all i have left of you [birth topic]

It was harder without Sparrowflight there.

Everything was, and it wasn't only taking its toll on Primroselight, but her kits too. The adult ones, that was, the ones who knew what happened. The sun was barely in the sky when the first pains came, making her cry out and Muddythorn rush to her side. He never seemed to be that far away anymore, even if he had gone back to his own den - for the first two or three nights since losing his father, the tom had slept in the nursery beside the warrior, feeling all too alone in the medicine den.

"Herbs, herbs. And some sticks." Muddythorn said under his breath, as he'd learned it was easier for him to organise his thoughts when he talked them through. Even though he could come across a little crazy at times. "Coming Mum! One sec," He grabbed all that he needed and was soon at Primroselight's side, passing her the sturdiest-looking stick he could find. She took gently in her mouth, but when the second wave of pain came the wood splintered a little in her teeth. She'd done this before. She knew what she was doing. Although the medicine cat knew all would be fine, he couldn't help but be reminded of his own littermates, gone to Starclan far too soon. Don't think about that now. She needs you.

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"Three healthy she-kits. All of them, perfect and all right and well." The medicine cat said excitedly, using all the energy he had left in the smile of his face.

They all made it. Primroselight sighed with a mixture of relief and exhaustion. She didn't know if she could cope with losing someone else. Not after Sparrow. "Thank you Muds. You're great at this." Her voice was raspy and quiet, and she couldn't help but be proud at how much her son had grown. When Dawnkit and Stagkit had been born, the tom was a nervous mess, and now he'd handled the situation well. It wasn't that he hadn't been nervous, more that he hadn't allowed it to get in the way of what he had to do.

The warrior now remembered she still needed to name them. And a large part of her heart and head knew she couldn't and didn't want to do that alone. Then an idea struck her. "Can you do fetch Dawn for me? Let her meet her new sisters." Of course, the young she-cat would meet them soon enough, but the idea of having all her kits together lit up her mind. Then they could name them together. For now, though, whilst she waited, she lay her head back, the kits mewling and squirming at her belly, and let herself have one moment of rest.

The empty hole in her heart where Sparrowflight belonged was still there, red and raw, but the new life lying beside her helped to ease the pain a little. He was still there, after all, just not in the same way.

Dawnfeather gave a slightly impatient tail flick as she padded through the forest, the early morning sun barely warming her pelt. Her companion on the dawn patrol proved rather slow. And not steady. And Dawnfeather was worried for Prima, knowing that the kits would come soon… she couldn’t wait! But she also wanted to be there, and this… slow cat wasn’t helping…

As they finally neared camp, the expression on the cats passing them said it all before their words could. Dawnfeather started running flat-out, excited and anxious and… and all sorts of things. She leapt over an apprentice too slow to get out of the way and collided with Muddy in the nursery entrance.

The young warrior picked herself up with a sheepish smile… and her gaze fell on the kits. The kits. The beautiful kits. Completely forgetting to apologize to her brother for running into him, she hovered over the kits, purring uncontrollably. “They’re beautiful Prima. Just beautiful…” The sight of her three- three baby sisters… her eyes began to water. “One’s a little calico, one’s a cream tabby… the last one looks a little bit like Da. Just beautiful, Prima… they’re wonderful…” She sat down, the purr loud and clear. “They’re wonderful…” She’d always loved kits… but these, these had a special place in her heart, along with Hollowpaw, Muddy, Prima, Da, and Beetl-

She cut that train of thought off, gently pressing against her mother. “I’m lost for words… they’re beautiful.”

It ruined out that Muddythorn had no need to look for his sister, as she ran headlong into him as he exited the den. He didn't mind too much, and also remembered that now the stress of doing the medicine-cat things he'd needed to do, he could properly meet his new siblings as their big brother, not just the cat who delivered them. "Dawn you need to be careful. This is the nursery, you can't run in here with so much speed!" He said as he rejoined the she-cats next to the nest, giving the cream warrior a gentle, playful nudge.

Primroselight had convinced herself that she'd been fine so far, but didn't want to be alone when she named the new arrivals. And three kits, as well, that was perfect. One for each of them to name. "I wanted you both to name one of them, s-since Sparrow can't." Her voice broke off slightly, but she could fight the grief with this new joy inside her. It was still comforting to have someone beside her, even if it wasn't her mate.

Muddythorn was surprised that he was being entrusted with naming a kit, but then remembered the muttering around the nursery and camp the last time his mother had named a kit. At the time, it had seemed like a questionable decision, but Dawnfeather was so pure that he didn't think anyone tied her name to him anymore. And if they did, they clearly hadn't spent enough time around the young she-cat. "The cream tabby could be Waspkit, because she can like... protect her clan... you know... like wasps are really good at protecting their home." He started explaining, but soon trailed off. At least he knew Dawnfeather would pick a pretty name.

"Waspkit it is, definitely the kind of name your dad would chose. His explanation for naming you Muddykit was because you 'kind of looked like you had dirt on you'." Primroselight managed to laugh slightly as she said that, which was a good sign. That she could bring up Sparrowflight and not immediately burst into tears. Maybe it would hurt even less one day. Dawnfeather seemed to be putting proper though into the name she picked, and so the warrior took her turn. "Slatekit, for the tabby. It can always tie her to Skyclan, even if she decides her place is elsewhere." Their rocky forests were signature to the clan, and she couldn't help but be reminded of this 'new home' Wolfcall had gone to search for. But it could also be in a different way, like Jasminepaw, Tornshadow or Birdsong, who were happier in a different place.

“Oh, I’m sorry, Muddy!” Dawnfeather mewed, ducking her head sheepishly. “You’re right…” She nudged him gently back, purring. They were beautiful… she hadn’t thought anything could warm her heart so easily while barely doing anything.

“Us? Name a kit?” She asked, glancing at Muddy. Apparently he was continuing the tradition she’d heard about- of toms coming up with terrible names. “Muddy… you’re so silly!” She flicked her tail gently against his side… fastening her gaze on the little calico. A little wisp of white on her chest made Dawnfeather’s eyes water a little… it reminded her so much of Stag. Slatekit was a wonderful name for the brown one… that left her the little calico.

“Hollykit,” she breathed, leaning forwards and very gently rasping her tongue over the kit’s head. “May you be protected from life’s troubles by safeguards as effective as holly leaves.” A pause, as she gazed at her new sisters, a purr rumbling deep in her chest. “They’re all so wonderful… Waspkit, Slatekit, and little Hollykit. I love them… and I love you both, too!” She straightened up and leaned on Muddy a little, brushing her tail against her mother gently.

If only this moment could last forever…

Waspkit mews neither in agreement nor distaste of the naming ceremony (Not that they understood!).Instead began to wriggle herself underneath her sisters and closer to mother, out of plain sight and cuddling in the warmth