"Thank you, bumblebee, for your help. I felt bad asking an apprentice... seems like they're doing so much more for me lately. I always hated changing bedding for elders. The smell of mushy, old moss and geezers getting fussy about the arrangement... I mean, it's positively demeaning."
"Ma, don't thank me."
"Well, look at yourself. This is laborious. You deserve a thank you, you're practically more crippled than me!"
"You know that's not true... and you don't need to make me feel better about it. I'm actually warming up to it, yanno? The scars. They don't bother me much anymore, and it helps to know that they mean something."
"Mean something to you?"
"No, the forest. The Clans. Our way of life. It reminds me how fleeting this all is. Why the Code is important. Why we have to fight."
"..."
"Ma?"
"You've changed, you know. You're not a little kitten anymore. I know I should be proud of you, Beecloud, but I can't lie to my son. I'm afraid for you."
"You have nothing to be afraid of. Aren't you happy that I'm finally a warrior?"
"You were always a warrior!"
"I never felt like one until now."
"What is a warrior to you, then? Never coming home, staying out into the late hours every single day, looking for fights to pick? Beecloud, what happened?"
"You wouldn't understand. I can't explain-"
"Oh, yes, Beecloud. A lifelong warrior could never understand war."
"This is not war, this is insidious and it is different. We are completely outside of the Code, and I'm just doing whatever it takes to get back inside."
"Then why won't you tell me exactly what you're doing?"
"Because ThunderClan needs you here, Ma! Look what they did to Robinloft!"
"See, it's that kind of talk that frightens me, Beecloud. You are doing something sneaky. You're going to get yourself killed, and then what will I do? And for what? So you can get revenge?"
"No. Because there will be other cats like me, like how I was. And this is no life for them."
"..."
"..."
"..."
"Fine, I was always a warrior. But... I'm something different now. I'm warped. I feel like I have to... I have to fix things. There's no way to reverse what has been done to me. It started long before these scars, but it's impossible to undo just the same. But I can prevent the cycle from repeating itself, yeah? The past is done, I am what I am. I can never go back. Only forward. Otherwise, everything I've become will have been a downward spiral into decay. I want to look back and be able to say that I wasn't all bad. Not all bitter. Not all gone."
"Don't be mad at me."
"What are you gonna say, Ma?"
"You remind me of your father."
"Yeah, I figured. Can I sit with you?"
"Of course, dear."
"... You smell nice."
"You smell musky. Hehe!"
"Mama, do you believe StarClan will save us?"
"No, no. I don't. I don't think they have to."
"Hm?"
"You know who saved us in the mountains? It wasn't StarClan. They gave us help, sure. They warned us that dogs were coming. Our ancestors passed down stories about the way home for us to follow. But they didn't carry us. They didn't fight the dogs for us. They didn't cause that avalanche. Warriors did that. When I look back at those days, I remember the living cats around me and everything they did to keep us safe. Sure, they were guided by the ancestors, but... they're a better set of cheerleaders than a cavalry, don't you think?"
"And you think that'll happen now?"
"I think that a warrior is going to step up, and he's going to find out that he's not as far gone as he thinks he is. I think he will be led by a true and just heart. I think he's willing to give everything to see a sunrise in a free forest. And I think he's going to make his mother proud."
"You know more than you're telling me."
"I really don't. But I know my son, and that's plenty. I can infer the rest, even if you insist on withholding all the juicy details."
"Mama, I love you."
"I love you too."
"... Sometimes, I imagine my own death so vividly that it feels like it's already happened. Like a memory. It's been getting worse lately. Dreams and visions of claws on my throat. I'm terrified."
"Let me tell you what I wish I'd known when I was your age. Two things. First: In your life, the hardest wars you wage will be fought against yourself. Second: No matter what precautions you take, how many right decisions you make, or how smart, strong, or fast you are... you have no control over who lives, who dies, and who makes it to the end to tell it all. I'm one of the lucky few. I get to tell their stories. Kits know Leopardstar's name because of the knowledge I have the privilege of passing on. But we do not decide who gets there. It's as random and fickle as the wind."
"It's out of our paws."
"Yes. Let go of that fear. Plunge gracefully into the unknown... because we all know just as much as you do. We're all in the dark. Yes, death will come, but it's a force best left mysterious and uncontrolled."
"I hope that I'm one of the stories you get to tell. You're good at it."
"Well, I certainly hope not. I'll be dead long before that happens."
"I thought death was mysterious and uncontrolled!"
"Well, yes. But your story isn't finished yet. I don't tell works-in-progress. I quite simply refuse."
"Of course."
"..."
"..."
"But I'll tell you a secret."
"Sure, Ma."
"This one is proving to be one of my favorites."
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》Former Admin《
Rushkit | RiverClan Kit | #4b5320
Lionpaw | ThunderClan Apprentice | #cb945f
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