Do I Not Matter Too? [C]

Moonshine had little to say before she trotted swiftly out of camp that night. When Beechface had given her news about her father at first, it had hurt. It had hurt a lot that he cared more about his Skyclan daughter than his Asylum kits. Moonshine didn't want to be resentful... but she was. She was frustrated and hurt. She just wanted to be alone tonight, as she had a feeling her hunting might be off. She went into the marshes until the water was up to the middle of her forelegs. She listened for frogs, toads and lizards all around her. The soft splashes and plopping noises of reptiles retreating through shallows caught her ears. She made a move for the closest one, a lizard, not caring that she wasn't even using proper hunting technique. She didn't care tonight. Her claws sailed through the water and she came up with nothing at the end of her paws. The lizard had likely darted away before she could even reach it. Thanks for making me feel wanted dad. You're such a hero. Was it bad that she was more mad about not being cared about than what he had done to a kit? Was she being selfish and blind? A frog jumped to her left and she bolted for that one. Again, her claws splashed down into the water and caught nothing. Her paw did however, find a pocket of mud that gave way beneath her weight and she sank quickly up to her neck. With surprising swiftness, she jumped out of the mud hole and saved herself from getting sucked in. Cats aren't supposed to live in a place like this! What is Flintstar or Starclan or whoever thinking??? She lashed out at the water itself, sending droplets everywhere with her swipe. This was the first time she ever felt resentful towards Shadowclan... but even in her rage she knew she wouldn't feel that way by next nightfall... maybe not even in a few hours. She was hurt. Her heart ached. Worst of all was that she didn't know what to do about it.

One look at his apprentice stalked out of camp had Mistyfalcon's eyes narrowing in unease. Moonshine wasn't an angry cat. She was talkative, and clingy, obnoxiously cheerful, but never angry. With a sigh, he stood to follow. Something had upset her, and Mistyfalcon figured it was best if someone tagged along just in case. There had been a lot of rain recently, and the marshes were unforgiving at the best of times. Out in the territory, the fact that she was seething was plain to see, and he debated growling at her to stop scaring off prey. If she was actually attempting to hunt prey like this, he was suddenly very glad that nobody else was around to see it. He'd trained her better than this, he'd seen her hunt as skillfully as anyone else in the clan. This lack of coordination and recklessness made his fur prickle in discomfort.

...Yes, following had been a good idea. Mistyfalcon tensed as the warrior wound up neck-deep in mud, he was too far to reach her should she go under, but she managed to pull herself out of it with a speed he hadn't been expecting. Her paws scattered water and mud, and Mistyfalcon ducked at a splash that had been sent his way. Unintentional or not, this needed to end.

"Moonshine!" Mistyfalcon called out in exasperation, "What's got you so worked up?"

Mistyfalcon's voice made her jump. She stared at him for a moment as water dripped off of her fur before she shook it off. Well, she had been caught. She may as well give him an explanation. She thought she could handle telling him, but the instant she opened her mouth to speak, her voice was choked out. No no no! Don't be a crybaby! She mentally scolded herself. But her vision had already blurred. She looked away from him and tried to take a deep breath to calm down and speak. She tried to control her tears where she could, but she'd been dwelling on these feelings all day without allowing herself to express them.

Now they were overwhelming.

"I talked to the Skyclan medicine cat the other night." She waded through the water and found a slightly higher spot on land that she knew was there. She scowled at the frog that slipped into the deeper end of the marsh when she approached. Her misty eyes weren't helping her find prey any easier. With a frustrated huff she sat onto the saturated soil. She still couldn't look at her mentor.

"I learned some things about my father and now I'm just really upset. He's the one that their deputy mistook me for and tried to kill me at the border that one time... I wanted to know why... or at least I thought I did." She kneaded the mud and stared ahead, but not at anything in particular. She paused, needing a moment to force back the overwhelming frustration and pain wreaking havoc in her heart.

"He's a monster. He murdered clanmates, killed a kit out of anger, permanently maimed his mother... I get why they want him dead so badly. And yet... he has another daughter in Skyclan that he clearly loved more than me, or my brother Yew..." Now the tears streamed down her face, but more out of rage and pain than anything else.

"I know he's terrible... but I'm still so... so jealous and hurt that he never spoke to me or hardly acknowledged me and he was my Captain in the Asylum. Why her? What makes Tornshadow so special? I feel like I shouldn't care because of what he did, but I do, and I'm furious and confused and I don't know what to do!" By this time the mud had been gouged deep and the soil around her paws was quickly filling with water.

"So I came out here to kill a few things and feel better but now I can't even do that. So now you know." Her tail lashed furiously, flinging ribbons of water from her tail tip, though it never traveled far.

"Skyclan, of course." Mistyfalcon rolled his eyes. "Be careful around them, they're trouble." It was an obvious statement, but it couldn't be understated either. He'd grown up on the stories of war and bloodshed, and one of their own had taken his ear for food. When there was drama at a gathering, there was generally a common denominator, and that was Skyclan. Mistyfalcon padded over to the relatively dry spot she'd managed to find, lip curling at the feeling of mud clinging wherever it found purchase. He listened to Moonshine's words, not quite wanting to believe that anyone would do what she said her father had apparently done. Killing a kit was something far different from killing a warrior in self-defense. Maiming happened in fights, sometimes it resulted in more severe damage. But a kit? A kit who, Mistyfalcon was assuming, had no battle training or experience at all, because clan kits were something to be protected and kept safe in the camp walls...

Truly, Skyclan was mad.

"You hardly knew him, and it sounds like maybe that was for the best. I can't speak as to why he would ignore you over your half-sister. She would've been born in Skyclan, where he was born and where he was stationed, right?" He could hardly remember what her father looked like, much less his name. He'd been standard captain apparently... Which would have had to have been after Iniko died. Iniko had spent a lot of time around Shadowclan, both to train Rookfire and because Tavora had been with them.

"It could've been distance, he didn't have a mate or apprentice to train here like Iniko did, and from what you've told me, he doesn't sound much like Iniko at all, either." Iniko had died to defend Freckleface. He, at least, had been true, or as true as any cat loyal to the rogues could have been. "Some cats just don't care for others beyond their immediate circle, and there's nothing to be done to change a cat like that."

Moonshine knew that Mistyfalcon was right but it did nothing to dull the ache in her chest or calm the anger in her heart. "I wish I didn't feel this way. I know given enough time this won't matter to me anymore but right now it just... hurts a lot." She knew that the only thing that might help her get over it faster was to talk to him, but Twoleg place was fairly big and finding one cat in it would be like trying to find a needle in a haystack. She didn't intend to go looking for him, but if she ever found him she didn't think she'd hesitate much like she used to. She was a warrior of Shadowclan now, and she would be given answers one way or another. If it came down to a fight, then she would fight him.

"Skyclan seems insane. They're hostile and their tempers are quick. I'm glad that I'm here and not there." She wouldn't know how to handle Skyclan's attitude towards outsiders, being as fascinated by the clans as she had been and still was. They would have left her with nowhere to go and not a care in the world what happened to her. Is that why Dawnhawk was the was he was?

"If you ever saw him, would you tell me? Do you think you could convince him to wait long enough for me to speak to him? I want to do it at least once, then never again."

"Seems insane?" Mistyfalcon rolled his eyes.

"If I ever see him, I doubt it will be on friendly terms given... only every other time I've had the misfortune of running into a Skyclan cat. I hope you're not planning to track him down." There was a warning in his voice, even the most tone deaf cat would be able to tell that Mistyfalcon didn't approve. Naturally, wanting to talk to him and asking him for help was the next thing out of her mouth. Go figure.

"If I somehow wind up running into him and if I get the chance to actually talk to him, I'll try. I won't make a promise that anything will come of it, if things even get that far." He sighed, "Don't get your hopes up." He added. He was Skyclan, and if that wasn't bad enough, Moonshine had given him a nice list of some of what he'd been accused of. Mistyfalcon didn't think trying to talk with him would be wise at all, but in the end, Moonshine was a warrior who could make her own decisions.

Mistyfalcon wasn't being unreasonable. She knew trying to find and speak to Dawnhawk was stupid... yet she didn't feet like she would ever really have closure until she did. There was so much that needed to be said, a lot of things that she felt that he needed to hear. It wouldn't be easy to get it all off of her chest in one go, but she had to find a way. She had to do it.

"I know its a lot of if's. If I ever run across him I'll... I don't know. I'll try not to be alone when that happens." A lizard ran by her paws, heading in a blind panic toward the water. She wasn't about to let this one get away. The talk with Mistyfalcon had been brief, but at least it had been helpful. She hadn't realized that she needed to let it out verbally or how good it felt to get rid of some of that frustration. Her claws came down swiftly onto the lizard, ending it's life quickly. Moonshine let out a sigh of relief.

"Thank you. Talking to you helps." He lifted the impaled lizard up to show him... and even allowed a tiny smile on her face. Moonshine was beginning to feel like herself at least a little bit again.

Moonshine attempted to catch a lizard! It was Successful! -3SP

The member 'Tara' has done the following action : Dices roll

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'Hunting Dice' : 1

"Just... be careful." Mistyfalcon sighed. In the end it was her choice, but he'd warned her at least. A lizard scurried past and Moonshine quickly brought her claws down upon it, and the tom let out a snort of disgust as she lifted her paws to show him.

"Lizards, eugh." She couldn't have caught a mouse or vole... Or hare. No, it had to be a lizard. He'd never understand how some of his clanmates found them even remotely appetizing. "It was the least I could do, Moonshine." He figured it best not to mention that someone had needed to go after her in the state she'd been in, that would probably just earn him claws to the face.

Moonshine giggled softly at his reaction to the lizard. They weren't her favorite either, but it was better than nothing. "At least I can catch things now." She found a spot to bury the lizard, though she wasn't entirely sure how long she'd be out hunting. "Serious question... Are you and Murkystrike going to have kits? I know I have an apprentice now but... I'd like to return the favor to you and mentor one of them. I'll keep them safe, I promise." She hoped it wasn't too personal, she meant well.

Mistyfalcon nodded at his former apprentice, glad she seemed to be feeling better now that she'd gotten things off her chest.

At her question he sighed, dark gaze lifting to the starry sky above them for a moment. Were they so obvious to everyone? "Well she scared the tar out of me by bringing it up after finding Ravenpaw..." He grumbled, "Probably. We... Need to talk about that, actually." Again, now that Mistyfalcon had collected his thoughts a bit and might just be able to form a coherent sentence.

"You and Rosethorn would teach those poor kits terrible manners regardless, I'm sure." He smirked, "Honestly, Moonshine, you're a capable warrior. I'd like to think I taught you well enough to mentor others in turn."