Where Time Flows (closed)

Shifting light dappled the forest floor, echoing bird calls tweeting above to the soft sighing of the breeze through the newly unfurling leaves of the tree tops. Minkstream's soft pawsteps were almost ghostly in comparison, only the remains of leaf-mould from before Leaf-bare - now cold and vaguely damp to his skin - squishing gently underneath. He glanced up, catching the sun glimmering around the branches up there, an odd sort of stillness to the whole scene.

How long has it been since I was completely alone...?

No Asylum cat following him, shadowing his every move. Just the wind and the sound of birds dancing among the trees. He padded around the twisted roots of an oak, ears twitching to catch the sounds around him, the scent of the forest and its prey, and... another place, rising all around him. Wincing as the familiar ache that constantly throbbed faintly at the back of his mind tightened, he closed his eyes, letting his paws lead him towards that other scent. You know, I should probably stop trying to avoid Daisybloom and Dovefrost.... His body still ached - the wounds in his neck healing but tender - and though he'd tried to downplay it, his head still throbbed. As it did now, pounding a rhythm that reminded him of waves lapping at the shore of a lake, rising and falling to the sighing of the cool breeze.

His pawsteps slowed, stalks of grass hissing faintly against his limbs as he opened his eyes again, the undergrowth falling back around him to the sight of a glittering river, hints of ice still clinging to its sides, the branches of the trees arching overhead. They didn't trail into the water here, not like the willows did further upriver. Somehow, the ache in his head made it seem more ethereal as he wandered down to the shore, weeds growing around gritty hints of sand where the water kissed the bank. A breath in, a breath out.

"I remember you...." Wavering, broken images of the sky and the branches overhead danced in the little wavelets that rippled in, and he reached his paw forward, the white of it joining the scattered images and sending them trembling as it touched the icy chill ever so gently. The blue of the sky was a set of eyes looking back at him, warmth and laughter dancing in their depths. The bands around his head tightened, and he let his haunches fold beneath him, shaking his head slightly to try and clear the odd emptiness that came with it. Why is it this side of the river? Mottledspark, Aros, Princess, Littlestream.... All of them were on the other side of it. Or... they had been. They're gone now.

All of them, just like that. It all seemed so... strange... now that he thought about it. They were all gone - ghosts that sighed into memory whenever he came here, but slipped out of his paws like water. No, I remember... I left. Bat.... That was it. Stars, why was his head so foggy?

He sighed, drawing his paw back and curling his tail around them. I should probably be back in camp. Still, the burbling chime of the river was relaxing, a calm counterpoint to the aches that plagued him; he couldn't bring himself to leave just yet.

Every second spent outside of camp felt like a blessing in disguise to Ivystar.

Without Asylum quite literally on her tail, there was newfound freedom that she felt when she stood beside the River. Though she'd never leave her home, she now had the ability to, and nobody would feasibly be able to stop her. Autonomy- what a wonderful feeling. Her legs still ached greatly, but with the cold weather fading, she was told it may get better. For her own sake, she hoped that such suspicions were true. Her desire to embrace her new freedoms was stronger than the dense ache in her bones, so she found herself walking alone along the sandy shore, welcoming the familiar feeling of reeds brushing through her thick, wispy fur. The gentle new-leaf sun warmed the sand and despite her hatred of the substance getting under her fur, Ivystar laid right in the middle of it and rolled onto her back, staring up into the cloudless sky.

The sound of birdsong was sweet, and the gentle breeze rustling the willow leaves nearby was comforting. Though she didn't feel completely comfortable in her own skin, at least she felt at home. That this was where she belonged. She didn't even shuffle and fidget to get the sand from underneath her pelt, instead letting it sink in and mingle with her fur. It was crazy, how something as simple and plentiful as sand could be taken for granted.

The faint sound of pawsteps beyond the rushing of the river quickly captured her attention, and in an instant, she flipped over and stood to her paws, ready and on the defensive. Sand clung to her fur and occasionally dropped to the ground, but she didn't bother shaking it out as she stared at the ginger and white tom across the river. It appeared that he hadn't noticed her presence, which meant she was at an advantage if he ended up being trouble. There was something oddly familiar about this tom, and for a moment she simply stood there, staring across this river with narrowed eyes. It took a few moments, but finally, it clicked. "Minkstream?" She mewed, loud enough that the bubbling of the river wouldn't obstruct her voice. "What are you doing here?" She called out, her whiskers twitching with curiosity and wariness.

A sudden call jerked his head up, and Minkstream found himself tensing, a flash of lightning shooting through his mind - briefly wondering if he'd somehow overstepped the border. Silently cursing his wandering head - that he hadn't even bothered to look if anyone else was nearby - he found himself staring at a familiar face, one that was familiar beyond those times he'd seen her on the Great Rock at gatherings.

"Ivybrook?" The name came out without his permission, pure shock like ripples from a stone smacking into the water turning quickly to an almost-panic that churned in his gut, tension that tightened his still-recovering muscles. It pulled at the throbbing heartbeat pounding in his head, like jaws tightening, but for the moment the pain faded as his mind kicked into gear, catching up with him. Forcing himself to loosen, and not look like a kit caught slipping mud into its sibling's nest, he dipped his head, mouth dry, projecting his voice as calmly as he could back towards her. "Ivystar. I...."

I was staring into the river, not planning to catch any fish, and reminiscing over my past which includes deserting my former Clan. Stars, why had he come here? Hadn't he feared running across someone from his former Clan who knew him? Oddly, his route down to the river was fuzzy - he could barely remember leaving camp at all, almost as though his paws had just been drawn here, or somehow sleepwalked through the forest.

He forced an easy smile, gesturing with his tail as casually as he could and trying to think around the swirling, confusing mess of his own mind. "I was just... patrolling. Enjoying the freedom." Come to think of it, why was the leader of RiverClan out on her own? She'd probably been doing the same as he claimed to - though right now that could have been his real reason for all he knew. ...This is confusing. His head throbbed to the still-pounding rhythm of his heartbeat, distracting.

Ivybrook.

Though it belonged to her, the name felt so foreign, so odd. It served as a reminder to her of simpler times, before the burden of responsibility weighed heavily on her tired shoulders. A furrowed brow signified her confusion at hearing the name, one that had been left unsaid for moons and moons. The silver she-cat's furrowed brow signified her confusion at the tom calling her by that name- he'd been at many gatherings since she'd become leader, so why was he using her warrior name? Her maw parted slightly, and she was unsure what to say in response. Luckily, he eventually responded on his own, but it was hardly helpful in finding out why he was there. At least he knew her name.

Her defensive stance loosened as she noted his body language, realizing that he wasn't there in an attempt to harm anyone or to cause trouble. A quick nod and flick of her tail symbolized her understanding, and she sat down on the sandy shore. Minkstream was visibility confused, but Ivystar didn't bother asking why. "Understandable." She mewed simply, mind drifting back to her aching legs. Minkstream had been there, too. When Mousehunt attacked Asylum at Fourtrees. He had been there just as long as she had, shoved into a tight, thorny cage. It was traumatic, and she had no doubts that it affected the way he was thinking right now. It had impacted her in such a way, so who was she to judge?

"I never thought I'd be so happy to be alone. It's strange." Her emerald gaze lifted to meet Minkstream's, wondering exactly what was going through his mind.

The tension in her posture eased, the wary defensiveness, and her eyes stayed steady on him as she replied, far calmer than he felt. And something... an emptiness behind that gaze. He found himself pulling up short, an odd thought flashing across his mind and bringing a hint of a frown to his expression, uncertainty swirling up under the panic from before and stilling it in its tracks. Doesn't she... recognize me?

That or maybe he was hallucinating and had somehow fabricated the memory of growing up in RiverClan. That particular thought he snuffed as quickly as he could. Just because I'm a little... confused right now and might've gotten here somehow that I can't really remember all that well doesn't mean I made up my whole life. He hoped. Stars. I'm going crazy. Again.

Forcing his attention back to this slightly odd conversation, he shrugged. "Company is nice, but having somecat always on your back, watching your every move.... I'm guessing RiverClan had it as bad as we did." He let the end of his tail shift over the ground next to him, an odd sort of melancholy welling up from within, ironically. A minute ago he'd been terrified she'd drag out his past, and now he almost wished she had? Alone. Would anyone from RiverClan actually recognize him? Somehow, it wasn't a thought that had ever crossed his mind.... Have I changed that much? He'd been an apprentice, but he'd also been nearly full-grown when he... left.

Is it all really gone? Though Ivybrook hadn't really interacted with him and his siblings much, they'd had a common point, and he'd known Sparkfrost - her brother - probably the most out of them all. Mostly because they'd both been stuck in the medicine cat den for a moon, but.... They were like brothers and sisters to me; they knew....

Starlord?

Again, that name. For some reason, it brought a spark of recognition - a hazy wavering image of blue eyes in a light ginger and white face, determined and razor focused on him, running across wild, rocky ground. And... pain. Like claws dragged through his chest, flaying him open. It made him mentally twitch away, as if he'd just touched a burning stone.

Ivystar's emerald gaze searched his own clear green ones, like his grandfather's, as if curious to find out what exactly was going on behind them. For just the breath of a moment he played around with the thought, before opening his mouth, his tone curious and distantly polite, as if enquiring about something related to Clan business. Nothing personal. "Ivystar, have you ever heard the name Starlord?"

A curious expression had formed on Ivystar's face as she stared at Minkstream from across the River. "If your explanations are anything to go by, we absolutely did." Ivystar mewed in response, thinking back to just days ago, when she'd been stuck in the confines of their thorny jail cells. "I never noticed it until later, but you were there, too. At the battle. How long did they keep you there?" She questioned, daring to venture into ThunderClan's business. Or, at least, ThunderClan's deputy's business. She wasn't entirely sure how much it pertained to ThunderClan itself, but Minkstream was perfectly justified in denying such information if he saw fit.

His next question, however, caught her completely off guard. "Starlord?" She echoed, emerald eyes widening. Of course she'd heard the name Starlord. He'd practically raised her, and had been there since day one. Wasn't he Minkstream's father too...? Why was he asking Ivystar about him in such a manner? "Of course I have, Minkstream. Are... Are you alright?" She mewed, genuine concern showing on her muzzle.

He hesitated at her question, not because of any desire to keep Clan or personal secrets, but because... Fuzziness, and vague impressions. Hissing, yowling, fear. The quiet chattering of the river replaced the faint taint of something beyond emptiness where memory should be, not that the stain there was anything he felt he'd want to dwell on. I....

Her eyes widened, the name of Starlord coming out of her maw in surprise - her frame stiffening - and he automatically tensed. A thrill of something cold, like claws piercing his heart, ran up into his throat, quietly slipping along his spine until it dug into his head, tightening the feeling in his head. Of course she had? What did she...? The world around him faded to a narrow view of the river, the trees and bushes on the periphery constricting as a soft ringing began to fill his ears with a feeling like water, air trapped in his lungs bursting to bubble free.

"Are... Are you alright?"

No.

It felt like the river at his paws was rising to choke him, dark waters swirling him until he couldn't catch sight of up or down. Images flickered - silver tabby fur, enveloping, warm. A nose pressing to his forehead, a scent he'd only ever smelled twice in his life drifting to enfold him - a voice that twisted at his heart. Ivystar, Sparkfrost, Berrycloud - stories, tales, jokes. Blue eyes in a ginger and white face. Cold, cold stone and howling wind. Blood. A scream. They felt like they didn't belong to him, flitting out of view before he could catch hold.

"....Of course I do...."

Then why... don't I?

An odd sort of blankness dwelt in his eyes as he blinked back at her. "Why does he haunt me? Everything I do...."

He shut his mouth forcefully and turned his head away. Gritting his teeth, he took a deep breath, hating the look of concern that she sent him across the river and feeling the fur along his spine rise with the exact same feeling she had to have at seeing him out of his mind like this. Looks like I have a habit of doing this to every cat I run into. It twisted inside his gut with shame; he should be fine, it was.... a while since.... He raised a shaking paw to his head, half-expecting to feel sticky blood as he touched it to his fur. There was none.

He closed his eyes for a moment, mouth still tight, and let out a quiet breath. Green cracked back open to focus across the river, a lopsided smile twisting at his maw. "I think the answer to your question is no." He couldn't help the slight tremor on the edge of his voice. An unpleasant fact stood right in front of his face, cutting through the confusion he'd felt a few moments ago. It was just how Ivystar was, to speak to him as though no time had passed, and carry on a conversation without even bringing up the topic of him deserting her and everyone else in RiverClan. She wouldn't waste time trying to bring him somewhere he had clearly left for a reason. She remembers me.

But I can't remember myself.

He lowered his paw, the throbbing in his head still beating a painful tempo that had nothing to do with the pain in his gaze. "Shouldn't you hate me? I left everything.... I became the deputy of ThunderClan, for foxdung's sake!" Stars, his voice was so hollow, even to himself. "No, I'm not okay - and that's not just because I don't even know how long they kept me there, or how everything after is a blur. It's... because I keep finding my paws drawing me back no matter how hard I try.... I keep hearing the trickle of the river...."

Ivystar's face contorted into yet another expression of confusion; of worry. "I... I don't... Know?" She mewed, voice riddled with hesitance. What in Fishstar's name was going on inside Minkstream's head? For several seconds, she stared at him from across the river, watching his every move very carefully. She was almost afraid for his safety- what was he doing at the river, anyway? Did he plan to cross it? These were all questions that flickered through her head at that moment, as she watched with a twinge of fear for the tom.

Her maw parted ever so slightly when he answered back, and she was completely unsure of what to say. Her emerald eyes widened, and she noted the slight shake in his voice. "Is... Is there anything I can do? To... To help?" She mewed, hesitant, and honestly a little fearful of what his response might be. Her head was swirling with possibilities, but what came had honestly shocked her more than anything- but this time, she spoke without even thinking about what she was saying. "No, I don't hate you, Minkstream. I love you like a brother, and I always will, because that's what you were to me." She sighed, sitting down and wrapping her tail over her paws. "I cannot control your fate, only you can. I wish you'd have stayed, but that's none of my business. If you're happy... Then... Then that's all that matters. I fear the day that we might face each other in battle, but I can only hope that will not happen."

When he changed the topic to Asylum, her face dropped. Of course, that was probably a driving factor in... Whatever was wrong with Minkstream. Perhaps not the root of it, but a factor, for certain. "I... I don't know either. None of us do. You aren't alone, Minkstream." Her mouth snapped shut when he spoke again, bringing up how his paws kept leading him back to the river. Back home. For a few moments it stayed that way, and the only sound heard between the two of them was the bubbling of the river stretching out in the space that separated them. Then, finally, she spoke up. "RiverClan, no matter how hard you try, will always be a part of you. It's who you are. The river flows through your very veins. That will not change. It is what makes you Minkstream." She mewed, glancing at the river as it flowed downstream. "Whether it controls you or not is up to you. You determine your own destiny. If you choose to flow with the river, then so be it, but that is not anyone's decision but your own." With a sigh, she looked down at her own paws, considering the words that had slipped off of her tongue. "Whatever you do, though, know that I will always be your sister. I will always be here. Do what is best for you, no matter what that might be."

Breathe in, breathe out. Feel the pain twisting inside his chest, the echo of something lost that couldn't be regained. It had always been like this - him and RiverClan, dancing to the play of the current, swamped and battered, gasping for breath when it took him and flung him against the rocks, leaving him battered and bleeding. Until he could barely open his eyes anymore, and the murk of darkness and flashing of cold light far above the surface were one.

I've lost so much to it....

He'd only found himself when he left it, cast it away and marched off, doing his best to ignore its pull on his paws. Yet wherever he went, it was there - the sparkling waters that burbled his name, the gentle memories of cool water caressing his pelt, running through his fur and dripping from his chin as he raised his head above it to reply to a joke from one of his siblings. Droplets that scattered from his paws as he splashed wavelets at them, laughter ringing above the reeds. Green eyes that reflected his - the gentle murmur of water a backdrop - its glimmer playing in their depths. It ran through his veins as surely as his blood.

It was a different kind of pressure in his head this time, one that resonated with the tightness and somehow made it worse as he resisted. I... I can't....

...I'm tired of this....

Wetness touched his paw, a soft droplet like rain that soaked into his fur, warm despite the chill left from Leaf-bare. The pressure eased with it, the tired emptiness of giving in, of letting go, sweeping over him like those ethereal waters of the past rippling over his reflection. It cast both of them into the same mirror, the image constantly wavering and changing.

"This is my home," His voice was barely raised above a broken whisper, but still audible over the quiet murmur of the river at his damp paws, "but I can't... I won't... stop loving the RiverClan I knew as much as I love the ThunderClan I know now." Lifting his head, he felt his heart twist. "I don't know how that works, or if it can... but I won't fight you - I won't fight my family, whatever happens." His eyes closed for a moment. "I'm like the river; I run between, touching both sides. I know my family, the cats I love."

At least that... at least that was clear, despite the aching in his head. Mostly, anyway.

"Ivystar, I... I'm sorry I left you - I'm sorry I abandoned all the family I had left, but I wouldn't go back. I wouldn't change it if I could... just maybe the way it happened." He hesitated, his paw reaching out to touch the surface of the water, the ripples from the contact breaking as the current took them and swept them down its length. It always had been a chasm he could never cross. "You sound so much like Mottledspark, you know. He told me the same thing. Again, and again, it comes back.... But I always have regrets."

Some awful amalgamation of concern and annoyance laced Ivystar's features, her sharp emerald eyes still locked on the tom across the river. "No, Minkstream. You pledged an oath to your Clan, not to me nor the rest of our family. Abandoning such an oath would be more dishonorable than leaving your Clan and family for another." With a sigh, she shook her head. "And it's important to have boundaries, Minkstream. You can love us and talk to us, but remember those you've made promises to. Don't break them." Her gaze fell when he mewed her name, personally addressing her.

"It's been moons. I've had time enough to... Sort out my feelings." 'Get over it' sounded a bit too harsh to say out loud, but it wasn't entirely untrue. "I suppose that's not totally out of this realm of possibilities. It makes sense," She mewed quietly, unsure of what else to say.

Boundaries... Some part of him wished that those had never been created - that walls didn't exist and cats could pass wherever they wished to. A flicker of thought brushed through his mind; at least medicine cats had the right to go where they wished, to break the invisible barriers of the border. Him, though....

I'm tied down by a thousand vines, snagging my paws and suffocating me.

He sighed quietly. I'm glad she can get over it. His eyes drifted to the water rippling at his paws, one of them drifting up to idly rub at the side of his head and the ache that still dwelled there. I wonder... which is worse: the guilt of abandoning everything or the feeling of being abandoned?

His eyes closed briefly. I'd never abandon my family here - not like I did to RiverClan. But.... Something in him longed for more, longed for something he couldn't see, something that skittered away from him whenever he reached hesitant paws to try and touch it - covered in blood and stinking of snarls and battle yowls. Breaking the borders - going beyond your boundaries - always led to death. Or so they had been taught as kits. Set a paw out of line and someone or something would tear your throat open.

"It does, but not to anyone else." He opened his eyes, weighing his words for a moment as they impulsively sprang to his lips. "We... make walls, and then when someone doesn't fit in them... we split. And we never see each other again. It's just the way the world works." Shaking his head abruptly, he briefly gritted his teeth against the sharp stab of pain it brought. "Listen to me. 'I can transcend borders - wait, no one can transcend borders.' I'm glad you've sorted out your feelings, sister, because I can't even begin to understand mine."

He sighed again, the ripple of the water sliding by with a twinkle - a flash of scales that winked in the light. Looking up, he caught her gaze. "But maybe... some day ThunderClan and RiverClan can at least live beside each other in peace."