The Wish [Closed]

His strength was failing. Sparkfrost knew that. Even a cat as ignorant, sometimes willingly, as he was could pick up on the weakness brought to both his breath and body. The medicine cats were hopeful but by their troubled glances he had been able to pick up on the fact that something was wrong. Blood had passed his tongue on more than one occasion now. That couldn't be a good sign. As much as he had longed to find some glorious adventure, it appeared that this was the end of the road for him. Lynxtail had known it too. Their moment together earlier had been filled with a sweet sorrow. He was grateful for the opportunity to make it this far, to leave behind the haunting of a former life and to briefly taste the wonder that life had to offer outside of a pressure brought by a time he had not know. A certain weight had been lifted from his shoulder, something beyond the physical world and very much unlike the heaviness in his chest. This life had also brought him Dacepaw, his greatest creation and the one thing he had to offer to the world. She had brought a joy to him that he had not known could exist.

As he stumbled to his paws now, the warrior thought of only one mission before he was to depart from the clans so that no one else would fall to this illness. He needed to say goodbye to his kit and to let her know that everything was going to be okay. Staying quiet was a difficult feat but he had to. Picking his way around the sleeping forms of apprentices would have difficult if the she-cat wasn't sleeping near the entrance but thankfully she was. As he saw the form of Dacepaw sleeping, a purr broke through his maw and he prodded her with a paw. Stifling a cough, the dilute calico meowed softly, "Wake up, little Dacepaw... I have to tell you something my sweet kit." The words were broken and crackled, telling of his weakness. He turned back to the center of the camp and trotted only a few paces, as far as his paws would carry him quickly, before settling down. There was no need to disturb the other apprentices and this was a moment just between them. Sparkfrost had to leave on a journey that only he could take. This time she would not be able to follow. The sadness shone in his eyes, alight by the faint glow of the moon. At least there would be this moment, for this he was grateful. While he was not normally the introspective time, it was funny to think how in his last days, the universe had allowed him some finality. Some peace. Perhaps this was the adventure his heart had sought, and now that is was fulfilled, it was time to leave.

It still wasn't easy sleeping in ThunderClan's camp even though a few days had passed since Dacepaw's arrival with her father. She remembered the first day, when she had met Oakstar, and he had explained that they had no use for reeds in camp. Before the first night was over, Dacepaw disagreed; she liked reeds better than moss and bracken. Still, if the leader said that was the way it had to be, the little she-cat supposed that was just how it had to be. She struggled to fall asleep, but eventually she always managed after whispering the names of the cats she'd talked to that day. Dappleshine's voice no longer chimed in every so often to correct a name, or make a soft remark about what they did together that day. Much to Dacepaw's increasing yet unacknowledged sadness, her father's name hadn't been on any of those lists since the first day they had arrived.

The pale tortoiseshell apprentice tried not to think about how Sparkfrost hadn't come back out of the medicine den since he went in. She tried not to think of how the cats around her always redirected her whenever she tried to go visit. It was all well and good during the day when Dacepaw could trot after Houndpaw and the other apprentices and go on tours of the territory with the deputy or whoever else offered to spend time with her. At night, though, Dacepaw missed her family. She hadn't shared a den with either of them since her ceremony in RiverClan, but now she hadn't even seen either of them. She was lonely, and Houndpaw didn't seem to like the way her fur smelled, so she was even more alone.

She had chosen a nest near the entrance of the den, despite the noise and constant movement, to keep watch for Sparkfrost. She wanted to be there for her father, when he was ready. Dacepaw spent several long hours that night staring at the entrance of the medicine den until, without knowing, her eyes had slipped shut and she had drifted to a peace-less sleep.

A familiar voice crackled in her ears what felt like a moment later and her eyes flicked open to see her father. "Daddy!" she blurted joyfully, before she could control herself. Immediately she ducked her head, knowing she had well earned the few mumbles and hisses of complaint that cascaded in her direction. Dacepaw slipped out of the den after her father. Above everything, she wanted to charge herself into him - crash into his chest and bury herself there until the end of time - and squeal how much she missed him. Her paws worked anxiously at the ground, but something held her back.

Sparkfrost's eyes were sad like Dappleshine's had been. Dacepaw didn't understand. "I miss you, daddy... Why... um... Why do you stay in the medicine den?" All she wanted was for him to step forward and pull her in like Dappleshine had before the apprentice left RiverClan, but Sparkfrost was slightly hunched a tail-length in front of her, and the feelings radiating off his pelt... "When do I get to explore ThunderClan with you?"

Underneath the veil of stars, her coat glowed with hues of silver and gold. Dacepaw was such a beautiful young cat, with the most lovely soul he'd ever seen in his seemingly short life. There was a light about her that pressed away at the creeping shadows of the world. Even now, knowing what he had to do, Sparkfrost found a comfort in her presence. Selfishly, he longed so desperately to indulge in it. The tom wanted just as much to pad forward and press their coats together to revel in both her love and warmth. But that was impossible. At the back of his throat was a raw itch. It threatened to turn into another hacking cough but he shoved it away as he stared into his daughter's eyes and sucked in an almost soothing breath of night air. Starlight was refracted and glowed in her gaze. Such innocence and such love met him there. Sparkfrost swallowed and his tail twitched.

And then any nerves seemed to die away.

They were replaced with a sweet sorrow, second only to the acceptance that accompanied it. She didn't deserve any of this and he couldn't bring himself to place the burden of death upon her. His whiskers twitched slightly as a gentle smile spread across his maw. When the fading warrior spoke, his words were soft as if wanting to draw her closer as they held back the rasp. But his gaze warned against it, "I miss you too, my sweet fish. There are things your daddy has to do that you're not old enough to be a part of yet. The medicine cats are helping me. Once everything is over we will run the whole territory until we've found ever secret it has to offer." It was a wonderful dream, one that flashed so vividly in his conscious and he almost begged for reality to make it so. Perhaps, one day when she had seen everything that the world was to give her, the pair of them would roam freely in Starclan for an eternity. Someday. But certainly not now.

"You see..." He started, forcing some excitement into his increasingly frail tone, "Starclan has called me on a journey, one that I can't refuse. Someday when it's over, and everyone is safe, we'll see each other at the right time. They promised me that they'd watch over you. Cats of all clans are smiling down on you from the stars about, Dacepaw, and they can't wait to see you grow into an incredible warrior!" He could picture her ceremony. Sparkfrost wanted to yowl a warrior name to the skies, to greet her fully into Thunderclan. These cats here were good and accepting. Their chorus would echo through the forest while he shouted down from the stars. His maw faltered ever so slightly at the idea he wouldn't get to experience this life at her side. But he had the full faith that other cats would. Oakstar was such a warm cat and welcomed them so easily. As he had learned, some of the clans wouldn't be so forgiving.

Not daring to touch her, he moved half a taillength closer, and pressed his paw print into the earth of the camp before pulling back. This would be the very last thing he had to offer her, their final moment together, "I... I know this might not make sense now but someday you'll understand. I'll miss you. You're the greatest gift that Starclan has given to me in the times that I remember. My wish for you, Dacepaw, is that you find what you're looking for. That the code doesn't break your spirit, and that you can love every cat as fiercely as you've loved me. Bring the joy that you have to offer, and find what love you can for yourself. My wish is that you find everything you could have ever wanted in life. I hope that Thunderclan can play a part in providing that for you. I love you... I will always love you as long as there are stars in the sky and a sun in the clouds." Sparkfrost's voice crackled softly, but not because of the illness. But because of the great loss they were both about to experience and the finality of such a moment between father and kit. He held her gaze for several moment, a dreamy smile across his maw, willing her to understand just how much he truly cared for her.

And then, his journey began.

✧ The excited voice of Dacepaw, which he had successfully quieted once already, caused his large ears to twitch and his eyes to blink sleepily. It was this awakened state that allowed him to listened as she padded from the apprentice's den. While most cats might have considered the general question of why a cat was leaving in the middle of the night with such noise, which likely did not mean they were off to make dirt, his first thought was why the she-cat was leaving at midnight without him. Curiosity picked at his drowsy conscious. Houndpaw didn't think he would get up and found himself inclined to drift back into sleep. But several long moments passed and the stifled whispers from outside drew his attention. Finally, with a soft his, he drew himself up and picked his way around the sleeping frame of another apprentice who rested near the mouth of the den. When he poked his nose outside, and peered into the darkness, he saw only one cat there. Dacepaw sat by herself in the middle of camp. Confused, he glanced around for another cat. But there wasn't one to be found. Padding over, he grumbled softly to the she-cat, "What are you doing up? It's the middle of the night for Starclan's sake. Come back to the den, Dacepaw." He was too tired for an adventure. They could go out tomorrow. All he longed to do was curl up in a nest that was built next to hers, without their coats touching, and drift into a peaceful sleep. ✧

All the joy Dacepaw felt at seeing her father in the flesh again was clouded by unspoken fear and worry. The almost-kit didn't want to acknowledge how drained he looked, or how his face looked gaunt in a way it hadn't a few days ago, or how he radiated heat warm as the sun, or how his pelt hung off his frame in an unnatural way, or how his eyes regarded her with the deepest delicacy and sorrow... Dacepaw kept seeing Dappleshine's expression on her dad's face: sad, but accepting. Sparkfrost didn't pull her in as she desperately wanted. In fact, despite the love in the warrior's gaze, the young she-cat could see the warning in his eyes that petrified her. She remained still and focused as he smiled slightly, and he began to speak.

Sparkfrost's start to answering Dacepaw's questions was slow and raspy. He explained that he stayed in the medicine den because the medicine cats were helping him with something - something his daughter couldn't participate in yet. Dacepaw's silvery whiskers twitched as she stared into his eyes, listening to his speech. He promised they'd run the territory once his task was done. "Why... not now...?" the kit asked, confused. Sparkfrost smiled a little, his voice gaining some energy. It didn't feel real. He answered that StarClan had called him on a journey - one that he couldn't refuse. "Is that why the medicine cats are helping? Because of StarClan?" she wondered in a quiet voice.

The little tortoiseshell she-cat listened on in silence as Sparkfrost explained it was his job to keep everyone safe, and when he was finished they'd see each other again. He carried on that StarClan would watch over her, eager for her to grow and learn and one day earn her warrior name. He wouldn't be there to see it himself; "they can't wait to see you grow into an incredible warrior!", he had said, his voice crackling as he stated his praise. Dacepaw felt her green-hazel eyes fill with tears as one claw of understanding worked its way under her skin: Sparkfrost wouldn't be there for her warrior ceremony. In that moment, she didn't feel pride or anticipation at the thought of earning a name. She felt only fear that she couldn't understand. The little kit sat slowly, mechanically.

Sparkfrost moved just ever so slightly closer, and Dacepaw's muscles twitched as, with a jolt, she stopped herself from launching into his chest. He had made an open and inviting gesture, yet she wasn't welcomed or invited. The pain and the firmness in his eyes were clear enough that he didn't want to touch her. The tom pressed his paw into the earth, but Dacepaw didn't see as she just stared with glassy eyes at her father, listening to him continue on. He would miss her. He thanked StarClan for her. He wanted her to find what she was looking for. "But..." she tried to interrupt, yet she only thought desperately as he continued, You're what I was looking for!

He prayed the code didn't break her spirit. The code... the code? Dacepaw could hardly think of the code through the distress. Sparkfrost hoped she would continue to love and love fiercely, to love as she had loved him. "I still..." love you, she tried to say as he went on, hoping she got everything she wanted in life. Dacepaw stomped one small paw and tried to interject, "I want you!" The weight of realization was crashing down on Dacepaw swiftly, her shoulders starting to slump and the tears starting to fall free. She stared desperately into Sparkfrost's eyes as he continued that he hoped ThunderClan would help her to get what she wanted. She didn't speak as he finished his speech in an aching tone, his eyes locking with hers.

"I love you," Sparkfrost told her, and Dacepaw felt her tail droop against the floor at the finality in the tone. "I will always love you as long as there are stars in the sky and a sun in the clouds." "I love you too," Dacepaw whispered, because it was the proper response. She didn't want to say it. Not now. Not when "I love you" meant goodbye. Sparkfrost finally tore his gaze away and swiftly exited the camp, leaving Dacepaw sitting alone in a place she barely knew staring after the empty space where the most important cat in the world to her had disppeared.

Several moments of silence lapsed. It wasn't silent, really; in the distance, crickets chirped and frogs croaked and the birds of the night called softly to each other as the trees rustled. Dacepaw wasn't sure that she liked the trees here anymore. "Sparkfrost?" the young apprentice called in a shaky voice towards the entrance.

No response.

More silence.

"Daddy...?" Dacepaw whimpered, and more tears fell. She sniffled hard.

No response.

Dacepaw continued to stare, feeling frozen. She didn't breathe or blink. All she could think to do was wait and listen as hard as she could.

Some time later there was a sound behind her, like the shuffling of a drowsy cat. In fact, Houndpaw had discovered her departure. The lean tabby tom approached her grumbling, complaining about her being up. Dacepaw turned her eyes to look at her new Clanmate, and she found herself speechless. He was upset. The tortoiseshell looked uncertainly back towards the entrance before she finally let her head fall and answered quietly, "Okay, Houndpaw. I'm ready for bed." She said nothing else as she stood and padded defeatedly back to the apprentice's den from where she had come, and as she settled into her nest she tried to keep as silent as she could and curl up as small as possible.

Dacepaw was tucked into herself when she finally whispered softly into her own fur, "Sparkfrost... said goodbye to me. And Houndpaw... brought me home." She squeezed her eyes tight and begged sleep to find her so she could wake up in the morning when everything was okay again.

It was puzzling, at the least. Rarely did cats stray from their nests to simply sit under the stars. He wondered how any cat could not be exhausted after the long days. Supposedly, the greenleaf he had been born into was softening, too, and harsh weather was just over the horizon. But Houndpaw thought little of this as he gazed after the she-cat and sleep still called him back to the moss lined nest. When she agreed to return to bed, the lanky tom turned and stumbled back into the apprentice's den. There, the apprentice flopped back into his nest, curling those long limbs into a tight ball. Dacepaw lay next to him and just as his conscious threatened to slip away into the night, he heard the she-cat faintly whisper his name. With a yawn, he shuffled ever so slightly towards her. Their pelts just barely brushed. It was a sensation he vowed to never give merit to. This was merely a consequence of having nests that were next to each other. But as he drifted off into a soundless sleep, he found himself thinking that perhaps the scent of fish wasn't so bad after all.