without collapsing from exhaustion. Yet they clung to life stubbornly and selfishly. Burningwing felt guilty, but he had grown resentful of his siblings. His father was alone in the warrior's den, always saying nothing and often patrolling alone. His mother stayed with her other two kits day in and day out, hoping and praying that they would somehow be okay.

Except Burningwing knew they would never be okay.

"I brought you some dinner, mom." He said through gritted teeth, bringing the rat inside by it's tail. Cypressfang said nothing to him as he placed the rat by her feet. She didn't even acknowledge him. The red and white molly could only stare down at her slowly dying kits, as if staring at them and aging herself beyond her years would somehow put life back into their deconditioned bodies. Burningwing sat down and waited, hoping that she would at least eat some of the rat. There was a tense silence for several moments before he decided to speak again.

"You have done everything you can. So has Basilbloom. You should get out of the medicine den and rest or eat or... something other than sit here. I'm sure dad would like to see you." He waited for her to answer, but all he got was that twitching of her mouth that he always got when she was trying to prevent herself from crying again. He sighed, frustration and anger welling up within him. Pinekit and Shallowkit only continued to lay there and pant as if they had ran for miles and just couldn't move another step. "Please at least eat. You can't fret over them if you're dead from starvation." His words came out snappier than intended, to which he almost apologized, but again. Cypressfang never even looked at him. The dark tom turned away and walked out. No sooner had he stepped outside that he spotted Basilbloom. Maybe she was returning from herb gathering?

Burningwing headed in her direction quickly while he still might be able to speak to her alone. "Basilbloom... I..." His eyes went back to the medicine den and then were back on her. "I'd like to ask you a favor, before you go inside. Do you have just a moment?"

Basilbloom's evening had been pleasant so far, only a slightly chilly breeze ruffling the medicine cat's tortoiseshell fur as she pushed through the camp's entrance with a smile.  She had been out for a relaxing walk but along the way she had managed to find some coltsfoot, the stems and leaves held carefully in her jaws so as not to lose the valuable sap contained inside.  As leaf-bare began to wrap its icy grips around the clans, many of her clanmates had already come down with colds and coughs.  Nothing major for the time being, as long as they were treated quickly, but her biggest concern was for Pinekit and Shallowkit.  Though they were the same age as her, the two young cats had never thrived after birth and needed constant treatment and attention.  Basilbloom had been considered a sickly kit, and still was a sickly adult, but never to the degree that Burningwing's siblings were.  The poor dears could barely walk around camp on a good day, and now with both of them suffering from winter colds, they had become her top priority.  If Basilbloom was honest though...their prognosis wasn't good.

Despite her efforts and examinations, Basilbloom couldn't figure out what was causing their weakness.  Her condition had always been clear and easy to manage for the most part but for Pinekit and Shallowkit their thin, stunted bodies just seemed to have been born without strength and endurance.  The question of why though wasn't important right now, what she needed to focus on was keeping them alive and curing their colds.  The she-cat kept the smile on her face as she approached the medicine den, knowing that Cypressfang would likely be there, but to her surprise, Burningwing emerged from the den before she could enter and greeted her, the medicine cat returning his approach with a friendly nod.  Like Frostgaze, she had known Burningwing since they were kits together in the nursery, but unlike the deputy, she didn't quite know what her opinion was on the dark-furred warrior.  He was relatively nice to her and her family, but not to others who didn't have what he called 'pure blood'.  She had seen blood before - and plenty of it - from many of her clanmates, and it had all looked the same to her.  Every good cat was deserving of love and health no matter their lineage, that was her belief, and she accepted that they disagreed on that.  As Burningwing spoke though, his voice low and tense, her other thoughts vanished and the she-cat's amber eyes shined curiously as she nodded, using her tail to guide them towards a less occupied space of the camp and placing her herbs down.  "Oh of course you can, what can I help you with?"  Sitting down, Basilbloom curled her tail around her front paws and purred, tilting her head slightly as she waited for her friend to reveal his request.  He sounded serious, and she had a good guess about what he would speak of, but she preferred her clanmates to ask her about the health of their friends and family rather than just bottle up the feelings until they lashed out at someone who didn't have the answers.  She didn't know every answer to every question, but she could certainly try her best.

Well now that Burningwing had her attention... he hadn't thought of how he should bring up his suggestion. Was it even right to ask such a thing? He followed after her to a more secluded spot in camp and he sighed quietly to himself. It was a cruel thing to ask, but it was right... There was no hope for his siblings and no matter how much his mother stayed where she was and worried over them, it wouldn't change anything.

"I love my family... I do... but I know my brother and sister have no chance of recovery. Even if they did, how much resources would we need to get them to be healthy? It's leaf-bare now..." He looked back over his shoulder, worried that his mom might suddenly be behind him. Of course she wasn't. He could still see her sitting by his siblings with the rat near her paws, untouched. He looked back at Basilbloom, his heart and stomach aching more than it did just a moment ago.

"I have a favor to ask... and maybe it's a cruel one but... I was hoping you'd consider giving Pinekit and Shallowkit..." Could he really say it? The word caught in his throat and he hesitated. He almost decided that he couldn't say it and was about to just walk away... but it wouldn't solve his mother's problem. He swallowed hard. "Deathberries. Will you please just give them deathberries and let them pass peacefully? I don't know that my mom would know what you did and I certainly wouldn't tell anyone." His eyes dropped to Basilbloom's paws, clearly ashamed of what he was asking.

"I know it's a cruel thing to ask of you and I loathe to ask it. I know this might sound ridiculous coming from an adult warrior but..." His ears were low against his head and his tail curled next to a hind leg as if he were going on the defensive. His tone and his expression however, were far from threatening. If anything, it was the most heart-breaking, somber look that Burningwing had probably ever shown anyone in his life. His eyes were even beginning to become moist.

"I miss my mom and so does my dad. We'd both like to spend time with her before she dies too." She had been wasting away in that medicine den for moons. The only thing that would set her free, he hoped, was the peaceful passing of her son and only daughter. He knew she'd mourn them, he would too, but at least then she might be able to recover and do normal, routine things again.

Silence stretched between the two cats for a long moment, and to anyone Basilbloom's expression would've been unreadable.  Amber eyes lowered to the ground with a stiff posture, she gave herself time to think, and process what had just been asked of her by Burningwing.  Eventually, though, the young medicine cat sighed and lifted her gaze, and despite her clear frown sympathy was apparent in her low, careful tone.  "I understand your thoughts Burningwing, I really do, but that isn't a request that I can honor.  First of all, deathberries don't cause a peaceful death, they only give the body a new reason to fail and shut down.  I've heard that it can be quite painful, the outward effects gruesome, unlike other poisons like nightshade.  I don't keep either in my stores, because it is my belief that if a cat is to pass into StarClan, they will be called in their own time.  As a medicine cat, it is my duty to care for, protect, and support my clanmates until their dying breath.  Just as warriors fight on the battlefield against our enemies, I fight against the results of the harsh lives we live, and it's not in my character to surrender."

Folding her tail around her forepaws, Basilbloom met Burningwing's gaze steadily, though her heart was pounding.  "I won't deny that Pinekit and Shallowkit are not doing well, and they haven't been doing well for a long time.  Their bodies simply weren't born with the same strength and immunity to illness that most cats have, and I don't know why.  It's not likely they'll survive leaf-bare.  However, they've clung to life regardless, because it is the wish of your parents that I continue to treat them.  When every other family member is telling me to do my best to keep them alive, the one who asks me not to is unfortunately the one I have to disappoint.  I value honesty in my den Burningwing, I always explain the risks and consequences of what I do, and both your mother and father have chosen to take them in stride.  I am concerned about your mother's health, but I would be even more concerned about it if her kits were to suddenly pass away from unknown causes.  The heart of a mother is more delicate than you or I know, and everyone goes through grief in different ways.  I won't deny her the right to allow things to progress the way they are, because I can still support her in this state.  I can encourage her to eat, give her strengthing and mind-soothing herbs, and talk to her about the future, all of which I've already been doing.  If you wish, I can encourage her to leave the den more often, but I won't take away what is currently her lifeline."

Sighing, Basilbloom stepped forward and gently rested her tail on the warrior's shoulder, finally showing a melancholy smile.  "I'm sorry, truly.  If it is ever your family's wish for Pinekit and Shallowkit's treatment to stop I will honor that, but for as long as they live I won't give up on them on a personal level.  They are as much my clanmates as you and your parents are, despite their condition, and I truly hope that someday I will be able to find a way for them - and other cats like them - to live a better life.  If something like that ever happens, you will be the first cat I come to, I promise."  Her words were confident, but Basilbloom couldn't help remembering her own time in the nursery, before becoming a medicine cat.  The darkness she felt at her uselessness, feeling every failure and difference weighing down on her tiny shoulders until she was sure she would break.  She couldn't be sure if Pinekit and Shallowkit had similar thoughts, they barely had the strength to speak, but a sudden pang of worry throbbed in her heart.  What do they want, she wondered?  Could they hear the voices of StarClan in their ears, or was there just silence and fear?  The two poor cats were being pulled along by the wishes and sorrows of their family, and she couldn't help but feel caught in the middle of it as well.