shame [open, healing needed]

ooc: continuation of this topic, Wildpaw has been blinded by an eagle

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It was sundown when Wildpaw finally found it safe to return to camp. The journey was a mess, with her stinging eyes squeezed shut, navigating the route back to camp only by scent. She did her best to seep inconspicuous as she walked with her head down to the medicine cat den... which was made hard by the blood pooling from scratched on her face, and her eyes, covered with a mass of tears and scarlet stains. The speckled apprentice was still crying silently, not from the pain, but from shame. Shame for not being able to catch a single thing, and worrying that her dream would become a reality, or that it already was a reality. Salty tears trickled down her face, mixing with the blood from her wounds.

She pushed her way into the medicine den, shoulders shaking. Her nose twitched with the tang of herbs, and with her eyes still shut, she called out, "Aspenheart, Softpaw, I-I, an eagle hurt me, I..." Her voice trailed off, and her whole body shook, as she waited for the medicine cats to arrive. Get this over with, the embarrassment, everything. Please let them be able to heal me, if Smallbean sees me, he'll be mad at himself, somehow. No, no, no... please, come on already...

"Wildpaw? Are you here to see- oh, my!-" Her friendly greeting was broken up in a gasp as she saw the state the young apprentice was in. "Lay down, extremely still! I'll get some wet moss, cobwebs, and celandine!" And with that, Softpaw was off. In two shakes of a rabbit's tail, she was back, dabbing the blood gently off with a damp wad of moss, a worried look in her eyes.

Wildpaw was Smallbean and Larkflight's kit. Larkflight had died.. Determination hardened her resolve. Larkflight had died. Wildpaw would not. Softpaw would make sure of that. After cleaning the blood from her wound, she trickled the juice from the celandine stalk into her eyes, making sure the precious healing liquid stayed in them. "That'll help soothe the pain until Aspenheart gets here. Aspenheart! Wildpaw's eyes have been clawed by an eagle!" The cream molly called over her shoulder, waiting for her more experienced mentor to arrive.

Olivestone had just returned from a patrol of her own, with prey to show for her efforts. She'd sat down to clean her pelt and to bask in the dying rays of the sun, when Wildpaw pushed her way into camp, the worrying tang of blood-scent accompanying her. The deputy hopped to her paws and hurried over to the medicine den, sticking her head inside to catch Softpaw's words.
An eagle? Oh no...

She pushed her way all the way into the den, stopping a tail-length away from the pair, as to not get in the way, and watched as the cream she-cat took care of Wildpaw.
"Wildpaw, it's me, Olivestone. You don't have to tell me if you're not comfortable doing that, but what happened?"

Wildpaw did as she was told. Her legs folded beneath her, and she rested her chin on the ground, a tiny sigh emitting from her maw. Softpaw yowled for Aspenheart after putting something in her eyes. Wildpaw didn't know what it was, but she was glad. The incandescent red pain behind her eyes faded to bearable, and she flicked her tail in a gesture of thanks. Her ears drooped as she heard Olivestone come in. It was inevitable that at some point, her mentor would hear about this (and Smallbean, though hopefully later), but she didn't want that to happen right now.

'You don't have to tell me if you're not comfortable...' But it wasn't really a choice, was it? Wildpaw sighed again. Olivestone's opinion of her would be lower if she said nothing. So, she drew the words out, racked by tremors. "I-I just wanted t-to prove myself and catch s-something, anything... but an eagle c-came, and it almost c-caught me, but I managed t-to hide, and it only got my eyes..." She stayed perfectly still, as instructed by Softpaw, but she opened her eyes, Softpaw had now cleared the blood from them. She'd be able to see once more. She wasn't sure she wanted to, to see Olivestone's are you okay? face, but... she opened her eyes. When she saw nothing, except radiant swirls of black and red, she frowned. A seed of certainty was blossoming in her belly, but she wanted to be sure. Maybe it was all some big mistake... "S-softpaw? You cleared the blood, r-right?"

Olivestone felt her heart sink at the apprentice's sorrowful words, and she stepped forward, rubbing her cheek against Wildpaw's.
"Things don't always come easy to everyone, and I promise that I've never been disappointed in you." She paused to give a lick to Wildpaw's forehead before continuing, "I'm glad that you got away from the eagle, you did well in fighting it off on your own."

The little hope she had that Wildpaw's sight could be saved evaporated as the apprentice asked if there was still blood in her eyes, obstructing her vision. From what she could see, the blood had all been cleared away, but Wildpaw's eyes were damaged too much.
She can't see... I'll just have to work out how to train her in ways that don't involve sight.

Never had he felt so much fear then when he saw his daughter stagger into camp, alone, with blood all over her face. His eyes widened and his mouth dropped open. Many thoughts were running through his head, but he only managed to speak one word. "W...W-Wildpaw?" He rose to his paws, his legs shaking. What could've happened to her? Will she be okay? Who did it? His body filled with fear for what could happen to her. Wildpaw was his only daughter, and he wouldn't ever be able to forgive himself if something horrible happened to her. He thought back to the day that she was born, he promised Larkflight that he would protect Wildpaw. Pushing those memories to the back of his mind, he forced himself to think about the problems at hand. He saw her go to the medicine den, and he soon saw that her mentor, Olivestone, followed. 'Come one! Be a better father! You should be there for her! Her mentor was there before you!'

He rushed to the medicine den and found out what had happened to Wildpaw before he was even halfway there. 'An Eagle?' Horror struck through him and urged him to get there faster. Eagles have been known to kill cats, and some even pick cats up and disappear without a trace. Just the sheer thought of Wildpaw disappearing made him feel sick. He pushed his way into the medicine den, finding it already a bit crowded. He walked over to Wildpaw and stood beside Olivestone, standing back enough to stay out of the medicine cat's way. Though most of the blood had been cleaned off, it seemed like Wildpaw would would have scars for the rest of her life, and may even be blind. "n-no, no. N-not again, no!" He turned to Softpaw with pleading eyes. "Will she b-be okay? Will she m-make it? If she d-doesn't i d-don't know w-what i'll d-do." Tears began to well in his eyes as he turned to Wildpaw. "A-are you alright? C-can you see?" He asked, fear obviously present in his voice.

"Alright, everybody needs to relax and stop crowding the poor scrap!" Aspenheart barked as he pushed through to the front, carrying an assortment of herbs. He had never seen something so severe as this with his own eyes, though he had heard of it, and he had prepared. "Let me take care of this and we can figure out what the actual damage is. Softpaw, we use celandine for one thing, because that's all it's good for: pouring juice in cats' eyes," he explained, both for his apprentice's learning and for Wildpaw's comfort. He wasn't sure how much the blinded she-cat could detect, so he figured a warning would be helpful. The greying medicine cat chewed the flower gently, positioning his head over Wildpaw's eyes and letting the liquid drop into the shredded orifices.

"Softpaw can take care of the flesh woulds around her face. They're just clawings," he said, addressing Olivestone and Smallbean. "Those will heal, probably with minor scarring. I'll take a closer look at her eyes... We'll see about those." He lifted his paw to Wildpaw's face, tilting her chin so she was facing the light of the den's entrance. "Can you see anything? Is there light of any kind?"

Wildpaw winced as Smallbean came up to her. She loved her father; she was just worried about how much he was able to handle. "Dad, I-I'm not gonna die... I just can't see." Well, that was the reality of it. Aspenheart came up, telling the others to clear out. Thank StarClan. I get anxious when they're anxious. She sighed as the same liquid Softpaw had used dripped into her eyes. She let out a small huff at the mention of slight scars. Hopefully they wouldn't be that bad. Or maybe it was a good thing? Warriors often flaunted their battle scars like a badge of honor - only, Wildpaw hadn't really been in a fight. She flinched reflexively as Aspenheart tapped her chin, and she tilted it up. She opened her eyes. I can't lie, but I wish I could. "No..." Her voice trailed off. It was real before, but saying it made it seem so much worse.

With a nod, Olivestone stood up and backed away from Wildpaw as Aspenheart pushed his way through to where the injured she-cat was waiting. Her fears were confirmed as Wildpaw responded that she couldn't see any light at all, despite the warm light filtering in the mouth of the den. She held little hope that maybe Wildpaw's sight would come back as her eyes healed, but she wasn't getting her hopes up by any means. Already her thoughts were racing on how to accommodate lack of sight into training, and while she didn't have any great ideas off the bat, there was one idea she knew she'd try.
I need to get a grasp on what blindness is like, so I can understand and accommodate it.

She laid her tail across Smallbean's back and murmured for only him to hear,
"She'll be okay, she's in great paws in Aspenheart and Softpaw's care. As well, I promise to help her finish her training in a way that accommodates her blindness."