I Remember the Moment That My Dreams Were Broken (CLOSED)

Spark walked to the RiverClan nursery. It was pitch-black tonight, and the island that was RiverClan camp was very quiet in the middle of the night. The darkness didn't bother Spark, though. The moons of living with ShadowClan helped him when he ever wanted to navigate the darkness. Right now, he wanted to tell his mate Shira about his plans for the future. And potentially, it could be the end. He didn't want to think about it that way, but he had to be ready for a split. "Hey, Shira? Do you have a minute?" he said to his mate.

Sitting next to her, he began explaining his plan to her. "I'm planning to go to ShadowClan. I don't like the atmosphere that RiverClan is giving to me. I don't feel like I'm really a part of the group." The ginger tom paused. How was he going to ask Shira whether she wanted to follow him to ShadowClan without him feeling like he was being too hostile? He didn't know, so perhaps the best course of action was to just ask her and see how it goes. "Do you want to go to ShadowClan with me?" he ended up saying. Now he just had to hope for the best.

Shira was lying down in her nest, attempting to get some sleep, which she did not have much of since she became pregnant.  Her belly was big, no doubt she would have her kits soon and she felt like there would be many of them, but she had never been pregnant before so she could not really tell.  As the day for them to be born drew closer, she could not help but be nervous.  She did not know why, but thinking about giving birth to the her kits was scary to her.  Will I be a good mom?  Will I do what's best for them?  Do they deserve some better mother?  Do I even know how to take care of kits? She thought, but one thing she did know was that she already loved them.

Her face, originally resting on her paws, lifted up when she heard her mates voice.  She yawned.  "Of course.  There's nothing to do in here."  She said.  To be honest, she sort of liked a break, especially after all the drama that happened with the Asylum and meeting her mother and coming to Riverclan, there were so many changes.

She listened carefully to what Spark had to say.  She was happy that he felt comfortable to just tell her the truth about what he felt, but at the same time she could not help but wonder what would happen to them.  She wanted Spark to be happy, she truly did, but the selfish part of her did not want to leave.  She did not want more change, especially with the kits coming soon.  She sighed.  

Spark had done so much for her, he even moved to Riverclan when she wanted to, the least she could do would be to hear him out.  "If I'm being honest, I feel similarly."  She kept her voice down so hopefully no one else could hear there conversation.  "But, I think I'll feel that way in any clan.  My mother and apparently brothers and sisters are here too." Not that she especially liked all of her family.  She sighed again.  "You seem to be set on going to Shadowclan.  Now be honest with me, if I don't go with you will you still go anyway?"  She shivered at the thought of what this could mean and at the same time felt one of the kits move in her stomach, which did not make her feel any better.

Spark blinked. Of course, if she wanted to stay with RiverClan, he'd leave by himself for ShadowClan. However, he came here to see if she was interested in leaving with him for ShadowClan. Perhaps it was selfish of him to talk about stuff like that, but if he didn't make a choice like this, the problem would get worse and worse. And with him feeling this distressed, the problem getting worse could cause him to go mad from everyone hurting him more and more.

"Yes," the ginger tom said finally. "If it came down to it. I'd rather not have to make the choice, though." Part of him would always be empty if Shira chose to stay in RiverClan. And Shira herself seemed reluctant to stay in RiverClan, though how much she wanted to stay with him the ginger tom didn't know for sure.

A memory suddenly flashed back into his mind, one that would certainly haunt him if he made the decision to leave. He was back in Asylum camp, and Shira had just broke the news to him that the she-cat was pregnant with kits. "It's going to be difficult, but we'll get there," he had said, trying to comfort Shira's fears of being alone. "Together."

Now, after Spark's ultimatum, the relationship between Shira and him would be put to the test once more. The last time it was under this much stress, Spark and Shira were able to work it out. This time, though, was different, and it held a question that Spark couldn't answer yet: could his relationship with Shira continue to stand strong, or would it crumble from the extreme pressure exerted on it?

Shira cleared her throat when Spark answered, uncomfortable with his answer.  She wished this was a conversation and not Spark telling her what he was going to do, but this was happening and no matter how much she wanted to she knew that she could not change it.  She looked in a few different directions, trying to think.  Her first instinct (because of what she had been doing most her life) was to yell back and be stubborn for making her make this choice and not even talking with her about this before. This led to her snapping back "fine," in a cold combative tone...

But then she remembered all the sacrifices he made for her.  He cared for her when not many others did.  He tried to tell her not to go after Eris, which would have been the right move if she was not so stubborn.  He followed her and stayed with her and was there for her.  She shivered at what she said and thought about the other times when he was being sensible and she snapped at him anyway.   Maybe... maybe I should listen to Spark more.

She took a deep breath.  Her family was here but Spark felt more like family to her than anyone else did.  "Well, then I guess we have our answer."  She said in a soft and somewhat sad tone, knowing that she would need to leave her mother and siblings.  "Of course I'll go with you."  She left it at that but her mind finished with I'd follow you all the way to the Dark Forest if you were going there... I only wish you would do that for me.