Rising from the Ashes (Closed for now)

Warm morning light filtered down through the treetops of browning leaves onto Ash's face, causing him to squint through the brightness.  It was important to keep his eyes on the path ahead since right now he was on ThunderClan's territory, albeit just on the edge near the river as it wound alongside the trees.  This was the quickest way to the shallow part of the river where he could easily cross, so he hoped ThunderClan could forgive his slight intrusion.  Whatever had to be done in order for him to return home he was willing to do...he just hated that it had taken him this long.  For a few moons now he had been hovering on the edges of the territory, wanting to cross but worry holding him back.  Endless questions raged through his head, with few answers to be found; the only way he could know if Ivystar would truly take him back was to ask, and today he would find that out.  The beautiful birdsong strengthened his pawsteps, and the long-furred tom took a deep, reassuring sigh before trotting down the riverbank and plunging into the chilly water, swimming strongly to the other side - his homeland.

Slowly, the landscape of deciduous forest and heavy foliage was replaced by the occasional copse of willow and birch trees, cattails and reeds lining the many small streams that flowed into and from the greater river.  As he walked, the tom's pawsteps fell into the familiar paths he had taken in his youth, recalling hunting patrols and exploratory ventures taken along those very tracks.  The scents sunk him into his memories; the earthy smell of marshy water, prey trails of water vole and ducklings...it all brought him more comfort than he had ever experienced.  He could feel tears welling in his wide green eyes, but the former apprentice forced himself not to let them flow.  He needed to savor this, in case he was told never to return.

As he rounded a gentle hill, the camp was in sight, and exactly as he had last seen it.  He recalled back to when he had first followed Stormbringer here as a kitten, and the awe he had felt seeing this intriguing and beautiful island, but now all he felt was an innate longing to make it his home once more, to return to the life that had been stolen from him and his siblings.  Before he trotted down to the water to cross though, Ash sat down and took a deep, steadying breath; his paws were shaking like mad.  How should I do this?  Should I just walk in and ask for Ivystar? Or...  Twitching his ears, Ash sniffed the air; there was a cat very close by.  Fighting the impulse to hide, he stepped out so that he was clearly visible and called out with what he hoped sounded like a friendly, curious greeting.  "Hello?  If you're a RiverClan cat, I'd like to speak with you about something, please."

There was only so much time Wisteriabloom could bear to lie around and do nothing. To remedy her boredom, the elder had taken to going on at least daily walks around the territory, pretty much always alone. Some might say that it wasn't safe for her all by herself, but to that she just bristled, sharply turned and said that she 'wasn't in the ground yet'. Sure, she was getting on in age, the weather growing colder had shown her that, but she could still defend herself if she needed to. Her leg hadn't healed perfectly, leaving her with a small network of scarring and a limp brought out when her joints were stiff. She could fight on three legs though, she'd done it before.

Today, she was headed for the willow tree. The one that held such a sweet memory in her mind, of her and Shrikefrost being young and stupid. Or maybe it was just Wisteriabloom who had been stupid. She said they'd be together forever, naive as she was, and now here they were, one in Starclan, the other still here, retired, but still going strong. Still, she liked to visit the tree. maybe old age was making her sentimental. However, she had barely set foot out of camp when a voice made her whip around, back arched. A distinctive scent life had made her extremely wary of. Rouge. Despite there being nothing hostile in the unfamiliar tom's voice, Wisteriabloom no longer trusted easily, especially when it came to outsiders. "About what?" She kept her voice as neutral as possible, smoothing her pelt as she spoke. The stranger was young, but was probably trained. She could run from a dog or fox, however, paw-to-paw fighting required energy and skill she no longer practised.

Ash caught sight of the she-cat to which he was speaking, an older gray tabby with a white chest.  She looked vaguely familiar to him but he couldn't recall if they had ever spoken in the past; regardless, he dipped his head respectfully and offered her what he hoped was a reassuring smile.  "My name is Ash, but I was once known as Ashpaw.  I am Ivystar's adopted son, and I've returned to see if she will welcome me back home to RiverClan.  Please, could I speak to her?"  He was surprised how easily the words he had agonized over for so long flowed from his mouth, but now that they were out the anxious fluttering in his chest began.  Would the she-cat believe him?  Had Ivystar spoken of him since he had been gone, would she recognize his name?  He didn't know, and it made his stomach churn.  Bracing his legs, the small tom stood as confidently as he could and met the gaze of who he hoped would be his clanmate by sundown.  He knew his words and intentions were true, but would she think the same?

Wisteriabloom regarded the stranger warily. He seemed to know a lot about the clans, as much as a cat who had lived with them would. As much as an ex-Asylum cat would. Trust was no longer something that came easily to the she-cat, and no doubt she was suspicious, but also interested in what would happen. He could be part of a distraction, a greater plan of attack. Or just a lonely cat wanting to return home, who was telling the whole truth. She wished she could be optimistic enough to expect that. Just as a precaution, she unsheathed the claws of one paw as she turned her head back to camp. If she was attacked here, no-one would see her, but her clanmates would definitely hear her, and there were enough warriors up and around to help. However, when she turned back around, she met Ash's eyes. They looked vaguely familiar, but instead of seeing a stranger, for the briefest second she saw Snakekit. Or Katana, or whatever her name was.

A kit adopted into Riverclan who was just looking for their mother. She had heard that story before. Been part of it, for Starclan's sake. A wave of pity washed over her, making her nod and speak again, this time her voice drastically different. Still guarded, but full of sympathy and much gentler, "Follow me then. I don't know what it's like to be lost looking for a parent, but I know what it's like to lose a kit and find them again, much later on." She led the tom to the camp, which wasn't far. Even though she had agreed, she couldn't help but eye the warriors flicking around camp, hoping they would be able to act quickly if anything went downhill. She still had fight left in her, that was a definite, but it would be better not to take any chances.

As he saw the elder's demeanor change before his very eyes from one of suspicion to sympathy, Ash felt as if a million weights had fallen from his back.  He took a relieved breath, and his jubilant smile reflected equally in his round green eyes.  The sad yet interesting reasoning she gave for trusting his claim made him want to ask more, but he decided to focus on the task at hand; perhaps if them became clanmates, he could ask her about it one day.  "Thank you so much."  Simple words, he had to save the complicated ones for later.  As he began following the she-cat down the familiar path into the island camp, he felt his heart begin to race faster and faster until he was convinced that it was about to explode.  The memories, the happiness this place held...he wanted it back so bad he could barely stand it.  Through the front entrance, and there it was...his home.  His beloved home.  It was exactly as he had left it, despite the many new faces that surrounded him, but for now, there was only one that he was looking for.  Nodding with a smile to the cat who had led him there, he approached the den which he had always known to be his mother's.  Stopping far from the entrance yet still close enough to be heard, he called out the words he had longed to say for so long.

"Ivystar...mother, it's Ashpaw.  I'm home."

Head resting lazily on her front paws, Ivystar pondered how she would feed her growing Clan in the upcoming leafbare, which was already baring the teeth and claws of its intensity. Last leafbare she had little to worry about, because after begrudgingly agreeing to Asylum’s reign, they provided enough food for her Clan that she didn’t need to worry about their empty stomachs. Granted, she had much more pressing things to worry about, but it meant she had little experience with this nonetheless. At the sound of approaching pawsteps outside the warriors den, she knew she’d have to figure this out later.

With a sigh, she lifted herself to her paws because she knew by the way the cat had paused outside the den, they needed to talk to her, her deputy, or both of them. When she heard that voice, though, when that name rang true, her heart nearly stopped. Pushing through the entrance of the den without a second thought, she struggled to push down the lump in her throat when she saw who say outside the den. A matured, grown up version of the kit she took in many moons ago stood before her. She refrained from approaching him, remembering who he’d allied himself with last time he found himself in her camp. “Ashpaw?” She murmured, tail twitching in the sand underpaw. “Where’ve you been?”

When Ivystar emerged from the warrior's den, her nostalgically familiar silver tabby fur and kind green eyes bright in the early sunlight, Ash felt all the air robbed from his lungs.  It had been so long since he had spoken to her in this setting, a normal conversation rather than takeover bargains and threats.  He was no longer hiding behind the black fox pelt like a coward, he was out in the open and ready to hear her judgment...and see his failings.  The tom's pale green eyes opened wide, and though tears welled at their edges he was able to keep his voice steady and clear as he took a few steps to approach his mother, but still keeping a comfortable distance.  After all these moons...it was time to explain.

"Mother...I'm sorry.  I'm so, so sorry, I didn't mean to leave RiverClan, and I didn't mean to come back as an enemy.  All I ask now is that you listen to my story before you pass judgment.  The day that my siblings and I went missing we had decided to go hunting near the Twoleg Farm, and we decided to venture inside.  Stupid, I know, but seeing the barn reminded my siblings of our kithood and I thought that it would be a quick in and out...  Twolegs found us and caught us, taking us away in a monster and dumping us into a cold, dark cage with a bunch of other cats and even dogs.  I could hear the whispers around us from other cats...this was a place that animals went to die.  So, I managed to get Quailpaw and Irispaw and myself out of the cage and we tried to find a way out of the Twoleg den, and when we finally did we had to trick a Twoleg to open it for us.  I acted as bait for the Twoleg, and it worked, but I made the mistake of running outside first to lead Quailpaw and Irispaw to safety..."  Ash paused, choking on his words for a moment before taking a deep breath.

"The door closed behind me...t-trapping them inside.  I slammed on the door, yowled, wailed, cried...I tried to go back in the rescue them, but the Twoleg didn't let me back in.  I was devastated, and so ashamed.  I had failed them, I promised my mother and father that I would protect them after they died...and I had just led them to their own deaths.  I was on my own for the very first time in my life and lost in a place I had never been before.  No scent trail to follow, no landmarks to recognize in the distance, I had no idea what to do.  At the time, I felt like I didn't have a right to try and find home again...home being RiverClan.  I felt like I had lost all possible honor and respectability I could've possessed, returning back to the Clan not only felt like an impossible task but one I wasn't even worthy of taking.  That was why I stayed away so long...and how I fell in with Asylum."

The loss of his siblings had been the most painful moment in his story, but what he was about to speak about was by far the most shameful, and his eyes took on a much more grave expression.  "After wandering for a while, I found myself in a forest and decided to stop and hunt for a bit.  However, a fox attacked me and left this scar on my back - "  Ash turned to the side to show the well-healed bite scar across his upper back.  " - and I surely would've died if not for an Asylum patrol leaping out of the shadows and taking down the beast.  I was grateful for their help and impressed by their strength and sense of community...when they invited me to join, I realized how much I had missed having other cats to rely on and live beside.  That's why I joined them...if I had known that they would attack the Clans I never would have, but to me at the time they were nothing more than safety and sanctuary, and I took on their mark with foolish excitement."  Spreading the long fur on his shoulder which, gratefully, hid his Asylum mark, he allowed Ivystar to see the single deep line that each Asylum soldier received.  It was part of his truth that would live with him forever.

"I was happy at first.  I made friends - Raisha, Spyre, Nylah, Cheville, Brick, Shira, and many others - and they were good cats.  We were all lost souls fighting for survival together, or at least that's how I saw it.  They gave me a new name, Duran, and I slowly started to feel like a new cat, separated from all the mistakes of my past.  In reality, I was just trying to run from them and ignore the aching in my heart that told me I was wrong, that I wasn't where I was meant to be.  The day I finally listened though was the day it was announced that Asylum would be taking over the clans...and I volunteered to go.  I was conflicted because I wanted to help Asylum, the cats to who I owed my life and had taken me in...but I also wanted to protect RiverClan, the ones who had already done all that for me and much, much more.  The night we invaded RiverClan's camp was when I first started to realize that I couldn't do both, and as time went on and I desperately tried to reconcile both of my lives into one the tension and pain in my heart only grew more immense...and it came to a head when the Asylum higher-ups started to speak of forcing the clans into violent submission.  That, was when I knew I couldn't play both sides anymore because I knew that as soon as the battle started I would've gone to RiverClan's side in a heartbeat.  I knew however, that would've been my last heartbeat."

"I ran, like the coward that I am.  I vanished into the night before the battle, and ran far away.  Beyond Highstones, I wandered using the name Ash and waited to hear word of the results of the battle.  I was confident that the Clans would win, or at least that was what my naive heart wanted, and I swore that the moment I heard news of their victory I would return.  I kept that vow; an older tom mentioned that he had heard of the Clans chasing off an invading group, and I started the journey home.  It took a while, but the feeling of finally crossing Highstones again and seeing the river glowing in the morning sun...it was the most beautiful feeling.  I ran into Raisha at the old rouge camp, and cut ties with her.  While I gathered my courage to approach the clan, I met an exiled she-cat named Tornshadow and she helped to give me the last push I needed to come back.  Now...I'm here."  Finally wordless, Ash lowered himself into a low bow, putting himself at the mercy of Ivystar as tears finally rolled down his cheeks.

"I've become many things over these past moons; a failure, a traitor, a coward...but from this day on, I swear that I will no longer allow myself to slip deeper into the darkness those parts of my history represent.  If you are willing to take a chance on me Ivystar, just like you once did when I was but a thieving kit, I will rededicate my life to RiverClan until the day I die.  I've always been Ashpaw, no matter the name I've taken or how far I've wandered, and my only desire is the prove that to you, to the clan, and to the whole forest."  Closing his eyes, Ashpaw ran out of words and remained silent, waiting with an anxious soul for Ivystar's response.

"Don't apologize, just... Help me understand." Ivystar mewed, maintaining eye contact with Ash. She hesitated even to blink, paranoid that if she looked away for even a fraction of a second, he'd disappear, like dust in the wind. As he began to tell his tale, she listened intently, offering nothing more than a frown or flicker of her ear. At times she wanted to speak up, but she knew that he needed to get all of this out of his system. When he finally finished, she simply sat there, awe-struck at everything he'd been through.

After a bit of hesitation, she finally opened her mouth to speak. "Through all that, all I've learned is how much I failed you as a mother. In all my pursuits, I should've held my kits as a higher priority than I have. None of what happened to you is entirely your fault, because I should have, could have done better." Tears pricked her eyes, but she didn't dare let a single one fall. "As a leader, I am willing to take this chance with you, to allow you to complete your training and become a warrior. As a mother, I wish I had done better... For some of your siblings, my opportunity has long passed, and I regret that with every fiber of my being. So, my question for you remains... Are you willing to take a chance with me, and allow me to be the mother for you that I never was before?"

Out of everything Ash could have excepted from this moment - anger, confusion, judgment - he had never anticipated that he might end up being the one to receive an apology.  Lifting himself from the ground, Ash's anxious eyes were flooded by heartbreak and sympathy, and he quickly crossed the distance between himself and Ivystar to gently touch her shoulder with his soft tail tip.  "Ivystar, you are the best possible mother I could have received, please don't doubt that.  From you I gained the very foundations of my life, one so solidly built and precious to me that no matter how far I wandered I couldn't live without it.  You have nothing to apologize for in my eyes, but if that is how you truly feel in your heart, that you failed me, then I accept it."  He could see the beginnings of tears in her eyes as he met her green gaze, and he met them with his own tear-stained smile, one so pure and peaceful that it finally managed to disguise the shadows that plagued his soul.  "Together we will find the best pieces of ourselves again, me as a clan cat and you as a mother.  I will become a warrior, and always be by your side.  I promise."  Leaning forward, Ash finally pressed his forehead against Ivystar's shoulder, embracing her as he had wanted to for moons upon moons upon moons.