Behind the frost. (Closed)

Set directly after; Windclan’s Deputy Ceremony (2)

‘I failed.’ The thought was a painful ache in his chest as he padded across the expanse of the moors. A rabbit thumped as it ran in the distance, but strangely, Grousefrost didn’t even notice. He simply padded past as though it had never been there. His muzzle picking up it’s scent, but it smelled unappealing.

Finally, he stopped as he reached the ancient stump. Sitting down, then falling onto his side. Letting the sight of golden grass try to console him as he tried to figure it out. Why Raventail? He had the same mentor. He remembered his first lesson with her, the chasing about in the snow.

He missed those days.

It wasn’t a lie to say that he missed his mother. Brindlestar had been a great and noble leader, but he hadn’t known her as much as he would have liked. He knew Brookclover a little better, but then she had her own kits… and once again, the love of his most adult figure in his life was split and divided.

For moons, he focused hard on not allowing those feelings to pinch at his heart, or tighten his chest. He had walled himself off, kept himself at a firm distance. It was harder to be hurt when a cat stopped noticing your existence… if you simply never cared.

It didn’t work anymore. His siblings were gone, then his mother, Quailfeather who he had tried to save in the flood, Brookclover… and he wasn’t even worthy enough to follow in her pawsteps, despite his best efforts. He knew he could rage against it. Try to tell Finchstar he was wrong, but it wouldn’t do anything. It wouldn’t lead anywhere but inefficiency and division.

He pressed his forehead to the stump. It wasn’t like it would tell that teardrops fell onto rotted roots.

She had finished congratulating her mentor, and as the tom had set off to figure out his new duties, the she-cat positioned herself back at the entrance, watching it. As she did, she noticed Grousefrost slip out, and she hesitated for only a moment before she stood and cast a look around her before following him. There was something about the look on his face that seemed so off, so different from normal. As she padded after him on light paws, staying out of sight and scent, she saw a rabbit notice him and sprint away. Expecting him to go after it, she stopped in her tracks as he just kept walking, not even acknowledging the creature. Something was definitely wrong, the normal Grousefrost wouldn't have let prey simply run away - in fact, his prey wouldn't have had a chance to take off like that. It simply wasn't efficient. Which was one of the pillars of Grousefrost's abilities and way of thinking. Continuing behind him after the shock wore off, her blue eyes watched as he sat, then fell to his side, then finally pressed his head against the rotting stump.

Once more, she hesitated for a moment. Unsure of whether or not the warrior would take kindly to her presence, or her having followed him this far from camp. Her paws carried her forward regardless of the repercussions that might come, and she neatly jumped onto it. Her paws shook slightly as she did, before she remembered just how close to the ground she was. There was nothing to fear here, at least, not as far as the stump and it's height went. Bending her head over it, she studied the top of his head. The tom had always seemed to distant, cool and collected, rarely showing emotion. Even then, the only emotion she had seen was happiness when his daughter was still a young kit. Stretching her neck out, she licked the top of his head roughly a couple of times before lifting it to look around. She said nothing, merely letting Grousefrost take his time while she kept watch of their surroundings. The heather shifted in the light breeze, but it was silent otherwise.

Blue eyes looked up at blue as Grousefrost felt a couple quick licks on the top of his head. He blinked, then felt a sigh gust out from him as he lowered his head back onto a root. ‘Great. Goldenpaw’s going to think I’m pathetic now.’ The thought echoed in his head. Some part of him telling himself to stop being lazy. There was a good chance Raventail would hear about this from his own apprentice.

Still, Grousefrost hardly moved. His body felt heavier than it ever had, the warmth of the sun relaxing his muscles in a way that made him oddly unwilling to.
“I’m sure you’re proud of Raventail.” He meowed at last, finally acknowledging Goldenpaw’s presence. “I’m surprised you’re not at camp with him.” His head lifted to look at her.

The sun shining off her pelt… his chest felt odd. Heavy with disappointment, but seeing her… it lessened slightly. It was true, she ought to have been off with her own mentor in celebration… but she was here. Hanging out at a stump older than both of them while his tears dried on old wood and dry dust. He swiped a paw over his eyes, getting rid of the tear tracks.

If only his mate were so kind. Since Vinekit was born, they had fractured somehow. She split away from him, adding to the desolation though Goldenpaw’s presence wasn’t unwelcomed. He didn’t try to chase her off. “What brings you all the way over here?”

Oh stars, he sighed. He doesn't want me here. He's going to tell me to leave and go back to camp. The apprentice thought, doubting her decision again as he placed his head back onto the root. Wait, the root? She blinked at the top of his head in surprise for a moment. He hadn't really acknowledged her yet, but he hadn't dismissed her either. Taking comfort in that, she remained silent on her perch until he broke it. She looked down as he looked up, their blue eyes meeting once more. "Well, yeah, he's my mentor and clan mate. I'd be proud of anyone who got the position. He's probably busy trying to get his paw on everything." Her head tilted slightly as he raised a paw, wiping away the tears she had just noticed.

"Well, you did. I saw you leave, and something just looked... I don't know how to say it really, but something just seemed wrong. So I followed you. With everything that's happened recently, I get concerned when something seems off with the cats I care about. What brings you here?" She posed her own question, an echo of the tom's. She had a feeling she knew exactly what was going on, but she'd leave that to him, if he wanted to reveal it. She refrained from commenting on the rabbit from earlier, or the tears that had fallen from his eyes, they would be safe with her.

Grousefrost looked away for a moment. His heart skipping a beat when she mentioned caring for him. He sighed as he looked at the golden wheat and heather bushes.
“All my life, I’ve tried to be strong. Tried to be great, like my mother was.” He explained slowly, pushing himself off the ground to sit up. His head lifted towards the sky. “Brindlestar… I think she hoped one of her kits would one day lead. I failed her.” The word failed fell flat from his mouth. Gaze dropping a bit.

“She’s likely very disappointed in me. I couldn’t do it. Despite all my efficiency, all my training, my careful considerations… I’m just. Not right I guess.” He paused to look at Goldenpaw as he stood up. His paws dragging a bit as he padded around. “I’m not angry at Finchstar, or Raventail. I just… I can’t understand it. After everything I’ve worked so hard for… why is he a better choice?”

"What do you mean you tried? You are strong, and you are great. You tried, and you succeeded, you have continued to succeed." She sat up as he did, following his gaze. Ah, Brindlestar. She was leader before Finchstar, wasn't she? Hoping she had remembered that correctly, she stepped off of the stump and sat in front of the tom. "I don't think you have. You are leading, Grousefrost, don't you see? Sure, you might not have a fancy title or a fancy name, but you are one of only a pawful of cats who spoke with our ancestors and received knowledge of tunnels to pass on anew. You, along with a select few others, are leading that. Not Raventail, not even Finchstar himself."

She watched with sharp, slightly narrowed blue eyes as he stood, dragging his paws slightly with him. "If she would be disappointed in you, then she's not very efficient." She huffed. "Your focus needs to be on teaching the clan on how to tunnel, and your apprentice. There's a lot to learn, and relearn. Those tunnels won't fix themselves. It's something Raventail has expressed his disinterest in doing, but you were the first one Finchstar requested to learn from our ancestors. Perhaps he just wanted you to be the most efficient you could be by focusing on the tunnels? I can't speak for Finchstar, but I know that he thought about his choice. Why don't you talk to him about it?" She stood, staying where she had been sitting as her expression softened a little. She had thought correctly about what was troubling the tom, but now she wasn't sure of what to say to try to help. Lizard tails.

Grousefrost looked over at Goldenpaw as she spoke. Listening in silence as she praised him for leading in a different way. Sure, he wasn’t Leader or Deputy… but the tunnels were so important to the clan. He knew he had to stand up for them, and was glad to do so against the leader’s judgement.

He turned, padding over to where Goldenpaw was and leaping up beside her. His gaze turned towards the sky.
“My mother… she was a good leader. Strong and wise… I had only recently been apprenticed when she was… when the flood came.” He reconsidered his words carefully. “I don’t know what she would think of me now… to be honest, she didn’t like the tunnels much either. It’s part of why they are so out of repair.”

His ears flicked briefly, gaze turning towards a nearby tunnel entrance. A rabbit had just emerged. Grazing on grass and sweet buttercups, a pair of smaller rabbits behind the doe who hadn’t scented the cats downwind as she scuffled for food. Kittens in tow. Grousefrost knew he should feel an appetite, but he turned away. Those two baby rabbits would grow, and be good for leafbare.
“Thank you, Goldenpaw.” He meowed calmly, the choice still stung… but it was inefficient to dwell on the past. He had a job to do, a responsibility to the clan to teach and educate. “For following me… and for your words.”

She shuffled a little bit to make room on the stump for the warrior as he jumped up to her side. He had listened in silence, which had bolstered her confidence some, and once he was settled in she looked up at him as his gaze turned towards the sky. For a moment she started to follow his gaze, but something kept her gaze firmly upon the warrior's face as he spoke, feeling drawn in to his expression. It was a strange feeling, one she couldn't quite put her paw on. It was like there had been a shift, some sudden change that had taken place within his being. She couldn't be sure, but there was definitely something new there, and she was entranced by the tom as he spoke of his mother. 

He admitted that she was part of the reason that the tunnels were in such disrepair, and the she-cat couldn't stop but feel a pang of grief and anger. Perhaps had the tunnels been in good shape, her brother would still be there. Wait, what was she thinking? Quailpaw was still out there, surely, somewhere. She had to believe that he was. "I think she would be proud of you. I'm proud of you.. and so is the rest of the clan." Her words were genuine, and she shifted a little closer to the tom, letting their pelts brush together lightly. A rabbit appeared out of a tunnel entrance, and she felt relieved as his attention turned towards them. He seemed to be returning to normal, even though he made no move to hunt the rabbit. As two more emerged, she thought she understood why - without the larger rabbit there to guide and care for them, the smaller two would surely perish. 


Grouseforst thanked her, and she lifted her head to meet his gaze with her own. Leaning into him a little bit, she licked his shoulder before nodding. "You're welcome, Grousefrost. I'm glad I followed you." She smiled up at the tom for a heartbeat, before realizing with a flush of embarrassment just how close she was to him. She took a step away, stopping a tail length away from him nervously. Oh stars, what was she doing? He had a mate, and a kit! She was still an apprentice, he probably had no desire to entertain her, even if it was inadvertent. "Oh, I'm.. I'm so sorry, I don't... I don't know what...why... I'm sorry." Foxdung. There goes the good impression she had given him. So much for efficiency. Her pelt burning in embarrassment, she laid down at the edge of the log, her eyes landing on the rabbits once more. Maybe that would get the attention off of her. 


"Well, since we're out here, do you want to maybe go for a hunt?" She posed her question before closing her eyes, rolling off of the stump and over the rugged roots. A particularly curved one hit her shoulder, but she clenched her teeth as she landed onto the ground and stood up, shaking her pelt and wincing slightly as she looked up to the warrior expectantly. "So, what do you say? I've been practicing my running in my free time, I've gotten pretty quick."

His gaze trailed up to the sky for a moment. Taking in the clouds and sunlight. It soothed him, to hear of her confidence in him as Goldenpaw’s pelt drew closer to his. He returned the affectionate lick without thinking about it. He felt warmth flush beneath his pelt from embarrassment as she drew back stuttering of her own. He leapt down from the stump, his gaze trailing up the line of grasses.

Petalbreeze... He thought he glimpsed her in the distance, but it would hardly mattered if he had. It was his duty to have a mate. To have kits… that was all it was with Petalbreeze. A she-cat who also didn’t particularly care, but just wanted to provide for her clan healthy warriors. He glanced back at Goldenpaw. The she-cat’s embarrassment fading quickly as he glanced back to where his mate had been.

Their relationship was nothing, but Goldenpaw had come out after him… had looked after him in his despair. Is that what… no. Mates were only for effectiveness. That was all. He shoved the feelings aside as he flicked his tail.
“We should. It’d be a waste of our energy to be out here and not catch anything” He announced confidently as he lead the way to a patch of heather some rabbits might be nibbling on.