Muddypaw's Moonstone Journey

After leading Honeypaw to the moonstone, Smallbean had begun to feel much more confident in taking apprentices to Highstones. With a warm feeling in his chest and a smile on his face he rose from his nest, turning toward the herb stores to prepare some herbs wraps. Today he would be taking Muddypaw on his moonstone journey. He personally hadn't really interacted with the young tom aside from the occasional visit to the medicine den. Hadn't spoken to his as anything but a patient before, maybe he could take this chance to get to know him as a friend.

Gathering the herb wraps in his jaws he picked them up and laid them down outside the medicine den, taking the time to dash into the apprentice den to wake Muddypaw. He stepped carefully, making sure to not step onto any tails or paws. When he reached Muddypaw he gave him a light shake and whispered to him. "Muddypaw, wake up. it's time for you to visit Highstones." He waited a moment for the apprentice to stir before walking out of the den and out into camp once more, greeting Muddypaw with a smile when he arrived. "These are herb wraps, you must eat these in order to have enough strength to reach highstones." He explained, pushing the bundle of herbs toward him. He quickly ate his own herb wrap, trying to get used to the taste. It wasn't often that he ate his own herbs.

Turning toward the camp entrance, he lead Muddypaw through, beginning the journey to highstones. He relished the feeling of the wind through his fur and began to pick up speed getting distracted for a moment before slowing his pace so the apprentice could catch up. This was a part of the journey he still felt a bit nervous about, the part where he had to make conversation. If he didn't speak, he'd feel guilty, but he didn't want to be annoying either. With a gulp, he looked over at Muddypaw. "So, how is training going? It must be... weird, not being able to feel pain." A few days prior they had discovered that Muddypaw couldn't feel pain, and at first he almost didn't believe it. After seeing how he reacted to wounds he changed his mind, becoming more confused than anything. He couldn't imagine how it felt, Starclan knew that he'd had his fair share of wounds. Even though he wished he couldn't feel pain sometimes, it could be dangerous as well. He would personally like to know whether or not he was bleeding out, that's why it would be a good idea to also see if he could learn about the apprentice's condition.

Muddypaw stirred at the feeling of somebody touching him, lifting his head to see Smallbean slipped from the den. ...Wha? He yawned as he let the words sink in...Oh! His moonstone! He shook off the tiredness that clung to him as he pushed himself to his paws, padding out to see Smallbean was waiting with a small pile of herbs. He nodded his head, leaning down to lap up the herbs. He jolted back at the taste, eyes growing wide with near confusion. That was the first time he had really...Tasted anything like that. ...Huh. He shook his head as he straightened up.

As he padded after the medicine cat, he had to contain the desire to dart ahead. Whenever he went out with his momma and sister, they nearly always made it a race to get to their destination. He wanted to take off running, enjoying the feeling of the wind rushing past his fur but...Well, he didn't know the path to Highstones. So he did his best to pad after Smallbean. His ears perked as the medicine cat started to make small talk... Before his eyes slicked back as he realized the subject of the conversation. Oh. "...Training is going fine. I'm sure I will be a warrior soon enough," he meowed softly, turning his head to focus on the horizon instead of the medicine cat.

"Pretty good at fighting - taking to the moves pretty well... And I dunno if I can call it...Weird," he sighed, shaking his head with a faint shrug of his shoulders. He hated whenever the conversation of his...Disability came up - it had been hard to grasp at first but he was getting used to the thought. But people always acted so careful when it got brought up. "I mean, I...I don't know what pain feels like. How can I think its weird to not feel something I can't even grasp the thought of? If Amberfluff hadn't pointed out that I should have felt pain when I got bit by the snake..." he drifted off for a few seconds, gaze falling to his paws. "I would still think I am normal."

"It's good that your training is going well, i bet you're pretty excited to become a warrior. I know i was when my warrior ceremony finally rolled around." That sentence wasn't exactly true. Back when he became a warrior he was more nervous than anything else, but after the ceremony was already in progress he realized that it wasn't as bad as it had seemed. Briefly switching his attention to their progress, he looked ahead and saw the Thunderpath in the distance. They were already making good time. Excellent.

He moved his mismatched gaze back to Muddypaw, listening to what it was like from his point of view. "Oh, good point. I guess you wouldn't know that it wasn't normal then. I suppose that it can be considered as both a weakness and a strength though." He pointed out. "You could push yourself further in battle if it's necessary, but it'd also be easier for you to worsen your injuries without realizing. At least seems that way, i'm still not too sure how it works." He paused, as if to think. After a moment or so he continued. "If you ask me, it's a good thing Amberfluff helped you realize. It was better to find out with someone else rather than accidentally bleed out on your own. Anyways, why don't we talk about something else?" He said, trying to switch the topic of conversation. "How are you feeling about the moonstone? I know some apprentices i've taken have felt quite nervous about it, but i can assure you there's nothing to fear."

Muddypaw's ears twitched, having forgotten that Smallbean had once been a warrior. Right, that was an...Entire thing. He didn't know the details at all, he isn't fully sure of what caused the experienced warrior to shift into being a medicine cat. ...And if it was told to him previously, he sure didn't listen. He shook his head as the medicine cat admitted that he hadn't thought of Muddypaw's 'pain thing' being...Normal to him. He hummed, a little uncertain that the medicine cat pointed out that it perhaps it wasn't so bad. He wasn't sure...It seemed pretty bad. So bad that he had been banned from leaving the camp by himself. He knew everybody was just worried but...He wanted to be a mighty warrior! Not a kit that everybody had to look after and couldn't take care of himself... Finally the topic was shifted, causing the apprentice to perk up a little.

"Oh...Um, I dunno?" He admitted, giving a shrug of his shoulders. How did he feel about this? It was...Something. He was being taken to a big glowing rock to speak to dead cats. It was interesting, to say the least but he hadn't put much thought into it - not since he realized his inability to feel pain. "I guess I'm just not sure what to expect. I heard whispers but no real...Uh, details, other than, y'know, 'this is a thing that happens,'" he meowed, waving his tail for effect. "...What should I expect? You did this when you were becoming a warrior, right?"

Smallbean smiled when he noticed that Muddypaw seemed to be a bit happier now. He couldn't blame the younger tom for feeling a bit upset when the topic of his inability to feel pain came up, he knew that if he were in his position he wouldn't exactly be enthusiastic to talk about it either. "Of course i did. Every apprentice's moonstone trip is different, though. What you do is simply touch your nose to the stone and fall asleep. You wake up in Starclan and speak with your ancestors. Who knows what they might tell you, it could just be advice." He meowed in response, recalling his own moonstone journey. Back then he hadn't taken Falconwing's words seriously, in fact he had just forgotten about the interaction not too long after the journey. Even now he struggled to take her advice and improve himself, although there was no doubt that he had at least improved a little.

Suddenly, a foul scent filled the air, interrupting his thoughts. They had arrived closer to the Thunderpath, it's stench already reaching their noses. He stayed quiet all the way until they reached it's edge, speaking only once they had. "I'm sure you're familiar with the Thunderpath. On the count of three, run across it as quickly as you possibly can." Crouching low, he payed extra attention to the vibrations he felt in his paws. He knew to wait until the rumbling of monsters disappeared completely. Once they had, he stuck his head out and looked both ways, seeing no monsters in either direction. "One..... Two.... Three!" Without wasting a moment he sprinted across the Thunderpath, pace remaining consistent until he was on the other side. It wasn't as if they needed to run like they were being chased, but being on the Thunderpath wasn't exactly safe. "Not long until we reach Highstones now." He panted, giving Muddypaw a friendly nudge. Slowing his pace down to a walk, he set his gaze on the great rocks, which now looked much closer than they had before.

Oh, huh. Muddypaw truly hadn't been sure what to expect - but just...Touch the stone, fall to sleep and StarClan would take care of the rest? Weird. He glanced down at his paws, feeling a bit worried about whatever they would talk to him about, mostly when he had some things he would love to...Ask about instead when given the chance. Like find out why he was like... This. Broken. Unable to feel pain - for as 'good' as that could arguing be, and his seemingly inability to smell anything. How was he suppose to be a warrior when he couldn't even...?

He came to a sudden stop as he realized that Smallbean was slowing down, having completely missed that they had arrived so close to the Thunderpath. He grimaced, recalling all he had heard about it - of its so-called terrible smell. He had been so distracted that he could have walked right onto it, all without having a chance to realize because he couldn't smell...Whatever the Thunderpath apparently smelled like. ...But it was his secret - he hadn't told anybody about his second affliction. The fact that he couldn't feel pain was weird enough, the fact that he couldn't sense something so...Key to their duties as a warrior? He wasn't even sure how to start explaining it. He fell into a crouch next to Smallbean, waiting for the medicine cat to give the signal to race across the path.

As Smallbean raced across the black path, Muddypaw swiftly followed after - his mind being slightly distracted by the strange, hard feeling of the Thunderpath. It was a curious thing - so different from the moor that WindClan called home. It was hard like a rock but so long and flat that it didn't seem...Real. However, even as his mind drifted - he remained on task, only slowing down on the safety of the other side as Smallbean did. He blinked as the small tom bumped into him, noting that tey were almost there. "Oh...That's...Wow," he gasped in awe as he followed the medicine cat's gaze onto the great rocks that were now starting to tower over them. He knew they were tall but they...They were even taller than the great trees in Fourtrees! His eyes glimmered with the idea of climbing his way up there, to see the territories laid before him from such a height.

Smallbean pushed on, covering the land before highstones rather quickly. When the pair had reached the base of the mountain, he stopped for a moment before placing his paws on the stone. "Almost there." He muttered under his breath.  The climb up to the cave was arguably the most difficult part about the journey, but as the sun touched the horizon, they made it. He stood before mothermouth, gazing into it's pitch black shadows. Turning toward Muddypaw, he explained what to do. "These tunnels are very dark and narrow. You'll want to make sure to stay close behind me, else you may get lost. When we get to the cavern, touch your nose to the moonstone." He turned back toward the cave opening. "You already knew that, though."

He walked into the cave, looking over his shoulder to make sure that Muddypaw was following. As the light began to fade his pace slowed to make sure that it was easy for the apprentice to stay on his tail. After a bit of walking, the narrow walls of the tunnels opened up to a bright cavern, moonlight pouring in through a hole in the roof onto the moonstone below. Like with every apprentice, he stepped aside to allow Muddypaw room, afterwards sitting down to watch. He gave a small nod to Muddypaw before looking back at the moonstone, mesmerized by how pretty it looked.

Muddypaw padded silently after Smallbean, gaze still locked up on the mountain towering above as he tried to make sense of it. His ears perked as the medicine cat spoke up, finally glancing down to see that they had arrived at a tunnel entrance. He froze when Smallbean mentioned it being dark and to stick close, fear bubbling into his chest. What if he did get lost and lose track of him? H-He wouldn't be able to locate him from scent and he wouldn't even be able to follow their scent trail back to the entrance! He...He swallowed, trying to mask his fear as they both pressed on - Muddypaw's gaze remaining locked on the faint shadowy shape of Smallbean's tail tip as the light faded and only the barest shapes could be made out. It seemed like forever that they were walking, his heart jumping into his throat every heartbeat he thought he had lost Smallbean's shape - only to scold himself because he was simply blinking.

Finally they stepped into the light, causing Muddypaw to come to a halt with a startled gasp at the glowing stone before them. That was...He had heard all about it but he couldn't have imagined that it actually looked like this! He was nearly terrified of the idea of touching it but...Well, he suppose he knew it couldn't hurt him at least. He spared a glance at Smallbean as the tom settled down before he turned and padded forward, tucking his paws beneath him before he pressed it to the cold stone. He laid there for a few heartbeats, before he lowered his head to a more relaxed position. Following that, it didn't take long for the sleepiness to hit him and for him to fade off into slumber.

Many a time had Aspenheart revealed himself to the living. He was not shy about the afterlife. Despite the many moons of eternal rest that were now his to indulge in, he felt called to service. There were still ways he could help, and, unfortunately, he still felt that his time had been cut irreparably short. Until he felt satisfied with his work, he would continue to guide apprentices and medicine cats... however he could.

There was something very different about the way Aspenheart appeared, but Muddypaw would not have known it. The silver tabby hobbled out of the darkness, into the shining light of the young tom's dream, twisted and dizzy pawsteps hitting the ground in an uneven pattern as his tail swung back and forth to counterbalance his wobbling. The former medicine cat smiled at Muddypaw in a crooked way, and in a nasally voice, he called out: "So you're Haypaw's furball, is that right?"

Muddypaw blinked as he found himself in a strange landscape, a star-lit field yet there seemed to be a border of darkness just a few tree-lengths away. It was...Concerning, strange but beautiful. He turned in a circle, eyes wide as he took in the glow of everything until the sound of uneven pawsteps caught his ear, turning to see a star-lit tom stumble - yet nearly gracefully as he effortless countered his dizzying movements to keep his balance. But still, it was a strange sight to see. It awoke emotions in him that he wasn't expecting - he had been expecting a cat who seemed like a perfect warrior to greet him, like everybody else in WindClan seemed to be. Healthy, fit...Not a stumbling tom. But yet the sight of him made Muddypaw happy, a smile crossing his muzzle as the strange tom called out to him. "Oh! Yes! Uh, its Hayglow now, however," he corrected but the smile remained. He thought StarClan cats would be perfect but...Just the sight of this tom was making Muddypaw feel more comfortable than he was expecting. "You are...You are a StarClan cat, right? That means you will give me advice or something? That is what Smallbean said at least..." he mused, falling onto his haunches as he studied the off-balanced tom.

"I...Um...I-I guess I was nervous about asking about this but maybe not so much anymore but...I-I can't feel pain. I can't smell. N-Nobody knows about the latter," he admitted, pawing at the ground beneath him. "They barely understand how I can't feel pain, I just...I-I don't know how they would react if they knew I couldn't do a basic thing - an important thing like smelling. I mean...How am I...?" He paused, dipping his head as his ears laid flat. "...I-I'm scared that if they knew, I would never get to be a warrior when I can't hunt right or tell if there is danger or recognize what Clan cats are from and...I..."

He looked up at the StarClan tom, eyes shining with tears he barely held back. "What am I suppose to do when I feel so...So broken?"

Aspenheart nodded slowly, deeply processing Muddypaw's woe. He did not interrupt or interject, and he hardly showed a drop of emotion in his stoic expression. It was a difficult existence, to be deprived entirely of such a basic sense of the world. The sense of smell was so important to a cat, in almost everything. It was in how they hunted, and how they socialized. It was their world when the world went dark and the woods grew thick. It was as large a handicap as Aspenheart's own... but it was invisible. And with that came misunderstanding. Pain. Insecurity. A constant cycle of explain-pity-doubt, over and over.

"In my time, WindClan was forced into the mountains by a flood," Aspenheart recounted. "We were trapped in a world we did not understand. Our territory is flat, with rolling hills as far as the eye can reach. Nothing hides on the moor. But we did not know the mountains. And we were followed. I sustained multiple head injuries. Back to back to back. I witnessed death, destruction, and calamity everywhere I looked. And when I came back, I was like this. Never the same. If any cat had seen a condition like mine before, well... they were long dead."

He rose, stumbling closer to Muddypaw. "You can't change this, or heal it, or mend it," he said in as soothing a voice as he could muster. "You will never get rid of it, Muddypaw. Don't try. Don't wish or pray for it. All of your bargaining is gonna fall on deaf ears... Because it's not really an illness or injury. It becomes a part of you. You can accept it or reject it, but if you choose to turn your back on this part of your life, you'll live like a ghost in your own body. I did, for a long time. I saw it as a curse. I saw the path of medicine as a failsafe, so I didn't rot in the elder den at the ripe age of fourteen moons. It was something that I had to overcome in my own head. It's something you'll have to do, too."

He allowed a silence to pass between them before he spoke again. "You do have an advantage," he explained. "You've always been like this. You can't feel loss for a sense of pain or smell... it's all you know. So, really, you can feel comfortable in your own abilities. You know your strengths and weaknesses, and you know your limits as a cat. All of that is in you. It's already there. It's preexisting. You don't have to learn how to adapt to your condition, because you've already been doing it your whole life. Listen, and shut your eyes!"

Aspenheart shut his eyes with Muddypaw. Around him, he could faintly hear the rustling of starry rabbits. The crackling of sticks and stones. The wind carried moisture. Perhaps it might rain soon. All of this, he was sure Muddypaw could also hear. "That rabbit... I bet you can tell me what direction it's in without peeking. Right?" he goaded. "Cats have something to say about everyone and everything. We're chatty. It's what we do. And as long as there are clanmates who stick out, there'll be other ones who try to shove them back into place. It's a difficult life, sure. But we're not kittypets, Muddypaw. We were made for this. Not by blood, but by our spirits. StarClan will find you, and Silverpelt will guide the way. But you have to start by understanding who you are, and what you know yourself to be. You can't smell, Muddypaw. You can't feel a thorn in your side. But you can run. You can leap. You can spot a brown rabbit in thick ryegrass, and you can hear a badger approaching. You'll be a warrior. But nobody's gonna make you one unless you show them what you've got."