fresh wounds

Bathed in the early rays of sunrise, blood still soaked the ground where Dacedream had died. It was old now, blackened with age and one good rain away from disappearing forever, but for now, it was the only place in the whole forest that still held some part of her. For Jaydream, the thought was oddly comforting. Dacedream was gone. They'd never hear her voice again, smell her sweet scent, wake up to her purr in their ears. Her body had been buried days ago, deep in the dirt where she'd feed the worms and the bugs, but here, in the spot where the life had been stolen from his mother, it was almost as if he could still feel her. The newly named warrior sat at the river's edge, staring down into the water, watching a school of small fish flitter and circle below him, but though his eyes were on the fish, his mind was elsewhere, was moons in the past, to the first time Dacedream had taken him fishing, very near this exact spot.

"Okay, sweetie, fishing is very simple once you get the hang of it..."

Her voice rang in his ears, as clearly as if she'd been standing beside him, and Jaydream closed his eyes as involuntary tears sprung within them.

"The more we practice, the better you'll be able to aim the fish. Just know that you want to throw it towards the shore; if it falls back in the water, it's really hard to catch it!"

A choked sob forced its way violently from his chest.

"You can't slash right where they look like they are - water moves in strange ways. You have to go a little further than they seem..."

Another violent sob, and another, until his entire body was wracked with grief, and his legs gave way from the effort of fighting it. He hadn't cried. He'd kept himself under control, for the sake of being strong for his sisters, but they weren't here, not right now. They would be soon, but the dam had already broken, and he couldn't keep it in any longer. Slumped alongside the river, Jaydream cried, and eventually the exhaustion plaguing him, the quarter-moon of barely sleeping, barely eating, finally took its toll.

...

It was nearly sunhigh when he woke, nearly the time he'd asked his sisters to meet him here. Jaydream blinked sleepily and took a shuddering breath, clearing his throat. He hadn't intended to sleep that long - he hadn't intended to sleep at all - but he had to admit that he felt better, anyway, having done it. Making his way to the water, he lapped several mouthfuls, ignoring the fish that scattered at his unshielded approach. He dipped a paw into the water and drew it over his ears, the cool water tricking down the back of his head. He hadn't bothered to groom himself decently in days, but he did now at the river's edge, at the sun reached it's highest peak.

And then he waited. His sisters would be here soon.

The only time Cherryblossom had been near the river since Dacedream's death was to show her apprentice the borders, and even then, they hadn't stayed for very long. She'd been desperate to get away from the site of her mother's murder, and at the time, the emotions that the place would wrest from her. When Jaydream had asked if she and Vixenpaw wanted to meet him by the river, her first instinct had been to say no, to keep avoiding the river, but she knew that she couldn't say no. She and her siblings hadn't spent a lot of time together since they'd left the nursery, if she were being honest, and she wanted to at least try to reconnect with them, even if they were both a bit... abrasive. (Truthfully, Vixenpaw more so than Jaydream, but that was another thing in itself.)

The little tan tabby gritted her teeth as she padded through the forest, towards the river, wanting to turn tail and run away with each step she took closer to the river. Still, she forced herself to keep going, and soon the babbling of water and the sight of the shimmering ribbon winding through the landscape greeted her. She knew there was no turning back now, and soon caught sight of Jaydream sitting by the bank, drawing his paw over his ears. She approached her brother, and sat down beside him, aware of the fact that he almost towered over her now. Internally, she lamented that she'd probably never grow much larger than an apprentice, but she wouldn't let that hold her back.

As she sat there with her brother, she wasn't really sure what to say, so she just wrapped her tail around him, and murmured, "Hey."

Cherryblossom showed up first. Jaydream turned his head, his ears slanting back in greeting, but didn't say anything. His resolve had started to crack the moment he smelled her approaching. Was he doing the right thing? Would this hurt them even more? The young warrior tried to fight the urge to droop his shoulders, dip his head in shame.

Thankfully, he didn't have to dwell on it for too long, as Vixenpaw showed up then. She looked the worse out of all of them, her spark gone, her normally fiery demeanor reduced to sizzling ash. The three young cats sat shoulder-to-shoulder, staring at the river.

River made up half their lineage, and Thunder the other. But Jaydream didn't feel like he belonged in either, not with StarClan above them both. He hoped, for their sake, that his sisters didn't feel the same way. But it was something he couldn't fight anymore. "I'm leaving."

The words were out of his mouth before he could stop them. Before he could swallow them down and make them disappear. This was what he'd brought them here to tell them, this was what he'd made up his mind to do, and there was no going back now. "I can't stay here," Jaydream continued, refusing to meet either one of the she-cats' gaze. His voice dropped to a whisper, "I can't... I can't stay here. Not with... not with them..." He meant StarClan, of course, and was sure that his sisters knew that.

Jaydream took a breath, attempting to still the whirling thoughts in his head. When finally he thought he could form a more coherent explanation, he spoke. "I need to go, to leave this place... the clans, the forest... it doesn't have anything for me anymore. Mother is gone. Father, too..." he finally looked at them each in turn, willing them to understand his point of view. "This just doesn't feel like home anymore. I feel like I constantly have to look over my shoulder, to fear persecution for a crime that I - that we all - only committed by being born." The young tom sighed, shaking his head.

"I don't know if I'll ever be back... and I've made up my mind. I just wanted to tell you both. You deserve to know."

The sound of the river babbling before them had almost masked Vixenpaw's approach, the small she-cat almost missing the pawsteps of her sister as she approached the pair, slowing to a stop on Jaydram's other side. Vixenpaw then spoke, her words devoid of her usual temper, hollow and defeated. Yet, they echoed her own thoughts, her own feelings, and she could do no more than nod in agreement.

Now that the three of them were there, sitting in silence as the river passed them by, Jaydream took in a breath and spoke. Words left his maw, uncertain and pained, but she could tell that he meant every single one. Whatever Cherryblossom had been expecting Jaydream to say, that certainly hadn't been it. The hollow feeling in her chest deepened, and she felt tears prick the back of her eyes, but she simply nodded as her brother looked at them in turn, his gaze almost pleading with them to understand.

The tan she-cat knew her place in the forest, knew that ThunderClan was her home, yet she somehow understood her brother's feelings, his reasoning for his decision. That didn't make it any less painful, though. She took a deep breath and finally opened her mouth, choosing her words carefully.
"Whatever will help you, you should do. I'll miss you, ThunderClan will miss you, but I won't- can't stop you."

She paused for a moment as tears welled up in her eyes, blurring her vision.
"All I ask is that you stay safe, wherever you go."