Do... I know you? [CLOSED]

Being a warrior was all she ever wanted. The dream of being an independent she-cat yet still contributing to a clan community that she loved. It was her life goal... but it still meant hardship for an anxious cat like her. And one of those difficulties... was to be part of patrols with clanmates that were not part of her close family. Especially... when it was just the two of them. From the corner of her eyes, and trying to look really serious and even meaner than she actually was, Redmask looked at the long-tailed warrior by her side. They weren't too far regarding age but he was a tad bit older than herself. Addershade... who was also training her brother, Tigerpaw. What was he like? Could... he see though her cracks? That was her biggest fear and after her talk with Silverfang... she tried even harder to hide those small breaks, leaks that could make her seen weak and not worthy of the title of a warrior.

The silence between the two cats could be considered uncomfortable... but the anxious she-cat actually liked. It was better than dealing with conversations and messing up again. When they finally reached the beech copse, Redmask let out a relieved sigh. They were finally going to hunt and that meant even fewer chances of interactions. She lifted her red, fluffy tail and looked at Adderfeather for a second, trying to keep her sharp attitude. "Now that we are here, you can hunt whatever you want. I'll start working." She was concrete and direct. After all... the tom probabñy did not want to talk to her. What good was she besides being the leader's daughter? Redmask just needed... to shine for herself by working until her paws stopped and in that way... Torrentstar will be finally proud of her.

Addershade walked alongside Redmask to the hunting spot. At first he had quite enjoyed the silence between them, and the lack of worry over making a mistake in his small talk that came with it...or even worse, that feeling he often got that he was supposed to freely share deep feelings, deep fears...even trying his best to engage with others...he was still so nervous about looking weak in front of them. In the back of his mind, a piece of him was still afraid that those feelings, those fears, those weaknesses would somehow, somehow be used against him. So at first he was quite grateful for the silence. But as they walked, he began to get less easy with the silence, and he started wondering if it was silent because he was supposed to initiate conversation-- was...was he being rude by not doing so?

But before he could make himself say something, Redmask spoke up, brief and direct. He nodded, relieved that he hadn’t had to be the one to break the silence after all. The way she framed her words and the directness of the she-cat’s tone made him think she would rather they not hunt with each other or do much small talk.

Unless that’s me projecting that? He thought nervously, second guessing himself. Almost always, he was much less talkative than whoever he happened to be with, and he was not one to have faith in exceptions over rules.  Maybe it’s just because I want to avoid small talk. But remember, Addershade-- remember what you promised yourself. You’d at least try to connect with your clanmates, right? Just try. Just try.


He was not used to being the one to initiate further conversation; usually he would wait for someone to invite him to continue to make small talk. But-- but he’d promised himself. Promised that he’d try. And hey-- maybe the she-cat really didn’t want to talk to him. But it would at least be polite if he didn’t actively cut off further interaction, right?

“Well...” he began questioningly. He was sure he sounded as awkward and shy as he felt. “If you’d like to hunt together...I’d be more than happy to...I mean, if you’d rather not...I can also... go further, or...but...”

Her ears perked when suddenly the tom by her side decided to talk. She was ready to go on a defensive, really snappy way to answer but... something on Addershade's voice made her change her mind. Somehow, there was something familiar in that trembling, unsure voice? But she could define what exactly was. Redmask just lashed her tail to one side and sighed before looking up to the brown-furred tom. "Addershade, right? Nothing against you... But I don't think it will benefit us if we hunt together. We may scare prey away if we make too much noise and one cat works better in silence, don't you think? At least, I work better alone." Her voice sounded sharper than she intended because of her lack of social skills and her "soldier attitude" but once she realized that, there was nothing much she could do to fix it. It didn't matter, anyways. With her poor talking and not pleasant personality, no cat wanted to be her friend but her own littermates. "Just... stay on your side and I'll stay on mine, okay? I'll talk to you if I'm finished or if something odd is happening."

There was nothing much to say and she wasn't in the mood to talk.

You're never in the mood, you realize that...

Shut up... She thought bitterly, silencing her thoughts and trying to keep her focus on a rodent's scent rather than in the problems she had and did not want to see. Redmask followed the trail of her objective to a bush and from there, she watched the small animal taking a sip of a puddle of water. Slowly and quietly, the young warrior prepared herself to jump but a change in the wind gave her scent away to the small animal, who lifted its head and rushed away from the she-cat's grasp. "Fox-dung!" She whispered to herself just before looking behind her shoulder to see how Addershade was doing.

The member 'Jay Bird' has done the following action : Dices roll

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'Hunting Dice' : 8

“Um, okay, sure-- that...makes sense, working apart…”

Addershade stayed where he was for a moment as Redmask went to hunt, almost a little stunned. So he hadn’t just been projecting ...this was the first time in his life Addershade hadn’t been the least willing cat in a conversation to make small talk. He was relieved, for a moment, to not have that pressure, to not feel like the odd one out. He turned, and began scenting around for some prey, catching the trail of a nearby mouse.

Unless-- I did do something wrong, and this is because I’ve offended her-- maybe I should ask to make sure-- He began to worry again-- No, no, just leave it for now, don’t do anything to make it worse.


For a moment, he glanced back towards Redmask, trying to figure out what exactly he might’ve done to make the she-cat mad, and like with any worry he had his mind offered him an abundance. For some reason, though, he found himself able to dismiss them, and as he thought more about the she-cat’s tone and words he began to be sure that no, it wasn’t just some random thing he had done or said. Because even though her tone had been different than the one he usually took, there was something about the core root of those words, a sort of wall he had felt-- that was familiar to him-- that he understood. And that...surprised him.

So he turned back quickly to tracking his prey, hiding from the familiarity. Watching the mouse, he prepared himself and then leaped for it. But he couldn't push past the distraction and confusion of his thoughts and he missed the prey, and watched unhappily as his prey rushed out of sight. He turned his head and saw that Redmask was looking over at him. He quickly looked down at his paws, embarrassed that she had seen him bungle a catch like that.

Addershade used 3 SP to try and catch a mouse. Catch was unsuccessful.

The member 'Ceryn' has done the following action : Dices roll

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'Hunting Dice' : 9

The she-cat was also surprised when he saw Addershade looking right into her eyes when she was peeking over her shoulder. Her face grew hotter with embarrassment and shyness, turning her head away with a blush. Redmask shook her head confused and lashed her tail, trying to calm down her beating heart. What is wrong with you?! You're supposed to be Torrentstar's daughter? How can you be so shaken by a fellow warrior...? The she-cat padded further away, hoping this time, she would get luckier. With leaf-bare coming prey was less and less abundant.

Her yellow eyes were soon fixed on a small water rodent, sniffing some reeds with seeds on them. The she-cat crouched down and approached it slowly, her tail in perfect balance with her spine. Yet again, something bothered her in her hunting attempt but this time, it wasn't a shift of wind. The thought that maybe Addershade could be looking at her made her feel nervous... what if he saw that she wasn't good enough for a leader's apprentice and legacy? What if the rest of the clan could see... the fears that lied beneath her asocial attitude? Thinking of this, Redmask took too much time and small animal darted away beyond her reach. Redmask stood up straighter and looked at her paws, shaking a bit. Why do you keep being such a failure...?

Redmask attempted to catch a rodent, using 3 sp: the catch was unsuccessful.
Redmask
114/120 SP

OOC: Forgot to add the precious 3 SP discount so I added it now cx

The member 'Jay Bird' has done the following action : Dices roll

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'Hunting Dice' : 8

Addershade watched as Redmask moved even further from him, and felt his face grow even hotter with embarrassment, immediately assuming she wanted to distance herself from him and his embarrassing hunting skills, mostly because he wished he could run away from them. He was fairly talented at catching fish, and he knew that that being their main prey, he really shouldn’t, logically, care so much that he could barely catch anything else, but...well, he did care.

I was a leader’s apprentice he thought and I can’t even hunt right. Can’t hunt right, can’t train an apprentice right-- his thoughts shifted suddenly, as they often did these days, to the lingering insecurity that came with his first ever apprentice running off to join another clan --I’m such a disappointment.

He tried to resume the hunt, eyes shifting occasionally to see if Redmask was watching him, thinking more about her opinion of him than the bird he had begun pursuing. He had always cared a little too much about what others thought of him, but for some reason he was especially worried about this she-cat’s thoughts, though he really barely knew her. There was just something about the familiarity he had sensed in her, something about the fact that there was something in someone else that he immediately had known, and understood, and connected to, and he almost felt as if-- if she liked him, it would mean he could like himself. He tried his best to turn his focus back to the prey before him, making his attempt at a catch. But, distracted, he let the bird get away.

Addershade huffed a sigh of annoyance at losing yet another catch, shooting another worried glance at Redmask. The tom felt guilty about how poorly he was doing in this patrol, and felt a sudden compulsion to at least let the she-cat know that wasn’t this hopelessly bad at all hunting.


“I’m--I’m better at catching fish, really,” he said, only retroactively realizing that making an excuse unprompted only made him seem more incompetent “I--I’m sorry…”


Addershade used 3 SP to try and catch a bird. Catch was unsuccessful.


Addershade:
SP: 154/160

The member 'Ceryn' has done the following action : Dices roll

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'Hunting Dice' : 9

The she-cat could not focus. Somehow, her anxiety was just growing whenever she took a step forward to try another-probably failed-attempt. Was what the point? There was no use hunting land prey after two missing chances, right? Maybe coming here wasn't the best idea... The red-tailed turned her face to tell Addershade they should go to the river just in time to witness his breakdown. Something new emerged from Redmask's chest... sympathy maybe? The young warrior was not quite sure. The only thing she was certain of was that... when she looked into his eyes... she saw hers.

Slowly and uncertain, the brown tabby came closer. It was clear the tom was struggling and that it was logical to help him out, right? That was what a decent social cat would do? What... a clanmate would do? A little stiff, Redmask sat down next to him and looked at the long-tailed warrior from the corner of her yellow eyes... "Hey..." Awkwardly, she lifted her paw to give him two short pats on the shoulders, trying to offer him some comfort but not really being that warm or outgoing like some of her clanmates. "Don't act like that. You don't have to apologize... not to me at least. It isn't like I did any better, right? So stop whining and let us do something useful for once, okay?" Yet again, her tone was snappier than intended due to her usual urge of defending herself from social interactions but this time... she really meant good. Sure, Redmask knew nothing of Addershade and he knew nothing of her... but the she-cat could relate to that feeling of failure. "If we both suck at land prey, then we should go and fish something out from the river. So lift up that mood and get that paws working because we are travelling again. No time to lose, right?" He mewed rather unnatural smile before standing up with her tail up and ready to leave to the river. She did not forget her own pitiful thoughts but somehow... moving her problems aside to help someone for the first time... made her realize that maybe... it wasn't so bad. If she could cheer up another cat... why don't start cheering up herself? It would be hard... with her anxiety and the expectations she thought she had to accomplish... but it was a start.

Addershade blinked at Redmask, a little surprised. Most times, he would assume that any offer of help or sympathy had some kind of ulterior motive to it, whether it was that it was actually sarcasm or mockery, or just a ploy to get something...but right now, he didn’t feel that way, not even a little. Redmask’s words actually...made him feel better. And he wasn’t totally sure why-- maybe it was the snappiness that had remained in her tone making him feel less like she was trying to hide something with false niceness, or the fact that she had, throughout the hunt, been reminding him of himself, but whatever it was-- he didn’t have the urge to run away like he usually did. It was the opposite, for once he actually found himself...actually being grateful for someone else's company.

“Right, no time to lose,” the tom replied after a moment, feeling a genuine smile forming on his face. He paused again for a second. “Thank you,”