Muddypaw's Moonstone Journey

Beechface hesitated for a moment before leaving her den, narrowed eyes settling onto her father's form with worry. She knew she couldn't keep an eye on him forever, but she was still reluctant to leave for the length of time needed to take an apprentice to the moonstone and back.

With a sigh, she turned, heading for the apprentice den. She was glad that another apprentice was nearing being ready to be named a warrior. Muddypaw was very much like his mother, and Beechface had no doubt that he'd do well.

"Muddypaw, time to get up." She called into the den, then retreated a few steps to wait. When he stepped out of the den, Beechface nudged a small bundle of herbs toward him.

"Eat these, they'll give you strength for the journey ahead." She mewed.

Muddypaw wasn't really a morning cat or even a 'waking up' cat in general. When Beechface came into the den to wake him up, it took him a good few moments to open his eyes, let alone bother to get up. He took his time in joining the medicine cat outside; he wasn't looking forward to the journey, or the Moonstone itself. What if there was some kind of test there? And he failed it? His mother had always told him that he could do anything he put his mind to, but... Primroselight was always determined and brave. Maybe Muddypaw just wasn't cut out to be a warrior. Still, he tried to shake off his worries as he swallowed the foul-tasting herbs his aunt had laded out for him.

"Eaughck!" It would take a while for the test to go away, that was for sure. "Are we leaving already?" He said in surprise. It felt very early to set off if they were supposed to be at Mothermouth at moonhigh. Ah, it's probably a really long walk. Not looking forward to that.

"it's quite the walk, we won't reach the moonstone until dusk at the earliest, so we need to hurry." Beechface said briskly, leading the young tom out of camp. She'd allow him to drink at the creek to wash the bitter taste of the herbs out of his mouth, however.

---

The journey had been long, as Beechface had said. Once out of Skyclan territory, she'd done her best to guide Muddypaw over the unfamiliar terrain while maintaining something close to the speed at which she usually traveled. She'd attempted to take the sting out of her impatience by asking about the apprentice's training and telling him what she thought he could expect at the moonstone, but Beechface didn't think she'd quite managed it and guilt pricked beneath her fur.

"Alright, the tunnels are dark and cramped, neither of us will be able to see at all until we get close to the moonstone. Stay close to me and use your whiskers to help you. Take my tail if you have to. When we get to the moonstone, touch your nose to it and lay down." There was little time to waste, so she led Muddypaw into the mouth of the tunnel, paws finding the familiar path down to the moonstone with ease.

It didn't take long for Muddypaw to grow tired on their walk, especially with Beechface's relentless pace. Despite how bad they had tasted in the moment, he was now greatly thankful for the travelling herbs he had eaten, because, even though his legs were tiring, he hadn't felt a single complaint from his stomach the entire way. And that was rare.

Once they reached the mouth of the tunnel, Muddypaw peered in with wide eyes and gulped slightly. It was really dark. And scary. It's just a rock. It can't hurt you. He tried to tell himself, maybe I'm only brave enough to become a warrior if I walk through. He didn't think twice before gently grabbing onto his aunt's tail, almost more as a sense of security and reminder that she was there than a guide. Just as he had expected, the pair were soon bathed in darkness.

So this is how mum feels.

With pretty much every day, Muddypaw's respect for Primroselight grew and grew. Now that he was lost in the darkness himself. It was only for a few minutes, as before long they reached the Moonstone. I need to go give mum a hug as soon as I get back. She's so brave. Unfortunately for him, the rock itself was almost as intimidating as the darkness surrounding it. It was so bright and so perfect. And far too bright on his eyes. "See you in a bit Beechface." He said, trying to smile. But his gaze was locked on the shining stone in front of him. His legs shook slightly as he padded forward, but soon he was laying beside it.

He closed his eyes and waited.

If he wasn't already well aware of the present event unfolding, he'd label what he was currently feeling as blatant déjà vu. Maybe even some nostalgia in the mix. To him, time felt like it flew by. In reality, quite a few moons had passed on by since the last time he was 'summoned' to speak to another living cat. He never forgot that time and never intended to. He made a clear promise to Primrosepaw -who, to his excitement, was now named Primroselight- that he would always watch over her. He upheld it and made sure his sights were mostly focused on the blind she-cat as she lived her life. Now, after all the time that had gone by, he was here and once again ready to offer his wisdom to her only kit. Life worked in mysterious yet fascinating ways. He would be lying if he said he wasn't at all nervous. He hoped he could offer some valuable guidance to Muddypaw as he did with the young tom's mother during her Moonstone journey.
StarClan was always inviting to all those who set a paw within it's sacred lands. Amidst it's calming serenity was a mysterious atmosphere that most couldn't describe, even those who permanently resided among it's crisp foliage. It was a beautiful and comforting sight to behold. It was probably enough to take someone's breath away. There was nothing much like it back in the land of the living. It was all so familiar yet different. It was home to Silentwhisper.

As soon as Muddypaw had appeared within the large tom's line of sight, the starry SkyClanner made his presence known from where he was standing, just beyond where the apprentice could see. He allowed the younger cat to breathe in the cool, crisp breeze that blew by and take in the sights before him. It was always such a pleasure to witness an apprentice's first reaction to StarClan, or the small section of StarClan they were limited to. The large, silver tabby vividly remembered his first time here. He had been nervous yet awed at what he could see. That experience had stuck with him for the rest of his days. He hoped that this would be a similar experience for young Muddypaw.

The large tom softly padded over to the other, green gaze warm and comforting. "Welcome to StarClan, Muddypaw. You've grown so much over the moons and you should be very proud of your progress and of yourself." To his surprise, his voice lacked the normal stuttering it harbored. Maybe he was still maturing himself, even here in StarClan. "My name is Silentwhisper. You may not know me but I've been watching over you and your mother for quite some time now. I was the cat she spoke to during her Moonstone journey. I made her a promise that I had extended to you the moment you were born. You are her kin, after all. She loves you very much so I figured she'd want me to keep my eyes on you as well." He finished with playful purr and a teasing tone. Even if he hadn't personally known Muddypaw, he still felt protective of the adorable apprentice. The young tom before him brought back some memories of someone he'd known from his youth but he shook away all the thoughts. This wasn't the time to reminisce.

The bigger tom settled down a bit closer in front of the apprentice and offered a gentle smile. "I was a SkyClan warrior quite a bit before your time. I'm here to listen to whatever is on your mind and to help with any questions you may have. Please don't hesitate but also don't feel forced to tell me anything. I'm all ears." Those words were the exact ones he had said to Primroselight. It just felt right to say them again but this time, to her son.

If he was completely honest, the beautiful forest Muddypaw found himself in wasn't exactly what he had expected. It seemed embarrassing now, looking back, but as a kit he had always thought visiting Starclan was like... being in the clouds. He knew that you could hunt and run forever here, and almost expected it to be more magical. But, despite looking like a normal forest, the area surrounded him still had a strange, dream-like quality he had never seen before. Maybe because it didn't exist anywhere else.

A blurry silver shape in the distance immediately caught his attention, and he knew it was a cat approaching him. The Starclan cat he would be speaking with. He self-consciously shook out his pelt, trying to make it look neater, but, as always it only fluffed out more. Guess he had his grandmother to blame for that. 

When the starry cat spoke, he was caught off-guard. He had made progress? Fair enough, he had went from not being able to hunt to sometimes-being-able-to-hunt-decently-on-a-good-day during his apprenticeship, but it was nothing to be proud of. He had expected this meeting to be more; 'you need to do better if you ever want to have a chance of being a warrior like your friends'. Having Dawnhawk as a mentor, even if he wasn't in the clan anymore, had left Muddypaw always expecting the worst when it came to warriors advising him. Even now, with Primroselight as his stand-in mentor, sometimes he still waited for his uncle's harsh remark after he had missed a particularly easy piece of prey. Each time, he was still surprised when instead he got his mother's kind words of encouragement and gentle advice.

"I... uh... thanks?" Muddypaw responded hesitantly.

His eyes widened in surprise when Silentwhisper continued. Wow! That's so cool! I bet Birdsong hasn't always had a Starclan warrior watching over her. He knew that it shouldn't be a competition, but he couldn't help himself. Any chance he had to be above someone in something was so rare, that he usually took it without hesitation.

"I... just... uh, you know? Sometimes... uh..." Muddypaw swallowed and glanced away from Silentwhisper. It was extremely unlike him to struggle for words, but now, he had a cat in front of him who was willing to answer any question, and he didn't want to waste it. He just needed to find words in his brain somewhere. He glanced back into the warrior's eyes, that didn't seem to be in any hurry, or pushing him to carry on. With a deep breath, he started again. "I love being an apprentice and everything... I guess, at least, even if I'm not very good at it. And I know I don't want to be a medicine cat because... you know, eugh." The taste of bitter herbs from earlier in the day suddenly returned to his mouth. "But I don't know... sometimes I wonder if I really want to be a warrior. Maybe I'm just scared I'll mess up and embarrass myself. Actually, yes, that's definitely the issue here," He nodded, mostly just trying to convince himself. "I'm probably just scared I'll be a terrible warrior and won't even enjoy it."

He'd dug himself into a hole here and was now trying to clamber out. "Sorry, that made absolutely no sense... I've never really told anyone any of this before." The main issue was that Silentwhisper was so easy to talk to - he just waited, listening, and Muddypaw couldn't help but unload everything that had been on his mind.

As Silentwhisper had promised, he didn't push or rush the apprentice to tell him anything. First and foremost, it wasn't in his nature to do such a thing. Second of all, he didn't believe that force was always necessary to have someone unload what's on their mind. From what he's seen, coaxing and reassurances usually worked better. Most of the time, though, it was the notion that someone was there for you, just listening and offering comfort if you need it, that was most successful. Silentwhisper knew what it was like to be left dejected and unheard. He'd been the odd one out for most of his life and only felt like he could speak his mind when he was around Fernpetal. She was one of the very few that listened and understood, just as he was for her. That's why, he began to strive to be the one others could easily speak of their problems with, to be the one that listened and didn't judge.

The starry tom allowed the apprentice to ramble on, a patient and encouraging smile clear on his face. To him, it seemed that Muddypaw was having similar doubts as his mother had during her apprenticeship. Their issues weren't the exact same, by all means, but there were aspects of what the young tom had spoken that reminded him somewhat of what Primroselight had said to him moons prior. It was clear that the brown-furred tom struggles with his confidence and perhaps he overthinks his situations. He doubts his abilities and puts a lot of focus on 'what ifs'. Second-guessing one's self and abilities was something he knew all too well. All his memories served as a reminder of how far he's come and matured. The wisdom he's gained over the years that had helped him have more faith in himself, he will now pass on to the apprentice before him.

"Muddypaw, it's quite alright. Thank you for putting your trust in me and sharing what's been bothering you. It isn't an easy thing to do, especially to someone you don't know." The StarClanner got up from where he'd seated himself and this time, settled down next to the younger cat, making sure to not invade too much of Muddy's personal space. Once he had the apprentice's attention on him again, he continued on, "You do not need to worry about your abilities lacking or hazy future as a capable member of the clan, Muddypaw. I'm certain you will grow to be someone you're proud of, but you need to allow yourself a chance without downplaying your achievements or turning a blind eye to your growth. You second-guess yourself and your abilities often when in the face of failure but please understand that failure isn't something you need to fear. Mistakes happen and will always happen, even to those you may think are incapable of messing up. You need to use those mistakes as something to learn from and to better yourself with. Being comfortable with making mistakes is an important part of being a good warrior, or being a good cat in general. It shows that you do not shy from defeat but instead, you step back with grace and allow yourself time to re-evaluate your decisions in order to better them for the future. It's good to never give up but it's also important to take a breather every once in a while. Stressing out isn't ideal when you want to have a clear head. Take time to relax yourself. Take time to think but refrain from putting too much attention on what went wrong that day. Instead, try to think of how you'll use those negative experiences to create positive ones later on. Finally, go easy on yourself. You are not who you were yesterday and you are not who you will be tomorrow. Life's full of second chances so try to make peace with change. You are growing and you will grow further, be proud of every second that you do. I want you to be the best you you can be. You have the support of your family, your clan. You have my support and faith. I believe in you, Muddypaw. Do not fret. You will be someone great once you recieve your full name." Silentwhisper offered the apprentice a bright smile, one full of sincerity and fondness. He hoped that Muddypaw would take his words to heart. It was important for him to have a bit more faith in himself.