Needles and thread

OOC: The "thread" part in the title is probably going to be the line that drags Willow back to her kits in guilt lol

Willow dragged herself to her paws from her spot hidden in the corner of the abandoned barn. There was a hole in the roof and stuff was peeling from the walls, but it was warm and hid many mice for easy prey, even with her heavy belly of kits. Her mission for the day was to find prey, catch them, and feed herself before going back to rest in her corner. She had hidden in this place because of shame. She was terribly ashamed of herself. These kits should never have even existed. Even now, they were a burden. It would definitely be worse after they enter the world, needing much more care, love, and attention than Willow could give.

--------- sometime later

The kits had been born. Willow had prepared everything she would have needed for the birth, storing moss soaked in water and a stick to bite on near her corner in the barn. Thankfully, not many cats had come this way after she was exhausted from the birth, and she had three beautiful kittens. Hopefully, her mate, Fang, wouldn't hate her for doing this. The kits were technically hers, after all. "Hello, kits," she mewed softly. "Maple, Needle, and Birch," she touched her nose gently against the top of their heads as she spoke their names for the first time out loud. Maple was an exact replica of Willow herself, a little calico, while Needle appeared to look somewhat like Willow's father, who she had met only once in her life. Birch has brown patterns on his pelt like Fang. Willow looked down at them oddly, a crazed look in her eyes. "But you weren't supposed to be born. Oh no, you all weren't. Shame, I'm so ashamed..." she trailed off, then sighed. "You better eat your fill," she mewed sternly even though she knew the kits wouldn't understand. "I'm going to leave you here. I hope someone finds you and gives you a good life."

After a while, Willow stood up, cutting off her milk to the kits. "Goodbye," she mewed as she walked away without looking back.

The newly-born tortoiseshell kit was huddles next to her siblings, there was a voice, talking, and then pawsteps. A chill crept over her, she reached out to the pawsteps, but all she felt was fur, growing cold. litter... mates? She sniffed and scrambled over them, they didn't react. Something told Needle that this was wrong, even if she was too young to really understand. Moth...er. She tried to find the milk that had disappeared but the scent... not... th..ere. She needed something to cling onto, her frail body finally made it's way past the barrier of small weaker kits. She tried to cry out in hunger to her mother, but nothing happened. Needle was growing tired, she found a damp, squishy thing that she kneaded, there was no milk, her mother was gone. It didn't matter, because Needle was tired, Mother will come back when wake up. She told herself.

-----Time skip! (A day or two later)

Willow couldn't fight off the feeling that she had done something terribly, terribly wrong. Surely it wasn't the kits she abandoned? No, she shook her head vigorously, "It's not my fault they might be dead," she said out loud, then repeated it again for good measure as if the words would be enough to convince herself. She hadn't seen Fang after the incident, fearing he would discover what she had done and despise her for it.

Worry clouded Willow's mind. "I shouldn't have abandoned them," she realized. I'll check on them and maybe drop them in the clan territory so they can be loved! she thought excitedly before setting off to the barn.

As soon as she stepped into the abandoned barn, Willow felt uneasy. Something was definitely wrong. She didn't quite understand what was going on, but her senses tingled and the hairs on her back were raised. Nothing could have prepared her for the sight she stumbled upon in her old corner there. The three kittens lay still and lifeless, and Willow knew deep down she had killed them. Sorrow clouded her eyes before she snatched one of the kits, Maple, and began to lick her furiously as if it could bring her back to life. In turn, she groomed the other two, Needle and Birch, one by one and curled up around them. A tear slipped from her eye as she drifted into a dreamless sleep.

Needle had fallen asleep, her daily sleep, she didn't have much to do, as her littermates slept all day and she didn't know how to catch her own food, let alone eat it. She had thought that she'd never run out of water, until when she woke up that morning to find the moss all dried out. Needle wasn't much of a deep sleeper, so it wasn't a surprise to herself that she woke up to her littermate moving... Wait, moving? That didn't sound right. Luckily, she had managed to open her eyes a few hours ago, so it should be easy to open them again. When she did, she saw a new cat using a pink thing to move her sister, Maple. She quickly closed her eyes again when the cat moved to clean Needle next. During that time, she scented a familiar scent. When the licking stopped, she took her chance to have a look at the cat.

They looked like Maple, and the tiniest bit like Needle. The mysterious cat seemed to know them, and Needle thought she knew this cat. She took in the scent again. This is Mother. She told herself, the same Mother that had left Needle and her two boring littermates alone. She shut her eyes again as Mother curled around her. Although, when she thought she was okay and wouldn't be bothered anymore, a wet thing decided to go and land on her head. She let out a squeak and opened her eyes, narrowing them. What is that? She thought, blinking at Mother who had fallen asleep. Must of been big journey? She reached up with a small paw and touched Mother's nose. Wake up, play with me! Needle said furiously in her mind, but only let out a squeak of anger.

OOC: I'm really sorry for the super late reply but life happened ;-;

Something squeaked nearby, and Willow's ear twitched. Go away, whatever you are, and leave me alone, she hissed in her mind, but something felt off. Suddenly, something prodded her on the muzzle, and she jerked back, her eyes wide in alarm. What went through her mind at the moment was something along the lines of, What was that? Was it a ghost? Ghost of my kitten? To haunt me? Why? I'm a bad mother. Wait, I don't know, what? Mice are weird. I'm hungry. Water. Kits. Oh right, they were dead. I should bury them. Later. Kits. Another small squeak, louder this time and somehow angry, reached her ears. The sound seemed to come from... her kits. But weren't they dead?

Willow tilted her head in confusion and looked at her paws. She felt like she had witnessed a miracle as she saw the narrowed golden eyes of her kitten Needle, who appeared to be alive and well. She wanted to cry, to yowl in joy, to fly to the moon - instead, she dipped her head and nuzzled her kit. The only survivor. "Let's go home," she whispered before picking up Needle and trying her best to carry the other two kits. She would bury them later, near the forest where they wouldn't be disturbed.

Needless to say Fang was a bit upset that his mate Willow hadn't talked to him in a while. He knew that she had visited the barn quite often but coule never quite work up the courage to tell Willow that he loved her and wished to start a family.

He froze as a scent hit his nose....The couldn't quite place the scent but he walked forward slinking in the shadows. The abandoned barn wasn't his territory strictly, but not many cats visited it and it reminded him of happier times with his mate. He stumbled upon the wet moss, not watching where he was going and looked down horrified. There were two dead kits!

Fang recoiled as the scent hit his nose from the two kits. Willow's scent! Fang's eyes clouded with grief, and he sat down by the two kits and looked at them closely. One of them looked like his fur pattern and the other one looked like a mix between them. He sighed, These kits must've died from the cold, I will bury my kits and then go to find Willow to confront her with the truth.

Later that day, after grieving for his kin he picked them up one by one and buried them on the hillside under the grove of trees near the forest. He took one last look at the grave before turning around to head back to his home in the alleyway, all the while thinking about his kin; his only kin laying in the ground.

Although the small kitten couldn't understand the moment that brought her mother happiness, Needle could feel it just the same. She purred when her mother nuzzled and picked her up. Needle looked down at her boring littermates and reached for them with her frail paw. She was too high to reach them, but Willow seemed to manage just fine, taking her away from the place.. the only place she had ever known.

OOC: By the way, Fang is Willow's mate and therefore Needle's father! Also, if you guys want, I could make a new thread somewhere else and PM it to you. Or we can have Needle grow a bit older before having the family reunion.

Willow had walked with Needle hanging by the scruff for what seemed like forever before she dropped her kit gently to the hard ground of Twolegplace. After letting Needle feed and grooming her kit's messy pelt, she realized raising a kit on her own was not as easy as it seemed to be. She needed to hunt to keep herself full and provide milk for Needle, but she couldn't do that if she carried her kit everywhere. But if she left her kit alone there was a high possibility of a predator or another cat snatching Needle and ending her life, and Willow was not going to allow that to happen.

In the familiar Twolegplace alleys where Willow grew up, there were plenty of secure hiding places. That was where she would go. There was a complication of meeting Fang, but Willow would face that complication later when she had to.

OCC: It doesn't really matter to me, I mean Fang will run into them eventually. He already left his recent scent at the abandoned barn when he buried his other two kits. If you want, you could bring Needle into 'Fang's Alley' and then he could find her there.