Haven't been the best lately... [closed// Plot phase one]

((OOC: Phase one in the Denial plot.

Also if you see any typos, please ignore them, i didn't check for grammar mistakes.))

Phase description:

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Smallbean looked up at the slowly sinking sun. The horizon was stained a scarlet red and faded into the blue-ish black that was creeping on the opposite side of the sky. Long, dark shadows were spread across the moor and the nocturnal animals of Windclan territory were beginning to emerge from their homes. As slight, warm breeze had set in, spreading the sweet smell of heather across the moor and beyond. The small tom found himself walking upon a narrow, worn path. Despite the fact that it looked like it was used by many cats, he hardly found himself taking this route.

The tom walked with his head low, deep in thought. Sadness clouded his mismatched eyes, taking away their usual shine. He'd left camp earlier that day to take a walk, but didn't return when he planned. His paws instead lead him in the opposite direction from camp. He needed more time to at least try clearing his head.

Every moment he wasn't occupied doing something, his mind went to his fears, regrets, and anxieties. Most frequently, he found himself thinking of Larkflight. He remembered that very day. Larkflight had started her kitting early, and he knew from the beginning that something just wasn't right. He had paced the entire time outside the nursery, only to find out the terrible things he had imagined became a reality. If only he had done... better. If he could've gotten to Aspenheart quicker, if he could've done anything to help, she might still be here next to him.


The pain from the death of his mate had overall eased, but it was when he had too much time to think when the sadness and grief set back in. That's why he kept pushing himself to go on border patrols, to hunt, to help around camp, to aid the medicine cats on herb gathering trips, to do anything he could. He was busy from before the sun rose until the sun set. That was how he coped. His body had become tired and his muscles ached almost all the time, but he kept going. He occasionally took walks to try clearing his mind, but more often than not he couldn't focus on anything except his thoughts.

He often pretended everything was okay for his family, especially for Wildflower. She had grown up with a somewhat distant father who was always anxious about one thing or another, and he noticed some of his traits in her. She was somewhat introverted and seemed self conscious at times, and Smallbean couldn't help but blame himself for being an influence. He really wanted to make it up to her, and having her worry over him wasn't the right way to do it.

The sun was now even lower in the sky, right above the horizon. It would probably be a good time to head back to camp, he'd been out long enough. He took a moment to look across the open moor before turning around.




Smallbean quietly padded into camp, forcing a small smile. He'd manage to catch a hare on his way back, so now he had an excuse for why he was out so long. He dropped the hare onto the top of the fresh-kill pile, thinking it would make a good meal for one of the elders later. Thinking about his own stomach, he pawed through the pile trying to find a mouse. The only one he could find was a small mouse no bigger than a few mouthfuls for a larger warrior. That was okay though, he didn't have much of an appetite anyways.

He walked over to a secluded part of camp and began to munch down on the mouse, completely oblivious to the cats who were staring at him from across camp. He was deep in thought once more, a familiar look shone in his eyes. He only noticed Wildflower and Crowspirit were in front of him when their shadows crossed his vision. "Oh- um, hey. Hi?"

Smallbean was always anxious and a bit disconnected from others. Lately, though, it had seemed worse than usual. Wildflower had worked up the courage to talk to Crowspirit about it a few nights ago. She didn't know her grandfather well, only that he was Smallbean's father... and Larkflight's mentor, she remembered, wincing slightly. The conversation had gone better than she'd expected, with Crowspirit noticing Smallbean's recent moods as well, and they'd agreed to confront him. And now, it was that time.

Smallbean had been out for a while, a bit longer than he should've, though at least the hare was a nice catch. Wildflower pricked her ears as he exchanged a hare for a mouse in the fresh-kill pile, and tilted her head in his direction as he sat down and started to eat. Although she felt bad for interrupting his meal in this way, she nodded to Crowspirit and padded over. He sounded nervous - more so than usual. She was pretty sure he'd look nervous, too. Clearing her throat, she coughed slightly and glanced over at Crowspirit. Looks like I have to start this conversation... Great. May as well say it straight and get it over with. "Dad... Crowspirit and I are worried about you."

Smallbean worried him. Crowspirit's son had always been a quiet kit, but since Larkflight's death he seemed to be growing dangerously distant. The dark tom had been there, once before, and he knew how easily it could lead to stupid decisions.

So he was glad Wildflower had spoken to him. His grandaughter was a good cat, like her father and mother, and her blindness didn't seem to slow her down much. He didn't say anything to begin with, simply nodding as Wildflower spoke. Once she was finished, he chimed in. "Smallbean, what's bothering you?"

The small tom looked over from Wildflower, to Crowspirit, then back to wildflower. What were they here for? He couldn't just ignore them, and it'd be too rude to walk away. Maybe he'd think up an excuse. He needed some fresh air? No, he'd been out for long enough today. Maybe he needed sleep? Yes, that would do. "Sorry guys, i-" He opened his mouth but was quickly cut off. "Why would you b-be worried?" He forced out a small laugh, knowing it probably wouldn't be convincing enough. It was obvious that his mood had been more on the unhappy side, but there was no reason to worry his family, right?

When his father began to speak, he knew that it'd been to noticeable. "There's nothing bothering me." Smallbean averted his eyes and simply looked at his mouse, taking another bite out of it. Maybe they would leave him alone, but he knew how stubborn Crowspirit could be. Wildflower isn't as stubborn, but she would probably go along with Crowfeather if the stuck around. He let out a sigh and looked longingly toward the warrior's den. If only he'd went straight to sleep after he returned home, he couldn't be in this mess.

"Smallbean, you are my son and I love you. So I can't let you keep this tucked away." He flicked his tail, crouching down to scan the fresh-kill pile, though his ears were still angled towards the younger tom. "You know I won't stop bothering you until you tell me. Might as well get it over with." Crowspirit's eyes flashed with a bit of humor, despite his worry as he grabbed a grouse from the pile. It was a bit big, but maybe Wildflower would share with him. After all, cats tended to relax around fresh-kill, in his own experience.

Wildflower, shoulders bent nervously, exhaled, lifting her blind green gaze to the sky. If her dad felt fine, then maybe he was fine. She wasn’t the best at judging emotions, maybe she should leave, she’d probably made things worse by now— and then Crowspirit kept needling in, trying to pry the truth (if there was any) out of Smallbean. Her tail twitched and she started to back away uncertainly. “You’ve seemed... down, lately, butyoukindofalwaysdosoIdon’tknow... I’ll just... go...” She kept backing away, feeling like a third wheel.

(OOC: didn't check for grammar/spelling mistakes)

Smallbean almost felt guilty about covering everything up and lying(or at least trying to), but he knew it was for the best. He could tell that they were already worrying, but maybe he could try to turn it around. Maybe he could convince them otherwise. But Crowspirit was onto him. It was obvious that he knew something was up.

Maybe he should give in. "Fine.." He sighed, looking up toward Crowspirit with his mismatched eyes. Crowspirit was right- there was no chance of convincing him that everything was okay. His father knew him to well. "I've just been a bit down s-since..." He took a deep breath and looked at the ground. Tears threatened to fall down his face but he couldn't let them see. The last thing he wanted was for them to worry. Holding it in the best he could, he finished the sentence. "since L-Larkflight d-died." He choked out the words, they felt like they were stuck in his throat. He hated having to say it, he wished that she could still be here. But no- it was because of him that she isn't still here. If he had gotten to Aspenheart quick enough, if he hadn't fallen in love with her, everything might still be okay.

Keeping his head lowered, he went on, trying to force a happy tone. "But it's alright! It's fine, i'm okay, really." Once he was able to clear the tears in his eyes he looked back up, trying to look as sincere as he possibly could. His eyes shifted over to Wildflower as she began backing away. Did he always come across sad to her? Was that normal? All he could think about was whether or not his personality had an effect on how Wildflower acted. He knew that she was often nervous and introverted, was that his fault too?He was so deep in thought that he didn't see Wildflower walk across camp until she was already gone. At least he was able to convince her that she didn't need to worry.