In Pieces [c]

For the first time in what felt like a moon, Wolfstar found himself standing at the mouth of his den, eyes slanted against the setting sun. The camp was mostly empty - the dusk patrol had already gone, and most of the clan was preparing to sleep for the night, but most importantly, Beechface wasn't anywhere to be seen. He watched, and listened, for a long while, half-wanting to hear her voice, or catch a glimpse of her pale coat... she would stop him, if she knew what he was about to do, and a small part of Wolfstar wanted to be stopped. His plan was foolish, he knew that, but... he had to do it.

When nearly an hour had passed with no sign of the medicine cat, and the sun was behind the trees, paving the way for dusk's cooler temperatures to descend upon the forest, Wolfstar finally stood. His limbs protested the movement, and his vision swam with dizziness for a moment before he steadied himself and slipped down from his den. The leader's paws carried him to the warriors' den, and he quietly made his way through the already-sleeping cats until he found his son. "Bloodstrike," he lowered his head, nosing the deputy's shoulder gently to wake him, "come with me. There's something I need to do, and I want you with me." Without staying to provide any more information, the dark tom quit the den and went to wait by the camp's entrance.

Bloodstrike had been leaning against Briarthorn when Wolfstar woke him. His eyes fluttered open, though a residual surge of fear had his claws extend. He had gotten much better, but at one point it was dangerous to wake Bloodstrike up by touch. The scars of his imprisonment ran much further than skin deep. "Is everything...?" He started to whisper, but Wolfstar had left the den. The deputy slowly and carefully got to his feet, rasped a tongue over Briarthorn's ear while she slept, then padded out of the warrior's den and to the edge of camp.

"What's wrong, dad?" He asked once he met up with Wolfstar. His voice was still thick with tiredness. The cooler temperatures that night had brought was a welcome relief from the heat of the peak of greenleaf. He noticed that Wolfstar was unkempt, his form had thinned considerably and he carried an invisible weight on his shoulders that was no longer quite so invisible. Bloodstrike at least had gone to Smokefeather and laid all of his pain and frustration on her... and it had helped. He knew, with a painful pang of sympathy that his father now had no one.

Or at least, thought he didn't. Bloodstrike would gladly be there to be a shoulder to lean on, but he also knew that no one could replace Blossomstep. No one.

The gaunt, dark-furred leader stayed silent until he and Bloodstrike were far enough from camp that their voices wouldn't carry. Wolfstar was tired already, even just this level of activity had proven more than he was able to handle in his current state, but the grim determination in the set of his jaw, and the way he forced himself forward despite the pain and fatigue that racked his body was clear. This wasn't a leisure trip, it wasn't an option. "We're going to the Moonstone," he rumbled, not taking his eyes off the ground in front of him. If he did, he would surely stumble, and if he fell, he wouldn't be able to get back up.

The leader's breath wheezed in his thin chest as he led Bloodstrike north, taking the path he'd traversed with Beechface on the night he'd gained his nine lives, and become SkyClan's official leader. That seemed like so long ago, now... since Wolfcall had become Wolfstar, and in that time between then and now, he'd lost nearly everything he'd ever loved. Wolfstar's ears slanted towards Bloodstrike, and not for the first time, he wondered if he was doing his son an honor, or a disservice, by leaving SkyClan in his paws when he himself was no longer of this world.

"StarClan has been... dark," he said breathlessly, leaping up on to a fallen log, and then down to the other side with a decidedly ungraceful landing. Undeterred, he continued forward. "Since the battle, even when I... when I lost lives, they... nothing."

A thin, tense silence took over, broken only by Wolfstar's harsh, rattling inhales and exhales. "They won't - they can't ignore me if I go to them. They can't."

Bloodstrike wasn't sure what exactly his dad had in mind, but he wasn't going to let him go alone. Wolfstar staggered over a log, a log that Bloodstrike stepped over with ease. He was concerned, but what was he going to do? Tell his leader he couldn't do something? Last time he did that he ended up with clawmarks on his face. Not that it mattered now.... Bloodstrike was riddled with scars and could hardly be called a thing of beauty anymore.

"And you didn't bring any traveling herbs? I don't care about hunting on Windclan territory, its the least they could offer us, but still. Are you sure you're going to be alright?"

Bloodstrike didn't know why he even asked. He knew Wolfstar would insist he'd be fine. If the leader passed out, Bloodstrike was strong enough to carry him the rest of the way there and home if necessary. He had a feeling he'd have to before their journey was done and they were back home.

"You think Beechface would have let me leave the camp without a fight?" Wolfstar grumbled, pressing on. "In  her condition, it's best not to get her worked up... besides, I'm fine. I have lives to spare. Beechface doesn't." A tangible silence stretched between father and son for a long while, broken only by the occasional, far-off screech of a monster on the Thunderpath. Fatigue made Wolfstar's gait clumsy and uneven, and more than once, he stumbled, but always righted himself before Bloodstrike got the opportunity to assist him. He'd dragged his deputy all this way because he wanted Bloodstrike there, and he was going to do his best not to burden him physically when it was clear he was dealing with his own dirt. He hadn't asked... and probably wouldn't... the deputy had lost his mother and a daughter that night, too... and he wasn't exempt from the grief, just better at hiding it.

By the time their paws tread territory that was owned by StarClan, Wolfstar was ragged and exhausted. His vision blurred at the edges, and every breath burned like fire in his lungs. "We're here," he breathed, relief doing little to dull the agony that plagued him mind and body. StarClan couldn't ignore him anymore, not if he was here, storming their metaphorical camp. They wouldn't be so cruel... could they? Part of him believed they were capable of it.

Wolfstar's shoulder brushed cold, damp stone as he stumbled into the wall of the tunnel that led to the Moonstone. He sucked in a breath through his nostrils, and then exhaled as finally the glowing, luminous stone came into view. "Thank you, son," he breathed, sinking to his belly before it, or, trying to... his legs gave out and he crashed to the ground, head unceremoniously making contact with the hard-packed floor of the cavern. Another raspy breath, and his body finally gave up... but it didn't matter. He was here.

They had to talk to him.

Blossomstep blinked as the figure before her solidified a little more, becoming more opaque as Wolfstar lost another life to pushing himself too hard. She had been sitting in this spot for a while, expecting his arrival, and she didn't look terribly pleased at the moment. Her tail wrapped neatly around her paws, she stared at the figure before her as it began to wake, stirring into consciousness among the stars.

One, two, three heartbeats passed before Wolfstar blinked into consciousness, the grass lush and cool beneath his prone form. He sucked in a breath of air, relieved that for the first time in what felt like moons, it didn't hurt. His head still swam with dizziness, but as he looked up, and the familiar silver tabby pelt filled his vision, his breath caught again, and it was tears that this time blurred his vision.

"Blossomstep."

The word was quiet, just above a whisper, and as Wolfstar climbed to his paws, he never took his eyes away from her. Coming here, he knew that StarClan couldn't ignore him, but it never occurred to him that his mate would be the first cat he saw. Was this some sort of cruel joke, or a mercy, allowing him to see his beloved again? He was inclined to believe the former, given StarClan's recent treatment of him - though it was not entirely undeserved - and for a moment he just stood there, staring, his long tail twitching with nervous energy.

She didn't look happy to see him, and that hurt like a thorn dragged across his heart. Cautiously, he lowered his head, eyes wide and imploring. "I'm very glad to see you."

Her ear twitched at his quiet calling of her name, hardly louder than a breath. Tears had filled her love's eyes, and she felt her anger dissipate, a lump forming in her throat. He got to his paws, and still she sat unmoving, watching him closely. He didn't step toward her, only lowering his head and speaking with wide eyes. Her expression softened at his words, and a small, sad smile flit across her features as she stood, stepping forward to close the distance between them and rest her head atop his gently. "I'm very glad to see you too." She mewed softly, her words rustling the fur at his ears ever so slightly. She took a step back, fixing him with a stern expression, though the anger was no longer behind it. "I wish it wasn't like this though. What are you thinking, you bird brain? Letting yourself rot away to nothing? Refusing to care for yourself to carry on, for our clan, our kin? Giving up? You have less wit than a pinecone Wolfstar, truly. There's no reason we could not have talked by you traveling to the Moonstone and walking beside me in your dreams, but no, you had to push yourself into another death because you refuse to address your needs for some short sighted, cloud like chivalry. Explain to me, my love, why have you forsaken yourself?" Her words had gotten louder as she spoke, harsh but filled with care and concern, before dropping to a soft mew for the final sentence. She peered into her mate's eyes, searching for an answer.

The dark tom's eyes closed as Blossomstep rested her head atop his, and a fresh wave of grief took the breath from his lungs. For weeks now he'd convinced himself he was done mourning... that it was impossible for him to feel any more torment than he already had, but this... seeing her, touching her, here, among the stars, and knowing that, until he himself joined StarClan, he'd be unable to again... it rekindled that blaze of agony. Wolfstar was silent for a long time, his throat so tight that he feared even attempting to speak would undo him. But then she moved away, and when she spoke, her words were full of disappointment, and questions that he wasn't sure he could answer.

He lowered his gaze, shame warming his ears. "I... I thought StarClan had abandoned me... had abandoned us - SkyClan - for what we... for what I... did in WindClan. And then you..." he choked on the words, and furious at these emotions that were tarnishing his reunion with Blossomstep, he flattened his ears, tail thrashing with frustration.

"And then you were gone, and I... I was alone, and I... it felt like the Dark Forest itself was hanging over me, like they had decided that I would never, could never, be happy again..." The tom's shoulders slumped, and his voice was low. "No matter what I do, it's the wrong thing, Blossomstep. Maybe SkyClan would be better off if I were gone, and... I could be here, with you." He refused to meet her gaze, already knowing that the implications in his words were dangerous ones. "That's all I've been thinking... it's all... all I can think about. They keep dying around me... everyone keeps dying around me, and just... it... maybe they wouldn't, if there was someone else leading SkyClan, someone who could protect them better... and... make wiser decisions."

Blossomstep listened silently to her mate's words, heart twisting with emotion as he looked away, refusing to look into her eyes, shoulders slumping. As he continued though, her eyes widened briefly before suddenly narrowing into slits as she raised a sheathed paw and brought it down on his head with enough force for the tom to feel it, but not so much that it would cause any lingering pain. Her voice came out in a hiss as she responded, tail tip flicking back and forth in anger. "We would never abandon you, or SkyClan. No matter what wrongs may have been done.... You are still our loved ones. We would always watch over you. I know how dark things have been for you recently, but for stars sake Wolfstar are you even listening to yourself?? You can be rash, yes, and you let your anger and thirst to set things right blind you at times. But that doesn't mean you're always wrong. Do you really think that SkyClan would be better off with you gone? Think, Wolfstar, not just about the current moment, think about the future. What would a SkyClan led by Bloodstar look like, if you were to not wake up tonight and he return to the clan alone? You know as well as I do what all he did in the battle against WindClan. His actions were not those of a noble warrior, let alone a deputy or leader. Neither were yours. You both have so much to learn still, and you would rather skip the hard part to jump to the easy ones? It's not that simple, Wolfstar. I thought you would have learned that by now."

Lowering her paw to the ground slowly, she sighed. "Wolfstar, I love you, and I love our son. But do you really think that he is fit to lead SkyClan at the moment? His anger, his rage, his hatred is.... Fueling him. It blinds him to what he should be doing, similar to what happens to you. He's not ready. And you're not, either. StarClan isn't ready for you yet, though I do look forward to the day that we can be together here again. Please, Wolfstar, look into your own heart and really, truly think for yourself. I'll always walk with you, and look over you, but I can't hold your paw."